


Wanting What's Wrong

by sosodesj



Series: Sophie Miller's Stockholm Syndrome [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Plug, Arousal Drugs, Dirty Jokes, Dirty Talk, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Multiple Partners, Polygamy, Porn, Possessive Behavior, Psychological Drama, Self-Harm, Sex Toys, Sexual Content, Smutty, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-11-29
Packaged: 2017-11-28 13:45:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 52
Words: 127,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/675064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sosodesj/pseuds/sosodesj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sophie Miller is now 18 years-old. Two years ago, she was One Direction's private possession. She escaped, but now they're back, and won't go as soft as last time. Nothing can be foreseen, their mood swings more frequent. Will she survive that some feelings are being shown here and there, and that they simply can't be denied?</p><p>EXERPT: </p><p>“I told you earlier at the hospital Niall, I like being defiant. Makes me feel alive.”<br/>“You’ll get hurt.”<br/>“Pain makes you alive.” I say. He hugs me tighter, his breathing shaky as he holds me tightly in his arms.<br/>“I don’t like it when you’re in pain.” He murmurs, exhaling. “And i know there’s something you’re not telling me.” The blue-eyed boy whispers in my neck.<br/>“No.” I dig my face into his pillow.<br/>“Sophie, you can’t lie to save your life.” He chuckles.<br/>“Well this isn’t a life or death situation.” I huff, turning around to face him.<br/>“What’s wrong these days with you?” The blonde questions, tossing my hair away from my face. “Is it your new suicidal thrill? Trying to get one of us to hurt you?” Niall scowls. “We're dangerous Soph... And it's like you can't grasp that.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Back To The Routine

The beeping sound of my cell phone alarm jolts me awake brusquely. I groan. Keeping my eyes shut, I reach over to my bedside table and reach for the loud object, shutting the alarm off before setting it back down to its initial place.

My head is pounding strongly, as if I was still at yesterday’s party. Even though yesterday was a Sunday, the students at school had decided it was okay to party. And I had joined fully, before Emily had pulled me back to the flat since I was drunk. More precisely she tried, since she was also drunk.

The results of last night’s activities quickly take over my body as I wake up groggily, feeling a little nauseous. Sitting up on my bed, I blink once or twice, rubbing my eyes in fatigue. _Why do I have to have school today?_

“Hmm Padgett? Why do I have school today?” I ask aloud, turning to the stuffed turtle that lay carelessly beside me.

Padgett is my only true confident. Even though he’s a plush turtle given by my kidnapper, I talk to him once in a while. Weird huh? But my middle name is weird so I don’t care.

“But you’re right Padge, school is better than you know what.” I respond to the silent reply of the turtle.

My stomach suddenly growls famine. _Mmm. Food._

I pass my hand once in my messy hair before standing up from my bed woozily. Sighing loudly, I do my bed rapidly and put on my school uniform with distaste.

 After grabbing my cell phone from the bedside table, I walk to the kitchen to get something to eat. I open the radio on the way to the fridge, listening attentively for any signs of traffic on my road to school. I pull out milk, setting it on the counter before putting two toasts in the toaster.

“The roads are all pretty clear today for all students, but you still have to be careful.” Comes the announcers’ voice through the radio. “Wouldn’t want any accidents.”

I pull out a glass from the cupboards, pouring myself some milk before grabbing my toasts, spreading Nutella over them and sitting at the table. I happily munch my breakfast, half-listening to what the announcer was saying.

That is until something catches my attention.

“And now to make a secure atmosphere, here is One Direction’s What Makes You Beautiful! And here’s some great news for directioners, I heard our hometown Niall and his gang are presently in Mullingar! Looking for a girl! Could it be you?”

“You’re insecure, don’t know what fo―”

I practically jump off my seat, shutting the radio off as the first strums of What Makes You Beautiful resonate through the flat. I can’t handle them. Not anymore.

I’m not scared, just really concerned about what the announcer just said. _He must be bluffing... That radio jock just wants to attract some kind of attention from the girls,_ I reassure myself. _But if it were true, I’d be ready to face them again. Or would I? I don’t know._

My phone buzzes at that exact moment. I open it to find a text from Ashley.

 

Hey lovely! You alright? You safe?

Have a nice day at school! I love you!

Ash. -Xxx-

 

It was the normal procedure for Ashley and I to inform each other on our safety since I had moved out of her place to go to Mullingar to pursue my studies. I didn’t have the money to return to Canada and neither did Ashley, plus I had nothing left over there so I built a new life in Ireland, with the help of some of Ashley’s’ funds. But that didn’t mean that she wasn’t worried about me.

Why Mullingar? Only because Emily was there. She was one of the few who helped me get through what happened to me two years ago. Because two years ago, I was kidnapped. These five bozos who I had just heard on the radio; they were the five perverted guys who kidnapped me while I was only sixteen. They kept texting me threats until I changed my number. Somehow, without being there, they were always haunting my every thought when I was living with Ashley. That was also a reason that encouraged me to move to Ireland.

I text my response to Ashley.

 

I’m fine. But things may go wrong.

I have to wake Em and go to school

I’ll text you later yeah?

Love you too, Soph. Xxx

 

I press send, finish my toasts and head to Em’s room.

“Em! Wake up sleepy head or we’ll be late for school!” I shout to her, knocking on her door. Her tired face appears seconds later.

“Could you not scream please? I have one of these headaches.” She whines, rubbing her eyes.

“Me too, but it’s either that or Mrs. Lively’s stern speech about being late.” I reply. “But she said we’d have a substitute today. So you can take your time...” I recall. “I’ll wait for you in the car.” I add before grabbing my backpack and heading outside to get inside the vehicle.

Minutes later, she arrives dressed identically as me and I start the engine.

“Are we really starting with drama?” She complains after a few minutes, rubbing her temples to ease her headache. Luckily, mine was already long gone. I didn’t drink as much as her, feeling as if I needed to be somewhat aware and alert of my surroundings.

“Yes. Indeed, we are starting with drama. So stop acting dramatic about it!” I joke, keeping my eyes on the road as I drove us to school.

“Not funny.” She replies, slouching in her seat. I chuckle in amusement.

I park the car in the school parking lot, before heading with Emily to our lockers. Weirdly, the hallways were empty. _Okay not normal._

“Umm Em? Why are the hallways empty?” I ask, looking around.

“What time is it?” She shoots back. I check the time on my phone. _Shit._ I grab my books really fast, as she gives me a questioning look.

“Hurry up Emily! We’re late!” I explain. The message rapidly gets to her brain and she also grabs her books, shoving any unnecessary stuff into her locker. Shutting our locker doors loudly, we run to our class. I burst in the designed classroom, sitting down at my desk while trying not to interrupt the teacher. Seems otherwise.

“So. I see you haven’t improved your punctuality Miss Miller.” I recognise the voice immediately. The scolding British voice I’d know anywhere now. The one I lived with two years ago.

“It’s so nice to have you amongst us.”

 I lift my eyes up carefully to fall face to face with blue ones.

Louis Tomlinson is in the same room as me, looking at me with a feeling I can’t quite pinpoint.

“My name is Mr. Tomlinson, and I’ll your teacher for today’s period.” Louis announces to the class, smiling. “And maybe more if your teacher gets sick often.” He adds.


	2. Bulletproof

I can practically feel the class buzzing with excitement as most female hormones start kicking in; my classmates fully taking in the fact that Louis Tomlinson from One Direction was the substitute. Oh yeah, and did I mention I was at a school where the girls and the boys were in separate classes? Well I am. This is bad. Really bad.

“So before we start,” Louis continues, bringing me back to the horrid reality of having him to teach me. “Does anybody have questions for me?”

Hands shoot up in the sky like rockets, and Louis starts answering questions one by one.

I’m daydreaming by the time they get to the more personal questions such as “How big are you” and “Are you good in bed?” Fortunately, Louis has some certain sense and doesn’t reply to them, rapidly bringing them back to order. He starts explaining things as soon as they’re calmed down, but I’m still lost in my thoughts.

_Why would he teach? Are the other boys here? Do they know where I live? Is all this permanent?_

“Sophie Miller.” Louis’s sharp, demanding voice brings me back to reality, and it doesn’t seem like it’s the first time he says my name.

Without thinking, I snap in irritation of being disturbed.

“What Louis?”

The whole class gasps.

“It’s Mr. Tomlinson.” He corrects, a frown on his face. “You’ll have to see me after class for disrespect of your superiors and lack of attention.” He demands before resuming his speech about the principles of drama. _Oh no. Nothing good can possibly come out of this._

The rest of class goes on pretty slowly, as I keep checking the time nervously every 5 seconds. After what seems hours though, the bell finally rings.

“Class is dismissed!” Mr. Tomlinson concludes before heading to his desk to shuffle through some documents. I take that as my cue to leave, but so does the rest of the girls so I end up huddled and pushed to the end of the mob. Putting me in the teacher’s line of vision.

“Not so fast Sophie.” His voice commands as the last of the students head out. “Come back here.” Louis orders, sitting on his desk.

Slumping my shoulders in misery, I mouth to Emily to wait for me at the door. She nods once, leaving me alone with Louis. I don’t approach him though. I stay near the door.

“Could you shut the door Emily?” Louis asks loudly to her, obviously knowing that since we came in together, we’d stay together no matter what.

Emily reluctantly listens to him, mumbling a word of encouragement to me before shutting it close completely.

“So. Little Sophie. Did you miss me?”

“How did you find me?” I ask ignoring his previous question. I watch him carefully as he sits on the edge of his desk.

“Must admit it took awhile to find a sign of life from you somewhere after you changed your cell phone number. We started searching through names of students in school only a year ago. What a shock it was to find your name in a school in Ireland though. That was the place we least expected you to be, since it’s related to Niall. Didn’t think you’d want to stay with anything related with us, or that made you think of us. But I guess you did miss us after all.”

“Never.”

“Come here.”

I shake my head no, clutching my books tightly to my chest.

“Sophie, Sophie, Sophie....” Louis says, shaking his head in disbelief. “Some habits never change do they?”

I stay silent, keeping a straight face.

“Why don’t you take a seat? We have some catching up to do.” He continues, pointing to the chair in front of his.

I don’t budge.

“Suit yourself; we’ll do it standing then.” Louis shrugs, standing up to advance towards me.

“D-Do what?” I stammer as he stands right in front of me.

“And she talks again!” He exclaims happily, clapping his hands. “And I thought the cat got your tongue during the class. Not a peep was heard. You usually are very loud, screaming a name in ecstasy...”

“Maybe I was silent because I had nothing to say,” I fume angrily.

“Do you want me to make you say something then? Or rather scream something?” He enquires cockily.

“No. You repulse me, and that would be illegal.”

“You and I both know I don’t repulse you, I relatively arouse you... And technically it wouldn’t be illegal; I’m not really your permanent teacher, just a substitute for when she’s sick...”

“Same thing. Both aren’t desirable either way.”

“You changed Soph.” Louis trails on ignoring my outburst. “For the better. You’re a little more... accomplished... than you were two years ago.” He continues, walking around me as if to inspect my every angle. “Two years ago, you would’ve added a swear to that little outburst. Also, your breasts are bigger,” He remarks cheekily. _Sick bastard._

Holding my books closely to my chest with one hand, I rapidly lift the other to slap him but he catches it, his fingers digging painfully into my wrist.

“But you’ve also developed a nasty attitude. I’d be glad to rid you of it right now.” He seethes in my ear, letting my arm go before pushing me on his desk.

Shivers run down my spine at the reminiscence of the past.

Louis places himself in between my legs as I keep clutching my books tightly against myself, knuckles turning white. Louis immediately grabs them, setting them on the side before keeping both my hands glued to the desk single-handedly. I struggle in his firm grasp.

“You can’t do this!” I protest, trying to push him away, failing miserably.

“And why can’t I?” He mumbles, his free hand lifting the skirt slowly to expose more of my thighs.

“I’ll scream for help. I’m not that helpless, terrified little girl anymore, Louis. I always have someone who knows where I am, and when.” I menace. “And Emily is right outside the door if I need her.”

He frowns. “You’re getting detention tonight. I told you already. It’s Mr. Tomlinson when were on school grounds.”

“Because were gonna see each other off the school grounds? I don’t think so.” I spit, grabbing my books.

“Not so fast.” He objects, pushing me back down. My books fall to the ground and the bell rings at that moment. I fight Louis grasp, but he doesn’t let me move than I already can.

“Let go. I’m gonna be late for English class.” I seethe.

“Nothing to worry about, I’ll just let Mr. Malik know you were held back.” He replies. _What the fuck? Mr Malik? I’m hallucinating things aren’t I?_ I feel his fingers digging once more into my skin. _No I’m not._

“How in the world did you two get in here?!? Aren’t you supposed to be an active boyband that tours all around the world?”

“Don’t you listen to me when I talk? I said we’re substitutes! We don’t always have to be at school, but we’re the first on the list of substitutes when a teacher is absent. So were the first people the school calls when a teacher is not present.” He says, letting go of my arms. I sit back up slowly.

“Who are the substitutes exactly? Who are ‘we’ ” I ask, not really wanting to hear the answer.

“Me, Mr. Payne and Mr. Malik.”

I wanna die as I hear him say that.

“But Mr. Horan and Mr. Styles are hall and lunch supervisors whenever they feel like it. And we can all supervise detention whenever.” He adds smirking.

“This is a living nightmare.” I mumble, passing my hand in my hair nervously.

“If you think this is a nightmare, you’re mistaking.... You should’ve seen Harry when he fully realised you escaped. Smoke could’ve come out of his nostrils. I think he’d be glad to supervise detention tonight. I would be.” His voice drops to a low whisper as he suddenly pushes to a laying position on his desk, pushing his papers aside. He easily holds me there and I feel his erection growing in his trousers as his body presses against mine. His hands head for my blouse.

“EMILY!” I yell loudly. Louis jumps rapidly off me just as she opens the door. Emily gives us a weird look as Louis straightens his shirt, giving me a severe glare.

“Are we going now? We’re late for English.” My friend whines a bit. But I bet she knew something was up. I had told her all about my misadventure with One Direction when I first came to Ireland. Now she hates them as much as I do.

 “So to resume what I was saying, be careful next time you talk to me. You have to call me Mr. Tomlinson.” Louis lectures me, as if we were talking about that all along.

I nod once and pick up my books, avoiding his piercing gaze.

“Better be present at detention tonight.” He orders quietly in my ear as I pass near him to head for the door. Emily follows me.

“Hun. English is that way.” She tells me, pointing the way opposite to the way I was walking. I go to my locker, shadowed by her. I grab my stuff.

“I know it’s the other way.... I think I’ll just head home, crash on the couch and skip class today. I need some rest because of yesterday’s party.”

“You and I both know that’s not exactly true. Did he do something to you Soph?” She asks me, her enquiring brown eyes seeing right through my lies.

“No. He didn’t do anything. But he will one day I’m sure. It’s only a matter of time.” My eyes fill with water before I wipe them rapidly. _I’m not weak. “_ Look I just need a time-out to sort this out. Do you mind getting a lift from somebody else today?” I plead. I start shaking at the idea of having to stay here because she wouldn’t be able to get a lift.

“Nah... Go ahead.” She smiles, shrugging her shoulders.

“Thank you. And yeah just to let you know, the English teacher is also absent today so you’ll be having Zayn as a teacher...”

“Just great...” Emily sighs. “I’ll deal with him. No go, before you crumble to the floor.” She chuckles, seeing my wavering form.

I smile and wave goodbye, before getting in my car and heading home.

I crash into my bed, plugging some music into my ears to withdraw myself from the world. I hum appreciatively as the first song of my ‘Bored’ playlist, Bulletproof by Laroux, starts playing.

 

 _Been there, done that, messed around_  
I’m having fun don’t put me down,  
I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet,  
I won’t let you in again, the messages I’ve tried to send,  
my information’s’ just not going in,  
burnin’ bridges shore to shore, I’ll break away from something more,  
I’m not to not to love until it’s cheap,  
been there, done that, messed around,  
I’m having fun don’t put me down,  
I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet,  
  
This time baby,  
I’ll be,  
Bulletproof 

_This time baby,_  
I’ll be,  
Bulletproof  
  
I won’t let you turn around,  
and tell me now I’m much too proud,  
to walk away from something when it’s dead,  
do do do your dirty words come out to play when you are hurt,  
there’s certain things that should be left unsaid,  
tick tick tick tick on the watch and life’s too short for me to stop,  
Oh baby, your time is running out,  
I won’t let you turn around,  
and tell me now I’m much too proud,  
All you do is fill me up with doubt,  
  
  
This time baby I’ll be bulletproof   
This time baby I’ll be bulletproof 

_This time I'll be bulletproof_  
This time maybe I’ll be bulletproof   
This time baby, this time baby, this baby, this time 

 

 

After hearing my phone going through the full content of its music twice, I decide to sleep.

 

***************************************

 

I wake up with a text message from Em.

 

Out with friends!

Won’t be coming until late tonight

so don’t be worried! Em xxx

 

 I look at the time 6 o’clock. _I slept that long...? Maybe I was tired._

“Just great,” I sigh. At that precise moment, my doorbell rings. _Weird._

I frown, getting out of bed to go answer the door. I look in the peephole to find it covered. _That’s it! Em pranked me into thinking I’d be alone tonight! She knows I hate it! Oh I’ll so get her for that!_

I chuckle to myself as I open the door.

I gasp as I’m face to face with a man’s chest. My eyes meet green ones and I’m frozen in place. It’s none other than Harry Styles.

“So... Missed me?” The husky British voice drawls. “I know I have. But I’m about to remedy to that since you skipped detention.” He says, pushing me into my apartment while closing the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and i'll post again!


	3. Moody

 “Harry, get out of my flat!” I protest fiercely, pushing his chest into the door.

He grabs my wrists in his hands, holding them together easily.

“Are you alone tonight?” He asks, looking around.

“None of your business!” I retort swiftly.

“I take that as a yes.”

“Get the fuck out of my flat Harry or I’m calling the police.” I menace.

“Glad to see you’re just as feisty as last time... It would’ve been boring to punish you.” He says cockily before dragging me along with him. My heels dig into the ground, not wanting to budge.

“I’m not a child! I don’t need to be punished!” I spew; struggling against his grasp as he practically yanks me around the flat, opening doors. _No doubt, he’s searching for my room._

“Yes, you do need punishing. Firstly, you escaped two years ago and then today, you skip detention. That’s a bad, bad girl.” He scolds. “Now where’s your room?” He asks me, confirming my earlier thoughts.

“I’m not gonna tell you!” I spit.

“I’ll find it either way.” He shrugs.

Indeed, he finds it a couple seconds after, recognizing Padgett who innocently sat on my pillows.

“Oh so you did miss us? Liam’s gonna be so happy to hear that you kept his gift.” He smirks, throwing me on the bed before straddling me dominantly.

“Leave me alone!” I scream, trying to get as far as him as possible. He easily slides me back under him.

“Do you, by any chance, have ropes or handcuffs I could use?” He asks, licking his lips.

“No! Sick bastard!” I holler, trying with all my might to push him off me.

“Could you stop struggling?” He demands, pinning my arms over my head.

“No!”

“Fine then,”

He rapidly gets off me, lifts me up, and places me on his knee. _Oh no._

“Now are you gonna stop struggling when I ask you to?” He demands, one of his hands on my ass while the other holds my body down.

“No!” I kick and fight, trying desperately to squirm out of his grasp.

He sighs, before bringing my skirt and kickers down.

“I warned you,” he says before his hand goes down on my bare bottom. Smack!

The sound echoes loudly in my room as I jolt on his knees, yelping in pain. Smack! His hand goes down again, making me writhe and squeal.

“I’m adding five spanks every time you move sweet cheeks. I strongly suggest you stop right away.” He advises. His hand once again makes contact with my skin and I can’t help squirming.

“Oww!”

“Dammit Sophie!” He groans, bringing his hand down again. Smack! “I don’t want to hurt you, but you give me no choice!” Smack!

“You always have the choice!” I retort, silent tears flowing down my face. Smack! “And you don’t mind at all whether you’re hurting me or not!” My nails dig into my palm as I try not moving on his knee.

He mumbles something sounding like “You’re wrong”, but I’m not positive.

Smack! This time, I only flinch, taking deep breaths. Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack! My ass feels raw after countless other spanks, but they finally stop.

Harry flips me around to a cradling position and I wince, feeling my bare ass on his covered crotch.

“I missed you, you know.” Harry mumbles, looking right into my eyes. “I miss taking care of you.” _Why so moody? One minute you’re angry, and the next you say you miss taking care of me?_

“And such great care you gave me! You only made my life a living hell.” I mutter.

“We only added a little more vivacity and excitement to it... You can’t say you didn’t think of seeing us again at least once. I’m pretty sure you even pleasured yourself to the thought of one of us filling you up again.” There he was, getting cocky again.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn’t.” I reply snarling. “I was glad to be far away from you!” I start writhing on him but he tightens his hold around my body.

“Right. You didn’t miss us in any way but you still decided to come to Mullingar and keep Padgett. How does that make sense?” He looks at me pointedly.

“Emily lived in Mullingar, that’s why I came here.” I retort.

“So this decision had no relation with the fact that Niall was born here?”

“No. I didn’t even think of him when I moved here.” I lie. He rolls his eyes, clearly not believing me, but he lets it go anyways.

“Okay and why keep Padgett then?” Harry says, laying me on the bed before towering over my body. His green orbs peer into mine curiously.

“Padgett’s cute and makes me happy. None of these adjectives refer to you.” I decide not to move right away, my bottom agreeing as it was still a little in pain.

“We can make you happy... I remember when I let you buy stuff for your room... You were happy then.” His voice was soft, almost loving. _Almost._

“Yeah then you fucked me senseless because I had put a rope out the window. Right. Really happy. You were all acting like fucking horny jerks with me.” I snap, eyes hard. _Yeah. Young, terrified Sophie is gone._

His eyes narrow angrily at my term, all softness gone.

“You liked most of it.”

“No. I didn’t. I fucking hated all of it. I hated feeling like an object.” I say, teeth clenching. My ass feeling less sore, I manage to struggle up to a sitting position and push him away from me.

He pushes me back down roughly, anger flicking into his eyes.

“I’m not finished with you. You weren’t used like an object. We were nice most of the time. You don’t remember what it felt like. But I’ll gladly give you ‘un rappel’ as you say so well in French.” He spews, taking his shirt off. I catch myself staring at his chiselled chest while he’s not looking, and rapidly look away ashamed.

Before I know it, he ties one hand to the headboard with his shirt. The right one. _Fucker, he knows I’m right-handed._ With my left hand, I try liberating my right hand but he rapidly grabs it and immobilizes it beside mewhile some of his weight presses on my bare legs. I buck my hips, trying to get him to fall off.

Harry takes no time at all to un-button my blouse and tears it away from my body. His hands automatically head for my bra, unclasping it skillfully with one hand. I move my legs, trying to hurt him in some way and writhe out of his grasp but I only end up angering him more.

“This isn’t even a punishment, and you’re struggling like crazy. Stop that.” He orders.

I pull against Harry’s shirt, alias my binding, but Harry’s knot is tight, digging harshly into my skin at every single pull. I desert that idea rapidly.

I whimper as his mouth connects with mine, locking us into a passionate kiss.

That’s the moment where my body decides to have a mind of its own, and it replies with just as much fervour to the kiss.

The green-eyed boy nips my bottom lip, begging an entrance I don’t grant. He nips again, before thrusting his tongue in for dominance.

While our tongues start dancing for some kind of control over the other, his hands start tweaking my nipples, making them harden under his hypnotic touch. His thumbs rubbing slow circles, the rest of his fingers manage groping my breasts, building a steady rhythm.

My back arches involuntarily under his touch, my left hand clutching my sheets tightly.

Harry breaks the kiss, his soft lips going down the valley of my breasts as his hands follow the contour of my body until he reaches my thighs. His fingers trail in the insides of them; making my body buzz with excitement as heat pools rapidly in my stomach.

“St-st-stop.” I stammer shakingly.

He raises an eyebrow curiously, keeping eye contact with me as his mouth lowers down to my wet center. His lustful glare never leaving mine, he licks his lips provocatively, his mouth centimeters apart from my clit.

“Stop?” He questions, his hot breath blowing on my crotch.

I nod, biting my lip. I’m not able to form words without moaning at this point.

“Sorry. I can’t have that right now. Your body is telling me just the opposite.” He replies, before his tongue takes a swipe at my bundle of nerves.

I bite my lip, drawing blood. The copper taste makes me wince.

“Come on... Surrender, you’re hurting yourself by refusing this...” Harry says huskily, his tongue taking a jab at my insides once more. _Don’t, don’t, don’t...He’s too good._

“Oh God Harrrrryyyy....” I moan loudly, not being able to hold it in. Shaking madly, I feel juices pouring out of me.

“That’s my girl.” He groans, shoving his tongue in to lick my juices off.

I writhe as he does his treatment particularly slowly, making more heat puddle inside me. Suddenly, he thrusts a finger inside me and curls it, making me buck my hips.

“So tight,” He moans, shoving another in. He thrusts them in and out a couple times, before licking them.

As soon as he’s done, he comes up to kiss me, making me taste myself on his lips. Our lips tightly locked together, he starts grinding his clothed crotch against my bare one, getting impatient and lustful.

“Help me. Take off. My trousers. ” he demands between kisses.

I shake my head no and he growls in exasperation.

“You’ve become way too stubborn,” he mumbles angrily.

Harry pulls back, rapidly undoing his belt and removing his pants. He’s already hard as he gets rid of his boxers, positioning himself at my entrance.

He doesn’t let me adjust as he rams himself in roughly, starting a rhythm that’s way too harsh for my taste.

“Uhh Sophie...” He groans, shoving himself as deep as possible.

 My left hand claws his back as I try making him slow down. It does just the opposite. His thrusts are deeper and faster.

“So tight....” Harry moans some more.

Pleasure and pain ignites my body, but I refuse to show any sign of it. I only close my eyes.

 “Open your eyes love.”

I don’t listen.

“Now.” He orders, pinching the inside of my thigh.

 I open them, and I’m met with forest green eyes. Harry’s sweating as his pounding continues. I end up looking away from him.

 “Look at me.” He pants, before grabbing my chin to force me to face him. “You. Have to. Cum first. Soph.” He says between hip thrusts. “Here, I’ll help you.” One of his hands starts rubbing my clit in circles, rapidly driving me to the edge. “Now say my name.” He orders lowly, seeing as I was falling over the edge.

“Harrrrryyyy!!!!”

I see stars as Harry also empties himself inside me with a loud groan. I’m shaking my head in disbelief.

He rests inside me a couple seconds before pulling out. Sighing, he dresses himself, undoing my hand-made handcuffs to put his shirt back on. I’m still a little overwhelmed and I have difficulty to move as Harry starts rummaging through my closet. He grabs something from one of my pants and puts it in his front pocket before he draws out underwear, sweats and my cheer hoodie. _What in the world?_

“You’re on the school’s cheerleading team?” he questions, his eyebrow cocking up in curiosity as he advances on me slowly.

I nod rapidly.

“Well that’ll be interesting.” He says almost to himself before climbing over me. I start struggling as he tries getting me to dress up. He sighs and backs away from me, reaching in his back pocket. He withdraws a damp rag.

I back up, scared.

“Soph, this isn’t chloroform, but it has the same effect, only less strong. If you don’t let me dress you, I’m using it on you.” Harry says calmly.

“I can dress by myself! I’m not a child.” I protest.

“I know. But it’s because of what I wanna do after that I have to dress you.” He says coming closer.

“What do you wanna do after?!? Don’t you think you’ve done enough?!?” I scream, scuttling away from him.

“You leave me no choice.” He exhales, before placing it in my mouth. “Breathe.” He urges. I hold my breath as long as I can but end up taking a whiff of the substance.

Suddenly, my senses are blurred and my movements uncoordinated. Harry manages to dress me up without difficulty, before picking me up in his arms.

“Come on... I’m taking you home.” He whispers.

I only handle fighting a little in his arms, before collapsing like a doll out of fatigue. Or maybe it was because the damp rag. I don’t know.

“I want Padgett.” I mumble as he cradles me in his arms.

Harry chuckles lightly as he grabs the turtle and puts it on my stomach, before leaving and locking my flat. He takes me to his car, makes me sit and buckles my seatbelt.

The curly-haired boy gets in on the other side, starting the engine.

My eyes shut heavily as the chloroform like substance kicks in fully, making me see black.


	4. The Countryside Manor

I groan softly, my eyes fluttering open and close as I wake up from what seems like hours of sleep. Its dark outside and the only thing I can see are the headlights of Harry’s car on the road.

 My body responds numbly to my brain as I command it to try to make me sit up straight. My head is pounding, my thighs are aching and I feel nauseous.

My pulse quickens as a warm hand places itself on my leg.

“How are you feeling?” Harry’s husky voice demands, rubbing my leg soothingly.

“Woozy.” I reply, rubbing my temples.

“Hmm. Guess the side effects will act on a little longer.” He says, almost to himself.

A few seconds later, he pulls the car to a stop, in front of a very unfamiliar house. And yeah I said house, not flat. The dwelling was placed on a field, far away from any kind of civilisation. And it wasn’t small.

“Where are we?” I whimper.

“Sweden.” He shrugs.

I inhale, shock present all over my features.

“Kidding,” he smirks. “We’re just a couple miles away from your flat. I couldn’t take you back to London, you had school to finish. So as soon as we learned you were in Mullingar, we loaned the place, moving most of our stuff out here. Come on.” He smiles, getting out of the car.

I try doing the same, but I guess my body was still numb from the ‘chloroform’ because the next thing I know, the ground is approaching my face way too quickly. My breath catches in my throat as I shut my eyes in fright.

Suddenly, the air stops rushing as I’m caught by the arms. I open my eyes, breathing shakingly. My nose is a few centimeters from the paved ground.

 I gasp and shut my eyes once as I’m practically flung upwards and caught easily, cradled in strong arms. I lift my head up and my terrorized blue eyes meet with concerned green ones.

“I don’t think you can walk just now.” He says carefully.

“No shit Sherlock.” I groan while grimacing.

He starts walking, but I stop him.

“Wait! Padgett!” I exclaim, trying to wriggle out of the older boy’s arms to grab my beloved turtle. Shapes are blurry around me.

He tightens his grip around my body, forcing me to stay immobile.

“Could you stop writhing? You’ll fall to the ground.” He informs.

“But Padge―”

“Don’t worry sweet cheeks. I’ll get the turtle later tonight. You’ll have it before you go to sleep.” He coos.

I pout, pulling my tongue out.  He chuckles, before shutting the car door and heading to the house. As soon as he sets foot in, I declare that it’s not a house. It’s a manor! _A freakin’ manor!_

I’m already feeling completely disoriented as he walks through different rooms, before setting me on the couch of one of the many living rooms. The pounding in my head is suddenly makes itself more present.

“Wait for me there, I’m going to get the other lads.” He warns me.

“No!” I protest, standing up. Somehow, I still feel dizzy and I end up falling back down on the couch, whimpering in discontent _. Damn side effects!_

“Yes.” He closes with a smile on his lips, hands crossing over his chest. “And anyways, you have nowhere else to go: I have your cell phone and the house is isolated.”

“Manor.” I mumble, my head pounding once more.

“What?”

“This is far from being a house. This is a manor.” I repeat, rubbing my temples to ease some of the thudding.

“No it isn’t! It’s a―”

The disturbing sound of glass breaking is heard from somewhere in the house, followed by feet stamping and yelling.

“You wait **_here_**.” He orders, before leaving to go see if the boys are still all alive, or not. _Hope not._

The pounding in my head diminishes as I’m feeling less stressed, having Harry gone and far away of me. _Technically it’s not that far away, but he’s not in my line of vision so it counts._

My thinking is disturbed by a soft knocking on the doorframe of the living room. There stands Niall, the one amongst all of them I was most afraid of seeing again. Not because he scared me, but because he could control me like none of the others could. Something about him always made me give in to him, even if I was angry. He had power over me.

His face is emotionless as he comes forwards, eyeing me up and down. There’s a glint in his eyes that wasn’t there two years ago. Is it bad, is it good? I don’t know.

 I gulp nervously as our body heats start mixing, my pulse quickening almost unhealthily.


	5. Niall

The rest takes place in a matter of seconds. Out of the blue, his lips are on mine and his hands are lost in my hair, his body pressing mine into the couch roughly. He places himself in between my legs, forcing me to be in a laying position on the couch. I swear I hear him moan on my lips.

I gasp in his passionate kiss, before rapidly pushing him away from me.

“What the fuck Ni―?” I spew angrily before his finger presses on my lips to silence me. My breathing is heavy and my chest is heaving as his body towers over mine.

“I had to. Last time I saw you, you didn’t give me one.” He murmurs, his soft eyes gazing deeply into mine. “So this time, I’ve decided I wouldn’t ask for permission anymore.” _That’s just terrific. Note the sarcasm._

I sigh softly, recalling the memory. Our little moment.

“Why did you decide to escape?” He continues softly, tossing a strand of hair out of my face and behind my ear.

I shiver, feeling a small cackle of electricity as our skins make contact. _Shit... Seems like I’ve developed stronger hormones... This is gonna be ten times harder._

“Why did you leave me love?” He repeats, locking us into a longing gaze.

_Oh no. He’s using the ‘I cared for you’ card. Why is it so hard to stay angry after a sweet Niall?!? Stay strong Soph._

“Was it not clear enough? I felt imprisoned and used.” I seethe heatedly, pushing his body a little farther from mine as I feel the frustration churning inside me once more.

“Shhh. Not so loud.” Niall says, looking around nervously, pressing himself back onto me. I practically feel some of my female hormones kicking in as our waists are practically touching.

We hear steps stampeding nosily in our way, as well as Louis’s excited shouts.

“Look, we can’t talk now,” He mutters rapidly. “Come to my room at midnight.”

“No, I don’t―”

One of Niall’s warm hand presses against my mouth while the other hooks my leg around his waist just as Liam, Harry, Louis and Zayn enter the room. They freeze at the view they have in front of them.

“Niall, mate, what are you doing?” Louis questions, cocking an eyebrow upwards.

From the corner of my eyes, I see Harry’s calculating look, clearly evaluating Niall and I.

“Just trying to get quiet dry sex.” He says casually, before grinding his hips once into mine to prove a point.

My eyes flutter shut, before I open them again.

I try saying my protests, but only a muffled sound is heard and Niall ends up pressing harder on my mouth. Irritated, I manage to bite two of his fingers.

“Oww!” He gripes, pulling his digits away from my mouth. He brings his injured fingers to his mouth, sucking them lightly while giving me a dirty look.

“Aww Sophie! I missed you!” Louis coos, jumping on me like nothing happened and I was an old friend. Which I wasn’t. _And I saw him less than 24h hours ago. Weirdo._

I push him away, trying to stand up but I only end up being pushed back down by his stronger form. _Why do I have to be so weak around them?_

“Lemme go! I’m not in the mood right now!” I fume from under him. “And I never will!”

“Careful Lou. She bites.” Niall mumbles, rubbing his fingers on his trousers. The four boys chuckle, Louis more than the others as he was the one trying to get me to be still under him.

I start throwing punches, but give up only a couple seconds after, not seeing the point in fighting for this. Plus my headache was coming back. _Better keep my forces for later._

“Already done?” Louis says baffled. “Boy that was fast.” Louis chuckles, before flipping me around to sit on his lap.

I try with all my might not to struggle.

“Harry... I want Padgett.” I groan, rubbing my temples as I feel Louis hardening under me.

“Later.” The green-eyed boy shrugs, before sitting with Louis and I on the couch. “If you behave.”

“So you did keep him?” Liam enquires, a smile tugging on the corner of his mouth as he sits on the couch in front of us, accompanied by Niall. “I feel important.”

“Well you shouldn’t. I didn’t keep it because of you.” I fume.

“Whatever you say.” He smirks.

“So how do you like the house?” Zayn demands, sitting with Liam and Niall in front of me.

“I hate it because it has you guy’s odour, it’s way too big and it’s far away from any civilisation that could be of help Plus, the only room I saw so far is the one I’m sitting in right now.” I retort, moving uncomfortably on Louis lap.

“Don’t get sassy.” Harry warns. “It would be in your best interest to watch your language and actions right now.” He continues.

I huff, moving some more on Louis.

“Stop moving like that, you’re getting me aroused. And I find it teasing.” The older boy whispers in my ear.

“I don’t even know why you’re all doing this! Taking me from my own flat! I’m eighteen; I do not need to have a legal guardian like I did two years ago! And even then, you weren’t acting some legal guardians! This is kidnapping!” I explode, jumping from Louis lap.

Weirdly, they don’t make a move to stop me, and I don’t find the will to leave the room, scared of getting lost. I just stand there, hands on my hips, looking at all of them hatefully. But I don’t think I’m the only one who notices I left Louis with a hard-on.

“Then say its kidnapping, love. You’ll always be ours, whatever the term you use sweet cheeks.” Harry says carelessly, pulling my thoughts away from Louis straining erection.

“Somebody kill me.” I mumble, crossing my arms and rolling my eyes in disgust.

“About that. You are not allowed, under any circumstances, to inflict any kind of damage to yourself. Or there will be consequences.” Zayn orders.

“Like the punishing won’t harm me anyways! You’re only saying that because of that one time that almost killed me, making all of you feel―”

“Soph, stop arguing right away!” Harry silences brusquely.

_Okay so they have less patience. Good to know._

“Okay relax. Any other rule I ought to know?” I question, sneering. My eyes rapidly flick to the tent in Louis pants, trying not to worry about it.

“The rules are the same as last time Sophie. A daily dose of pleasure, constant obedience, and high surveillance at all times. Plus, drop the attitude.” Liam replies. “And at school, we need to be respected, your grades must be higher than class average and you can’t tell a soul you’re living with us.”

 _Yep. Somebody kill me now. Class average grades? I’m so gonna die_. _Getting back to a normal school routine had been hard after my kidnapping, since I was constantly being haunted by the thought of One Direction. It only had gotten a little better recently._

“I have to tell Emily.” I realize after a couple seconds.

“No.” Liam shakes his head.

“Yes. Or she’ll call the cops thinking I disappeared. She’ll know you have something to do with it. I told her almost everything!” I threaten.

“Lads, she makes a point there.” Niall talks for the second time since I bit him.

I have little butterflies in my stomach realizing it’s to defend me, but I push them away rapidly, frowning. _Niall, what are you doing to me?_


	6. Bedroom

Harry’s look is calculative as he evaluates everything. After a minute or two, he yawns.

“Fine. But she’s the only one you’re allowed to tell. And you’re only telling her you’ll be living with us from now on, nothing more nothing less.” He closes, stretching. “Now everybody to bed, we all have to be in tip top shape for school tomorrow!”

“And I have to go to school on top of that?” I groan.

“Oh yes. Wouldn’t want you missing any of your cheerleading practices right? Plus, you missed my class today. You’ll have to catch up.” Zayn says, standing up from the couch. _Freakin’ awesome._

“And you also skipped detention. Naughty girl. But I took care of that already.” Harry brags cockily.

“Why bring it back up then?” I spit, the memory still fresh in my mind.

 “For fun. Now, chop chop, and let’s go to bed.” He shrugs while standing up. Although I deep down, I know he wants to let all the boys know I was mainly his for the taking. _Bastard. I’m nobody’s._

“I don’t even have a room to sleep in.” I protest, trying to get them to let me sleep back at my flat. “And there’s no way I’m sleeping with one of you guys.” I add.

“And since when do you get to make any decisions?” Liam replies. “Hmm? Who gave you that right?”

I stay quiet, frowning. _Wow. How’d he get so snappy so fast?_

“Exactly.” He retorts to my silence. Liam, Niall and Zayn leave the living room, Niall mouthing ‘midnight’ before walking out of my sight.

“Aww don’t worry love. You have a room. And I’m sure Louis would be very pleased to show it to you.” Harry says, also standing up.

That last one jumps up, erection very visible. _Not good._

“Yes! Come on Sophieboo! I’ll show you!” Louis grabs my arm, dragging me with him. I feel disoriented as he takes me up a staircase somewhere in the mansion, then down a hall. He pushes a door open and practically shoves me inside the room.

It smells like Louis, and I can’t look behind me, scared of the mess I would see if I did because Louis definitely doesn’t look like an organized person.

“Louis... Harry said I had my own room.” I say slowly, locking my eyes with the turquoise ones in front of me.

“Sure you do.” His head nods to behind me.

I huff and turn around. I gasp as I see a door, in between two glass panels. Behind the glass, there is a bedroom. It strangely resembles to my old room. The one I had two years ago. Same bedding, same furniture. Same all, but without last year’s resources like the laptop and the rope. _No, no, no! This room can’t be what I think it is right?_

Louis chuckles, before tugging me through the door across his room and into the one behind the glass panels. He forces me onto the bed before towering dominantly over me.

I can’t help noticing that mirrors are now standing where I was sure glass windows previously were _._ In fact, there the walls were practically all made out of mirrors. _What the actual fuck? What kind of sorcery is this?_

Louis must’ve noticed my confused look as he starts explaining.

“You see, these are one-way mirrors. This means that from our rooms, we can see you through what seem like indoor windows. But you, from your room, can only see yourself.” He says, before pinning my wrists over my head. “We gave you a little too much privacy last time and see what it did? You slipped out of our fingertips.” His fingers tighten on my wrists. “Who knows...? Maybe the boys are watching us right now from their rooms, jerking themselves off.” His voice drops to a low, sensuous whisper.

“Welcome to your new room.”

I start struggling as his warm breath approaches my neck sensually, his hands wandering up and down my body.

“St-st-stop!” I demand, voice shaking.

He shakes his head no, digging his hips into mine to make sure I know he was aroused already.

At that moment precisely, Harry comes in with Padgett from one of the five doors that were place miscellaneously in my room. _Those must be the entrance to each of their rooms,_ I think while rapidly eyeing their names, which were each rightfully placed on the owner’s door. _So the only way out of my room is by going through one of their rooms. Just fucking great._

Harry throws the stuffed animal in some corner, before joining Lou and I on the bed. I fight to push them away, but it only arouses them some more as Harry helps Louis to hold me down.

“I thought I was supposed to sleep!” I plead.

Louis’s mouth latches on the side of my neck, nipping the sensible skin to make a mark. I whine and whimper in protest, trying to tear my head away, but he holds me still on the pillows as Harry proceeds to discard some clothing from my body and his. And weirdly, he doesn’t leave me naked though. He lets me keep the underwear, bra and panties.

His chest is bare and he’s in his boxers by the time Louis pulls back from my neck, licking his lips in desire.

“You remember two years ago I promised you some Larry? Well I’m just living up to my promises.” The younger boy smirks, pressing his chest against my almost naked one as Louis takes off his shirt and trousers also.

“So here are the rules Soph.” Louis starts, placing himself to straddle my waist as Harry starts kissing my thighs.

I squirm in discomfort.

“If you let Harry and I pleasure you like you deserve to be pleasured, we won’t make you pleasure us with your hands and/or that lovely mouth of yours. Understood?” His eyes are glazed with untamed lust as he finishes.


	7. Possessive

I shake my head no.

“Don’t worry... I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it in a couple seconds.” Harry mumbles, his mouth leaving a wet trail on my stomach. Their fingers drawing patters all round my body leaves my skin ignited with electricity, and I writhe on my bed.

“Stop moving.” Louis commands, his hands going behind my back to unclasp the bra. I’m frozen in fear as my breasts fall out of their cups, Louis and Harry automatically fumbling with them.

“I think your too stressed Sophieboo... Relax...” As Louis says this, his and Harry's thumbs play with my nipples, digging soft circles into the tender skin.

To my horror, my body responds to their entrancing touch, letting itself go numb into their sensual touch.

They’re smirking as they take in the fact that they have complete control over me.

Louis rapidly rips my panties off my body, discarding them somewhere in the room like he had previously done with my bra. His fingers caress me slowly, taking their sweet time to make the teasing last.

Harry’s mouth is latched on my neck, making his mark beside Louis as his warm hands grope my chest possessively.

Suddenly, Louis fingers brush my clit.

I jump upwards, the spell they had over me broken. I try getting off the bed but Harry rapidly grips my shoulders before I can get away, pressing them in the bed.

“One more thing like that and you’ll be cock sucking understood?” Harry seethes lowly.

I whine, shutting my eyes.

Without my consent, Louis digs two fingers inside me, curling them before pulling them out, and back in.

I buck my hips, wanting him keep them out of me, but Louis’s free hand pushes my hips downwards roughly every time I try. After a couple seconds only, heat starts pooling at the bottom of my stomach and I feel myself dampen on Louis’s skillful fingers. _No, no, no! You don’t like this Soph! This is not good!_

I’m shaking my head in denial, biting my lip. Louis adds in another finger to his rhythm.I moan keeping my lips tightly shut together as I feel myself coming undone.

My inner walls clench around the blue-eyed boy’s fingers, and as I come down from my high, Harry and he place their mouths at my entrance, licking my insides.

I see blurry, the pleasure blinding me shortly as I cum in their waiting mouths.

Both of them groan licking their lips as they finish licking all the remainants.

“Here, taste yourself,” Harry says before kissing me roughly.

“Haz... I don’t think I can wait much longer,” Louis complains from not far away. The younger boy pulls back from the kiss, nodding his approval.

“Where do you want?” He asks, motioning my body. _Way to make me feel like an object. Bravo Harry._

“I want pussy.” His voice says lustfully. Before I know it, Harry gives a nod and Louis takes off his boxers, his hands grabbing his cock before he strokes it a bit. From the corner of my eye I see Harry getting of the bed to search through some of the drawers.

“Ready Soph?” Louis asks, pressing his tip inside my entrance.

I tense up. “No. I-I-I don’t want to do this.”

“Well. Sorry.” He responds indifferently before pushing in.

I groan, never opening my mouth.

He spins us around so I’m straddling his waist, his hands on my hips. He makes me rotate my hips onto his, groaning loudly.

“More,” He says almost to himself, making me do the same thing again and again, with a faster rhythm.

I shut my eyes as I start feeling the pleasurable effects of this position. But the feeling of well-being doesn’t last long as I feel something cold and slippery being applied around my other hole. _Since when does he care about lube?_

Without warning me, he just thrusts in.

I gasp on Louis, feeling a little too full.  I’m practically numb as they start shoving themselves in and out of me at a rapid pace.

I can’t hold it in anymore as Louis starts playing with my clit. Moans pour out of me.

“God Haarrrryyyy...” I whine when he shoves himself particularly deep.

“Right there huh?” He grunts, building up the pace. That’s it.

“Larrryyyyyyy!” I moan. They also groan, their hot cum filling me up.

We fall tiredly on the bed as a jumbled mess of panting sweaty bodies, trying to steady or breathing.

“That was great.” Louis says, yawning tiredly.

Harry mumbles his agreement and pulls out of me before placing me beside him and Louis in the sheets. Both their arms drape around my body as they fall into slumber. _If I go see Niall, will he do that to me also?_

The thought scares me.

I can’t sleep as I keep looking at my alarm clock nervously, waiting for midnight to strike.

I’m shaking like a leaf, my eyelids half-closed by the time it does.

I take a deep breath, and carefully move Harry’s and Louis’s hands from my waist. I have a semi heart attack as they both let out a little snore, moving a bit. Restarting my heart, I breathe out slowly and jump off the bed. Gabbing my sweatpants and hoodie, I slip them on and tiptoe my way to the door written Niall.

Then I stop and think. _They’re all sleeping... Maybe I can escape through Louis’s or Harry’s room?_

My gaze flickers to the two doors. _No. A, I have nowhere to go and B, Niall might be watching me right now._

My hand rattles the doorknob softly and I exhale, finding it unlocked.

I enter his room, his strong cologne filling my nostrils as I shut the door quietly behind me.

Suddenly, a body collides with mine, hugging me tightly.

“Are you alright love?” The Irish voice mumbles in my neck as I stand there, astounded. _I was sooo not expecting that kind of reaction._

He drags me around in the dark and makes me sit on something soft and comfy before opening his bedside light. I realize I’m on his bed, and he’s in front of me, only in his sweatpants.

“Umm.... Aren’t you angry I bit you?” I gulp fretfully.

“Well I was at first, but then I saw that you went through much worse than a little nip. So I decided against punishing you.” He shrugs, sitting beside me. I look at him, his blue eyes almost glowing in the faint light.

“So why’d you want me here if it isn’t for anything, sexual...” I trail on, looking away. The thought alone makes me uncomfortable.

“Look. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the boys’ anger over your escape two years ago has dissipated. But they are stricter about little details, making them impatient and violent. ” He explains.

“Why was Harry watching us carefully when you were talking to me?” I ask.

“Harry wants me to act indifferent towards you. He wants to be the only one to show feelings for you. We all have to pretend to be insensible about what we do to you, without hurting you too much. That’s why I pretended to have dry sex with you earlier. So to sum it all up, I’m apologizing in advance if I seem rough and careless about what I do okay? I don’t care if you don’t trust me, but I want you to know I’ll be feeling remorseful. I-I-I have feelings for you okay...” He stutters.

I nod quickly, processing everything he just said. _Okay, so he has feelings for me? Do the other boys have feelings for me too? Why is Harry being so protective?”_

“Can I ask you something?” He asks softly, tearing me out of my thoughts.

“What is it?” I reply.

“Why are you so calm about all this?”

“I don’t know... I guess I just haven’t fully processed it yet. But why go in hysterics if I can’t do anything to truly change my situation?” I mumble the last part a little miserably.I yawn, suddenly feeling a little drowsy.

“Would you like to sleep here?” He whispers.

I nod and he picks me up from the bed bridal style, before tucking me inside his sheets. He slides in beside me, but doesn’t touch me.

“I have one more question for you though Soph...” I feel him hesitate behind me, but my eyelids close.

“Hmm?” I hum, feeling myself falling into slow slumber.

“Do you feel for me Soph?”

I pretend not to hear him and fall asleep, my answer caught in my throat. _Did I feel for him?_


	8. Clothes

************************************

I feel an arm around me, and a soft respiration against my neck. The body behind mine rouses a bit, before letting out a soft sigh. I was in a spooning position with someone. I dig into my mind a bit, trying to reminisce who was that person. Niall. It’s only Niall. Niall who apparently had feelings for me. _What am I gonna say to him when he’ll wake up?_

I don’t find the will to move away from him just yet.

Sighing softly, I drift back to sleep. But it’s short lived.

“Niall! Niall! Wake up! She’s gone!” An angry shout followed by dry knocks on a wooden surface stirs me out of my sleepy state. Niall also awakens from behind me, jolting upwards as the four boys stampede inside his small room.

“Niall! Sophie’s...” Louis stops dead in his tracks, seeing me in Niall’s bed. “Not gone.” He finishes, looking at me curiously. “Why are you _here?_ ” He asks, emphasizing on the ‘here’.

Harry crosses his arms over his chest, furious. He’s almost immediately imitated by the three others.

“I-I-I” I stutter but Niall beats me to it.

“She deserved punishment from last night. Don’t think she’ll be biting me again soon.” He lies fluently.

“She’s still clothed.” Harry argues.

“Not every punishment has to be done naked Harry.” I snap, before slapping myself inwardly.

“Watch the attitude sweet cheeks.” Liam warns.

“Whatever.” I mutter under my breath, digging my face into Niall’s pillow.

“Soph, look at us when were talking to you.” Zayn demands.

Their eyes shoot daggers as I look back up at them.

“Could you all stop talking to me like I’m a child? I’m eighteen for God’s sake!” I huff.

“Well stop with the bratty attitude then.” Liam ends. It took me a lot of will not to reply to him.

“The question is, was she punished for her behaviour?” Harry asks Niall.

“Yes. I roughened her up a bit.” Niall responds, squeezing my thigh. I writhe a little in discomfort.

“Show me what you did to her.” Harry orders. _What?!?_

I gulp as Niall swiftly nails me down on his bed, giving me a small sorry look before ridding me of my hoodie. My hands reflexively go to cover my bare chest, but Niall grabs them and pins them over my head roughly. I whimper, trying to squirm out of his firm grasp as I feel five pairs of eyes locked on my vulnerable body. The blonde leans down on me, his hands still firmly clasped around my wrists as his mouth descends on a nipple.

I shut my eyes, not wanting to believe that Niall, who said himself that he had feelings for me, would do this to prove a point. Weirdly, nobody made me open them as his hips start humping mine, his tongue twirling delightfully slow circles around my sensible skin.

 I start struggling against his grip, not liking the way this was going.

My eyes snap open as he lightly bites the pebbled nipple. His cerulean eyes meet mine and I can’t help the moan escaping my lips. I instinctively bite my lip as I feel myself reddening in embarrassment, remembering that Niall and I weren’t alone in the room.

“Don’t keep it in.” Harry orders. “And certainly don’t be ashamed.”

I gasp, feeling Niall growing in his sweatpants as he keeps grinding his hips against mine with more and more fervour. His mouth starts working on my other breast, his eyes never leaving mine as he tries finishing the dry sex. With a few other hip thrusts, he manages to make me groan loudly, to all the boys’ audible pleasure.

“Here.” He pants, handing me my hoodie back. I put it on with a cold glare.

“If you really did that, then why I was she still clothed this morning?” Harry demands again.

“It was a cold night.” Niall replies. “I let her get dressed afterwards.”

Harry’s about to protest but Louis cuts him swiftly.

“I’m pretty sure we can talk about the temperature later. Right now, it’s late and we all have to go to school. You, Sophie, have to get dressed.” Louis claps, as everyone heads to their rooms to get ready. Harry practically pulls me out of Niall sheet’s and back to my room. He sets me on my bed, as Louis looks at me up and down.

“Now get dressed.” The younger one of the two tells me before turning around.

“All my stuff is at home.” I retort.

“This is home. And Louis has clothes for you here I’m sure.” Harry argues.

“This will never be home. Plus I doubt Louis has school uniforms for me here. Do you Lou?” I ask the older-boy.

“Yeah Hazz... I don’t have uniforms.” Louis agrees slowly. “And I have to get ready myself...” He adds before leaving to his room.

The green-eyed boy rubs his temples, sighing.

“You have ten minutes to head downstairs and eat breakfast. I’ll drive you to your flat, we’ll pick up your things and I’ll drive you to school after. Time starts now. Oh and you have to go through one of our rooms to get to breakfast... I can’t guarantee you they won’t do anything to you but... It’s your only way out.”

I huff in annoyance. _Why did I have to have a shitty room like this?!? I’ll just go see Niall... He wouldn’t do anything to me right?_ I think. _Or maybe he would,_ I debate, recalling what he had just previously done to me in front of all the boys.

“One more thing,” Harry says before entering his room. “You can’t go see Niall; you were there this morning already. I’ll be watching...” He smirks, before closing his door.

_Fuckin’ great._


	9. Analyzing

_Fuckin’ great. Whose will I go to? Maybe I can just run through one of them?_

I analyze my choices rapidly mentally.

_Harry. I won't go through Harry's. I can’t go through Harry’s. He’s aggressive, possessive, horny all the time, and is guaranteed to make a move on me, even though I try running. Plus running might only make him angrier. Harry may seem to care sometimes, but he lets his hormones get the best of him generally. And I don’t really want that right now._

_Louis.  Louis is a tease and his room is a complete mess. No way in hell I can think of bolting through it without spraining an ankle. With Louis there is no doubt that he would also make a move on me. I don’t think he’d care about lateness or anything, he is reckless. Not a good idea._

_Zayn. He still scares me. He could snap at any moment and decide to have his way with me, or not. Maybe he’s more reluctant because last time he did, the boys were cross with him and they had a fight, resulting: me being injured. Maybe he’s still guilty. But Zayn is Zayn. Mysterious, unpredictable, moody:  a terrifying combination. I can still clearly remember that morning, the pools of ebony in his eyes turning dark from lust and anger because I wasn’t obeying him or whatever._

I shiver remembering.

My thoughts drift as my gaze falls on Padgett, the stuffed turtle laying in the corner of my room.

_Liam. Going through Liam’s could be possible. Out of all of them, without counting Niall, he would be the easiest to reason with. Don’t think he’d want to be late for school. But Liam’s been crabby since my return. More aggressive. Like all the small things I do are suddenly bad.  Maybe his lustful side is more present? I hope not. But he did smile a bit when he realized I kept Padgett. I think that’s a good sign. I’ll go through Liam’s room._

I sigh after my quick thinking, my gaze heads to Niall’s door once before heading the opposite direction, towards Liam's. Inhaling and exhaling determinedly, I grasp the doorknob and rotate it slowly, peeking inside before entering the room. I gasp. For one thing, it was tidy and another, Liam wasn’t there. At least, I didn’t see him in the room. _Should I scram through his room? Nah..._ _He’s not there. I can take my time._ _Maybe he’s out showering..._ I close the door behind me.

The knob on the door perpendicular to mine rattles and opens.

Just my luck, Liam enters his room wet, in nothing but a clad towel around his waist.

_Or maybe he’s done showering._

_No shit Sherlock._

_Sophie, you’ve gone bonkers, you’re arguing with yourself right now._

_Yeah well, at least my mind is free of doing what it pleases._

“Can I help you with something?”Liam asks pulling me out of my mental debate, his eyebrow cocking up in interrogation. He pulls his towel a little higher on his waist.

My traitorous gaze goes down his body to his fine v-line before heading back up to his chocolate orbs.

“I only wanted to go downstairs to breakfast.” I say truthfully. _Please be okay with that, please be okay with that, please be okay with that._

He looks at me inquisitively, clearly doubting my sayings. Reflexively arranging his towel, Liam’s gaze heads for the clock on his bedside table with a calculative look. He shrugs.

“I don’t want to be late for school right now so I’ll let you go without anything.” I smile and sigh in relief. “But I’ll be wanting that favour returned.” He warns.

I roll my eyes. Should’ve known it was too good to be true.

“Why did you keep Padgett?” he asks suddenly. “And be honest.” He adds sternly.

I sigh loudly, before answering carefully. “To remember all the good things that happened while I was abducted. Because the bad are already engraved in my memory permanently, I kept him as a reminder that there was some good in all of you. Hopefully there still is.”

“How can a plush turtle remind you of **_all_**? Memories fade you know.” He highlights.

“There’s more to him than the eye can see.” I reply dryly.

And it was true. Three days after I had been safely brought at Ashley’s house by Alana two years ago, I had written all the good things that happened with the boys on multiple sheets of paper. Only a couple days after, I decided to open Padgett’s back, and cram the sheets inside, riding it of some of its stuffing. I sewed it back closed after. So technically all the good memories literally stayed with Padgett all the time. Maybe I’d open him up again one day.

“Can I go downstairs now? My stomach screams hunger.”

 I start making my way across his room but he stops me.

“Wait. I’ll go downstairs with you. Wouldn’t want you getting lost.” He adds smirking. And just like that, he drops the towel.

My gaze averts from his lower body, embarrassed.

He laughs truthfully grabbing trousers and a blouse. I don’t look at him as he starts getting dressed.

“You’re funny Sophie... You look when it’s wrong, but you get embarrassed when the person doesn’t mind you looking. Yeah, you can look now.” He says, buttoning up his blouse.

“What do you mean I look when it’s wrong?” I say, placing my hands over my hips.

“You practically ogled me when I walked in, staring at me like I was eye candy.” He points out. “And you never shut your eyes for long once we start doing things to you...And you look at our bodies when you think we’re not looking.”

“Hormones.” I say simply.

“Right.” He chuckles. “Let’s say I believe you.” He laughs some more. “Let’s go down now. I think breakfast is ready, and Niall’s already eating it.” Liam says, grabbing my arm and pulling me through the same corridor Louis had dragged me through earlier last night. Although we seem closer to the staircase. _So there’s Liam's room, then Louis, both in the same corridor. Good to know._

I’m taking mental notes as Liam drags me around the mansion, until we arrive into the dining room. Steamy pancakes are placed on a plate in the middle of the table. Niall is already taking his share. _Who even has the time to bake pancakes on a school morning?_

“You should serve yourself Soph,” Harry says, entering the dining room with a fresh batch of pancakes in hand. “You still have three minutes.”

_Harry Styles of course._

I roll my eyes and grab food, almost imitating Niall on the quantity. Almost.

Soon enough, I’m finished eating and Harry pulls me in to his car. He places his ray bans on his eyes and smiles at me cheekily before starting the engine. Were on the road not long after. I feel depressed and my face twists into a frown.

“Aww come on! Soph! Turn that frown upside down.” Harry says. “Souris, la vie est un fromage!” He adds in a bad French accent.

I can’t help the snigger. “You should keep saying the thing you say repeatedly in French interviews instead of trying something new. You know like the usual ‘Je m’appelle Harry.’ And ‘Je suis allé au cinéma avec mes copains et ma famille,’. ” I laugh again.

“Ha-ha see! I don’t care if my accent is bad or not, I made you giggle!” He indicates, proud of himself.

I roll my eyes and huff angrily, my mood being ruined by his pompous remark. I just cross my arms over my chest and slouch in the seat, looking morosely at the countryside as we rolled past it.


	10. Deal

We arrive at my flat about half an hour later, but that half an hour felt like two hours because Harry kept sliding his hand up and down my leg provocatively while driving. Driving me mad. _Ha-ha I made a pun._

Harry stops the car’s engine, sighing. He ruffles his hair once before looking at me.

“I want to make myself clear. You can’t tell your friend where we live. Not even a single clue about the location. If you dare say something, I’ll make sure to isolate you down in the house’s basement, with a restricted amount of food for three days. So your choice. Either you keep that pretty mouth of yours shut and keep living in our joyous company, with unlimited amount of food, or slip a word and live just the opposite.” He says seriously, taking off his ray-bans and hooking them in the inside of his collar. He looks at me, waiting for me to say something.

“Fine.” I sigh exasperatedly. “I’ll stay quiet. But it isn’t because I like your company. Because I certainly don’t.”

“Then why wouldn’t you say a thing? Wouldn’t speaking with a friend be the _perfect_ occasion?” He says dramatically.

“You threatened me with food.” I reply simply, getting out of his car. I hear him chuckle lightly, also getting out of the vehicle.

“You have five minutes to shower, and seven to get ready for school. Maybe three to chit-chat with your friend to explain your current situation.” The green-eyed boy instructs as he pulls my flat keys out of his pockets, unlocking the door.

“Shouldn’t it be the opposite?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest. “I should have seven minutes to shower, and five to get ready.”

“No because if you take more than five minutes to shower, I’m joining you. So the less the better right?” He replies smiling cockily, twirling keys around his fingers skillfully while leaning against the door frame.

“How did you even get those?” I realize motioning MY keys, frustrated.

 “Dug through your pockets yesterday after-noon, right after our passionate sex.” He shrugs nonchalantly, motioning for me to go in the flat.

“It wasn’t passionate.” I say through clenched teeth, walking inside the familiar flat. “T’was rape.” I mumble. “I’m gonna report this as rape.” I mutter again.

“Sorry sweet cheeks, but it isn’t rape if you like it.” He chuckles, closing the door behind us. 

I huff and he turns around and looks down at me, gazing into my eyes. I find myself getting lost in orbs filled with lush greenery. He smiles before continuing.

“And if screaming a name out in ecstasy isn’t a sufficient proof of enjoyment, you need to go see a psychiatrist.” He finishes, tapping my nose softly. “Not my fault your body just can’t resist to mine...” He adds pressing himself on me, his mouth about to descend on mine.

I roll my eyes, pushing him away.

“I’m going to shower.” I say.

At that moment, a worried-looking Emily comes bursting out of the kitchen, squeezing me into a tight hug. She automatically bombards me with questions.

“Are you okay? Where were you? Why are you in sweats? Gosh I was so worried! What are you doing with him? Do you want me to call the cops? Can I go ninja on him?” She babbles, pulling me away from Harry, her eyes clearly sending daggers into the older boy’s direction.

“Yes. Somewhere. Because. Can’t tell. No and no.” I respond to all her questions, hugging her back. It felt good to be in her arms.

“Why can’t I go ninja on him?” She pleads, looking angrily at Harry who just stood there looking at us with his hands in his pockets.

“Believe me I’d like that, but you can barely kill a fly.” I reply dryly, a smile tugging on the side of my mouth.

We pull out of the hug.

“Look Em.... I have some bad news for you.” I tell her very seriously.

“What is it?” She frowns, looking between Harry and me repeatedly. “What did Harry do?!?”

“I can’t live here anymore. I have to go live with HIM.” I say, nodding towards Harry’s direction.

“What? Where? Why?” She says, confused. The brown-eyed girl’s anger suddenly mounts. “Harry fucking Styles I hate you! Do you even know what she went through after she was held hostage? No of course you don’t because I was the one who picked her up! You destroyed her! And you can’t see that because she can’t help to be nice around you! Why Soph?!” My friend turns to me. “Why aren’t you even trying to fight back?”

“Em you know―”

“No Sophie I don’t! And don’t you dare hate me for freaking out, because I won’t know where my best friend will be! The only thing I do know is that five psychos will be using her!”

Harry stiffens beside me but I step in.

“Calm down,” I say, grabbing her arm. “Look we’ll keep seeing each other at school. But you have to keep the fact that I live with One Direction to yourself okay?”

“Soph, you didn’t answer the question,” she protests angrily.

“I can’t tell you where. But if you don’t keep the secret―”

“Yeah you’ll be seeing her all bruised and roughened at school if you dare tell a soul.” Harry speaks huskily.

“I swear if you hurt her Harry Styles I’ll go tell the authorities, reporting abuse.” Emily says, turning around in front of me in a defensive position.

“I don’t think they’ll believe you. Between believing the story of an 18 year-old teenager or a world famous boy band, I think you’d be the one getting trouble. We can be very persuasive. Right Sophie?” Harry says causally, leaning on the wall with his arms crossed. He didn’t seem to be intimidated by Emily at all.

I roll my eyes in response to his interrogation.

“So, are you gonna say something about us and Sophie?” Harry questions Emily, a dangerous glint in his eyes.

“Don’t test him,” I mumble to her silently.

I feel Emily give in to Harry’s argument beside me. She doesn’t have much of a choice anyways.

“Fine I’ll keep your damn secret. But I want to see her at school every day without a bruise or scratch. And I want a text from her, if she can’t make it at school for whatever reason because of you jerks. If one of these conditions isn’t respected, I’ll find you and find something convincible to say to the police.”

“Deal.”

He straightens himself, and grabs my arm.

“Anyways, your three minutes of chit-chat is already done. You should hop in the shower while I pack your stuff. Any special requirements?” he says to me, as if Emily wasn’t here with us.

“Bring my girl stuff. And my pillow. The one at your house smells like you guys.” I say, wrinkling my nose in remembrance. “I like when my pillows smell safety and familiarity.”

He rolls his eyes and nods, before dragging me to the bathroom that connected with my room, not letting me say anything else to Emily. “Five minutes.” Is all he says before pushing me in and closing the door in my face, letting me some privacy. I huff.

Not wasting any of my precious time, I shed my clothes and get inside the shower, washing myself thoroughly.

I cherish my moment alone, but after what barely feels like seconds, Harry is already pounding at my door.

“It’s been 4 minutes and 50 seconds since you’re in there. Get out in 5 or I’m coming in.”       

He doesn’t even let me answer that. I hear the click of the door unlocking, and the squeal of its hinges as Harry pushes it open. I manage to close the water, grab a towel and roll it around myself just as he tosses the curtain open.

He pouts a little.

“Why aren’t you naked?” He questions, a naughty grin on his face.

Flustered, I’m about to reply but he beats me to it.

“Kiddin’ love. I’m glad you respect your time limit.” He says, kissing the top of my head. “Now go get ready.” He says, ushering me outside of the small bathroom. I frown as he follows me to my room. _Wait. He’s happy he didn’t get to shower with me?_

“I’ll be on the other side of the door sweet cheeks.” He says, leaving my room.

“Who is he and what has he done with Harry Styles?” I mutter, looking pointedly at the door from where he just disappeared. Shaking my head negatively, I ignore it and try recalling my school schedule to figure out what to wear.

“Right. I have cheer practice this morning.” I groan, before rummaging through my closet to find adequate clothes for practice. Locating what I was searching for, I drop my towel and snuggle into them. The air outside being a little chilly, I also put on the matching sweats. Shoving my cheer shoes and school uniform into my gym bag, I tie my hair into a high ponytail. I smile once in the mirror before dropping it miserably. _Why am I once again involved with One Direction?_

I sigh depressingly before leaving my room, bag slung on my shoulder.

“Cheer practice this morning?” A husky voice demands. “I might go check that out.”

I look around to find Harry leaning on the wall beside the door.

“Where’s Em?” I question him with a hard glare.

“She left for school... She couldn’t stand my beauty.” He responds cheekily.  

I roll my eyes. _Poor her, I wonder what he did to her to make her leave me alone with him..._

Harry’s green eyes drift to my bag. “Here. Lemme take this, I’ll put it with the other bag.” He says, handing his hand out.

“I’m a big girl... I can carry my stuff like you can carry yours.” I scoff.

“What a poor choice of words.” He chuckles.

Without warning, he grasps the back of my legs, and swings me on his shoulder like a potato sack.

“What the fuck are you doing!?!?” I squeal, pushing against his back as he heaves me out of my flat.

“Carrying what’s mine.” He shrugs, giving my ass a little pat. _Bastard._

I hit him in the back a few times but he seems unaffected as he gets us out

“Stop wriggling, you’ll end up on the ground.”

“I don’t care.”

“But I do.” He protests.

“You’re bipolar.” I mumble.

He ignores my comment and plops me into his car seat, takes my bag away from me and puts it in the trunk, staying there longer than necessary _. I bet he’s checking I didn’t put any illicit objects in there..._

He comes back a few seconds later. Sitting in the driver’s seat, he shoots me a smile before driving us to school.

“Now remember Soph. It’s Mr. Styles for you when I see you in the hallways. I won’t be different with you than with the other students.” He instructs when we arrive at school. “And you need to salute us every time you see us.” He adds.

“Just great. Now I’ll seem like a teacher’s pet or something like that.” I spit angrily, before unlocking the doors and getting out of his car. I feel eyes on me, but shrug them off.

Without addressing another word to Harry, I grab my gym bag in the trunk, barely acknowledging the fact he locked a charm bracelet with the England and Ireland flag around the straps.

Paying no serious attention to it, I slam the trunk shut and head to cheer practice, feeling his gaze burning holes in my back.


	11. Bipolar

 

Cheer practice was dull and lifeless. I didn’t feel the usual thrill of doing something I loved so everything basically flunked. But didn’t put too much endeavour in it either, feeling dejected. Too bad Emily isn’t in the cheerleading team to support me.

I’m walking morosely to my next class when Harry, aka the Hall monitor, walks by me. He grabs my arms and shoves my into the janitors closet. I drop my books on the floor in surprise. I don’t pick them up right away, shock overpowering any sense of reason. _Why is Harry angry now....?_

“I was watching you during cheerleading practice....” His husky voice growls in the dark. “In short shorts.....” He groans, and I feel something hard pressing in the inside of my thighs. It’s not there a second later. _Shit he’s horny._

“Harry! Lemme go! I have to go to class!” I object.

I’m practically throwing punches in the darkness, feeling lost and disoriented. I can’t locate him, and it seems like the broom closet was huge. Suddenly, hands lock around my wrists, pinning them together.

“You weren’t putting much of an effort were you?” He questions, his hot breath tickling the inside of my neck. “I talked to your coach, and she said that your weren’t doing your usual best... Tsk tsk. Now that just won’t do. I do believe we said you had to get excellent grades in everything, and I count cheerleading as physical education.”

“I’m sore! I was sore at practice okay!” I protest, trying to wriggle my hands out of his grasp. He roughly pushes his body on mine, against the door. I faintly see his outline, my eyes slowly getting used to the dimness of the closet.

“Nonsense! You were perfectly fine this morning. Plus, we barely roughened you yesterday night.” Harry snarls. “So now I get to punish you since you lied.” His hips grind a bit into mine. “And Mr. Malik will be more than pleased to punish you if you arrive late at class. So let’s make this fast but memorable.” He ends, pushing his hips into mine once more.

My back digs painfully hard into the doorknob as he rubs his hips harshly into mine.

“Harry!” I grimace. “Stop you’re hurting me!” I gasp, pushing against his muscular build. “Stop!” I beg. I didn’t find the will to be snappy

I can almost see his green eyes softening in the dark.

“Shhh...Quiet down. Someone could hear us.” He mumbles, his curls tickling my neck as he leans in to press a kiss in the crook of my collar line.

I stiffen at his intimate move.

“Relax...” He purrs.        

His hands warp around me, locking in us into a lovers hug. It’s almost if he’s forgotten he wanted to punish me. But then I feel one of his hands heading in between us, and the distinct unzipping of a zipper.

“Harry, no!” I start squirming out of his embrace, making as much noise as possible by hitting the wall and the door behind me.

“Stop. NOW.” He seethes lowly. His erection rests in the inside of my thigh as he grips my waist bruisingly hard, immobilizing me.

My breathing is shallow and uncoordinated as I try to writhe out of it.

“Quit it.” He says. Holding me easily with his thighs, his hands pinch my bum harshly, eliciting a whimper from my throat.

“Don’t do this... Please.” I hiccup as his hands snakes its way back in between us.

“I’m going to give you two options Soph.” Harry sighs, his finger sliding along the length of my nose before tapping it. “Because I’m that nice.”

_Nice, my ass yeah._

I turn my head around to look away, but he grabs my chin forcefully, making me look into his emerald eyes, my own now adjusted to the dimness of the restricted area. He molds his body into mine, his breath hot on my neck as he nips playfully, before pulling back.

I’m utterly frozen in stupor.

“Either we finish what I started and I leave you alone for the rest of the day, or we stop now and you let me take you on a date without a fuss. Though I can’t guarantee I’ll leave you alone until then... You’re just so _tempting_...”

“WHAT?!?” I choke on my own breathing, caught completely off guard.

“Love, I’m not gonna say it twice. You heard me well enough the first time.”

“Bu-bu-but.” I say confusedly.

“You have ten seconds or I’m not giving you the choice anymore.” He menaces, his hands sliding under my skirt provocatively to prove that he’d get something he wanted both ways.

My breath hitches in my throat and I find myself rapidly calculating and weighing my options.

“5...4...3...” He urges, his hands climbing higher on my thighs after each number. “2...”

“Okay okay! Fine!” I panic. “I promise I’ll go on that ridiculous date with you!”

“Good. And it won’t be ridiculous, love. I think you’ll quite enjoy it.” He pulls away from my body a little, allowing me to advance away from the door.

“I doubt that.” I answer.

“Well you shouldn’t.” He retorts.

“And why not?” I sneer, the attitude suddenly coming back.

“Well you’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll give you the entree right now yeah?”

He doesn’t wait for my answer and unexpectedly opens the lights, blinding me for mere seconds. But these seconds are all it takes for Harry to latch his mouth with mine lovingly.

I’m completely astounded as his arms wrap around my shoulders, bringing my body flush against his. His hands then head upwards to caress my face, bringing our faces just as close as our bodies.

But the sweet kiss doesn’t last long as the older boy rapidly gets demanding, and we end up tumbling backwards.

It’s at that exact moment the door opens.

“You are not allow―”

I yelp as I fall but Harry catches me swiftly and pulls back from the kiss, bringing us both to a standing position. But he keeps a firm grip on my waist, holding me to face him.

I restart my heart and spin around to see Niall in the doorframe.

“Am I interrupting something?” The blonde boy asks, almost pained. “I’m sorry. I just thought you were another couple of horny students making out in the closet.”

“S’okay Nialler. We’re finished anyways.” Harry dismisses sighing, surely disappointed he couldn’t have his way with me.

My respiration is unsteady, and I’m still overwhelmed by how all had just happened rapidly at once. _Harry is sooo confusing._

Just then the bell rings. _Great. Now I’m late for Zayn’s class._

“Niall, could you bring her to class? I’d do it myself but she left me with a big problem.” The younger boy says, motioning his tight trousers.

“Sorry but that’s a small problem.” The words fly out of my lips before I can stop then and Harry shoots me a stern look. _There I go, being mouthy again. Shut up Soph. Shut up._

“You and I both know that’s not true.” He says. I can practically feel his anger mounting.

“Sure Hazz. I’ll go.” Niall says, pulling Harry and I out of our vicious stares. I sense Harry calming down slightly.

“Can’t I go alone?” I whine frustrated. “It’s exasperating to always have one of you shadowing me!”

“Nope.” The curly-haired boy replies, popping the ‘p’. “I don’t trust you going anywhere alone anymore.” He continues, pushing me into Niall’s arms softly. He bends down and grabs my books which were sprawled miscellaneously on the floor of the closet, and hands them to me. “Now have a good day sweet cheeks.” Harry finishes, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

I wipe the kiss off angrily, obtaining a chuckle from both boys before Harry walks out of the closet to finish himself off somewhere.

I also get out of the small room and glare at his back, not budging as Niall pulls my arm.

“Come on Soph.... I’ll take you to class.” He says softly. He gives my arm a firm hard tug, pulling me out of my glaring session.

“What?” I snap angrily.

“Do not raise your voice with me young lady.” He replies, his voice tainted with a hard edge. “I haven’t been that harsh with you so I don’t know why you’re so tetchy with me.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry Niall.” I huff, before hugging him with one hand. “It’s just Harry... He makes me feel lost about everything.”

He returns the hug, rubbing my back soothingly.

“I know... Now come on. I have to take you to class. I can’t control anyone so I don’t know what Zayn’s gonna do about your promptness, but I’ll try to soothe things a bit.” He reassures, pulling me along to my next class.

“Thanks for being so comprehensive.... How can I make it up to you Niall?” I ask as we arrive near the class.

“I’ll let you know whenever I find something. But right now, you have to go in class.” He says, knocking at the door.

Zayn opens it, and gives us a probing look.

“Why are you late Sophie?” He demands, looking alternatively between Niall and I.

“It’s Harry.” Niall answers for me. Zayn sighs and nods, letting me in the class. He shuts the door before I can say goodbye to Niall.

Sulking, I head to the free desk in the back of the class and sit, grabbing my head in my hands. _What am I gonna do with all the favours I owe? A date with Harry, something for Liam and something for Niall._

Suddenly I feel stares from different parts of the class. Lifting my head up, I’m met with tons of jealous glares. Most of them coming from Jade Cambers and her little gang.  Her brown eyes were practically trying to burn holes in my head I’m sure. _What did I do?_

“Sophie Miller. You arrived late. The least you could do is pay attention to what I’m saying.” Zayn says, walking to the front of my desk. Jade snickers, mimicked by her minions Gabrielle, Annaleigh, Elle and Rachel. Also known to others as J RAGE.

“I’m sorry Mr. Malik.” I say to him, ignoring the other five make-up raped morons.

“It’s okay,” He sighs. “Just try to keep focus okay?”

“Yes.” I answer, a little dumfounded by his reaction. _Whoa? Is this the guy that raped me ruthlessly?  
_


	12. Rage

To my surprise though, I did pay attention, taking notes here and there as he talked, shooting me casual glances once in a while. Weirdly, he wasn’t the only one shooting me sideway looks. In fact, most of the girls of the class kept looking between me and him constantly, jealousy present all over their features... Something tells me the boy students of the school won’t be too happy about all the attention the substitutes are getting.

Unexpectedly, the rest of the class goes on pretty fast, but when the bell rings, Zayn calls upon me.

“Sophie, could you come here please?” He asks politely as the girls strut outside the class, trying to catch his amber eyes but failing miserably.

Sighing softly, I clutch my books tightly and go over to him.

“What Za― Mr. Malik.” I correct myself walking to his desk. He smiles.

“Sooo. I wanted to ask you... What happened with Harry earlier today?” He demands

“I-I-I What?” I stammer, caught completely off guard.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He enquires, leaning in his chair while placing his hands behind his head.

I can’t help noticing the flexing of his biceps through his shirt as he does so. _Focus, Soph. Focus._

“Nothing really happened.” I mumble, looking away.

“Well if you say so... I’m just here to listen.” He shrugs, leaning forwards once more.

“Why? What changed you over the two years? Why are you suddenly so caring?” My thoughts tumble out of my mouth without my permission and his look hardens visibly. _Shit._

“Would you rather I be more like I was before?” He questions through clenched teeth, one eyebrow cocking up.

“No.”

“Well don’t get on my bad side Sophie.” He finishes, standing up to be face to face with me. He lifts my chin up, making me look up into his golden orbs laced with dark rims. “I wouldn’t want you getting hurt.” He whispers, tossing a strand of hair out of my face.

“So basically you’re telling me you can’t control yourself?” I retort.

“Not around you.” Zayn says softly, shaking his head in denial.

_What?!? Now how am I supposed to react sanely to that?_

“Look...Umm...I don’t know what to say so I’ll just... Leave.” I stammer awkwardly before heading for the door.

“Wait.” He grabs my arm and I flinch reflexively. He drops his arm. “Do you need help in English? I mean you kept taking notes.... I’m willing to give you a hand once in a while at home, whether it’s with your homework or just simple questions.”

“I uhhh...No. Yes... But I don’t know. Sure. What?” I stutter uncomfortably before sighing, my weight shifting from one foot to the other.

“Then it’s settled. I’ll be ‘tutoring’ you on Wednesday nights.” He says doing air quotations at the word tutoring.

“I need help for English. ENGLISH.” I say, emphasizing clearly what I meant. “Not anything... uhhh... sex related.” I look down.

“Since when are you so squeamish about sex?” He enquires incredulously, frowning.

 _I don’t know,_ I think while looking back up into his eyes confusedly. _Why indeed?_

“Look Za- Mr. Malik... Or whatever. I really have to go. I think I’m feeling weird right now.” I end, getting out of the class, closing the door behind me.

As soon as I turn around, I’m roughly shoved against the wall beside the door. My books fall to the ground for the millionth time this day.

“Well well... Is someone trying to get extra credit?” Jade’s voice sneers, her hand locked on my shoulder. I look around to see the full content of J RAGE around me, dangerous glints in their eyes.

“No. And it’s none of your business if I do anyways.” I retort, trying to push her away.

“Not so fast.”

Her minions rapidly push me back against the wall, making me wince.

“You are a little too close to the One Direction boys to our taste. You should let us, professionals, get the attention.” Rachel says, twirling her dirty blonde hair between her fingers while loudly chewing gum.

I roll my eyes and try once again to get away from them, failing yet again.

“Leave me alone alright?” I seethe, almost spitting in her make-up glazed face. “Not all boys drool over you. Some of them actually have common sense and a good taste. So get the fuck away from me.” I say, not knowing what anger fueled me to swear. I blink back tears of frustration. _Stop it Soph! It’s not like I have a claim over One Direction... And I’m not as pretty as J RAGE either..._

“Well aren’t you cute.” Gabrielle coos while towering over my small frame, being the tallest of them all. “Trying to act all brave and fearless?”

People are starting to crowd around us, making me feel nauseous.

“I don’t have time for your royal behaviour right now so if you’d please excuse me,” I sneer as a small dizziness clouds my senses.

Pushing it away, I try scuttling through them but Elle blocks my way.

“Ah ah ah...” She chastises, shaking her manicured finger in front of my face. I can’t help shrinking. _I don’t understand... Why can’t they find someone else to pick on? I have my own problems already._

“Now don’t scare the poor thing.” Jade laughs high. An ugly, bitchy, get the attention laugh.

More people come around to see what’s happening, freezing me even more into my state of inaction. But my face stays hard and emotionless. _Why can’t I do anything? Why am reacting like this? I don’t know._

She grabs my chin with her carefully decorated fingers. “Listen to me―”

“Is something going on here?” A booming voice echoes in the hallway. A British one. _Fantastic. Note the sarcasm. God. They can’t even let me fight my own fights._

“No hostility in the hallways.”

Harry comes out of the crowd, students moving out of his way. Some boys shoot him looks, as girls keep eyeing him up and down.

“No fighting allowed in school.” Harry repeats.

“Sure Hazza... Whatever you say.” Jade answers in a sickly sweet voice, hitching her skirt up a little. _Stupid, desperate, girl._

“It’s Mr. Styles.” He corrects, but I can’t help notice the little slip up when his eyes flickered downwards.

“Whatever you say... Mr. Styles... I like kinky relationships too.” Jade responds, rolling his name on her tongue.

“Enough. Now everybody clear out, you have classes to attend.” He demands, claiming power over students only a couple years younger than him. I’m still surprised no one has thought of hitting him yet. I would’ve done it. Gladly.

I feel my anger mounting for no particular reason as he comes to me while the other students spread to go to their next class.

“You alright love?” He asks softly once were alone in the hallway. _And he dares to ask me if I’m alright?_

It’s too much for me, and I let out all my anger out in my hand. I slap him. Hard. And it feels good to let all my anger out on him. The sting is painful against my palm but I keep a straight face, breathing softly as I bring my hand back down. Realisation hits me. _What did I just do? And why did I do it?_

Harry rubs his jaw slowly, before his glare meets mine. I see his cheeks turning red where my hand collided with his face and suddenly, I’m not so angry anymore. Only deeply troubled. _What did I just do?_

 I almost immediately regret my harsh action. And Harry was gonna make me regret it even more. I know that just by the predatory look in his eyes. _Why did I hit him? Because he deserved it. But why? I was jealous? No._

Out of the blue, I panic. Not knowing how to react properly, I stand on the tip of my toes and hug him.

“I’m sorry, please don’t hit me.” I say softly, really not wanting to be punished right now. Surprised, he stays immobile before returning the hug uncertainly.

 “A simple ‘Thank you Harry’ would’ve had sufficed,” He utters surprised, before returning the hug awkwardly. “Now why’d you hit me?” He enquires huskily, still massaging his jaw. “Because I’m pretty sure I just saved you from her jealousy or whatever that was.” _His anger seems gone suddenly...It can’t be the fact that I initiated the hug can it? A simple loving gesture does the trick? Hmm. Good to know._

“I hit you because I didn’t need your help.” I frown, some of the anger returning. “You guys are always there somehow. I’m capable of solving my problems alone.”

He cocks an eyebrow up in curiosity, his hand dropping from his cheekbones.

“You sure?” He challenges, his body suddenly pressing mine on the wall.

“Yes.” I retort a little overwhelmed. My hands on his shoulders, I try shoving him away but it feels like I’m forcing against a boulder. It’s pointless.

“Still sure?” He chuckles, our breathing mingling.

“Ugh! Yes!” I pout giving him another useless shove. “I’m tired of being pushed around by everybody!” I muster.

“You, my dear, seem to have a little difficulty with yourself defense even when you’re angry...” He remarks smirking. “You’re not even able to get yourself out of situations.” His words sting badly. But they shouldn’t.... _I’m just weak around them...He’s right... I’m so helpless, not matter the situation..._

I roll my eyes, but I’m on the brim of tears. _Why am I so emotional today? Ugh._

“Thank you, Harry, for making me feel worse about myself.” I say voice wavering.

Harry expression changes from teasing to soft rapidly just as Niall makes his appearance at the end of the hall.

“No Soph I didn’t mean―” Pushing Harry away in his drawback, I run into Niall’s arms, tears falling freely down my face. _Why was I so weak indeed?_

The blonde boy engulfs me into a wary hug, taken slightly by surprise by my action.

“Darlin’ are you al’right?” He asks confused.

A door roughly slams behind me and I turn around to notice Harry’s absence.

“Sophie, are you okay?” The Irish boy repeats, caressing my head. “You seem troubled.” He adds, wiping away my tears.

I practically start word vomiting into his shirt.

“I am okay! I’m troubled alright! I guess it’s the fact I’m starting to fully process you guys kidnapped me again which makes me so moody today and it’s giving me horrid headache and I feel I’m gonna explode and―”

He places his finger on my lips, pulling us out of the hug.

“Want me to take you home?” Niall demands softly, cupping my face into his hands. He rubs my cheekbones slowly, expecting an answer. _Why do you have to be freaking irresistible Niall?_

“No. I have to go to class.” I snap, putting a barrier in my feelings. I wasn’t gonna show him my debut of ‘feelings’ for him were my weak point.

“Women are so complicated.” He sighs softly and I roll my eyes, anger mounting slowly once more.

“Then why did you kidnap one huh?”I say, voice elevating. “You could’ve kidnapped a guy so then you’d be able to use your gay―.”

Niall takes me completely off guard and grabs my wrists really hard, pinning them on my sides.

“Sophie. Stop right now. You, of all people, know we’re not gay.” His voice is low, but there’s a faint tint of pain. “Are we at the point where I’ll have to _show_ you?”

I look away, frustrated.

He pushes me against a locker.

“I asked you a question, love. Am I gonna have to show you Sophie?” Niall’s usually sweet voice is sharp and cutting.

“No.” I writhe out of his grasp, not meeting his blue eyes once.

 “Good.” He mumbles.

I walk to my books that lay forgotten on the floor where I was harassed by J RAGE, silently shadowed by Niall.

“Do you want me to walk you to class?” Niall asks timidly. I guess he’s a little embarrassed by his rough behaviour.

“No thanks. I think I’ll manage, it’s only at the end of the hall.” I reply, bending down and picking up my books. “And anyways, I’ve been here for longer than you. I know the directions.” I frown slightly at my accidental pun.

“I’m sorry Sophie... I got a little... Carried away.” He sighs after I’ve gathered all my belongings. My gaze meets his wounded one for mere seconds. I feel guilty letting my snappy attitude on him, over all people. He had been the gentlest after all, even though he keeps listening to Harry...

“Me too Niall. I’ve been feeling so unstable today and I’m sorry I’ve let my frustration out on you, but I have to go.” I answer before leaving him to head to my class, drama. _Hope Mrs. Lively is there today and not Louis._

To my relief, it indeed is Mrs. Lively who’s taking charge of the class and I grab a seat beside Emily just as the bell rings.

“Glad to see you’re right on time Miss Miller,” Says her annoying strident voice. “And today class we shall be doing partner work. Grab a peer and create a sketch that lasts about a minute or two. On you go.” She ends as people start shuffling around to find their partners.

I huff loudly before spinning around to speak to Emily, bringing our desks together.

“Em. I really have to talk to you. ”

“Please, that would be highly appreciated.” She replies. “I’d really like to be informed beforehand of your sleepovers.”

“Sorry! It wasn’t exactly planned!”

“Sophie Miller, use your inside voice.” The snappy teacher demands gruffly from behind her desk.

“Yes Mrs Lively.” I reply rolling my eyes before turning to Emily. “Look,” I whisper to her. “I wasn’t planning a stay with my kidnappers. Harry just came yesterday while you were gone and took me to some countryside house placed in the middle of a field or something... I’m not even sure.”

“Where?” She asks.

“Dunno. I wasn’t even supposed to tell you I lived in a country house. But I really want you to know where I am you know... In case something happens to me and I’m not at school.”

“I’m pretty sure I could find it on the internet... Is it big?”

“Em, it’s a freakin manor!” I cry out before placing my hand over my mouth. _Shit, I yelled._

“Miss Miller! You have detention tonight! I warned you about your volume tone already!” The teacher snaps.

I groan, placing my head in my hands and Emily chuckles a bit.

“You can’t say she didn’t warn you my dear.” She says.

“Come on! You’re supposed to be on my side!” I exclaim.

“Sophie Miller you are having detention for the rest of the week!” Mrs Lively says sternly, standing up. “One more outburst and you’re out of this class!” The whole class turns to look at me and I roll my eyes in exasperation. _Just fucking great._

“Now everybody return to your work!” The teacher finishes, huffing. The students all return to their small talk and writing while I can do is try to pull my hair off my skull.

I sigh. _Fuckin’ great. The boys are gonna kill me._

“But you, yesterday.... Who were you with? Who gave you a lift after all?” I ask Emily curiously.

She very visibly blushed.

“Who? Who was it?” I beg, pulling her sleeve. I really loved gossip, especially when it concerned my friends.

“It was Kyle.” She gives up, making me stop tugging on her clothing.

“Kyle? That dark, blue-eyed guy? God he’s hot right? What did you two do exactly?” I ask, getting excited. Kyle was the captain of the school soccer team. He was a year older than us, but boy was he hot. Lucky Em!

“Well he noticed you weren't there to give me a lift so he offered me one. But then he asked me if I wanted to hang out at the park with him and his friends so I said yes. And then we chatted for the rest of the night until he drove me back at the flat where I only realised you were not there this morning.”

“So he realised I wasn’t there with you? Em, I think he’s stalking you!” I squeal softly. “Oh my gosh! This could be good! Or bad...” I frown, realizing I didn’t know much about the boy. If he was like my captors, he wouldn’t be good news. “You’re gonna be careful right?” I add seriously.

“Of course.” She rolls her eyes but I notice she has a smile on the corner of her lips as we start doing our work.


	13. Monster

When the bell rings, it’s finally lunch. Em and I rapidly head to our regular table, only to find Harry lounging on it. A cocky smirk on his luscious lips. _What? Luscious? Eww. No._

 Reflexively, I lick my own lips, moistening them a bit before crossing my arms over my chest.

“Could you get your ass off this table? We’re supposed to eat there.” I snap. I feel Emily tense beside me which still makes me wonder exactly what Harry did to her this morning...

The green-eyed boy sighs, but surprisingly does as demanded.

“Happy now?” He scowls.

“Peachy.” I reply, sitting down and almost immediately imitated by Emily.

Harry stays there and stares at us in contemplation.

“Can we help you Har― Mr. Styles?” I ask, pulling out my lunch.

He seems to shake out of his unusual trance.

“No. I just wanted to tell you I’ll be waiting for you where I dropped you off right after school.”

“I won’t be there.” I say simply.

“Yes you will.” He replies.

“No, I won’t. I have detention tonight and for the rest of the week. ” I huff.

“Naughty student.... I think I’ll tell Mr. Tomlinson to meet you there. I’d do it myself but I have to have a little chat with Nialler.”

“Seriously?!? Louis?” I whine.

Emily stays silent, watching the intercourse between Harry and I.

“Yup.” He says, pulling out his phone from his pocket. He rapidly types something in and is almost immediately replied. “It’s settled. You’ll be going back home with Louis, and then Liam apparently wants to see you tonight...” He trails on. “So I’ll be stealing this,” He rapidly pecks my cheek, “And I’ll continue my lunch supervising.” He ends leaving.

“Great. Detention with Louis. Of all people.” I exhale noisily in annoyance when he’s far away from us. “Harry’s trying to kill me before the end of the week.”

“You know what... I think Harry likes you more than you give him the credit for.” Emily points out, taking a bite of her food.

I turn to look at her confusedly.

“What?”

“I think that he wants you to like him. That’s why he isn’t the one doing detention. He doesn’t want to be the one that you’re scared of.” She continues.

“The guy kidnapped me Em. He doesn’t care whether or not I like him as long as he can do what he pleases with me.”

“I think he’s been holding back. I mean, he didn’t react that badly when you asked him to ‘get your ass off’ the table.” The brown-eyed girl remarks. “He did agree to let you talk to me this morning, and he lets you talk to me right now. He even lets you go to school. I think he’s been giving you more freedom than he initially planned. Don’t you notice these things?”

What she was saying made some sense.... _He actually gave me a choice when we were in the closet, he reacted like any jealous boy would react when I ran into Niall’s arms earlier this morning, he defends me constantly... Indeed, something’s not common about his reactions._

“He’s Harry. Moody, bipolar, horny, uncontrolled Harry Styles. I don’t know what goes on underneath that mass of curls.” I shrug.

“Well that was just my observations.” She ends, taking a sip of water.

**_∞_ **

The day goes by fast. Really fast. And detention seems to be calling my name eagerly.

I swear I was shaking madly when I did enter the detention room. To my pleasurable surprise, Louis wasn’t there. I gave my name to the teacher sitting at the front giddily but what she said next made me frown.

“Sophie Miller? As for your detention, Mr. Tomlinson specifically requested your help in room 360.”

“But Mrs. Lively said―”

 “He had Mrs. Lively’s permission.” She cuts. _Fuckin’ awesome._

“Okay then.” I mumble, stepping outside the class and making my way to room 360.

I knock twice before entering, my pulse quickening madly.

“Leave your belongings on the floor and close the door,” The British boy demands, sitting on the edge of the desk with a playful smile on his face. Huffing, I do as asked, but I stay near the door.

“Now. Mrs. Lively’s told me you’ve been speaking loudly during class...What am I gonna do about that hmm?”

I stay silent, looking at him while trying to show no emotion.

Louis swings his legs back and forth on the side of the desk, looking at me with his deep blue eyes. He places his hands together.

“Well let’s see. I have two things in mind. First off, speaking loudly means you have a big mouth right? I know what I’ll do about that...”

His trousers visibly tightened.

“And then I’m pretty sure I’ll have the time to show you how to shut up while doing things right?”

I clearly knew what two things he had in mind with these statements. And I was not particularly looking forward to them.

“So... Are we doing this the hard way or the easy way?” Louis questions, getting off the desk. “’Cause I’m perfectly fine with either way.” He continues, advancing predatorily towards me while his eyes cloud with lust.

His hands place themselves on my waist and he spins me around so I’m back to him, facing the door.

“What’s it gonna be love hmm?” He mumbles, nuzzling into my neck while lightly grinding his hips against mine. His soft hair gently tickles the inside of my neck, which results into goose bumps rising upon my skin. “Are you gonna resist to me or not?” He nips the sweet spot in the crook of my neck playfully and brings my body closer to his possessively.

_I should resist... I should do something...This is not good...Maybe let time do its effect? I’ll give it a shot... Maybe Louis’ll show some hidden feelings...._

“Are you gonna be harsh if I don’t fight back?” The words pour out of my mouth before I can fully process them, making Louis pull away from my neck incredulously.

“What?!?”

“I said: If I don’t resist, will you be brutal with me or not?” I repeat softly, my lower lip quivering slightly.

“Lemme remind you that this still **_is_** detention.... But alright.” He says, placing himself back in his initial position where we were very close together. “If you don’t cause me too much trouble, I’ll go soft on you.” He whispers, his cool hands slipping under my blouse to trace slow, sensuous circles on the sensitive skin. “After all, you do have to attend detention for a whole week, who knows what you’ll do with every boy... Do as I say and all will be good, okay love?” Louis ends, turning me back around to face him.

“Hmmm.” I hum unsurely, looking everywhere but in his teal eyes.

“Sophie. Am I clear?” Louis repeats, tilting my chin up to gaze into his eyes.

 _Come on Soph... You can do this... Play the game and it’ll be over soon,_ I reassure myself, exhaling softly.

“Yes Mr. Tomlinson.” I mumble discouraged.

He releases his grip, satisfied.

“Good! So you’ve already understood the principle that I’m your teacher, therefore your superior.”

I can’t help rolling my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest in an exasperated way.

“Cut the sass.” He orders. “Now. Rules are that you aren’t allowed to talk without my permission. You’ve talked too much today already.” He continues, his breathing getting slightly raspier and his trousers clearly tighter.

Louis backs away a little, eyeing me appreciatively. He places a hand under his chin thoughtfully. He smiles suddenly. “Take off an article of clothing,” The blue-eyed boy instructs with a grin.

 _He actually is teasing himself with my body... Weird boy,_ I think as I remove my shoes, tossing them aside. I place myself back into my initial position, hands crossed over my chest.

“Another.” He commands, visibly annoyed that I chose to take my shoes off over any other piece of clothing.

Puffing out softly, I remove the sleeveless cardigan that was over my blouse, putting it on the floor near my shoes.

Nervously, I start rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet as Louis eyes my blouse curiously, cocking his head a tad to the right. Breathing stealthily, he comes closer to me once more. Carefully, he presses his index finger in the hollow of my neck, and starts tracing patterns all around the soft skin of the neck, occasionally bringing two of them closer and closer down the blouse and into my cleavage.

I’m practically shivering, goose bumps all over my skin at the unusual treatment.

Louis unbuttons two buttons of my blouse, exposing my bra, before he realises I’m shaking like a leaf.

“Shhh, love... I’ll warm you up soon enough... Don’t be scared,” He coos affectionately in his rich Doncaster accent. “I’ll be careful... I’ll control myself.”

His arms wrap around me protectively before he leans in for a tender kiss. Yes, tender. Not lustful and dominant. It felt different. A good sense of different.

Hesitantly, I respond to it, not quite sure where all the gentleness is coming from.

Louis takes my lower lip in his playfully, demanding entrance.  I unenthusiastically oblige and he practically thrusts his tongue in, groaning on my mouth. His hands tangle themselves messily in my hair and he rapidly loses control of his lust, his kisses suddenly more demanding.

“Lou-Lou-Louis!” I gasp. “You’re losing it!”

“It’s Mr. Tomlinson for you!” He orders, pushing me onto my knees.

I wince and gasp at the same time, shocked.

He plays with the zipper of his pants before bringing them down. “Now suck.” He rasps huskily, grabbing my hair with one hand and his erection with the other.

I’m too stunned to move yet.

He pulls me closer to his throbbing manhood. “NOW!” He demands, shoving himself deeply in my throat. _It is then that I discovered Louis could be a sex-craving monster at times... It’s like the other side of joyful, immature Louis. And it isn’t pretty._

 

 _Ever since I could remember,_  
 _Everything inside of me,_  
Just wanted to fit in  
I was never one for pretenders,  
Everything I tried to be,  
Just wouldn't settle in  
  
If I told you what I was,  
Would you turn your back on me?  
And if I seem dangerous,  
Would you be scared?  
I get the feeling just because,  
Everything I touch isn't dark enough  
If this problem lies in me  
  
I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,  
I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.  
A monster, a monster,  
I've turned into a monster,  
A monster, a monster,  
And it keeps getting stronger.  
  
Can I clear my conscience,  
If I'm different from the rest,  
Do I have to run and hide?  
I never said that I want this,  
This burden came to me,  
And it's made its home inside  
  
  


 Louis lets out a guttural groan as his cock reaches the far back of my throat. Reflexively, I start gagging, tears springing to my eyes. But Louis gives me no time to calm myself. He roughly starts face-fucking me, forcefully making me bob my head up and down his length.

Shaking, I gaze upwards and our eyes meet. His blue orbs soften a little in realisation, and his movements smoothen, some of the monster in him gone.

“I’m almost done love...” He says in a gentle voice, his movements less harsh, letting me the chance to take some of the control. I feel him close to orgasm and I try to pull away, but it only ends up angering him and he decides to pull my head callously onto his length, keeping it there till I swallowed every last bit.

  
 _If I told you what I was,_  
 _Would you turn your back on me?_  
And if I seem dangerous,  
Would you be scared?  
I get the feeling just because,  
Everything I touch isn't dark enough  
If this problem lies in me  
  
I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,  
I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.  
A monster, a monster,  
I've turned into a monster,  
A monster, a monster,  
And it keeps getting stronger.  
  


 

“There...” He groans, before pulling out. Beads of sweat are pearled in the soft hair over his forehead and he brings his pants back up, not bothering to zip them shut.

I’m about to say something, but he presses his finger on my lips, silencing me.

“Tsk tsk... No talking Sophie.” He reprimands. “Go on the desk.” He adds.

I huff, and stand up a little wobbily before sitting on the edge of the desk.

“Good girl...” He mumbles, placing himself in-between my thighs. His arousal grows once more. _What if he loses control again?_

I have a strange, nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach, making me squirm uncomfortably.

“Are you alright babe? You seem perplexed about something,” He draws out slowly, his thumb pads rubbing my thighs under my skirt.  I stay silent.

“Love?” He questions again. “You can talk to me...”

“I’m confused and frustrated...” I reply, my gaze not meeting his. “And scared you’ll lose control.” I add.

I shiver as a weird sense of déjà-vu clouds my mind.

 

 

[Flashback]

 

**“I’ll go shower with her,” Niall proposed, inching towards me. I shoot him a dirty look and inch closer to Harry.**

**“No.” Harry responds a little too roughly, hugging me to himself. I look at his features, jealousy written all over his face.**

**“I’ll do it mate,” Louis bumps in. Harry hesitates lightly, before handing me over to Louis. The blue-eyed boy grabs my hips softly, hugging my body to his, like Harry had previously done.**

**I see Harry give Niall and Louis a stern look, before heading out with the fat lady. Louis picks me up bridal-style, and leads us to a very antique looking bathroom.**

**As I timidly looked around, Louis deposits me on the countertop, placing himself in-between my thighs. He looks at me straight in the eyes, concerned.**

**“Are you all right sweet cheeks? You seem, deranged, by something.” He says, cutting out his words carefully.**

**Goosebumps appear on my skin as his thumb pads went up and down my thighs, going higher each time.**

**“I’m frustrated.” I let out, feeling like I could confide into Louis more than any other guy.**

**“What kind of frustration? Is it sexual frustration? Because if it is, I’ll gladly help you with that.” He purrs.**

**“No! It’s not that!” I snap back a little harshly. “Sex is definitely not going to brighten my mood right now.”  I breathe out, sighing exasperatingly.**

 

[End of Flashback]

 

“I won’t lose control...” Louis’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

“How can you be sure?”

“Because deep down, over the lust-craving part of me, lay feelings.” He says, hands over his chest poetically. “I’m not always a sex-craving monster ya know?”

 I look at him peculiarly.

“Look... What if we have a safety word? Would it make you feel safer? Like stripes or something.” He proposes, giving up.

“Would you actually stop?” I enquire. “Would you be able to overthrow your lust?”

“I’d do my best, even though I’ve been feeling that the lust has had a certain power over my actions.... But I’d really try my best love...Especially for you.” He trails on, his hands resting in the insides of my thighs.

My breathing becomes slightly uneven, and I feel hormones kicking in at that little action. Unexpectedly, heat pools at the bottom of my stomach and I gasp a little, in shock.

“Let’s just get this last part over with and then I’ll take you home and make you feel cozy and stuff.” He ends. “Shush and all will be perfectly fine...No moaning... Only writhing.”

Louis wastes almost no time at all. Both his hands dig under my skirt, pulling my panties downwards. His fingers ghost my clit. He smiles greedily, some lust tinting his azure eyes.

“See? You’re all wet and ready for me already... This isn’t going to be long.” He tries reassuring me but by the way he licks his lips, I know he won’t have as much control as he said he would.

 _I'm only a man with a candle to guide me,_  
 _I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me._  
A monster, a monster,  
I've turned into a monster,  
A monster, a monster,  
And it keeps getting stronger  
  


I gulp as he carefully slides a finger in me, almost immediately followed by two other. The older boy forces me into a laying position on the desk, my legs dangling from the side. He curls his fingers. I thrash in undeniable pleasure on the table, biting my lip which makes him groan in an animalistic way and shove them in deeper. Satisfied, Louis starts building a constant rhythm, ramming them in and out at a rapid but intriguingly, pleasurable pace.

“You’re ready for me aren’t you? You’re ready for my big juicy cock to tear you apart.” He whispers in my ear. My breath gets caught in my throat, more heat suddenly heading south. The blue-eyed boy removes his dexterous fingers and pulls his straining erection out of his trousers, giving it a few rubs.

“It arouses you when I talk dirty to you, doesn’t it?” He asks, his voice chapped and deep.

My head nods without permission, my body lacking of physical contact.

He places himself over my body, hitching the skirt high before holding himself up with his both arms beside my head. His shaft is placed teasingly over my entrance and he slides only the tip in.

I squirm in discomfort, making a strangled sound.

“Tut tut.” He reprimands, pulling backwards a bit. I writhe and Louis lowers himself so he can whisper in my ear.

“You want it bad huh? The massive cock pulsating inside your tight vagina....Well you know what... I’m feeling nice today so I’m just gonna thrust it deep inside you.” At these words, he shoves his hips forwards, his cock going all the way to the hilt.

I shake my head left and right, overwhelmed.

“Warp your legs around my waist.” Louis orders, panting softly. My body obeys and as soon as I do so, the blue-eyed boy pulls backwards before ramming back in.

“Christ,” He mumbles, going again and again, propelled by lust. A choked grunt slips past his swollen lips and the monster resurfaces, his hips thrusts ruthless. But it wasn’t unpleasant like his face-fucking, just disturbing.

   
 _Can I clear my conscience,_  
 _If I'm different from the rest,_  
Do I have to run and hide?  
I never said that I want this,  
This burden came to me,  
And it's made its home inside

 

“Say my name!” He orders raggedly, his pounding making me shake on the desk. “I want you to yell my name as my big hot dick fills your tight, warm vagina up with cum!” He adds puffing. I come undone, the words he used being the reason.

“Lou-Lou-Lou Mr. Tomlinson!” I yell, my scream echoing in the soundproof classroom. He gasps an unhealthy moan and empties himself inside me, his arms wavering beside my head.  
  
 _If I told you what I was,_  
 _Would you turn your back on me?_  
And if I seem dangerous,  
Would you be scared?  
I get the feeling just because,  
Everything I touch isn't dark enough  
If this problem lies in me

 

We lay immobile one over the other breathlessly; listening to each other’s rapid heartbeats for minutes before Louis hoists himself up, putting his trousers back on.

“Detention is over. Come on, I’ll bring you home.” He sighs, passing his hand in his sweaty hair. I nod, still inundated by everything and sit back up, pulling my underwear back to their rightful place. I lose balance, still wobbly from the treatment and Louis catches me, before hauling me up bridal-style. I can’t help nuzzling into his neck, searching for some kind of reassuring, but he doesn’t give it. Instead, he steps outside the class and heads outside, seating me into his car. I look up at him to find troubled eyes.

“Louis. I need my thin―”  
He cuts me off with a soft, careful kiss. Pulling back, he caresses my face. “Stay here, I’ll go get them.” He says before closing the car door.

Feeling exhausted, I lay back on the leather seats, shutting my eyes. _What the fuck am I doing with these boys?_

 


	14. Wars

The ride to the manor was quiet, apart from the low hum of the car and the occasional tapping of Louis’s fingers on the steering wheel. Once we arrive, he stops the engine and sighs, his head falling backwards tiredly. He turns his face towards mine.

“Do you think you can forget what happened today?” He exhales, turning his head back around to face forwards.

“Why would you want that?” I question quietly.

“I don’t like to be the one known for losing control: It’s not the image I want people to have of me. And having you all to myself, even if it’s only for a couple hours, doesn’t help the case.” He ends, looking everywhere but me.

“What people?”

“The lads, the fans, the press, the paparazzi.... you.” He trails on, before looking back at me.

I’m stunned, speechless.

“That’s part of the reason I act so ‘immature’ everywhere.” He continues, frustration slowly bubbling in his accented voice. “Because if I let my crazy live while I’m young, cracking up jokes, not giving a fuck self side dominate, everyone is happier that way. No one minds being foolish around me, because I’m foolish myself. But then recently, fans have started calling me rude and childish and my crazy side is disappearing, leaving the dark, serious side take control. Why can’t they fuckin’ shut up some times? Let us live our lives as we please? I’ll be a monster if they continue like that? I don’t want that! That’s not the side I want them to see!” He yells, hitting the steering wheel furiously. I see him flinch, mirroring me, at the contact of his hand on the hard leather. Tears of frustration flood his usually joyful cerulean eyes. “Sophie... I don’t want to be seen like this...” He persists, placing his head in his hands. “I don’t know what to do anymore...”

“Maybe you should find a girl to keep you in track. One just like you.” I try.

“I have you, Soph.” He grumbles.

“No Louis. Another girl. One you can’t claim power over like you do with me. One you could go public with.”

“Having a girlfriend would mean that I would have stop fucking you.” He says it like it’s a terrible thing to stop using me as their pleasure toy, as if it’s a huge demand. “I like fucking you. You’re a great fuck.”

_God. Is it so much to ask? A great fuck? Yippee. You boys are driving me crazy. This is insane._

Louis continues, interrupting my state of disbelief: “But if I don’t stop using you for personal pleasure, well you saw how it turned out with Harry two years ago when she learned about you two. When his ex learned about you two’s ‘sex-full’ affiliation, she broke up, obviously. That gave Harry a strong dose of frustration, which sent him into an ‘I want to fuck Sophie so hard’ frenzy.” He sighs. “I don’t wanna do that... I don’t wanna terrorize you like Zayn did. Because I know that won’t have Harry's control if ever I live through a break up and you’re near. I won’t be able to hold back like Harry did because my love for you clearly isn’t as strong as Harry’s.”

I remember the intensity of it all, on that particular day Louis was talking about. Even the lyrics of the song that was playing.

 

[Flashback]

 

**“Ouch Harry!” I complain, lightly pushing against his shoulders to try gaining some kind of control over his harsh actions.**

**“Take it! You deserve it! You dumped me.” he growls back, ramming deeply inside me. I grab his face, forcing him to look into my eyes.**

**“Harry, it’s me. Sophie. I’m not her.” I try, thumbs sliding across his cheekbones. He slowly stops thrusting and I see tears of frustration mixing with the shower water. “I’m sorry.” I say. But he takes it as I’m still his ex girlfriend.**

**“Oh you will be!” Brusquely, he restarts his actions and my lower regions are once again twisted in pain.**

 

**_I wanna fuck you like an animal_ **

****_I wanna feel you from the inside_  
I wanna fuck you like an animal  
My whole existence is flawed  
  


**His pace slows down a little as the song’s lyrics get into his head. He starts losing stamina, and a little pleasure makes way inside me.**

 

 **** _Help me tear down my reason_  
Help me; it's your sex I can smell  
Help me; you make me perfect  
Help me become somebody else

 

**I moan softly and he kisses my nose tenderly, before joining his lips with mine. Knowing he isn’t angry anymore, I respond to the kiss with immense satisfaction of having normal Harry back, and not the anger-driven one.**

**“I like you a lot Sophie you know that?” He mumbles suddenly, hiding in my neck.**

 

[End of Flashback]

 

I shake out of the vivid memory, skin tingling. I rub it off discretely.

“Look Lou, I’m no psychologist, but I think you should find a girl you can take care of properly and spoil a bit, without having Harry on your back. Because he is on your back since my return yeah? He doesn’t want any of you guys to be too nice with me when he’s not around to watch right?”

“Right...” He admits. _Harry, you selfish bastard._

“But Louis deep down, you have feelings. You’re a free spirit that can show emotions when you have to. You said it yourself earlier. Lou, you need to express these feelings to someone, be free with another person other than with the band or me.”

“But who then?” He sighs.

“I don’t know Louis! I didn’t even have the chance to experience proper relationships because of you guys!”

He shoots me a warning glare and I regret yelling immediately. _Moody Louis alert._

“Maybe you should call your mom and talk?” I try again, voice softer. “Or Lottie? She could be a good confidant if you don’t want to say certain things to your mum. I’m sure she’d understand.” I say, attempting to change his sour mood. He doesn’t reply, but I can tell he’s thinking about it. Not knowing what to do anymore, I look around, nonchalantly evaluating the size of the massive manor in front of us. My gaze averts from it as I hear a strangled groan and my eyes suddenly land on Louis’s left hand.

“Louis... Do your fingers hurt? They are throbbing.” I state, taking his hand in mine carefully.

“Must’ve hit my hand too hard on the wheel earlier, no big deal.” He shrugs it off like it’s nothing, but it’s clear that he’s pained.

“Lou... they’re swollen. We should go put some ice on them.” I recommend, my fingers ghosting his injured ones.

“Fine.” He abandons before getting out of the car.  Huffing, I do the same. But before I can do anything else, Louis grabs my left hand with his right one, and drags me along the dirt road leading to the dwelling.

“Lou. I need my stuff. I need my bag if you guys want me to do some schoolwork.” I stop him.

“Go get the damn bag.” He exhales, gently shoving me back in the direction of the car.

He stays perfectly immobile as I head back to his car, grab my bag and get back to him. His head low, he once again takes my left hand in his right one and leads me inside the manor, kicking stones on his way there.

As soon as we set foot inside, there are excited shouts and tumbling of feet. We freeze, ears wide open.

“Ouch Zayn! Guys they’re back! Stop the shooting!” Niall’s Irish voice resonates from somewhere above us. _Shooting? Oh no. They aren’t killing themselves right?_

“Oww! Stop now! Do not mess with Daddy Direction Harry!” I recognise Liam authoritative command. “Ouch Hazz! Zayn! Niall, help me out!”

“Ha-ha you’re such a wuss Liam!” I think its Harry, but it could be Zayn.

“Say that again yeah?”

“Nah maybe later. First one downstairs gets to hug and kiss Sophie!” Definitely Harry.

“Guys, I don’t think that―” Zayn is cut by a chorus of voices.

“Go!”

 _What?_ I blink in confusion while Louis keeps looking at his wounded fingers.

 Seconds later, I’m engulfed into a welcoming Horan hug.

“You alright love?” His sweet Irish voice demands in my ear, before pulling back to look at my face. His eyes linger more than necessary on my lips.

 I notice something in his hair. _What the fuck? Why does he have goggles on his head?_

“I-I-I I’m perfectly fine,” I stutter, a little overwhelmed. “But Louis, on the other hand....” I chuckle lightly at my pun while motioning the older boy’s swollen digits. “I think he is in need of ice.” I finish, my eyes not leaving the safety glasses that sat peacefully in his blonde hair. My eyebrow cocks up in need of an explanation.

He looks upwards, confused.

“Oh yeah these.” He chuckles and pulls them down so they’re resting in his neck. “We had a battle.” He explains vaguely. _What in the world? Could he care to elaborate more?_

Niall clearly doesn’t see my bewildered features as he turns to face Louis.

“What happened to you, mate?”

“I hit a steering wheel alright?” He snaps. It is clear in his disturbed cobalt eyes that he would’ve wanted to join in their ‘battle’ or whatever. _Ha-ha childish Louis is back!_

“Why would you hit a steering wheel?” Niall asks, holding in giggles.

“I’ll tell you over tea yeah? I don’t think it is too much to ask for ice right now.” The older boy exhales, pouting a bit.

“Sure,” He sniggers. “I’ll be seeing you,” Niall adds to me before they both go elsewhere, leaving me alone.

I frown.

_Niall? Leave me alone when Harry isn’t there to― never mind._

I’m practically shocked to see Harry striding joyfully towards me, the same weird goggles as Niall on his head. He picks me up bridal-style, hugging me tightly. _Whoa. Happy much?_

“I won!” he yells to Liam and Zayn who are panting behind him.

“No.” I protest in his arms. “Technically Ni―”

His mouth is suddenly on mine for a soft, tender kiss. His arms wrap tighter around my form, encouraging me to melt into his pleasant kiss. I decide to give in _, only because it is caring_ , which makes him smile on my mouth. He pulls back slowly, his green orbs never leaving mine, keeping my lower lip in between his teeth for a few seconds before backing off completely.

“Was here first.” I finish, a little out of breath. _And I wasn’t even the one doing the running._ “You bastard! You can’t go sweet kissing a person like that by surprise!” I exclaim, punching his torso lightly. _Ouch, my knuckles._

“Hello to you to.” He chuckles, placing me back on my feet. “So you liked the kiss?”

“No.”

“Liar... You said it yourself that I couldn’t go **_sweet kissing_**.” He replies, a proud grin on his face. I poke his cheek.

“I didn’t say that! I meant mouth raping.”

He pokes my cheek back.

“No, you said sweet kissing.” He sing-songs. I poke him again.

“Where’s Lou?” Zayn interrupts Harry’s and I’s little quarrel. The curly haired boy places his arms around my waist, hugging me to himself.

“He went to get ice with Niall.” I respond, shrugging Harry off.

“So Niall _was_ the first one down.” Harry sighs. He nuzzles in my neck a little, his curls tickling me. “Did he kiss you?” He questions huskily in my ear.

“Oh god. Louis went to get ice? What did The Tommo do this time?” Liam asks groaning, joining our little trio in the entrance.

“No Harry, Niall only hugged me. And Liam, Louis hit a steering wheel.”

“Why would he do that?” Zayn enquires, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Out of anger. Look, Louis is unstable these days... I can’t be the only one that noticed. I think you guys should go talk to him. And have another round of whatever you were playing before I arrived. He seemed to want to join.”

“A Nerf war?” Harry questions. _So that’s what they’ve been playing. Thank god._

 “Yeah that. Where can you even have a Nerf war?” I ask incredulously.

“We have a special room for that.” Liam answers like it’s obvious.

“Sorry. I never had the time to visit the whole mansion yet.” I retort.

“What mansion?” Zayn questions, looking around.

“She means the house.” Harry explains, chuckling. “Sophie, you’ll have the chance to visit when you deserve it.”

I roll my eyes.

“I don’t want to visit it; I want to prevent myself from getting lost in it.” I reply.

“You won’t get lost: You’ll always have one of us with you anyways.” Harry shrugs.

“I’m hungry!” We hear Niall yell from somewhere to the right.

“So I guess that means I’ll go make supper, and I’ll leave you with Liam yeah?” Harry ends, giving me to Liam. “You two had something to do?”

“Yes. She owes me something.” Liam answers, taking my hand in his. _Crap I forgot about that._ “We’ll be done before supper.” He says before taking me through one or two hallways and up a staircase. He pushes me through a door. _His room._


	15. Vibrations

“Go on the bed.” He instructs, closing the door.

I sit carefully on his well-made bed, tucking my skirt under me. I don’t quite know what he wants to do. Liam is double sided, much like Louis. Sometimes I get his nice side and others his horny one. I just hope I can get his nice one.

“Louis didn’t help you with your self-pleasuring during detention right?” The brown-eyed boy demands. _No...._

I’m about to say yes, but then I think: _If he already knows the real answer and he realises that I lied, I think the consequences might be worst._

Mournfully, I shake my head no.

“Well then that’s what we’ll be doing.”

“Please Liam... No.”

“Aww don’t be sad love. It’s for your personal benefit anyways. And a little of mine because I think I’ll be enjoying seeing you squirm the whole evening.” He smirks. “So I’ll be enjoying without doing the hurting. But technically it isn’t supposed to hurt at the first two stages....”

_What?_

Liam turns around and rummages through his closet, pulling out a large black box.

I’m scared to see what he’ll fish out of that because it certainly doesn’t seem like he’ll pull out unicorns shitting butterflies.

Liam takes out a familiar object, and places the box back to its initial place. He turns back around to face me, holding the object up. _A butt-plug._

It’s only then I realise I’m shaking like a leaf.

“Please Liam.” I beg, not wanting to have one of these inside me once more. “Not that.”

“But you owe me remember? This morning we could’ve had sex, but I decided to let you pass without a fuss. But having this inside you,” He says, twirling it around his fingers, “Will pay your debt. Now turn around.” He instructs.

“Li please I really don’t―”

“You don’t always get to have your way Soph. We are the ones in charge, not you.” Liam ends, pushing me on my stomach on his bed. “Consider yourself lucky I didn’t make you have it during school.” He says, lifting my skirt up and bringing my panties down, exposing my ass.

“Liam please!” I plead, trying to get the nice part of him.

I squirm and he slaps my butt with his free hand. “Stop trying to make your way out of this.” He seethes, before pushing the object past the tight ring of muscles. I stiffen and he slaps me again. “Relax.”

“God Liam....” I groan, shutting my eyes as he pushes it deeper and deeper. “Li...Am.... Please....” I gasp as it fills me up painfully, stirring up new sensations. “Unhh.” I grunt, digging my face into his sheets.

“Here. All done.” Liam finishes, bringing my panties back up and lowering my skirt to cover the bump that surely poked out of my underwear.

“Massive thank you, yay.....” I whimper, quoting them in one of their videos but I don’t remember which one, it’s been too long. Brusquely, the object inside me hums to life, starting vibrations.

“Liam!” I scream, clutching the sheets tightly in between my fingers, body writhing to make the vibrations stop. I curl into a ball, shaking madly, while whimpers poured out of my lips. The pleasure felt too delightful to be pleasing. It hurt. I felt on the point of climaxing, but the vibrations just weren’t enough for me to reach it. “Liam stop! Pl-Pl-please! Liam!” I gasp, the intensity of the pleasure eliciting tears.

“Since you asked so nicely.” Liam says, stopping the pulsations.

Out of breath, I turn around to face him. In his hands was placed a small remote with 3 buttons.

“I guess you realised that that little toy does more than last time. You see, what you just experienced was the smallest level of vibration. Let’s behave and not get to the third one yeah?” He smirks. “And behaving means no cheeky comments and no bitchy attitude got it?”

I nod rapidly, my breath ragged.

“The boys and I are the only ones allowed to take it out of you got it?”

I nod.

“Supper time!” A voice yells from downstairs.

Liam smiles and places the remote in his trouser pocket.

“Directives are, you can’t tell Harry or Niall about that little plaything inside you. Only Lou, Zayn and I will know about it.”

“And why you three?” I say, still panting a little.

“Because I wanna see the other two’s reactions to all you’re moaning.” He responds.

“What if I don’t moan? Because I’m certainly not planning to.” I snap.

“Louis, Zayn and I are gonna make sure you do. And that comment was on the verge of being bitchy. Cut. Out. The. Attitude.” Liam instructs. “Now come on, let’s go eat.” He says, taking my hand and helping me stand up. He pushes me forwards and out of his room. I feel _it_ resting inside me, rubbing my inside walls at every step, which makes it hard for me to walk properly. We’re only past his doorframe that he stops me.

“Sophie. This just won’t do. They’re going to notice something’s not right. Walk normally.”

“I can’t Liam.” I say.

“Aww c’mon love... I’m pretty sure you can. At least, try.” _And_ _there he goes, being sweet._

Taking a deep breath, I try my best to walk like a normal person would, slowly getting used to the inner abuse the sex toy was providing. I gasp a little as I walk down the stairs, closely shadowed by Liam’s tall form. Once were finally at the bottom, Liam grabs my hand.

“See. It wasn’t that bad was it?”

I look down at the floor.

He doesn’t wait for an answer and he pulls me to where I guessed was the dining room. That place was gorgeous I tell you.  Maybe a little too elegant for my taste, but the fact that it was placed in front of a window giving on the exterior was brilliant.

Niall and Louis were already seated, the latter sitting back to the window, having a pack of ice on his injured hand.

“Go sit beside Niall.” Liam instructs softly in my ear. I nod, and do as told, careful to keep my walking straight and steady.

“Hiya love.” Niall says, smiling as I sit beside him slowly.

“Hey.” I mumble back, avoiding his gaze.

At that moment, Harry and Zayn stroll in, bringing in various things. Salads and veggies, juice and water, the side foods.

“Are you alright, love?” Niall questions not even touching the food. Harry leaves and Zayn takes a seat on Louis side of the table.

“Peachy.” I reply, my eyes locked on Liam as he takes a seat in front of me, in between Louis and Zayn.

We hear a clashing sound in the kitchen, making us all jolt in surprise.

“I’ll go see.” Niall sighs, getting up.

As soon as he’s out of hearing range, Liam starts talking really fast to both boys.

“Sophie has _the_ special object inside her lads... We’ll pass around the remote during supper and see how she reacts to everything yeah?”

Louis smiles and nods his head excitedly and Zayn only nods, not really seeming into the plan that much. _What changed him over the two years?_

I don’t have the time to dwell much on it as Harry and Niall both come back with the main plate, Niall chuckling a bit. Harry gives the blonde boy a playful one-handed shove before placing a steaming Shepherd’s pie in the middle of the table.

“Dig in.” Is all he says, before taking the other seat beside me. The boys start attacking the food, while all I can do is feel nauseous at the thought of what the boys could do to me tonight.


	16. Tortuous Pleasure

Niall starts stuffing his face with everything he can grab while the others are trying to take a hold on some food before it’s gone. I barely have time to blink that there’s no more left on the table.

“You’re not hungry Soph?” Niall asks, surprised.

“Yes, but―”

It’s at that moment Liam decides it’s funny to start the vibrator. I bite my lip hard, hands gripping the seat tightly as I try not to moan at the irregular treatment.

“But what Soph?” Niall ask, confused I stopped in mid-phrase. I feel Harry and the other boys watching me intently, waiting for an answer. Louis and Liam were clearly holding sniggers, and Niall and Harry seemed unsure of what was going on, while Zayn watched the scene silently, chewing on his food slowly as he looks at me knowingly from under his lashes.

I shake my head no rapidly, on the verge of tears from retaining my moans. I shut my eyes tightly. _Stop the fucking vibrator Liam...._

“Soph...?” Niall’s Irish voice questions, laced with uncertainty and anxiety.

 “Are you crying?” Harry asks, incredulous, concern etched in his features.

“No, dipshit, I’m sweating from the eyes.” I manage to reply sarcastically as Niall rubs my back uncertainly, as if he didn’t believe I was actually crying.

A foot roughly kicks the bottom of my seat, making a loud whimper pour out of me.

Harry and Niall frown, and Louis and Liam do the same, pretending to be as confused as the two others. _I can’t believe Harry let my insult pass as unnoticed..._

“What’s wrong with her?” Louis demands, acting innocent. I feel his foot giving mine a playful shove under the table. _So he’s the one that kicked my chair!_

I let out a low growl.

“Sophie.... Are you feeling well?” Liam enquires, playing along.

“Zayn?” Harry questions the darker boy, voice hard.

“I seriously have nothing to do with her whimpering.” Zayn shrugs, taking another bite of Shepherd’s pie.

“Do you know what is then?” Harry urges.

_Yes please Zayn please...Denounce the other two bozos..._

“No idea. Maybe because you’re the one that _arouses_ her right now.” Zayn proposes so innocently. I hear Harry exhale beside me.

Suddenly, Liam stops the vibrator. _Thank god_. I shoot him a glare but he waves it off subtly. I kick his tibia under the table and he flinches, sending me a warning glare.

My stomach growls in famine.

“Are you hungry?” Niall sighs, exhausted.

“Yes!” I gasp out.

“So why won’t you eat Soph? You aren’t having an eating disorder right?” Niall asks with a mask of horror on his face.

“Noooo!” I groan, reluctantly. “I didn’t even have the time to grab some food. It was gone before I had fully processed Harry said we could serve ourselves.” I word vomit before I get the chance to moan again.

Niall sighs in relief, and gives me some of his under the watchful silence of everyone.

“Thank you.” I mumble, before planting my fork in and taking a bite.

The boys start making small talk and I squirm nervously every time one of their gazes land on me.

Then suddenly, out of the blue, I hear my phone’s clear ringtone. They all freeze in surprise, all but Harry who pats around in his pants, huffing in disbelief. Keeping my precious phone in his chinos, he presses a button and gets back to eating.

“You took my phone?” I seethe, placing my fork down carefully. _NO one touches my phone. I’m so stupid not to have realised he had it earlier._

“Yup. You can’t be trusted remember?” Harry replies simply, flashing me a dimpled smile. My phone rings again.

“Can you give it back...? Please?” I beg.

“No.”

It rings once more and he huffs, pulling my beloved object out of his trousers.

“That girl, your cousin I think, doesn’t stop texting you, asking if you’re alright. She doesn’t even stop when I text back a yes.”

_Ashley!_

“We developed a special texting code since the time I’ve been kidnapped two years ago. So Harry, unless you let me reply, she won’t stop.”

“Are you threatening me, babe?” Harry cocks his head to the side, as if daring me to say yes. He pushes my phone back into his pockets. _Nooo..._

The vibrator starts up again, and this time I’m sure it’s Louis’s doing. The older boy has a smirk plastered on his face as one of his hands is placed under the table and the other is resting underneath the icepack.

“Are. You. Menacing. Me. Sophie?” Harry repeats, wanting an immediate answer. I turn my head away, shutting my eyes, tears coming back. Niall places his hand on my lower back, rubbing softly.

“Nooooooo....” I groan giving up. I put my head down in shame at the sound that came out of my lips, my breathing ragged as I try regaining control over it.

“What _is_ wrong with you?” I feel Harry tense up beside me. He looks around, confusion clear in his eyes.

_I have to tell him... I have to tell him Louis and Liam are doing this...._

I didn’t have to. He seems to have it figured out, his eyes slit in realisation. _Wrong reaction here....Feelings are showing..._

“Liam!” He exclaims angrily standing up. Utensils clink on the table and I kept my head down, biting my lip harder and harder as the pulsations inside me amplify. _Louis increased the level....Bastard._

“What mate?” The brown-eyed boy responds, taking a careful sip of tea.

I let out another low moan, and Niall stiffens beside me, comprehension also slowly dawning on him. Tears fall down my cheeks. _Gosh I never wanna find out what the third stage is._

“You put it in her didn’t you?!?” Harry fumes.

“Yes he did.” Zayn answers as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“And you knew about it? You said you didn’t know!”

“I didn’t want to be part of this little fight, which evidently was inevitable.” Zayn retorts coolly.

“Liam! Why did you use it now? She behaved today as far as I know!” Harry reflects his anger back on Liam.

“Just for a little fun mate―” Liam says defensively.

“Fun? Liam she’s crying!” Harry bursts. I can’t help scowling a little. _You made me cry to you know Harry? But you didn’t give a shit because it was during those many nights after my escape...When you guys kept texting me threats...When I cried myself to sleep..._

“Louis could you stop _it_ pleeeeaaase.” I whimper abruptly, not being able to live through that much torture much longer.

He nods, giving me a sly smile, followed by a half-apologetic one when Harry glared.

I exhale, my breathing unequal and tattered as soon as the vibrations stop. _I why can’t I fucking fall down my peak and get over with it?!?_

“Well maybe this wasn’t fun for her, but I must admit that this supper was quite entertaining...” Louis pipes up. Harry crosses his arms over his chest and I squirm.

“She was supposed to like it, it was her self-pleasuring....” Liam mumbles, taking another sip of tea. _The sex toy inside me was seriously bugging me, as it rested perfectly immobile._

I writhe on the chair a little, trying to get it to make me fall down from my high.

“Well she clearly wasn’t!” Niall flares, entering the argument.

“She owed me something nevertheless.” Liam retorts. “Nothing restricted me from doing this.”

“Why did she owe you anyways?” Harry questions.

I’m half listening as I can’t help twisting and turning on my seat, trying to get some kind of friction, tears all gone.

“This morning, I let her pass through my room without doing anything.” The brown-eyed boy answers.

Harry exhales loudly, not knowing what to reply.

Louis undoubtly notices my state of distress, and he decides to kick the bottom of my chair once more, making the toy move forwards.

I moan loudly.

“Could you stop using it on her right now?” Harry inhales.

“We’re not doing anything.  It’s all of her doing.” Louis raises his hands in surrender and Liam nods, Zayn approving also.

“Then why are you writhing like that Soph?” Niall asks softly.

“I... Just... I can’t reach.....” I stammer, trying to explain.

Liam answers for me.

“That’s because she’s constantly on the brink of climaxing.... She just needs a little stimulation and she’ll have one of the best orgasms of her life.” He shrugs. “Now the question is, who’ll give it to her?” Liam says, leaning backwards in a relaxed position. _He was right. I needed to reach the peak of that orgasm bubbling inside me, or I wouldn’t be able to sleep._

Both Niall and Harry’s heads turn almost eagerly in my way. I think I even saw a look of hunger in Louis baby blues as he also turned his head at the statement. I gulp. _Liam knew this was gonna happen. That Niall and Harry would desperately want to give it to me. That’s why he didn’t want them to know._

“Look... I-I-I think I’m gonna g-go take a cold shower and hope t-to wash it offfff.” I say, voice unsteady as I stand up to leave.

“NO!” The five voices chorus.


	17. Under A Spell

I back up carefully, wanting to get out and away from their hormonal selves.

Harry stands up, walks to me and lightly, _yes lightly,_ grabs my arm and holds me in place. I fidget nervously, feeling the effect his touch has on my body right away... A strong dose of arousal.

“No fucking way you are washing this off.” Louis continues. “One does not simply wash an orgasm off!” He adds, almost insulted. _Sass master is here I see._ “One of us’ll make you climax. Hard.” He adds, a determined look on his face.

“Well it’s cer-r-r-rtainly not g-g-gonna be you... Sw-w-wollen fingers remember.” I mumble, looking at the fingers that rested underneath the ice pack.

“Precisely. Swollen equals bigger.” Louis retorts, smirking cockily.

I can’t help moaning at the thoughts he just put in my mind, the sex toy inside me not helping the cause. _I have to stop thinking about what they can do to me... I’m dirty minded whore. I deserve to be punished, see the blood trickle down my wrists once more...No! I can’t..._

I keep throwing punches to myself in my mind, these who come out as whimpers out of my mouth.

“See? The thought alone is arousing you.” Louis pulls me out of my morbid trance with his cheeky comment.

“No. That _thing_ inside me is.” I reply dryly while I reluctantly lean on Harry for support, suddenly having difficulty standing up alone. Harry’s hand silently snakes around my waist protectively, holding me to him. I faintly see Niall stiffening.

“Are you sure babe? I thin―”

“Shut up... Both of you. Now. Who’ll do it?” Zayn enquires breaking Louis’s and I’s argument. He leans back on his chair with two arms behind his head. “And where?” He adds.

“Her room.” Liam says it like it’s obvious. “That way, the others can watch if they want.”

They all nod slowly, in agreement.

“Don’t m-m-mmind what I want...It’s not l-l-like I’m—mmm in the room or-r-rr something.” I manage to grumble out, a little frustrated they were making all of this about them. And that my problem wasn’t closer to being solved.

“Who wants to do it?” Zayn enquires again. They all raise their hands. _Really? You are raising your hands?!?_

“No...” Harry backs away from me a little, walking in circles in front of all of us. His hands are buried in his curls, his eyes closed tight as if in deep reflection. “We should let Niall do it.” Harry gives up, sighing as he ruffles his curls. _What?!?I’m hearing wrong..._

“What?!?” The four other voices question in unison, equally incredulous and surprised.

“The whole point of this, as I can comprehend from Liam’s earlier explanation, is her self-pleasuring. And I think the one that can make this the most _pleasurable_ , is Niall.” Harry’s clearly pained as he speaks. He rubs his neck warily, looking down at the floor.

I, on the other hand, am now expecting to see flying donkeys over our heads, as I can’t believe Harry, of all the people in this room, would say this.

“I’m dr-r-reaming r-r-r-right? You did n-n-not just say that?” I stammer incredulously, trying not to scoff.

“Don’t add to it alright?” Harry retorts brusquely. “Because if you start making fun of me, mocking or something similar to that, than yes, it will be a dream and I’ll make sure to have you all to myself.” He warns, rapidly getting caught up in his emotions. “I just thought that maybe for the one time that you actually have to want one of us to help you, you’d want Niall because he’s all lovey-dovey, _sweet_ and stuff,” His voice was becoming bitter as he kept adding to Niall’s qualities and ability to affect me positively. The room was perfectly silent apart from Harry’s husky word-vomiting.

The urge to shut him up was strong as his rambling continued on and on without any interruption. It was almost a wonder how much stamina he actually had. He had tears of frustration in his eyes and he kept going in circles, pulling his curls.

“... Plus, you’ve become closer to Louis too and Zayn is certainly less aggressive and all and Liam is slowly being converted to being less harsh when he’s around you. And it’s certain you wouldn’t want me to pleasure you because you hate me more than all of the lads and―”

 _That’s it._ I grab him and cut him off with a kiss, surprising everyone in the room including myself.

“I d-d-don’t hate you dumbass.” I say, pushing him backwards a little while staring at him intently, hands on my hips. “I don’t h-hate any of you by the way. I just hate the way all of you assholes treat me.” I spew boldly, spinning around to face all of them before looking back into Harry’s jade orbs. _Yeah the dumbass and asshole parts were only to be sure I wasn’t too sweet with them._

Harry was gawking, speechless, fists clenching and unclenching.

 _Maybe I went too far with the comment?_ I shudder at the thought of what this could result into.

But then, just like that, Harry storms out of the dining room muttering angrily.

It was then I realised the deathly silence that was hanging in the room.

“Wha-wha-what?” I stutter, puzzled.

“You kissed him.” Niall states, a broken look deep into his baby blues. I feel a strong pang of guilt when I see how dejected he seems, but I decide to push it away. _I’ll take care of the guilt later._

“I kis-s-ssed everyone here already. Wh-why make a fuss of that on-nnn-ne?” I manage to say, groaning the word ‘one’. _Wow. I really need to take that thing out of me right now...Control yourself... No desire nothing..._ I successfully handle to calm my breathing down, diminishing my arousal a notch or two.

“You, babe, kissed Harry out of your own free will.” Zayn declares.

“And?” I shrug. _Don’t shrug idiot. This was wrong!_

“You never kissed someone freely apart from our fucking sessions where we make you feel so good you just had to give in.” Louis continues. _Of course, count on Louis to say this._

“That’s not true....” I mumble digging memories in my head to prove them wrong. _Maybe Padgett has proof? I can’t think straight right now..._

“Look, let’s take care of you alright.” Niall says, ending my thinking as he grabs my arm.

“Well I’m going in my room to watch the show.” Liam announces, standing up. “Are you coming Lou? Zayn?”

“Yea sure,” The latter replies. Louis though:

“Nah I think I’ll stay here... The urge to wank might become too strong and I only have one hand to do so... And there’s no way I’m taking a cold shower. So nope.”

I roll my eyes. “You could always ask Harry to do it for you, if you wanna watch that badly.” I mumble under my breath, chuckling a little. Niall obviously heard me as his grip stiffens on my arm and he gives me a warning glare. Saying nothing, he starts dragging me along. I can’t help walking sluggishly, and it slows him down. Clearly irritated, Niall picks me up bridal-style and carries me to my room, passing through his own.

“Why do you keep making things difficult for yourself?” The blonde boy sighs, placing me on my bed softly. He doesn’t let me answer as he places himself so he’s hovering over my body. “I heard your little comment, about the Larry action... Leave the part about us being gay alone.” Niall exhales, his gaze penetrating into mine. “Understood?” He grinds his hips into mine a little, heightening the arousal that I had managed to cover.

I nod frantically.

“Now moan.” He thrusts his hips into mine once more and I feel him hardening in the tight material of his trousers. _No no no..._ He shoves his hips against mine again.

My eyes roll to the back of my head a bit, and I start twisting and turning, not wanting to moan. _You shouldn’t... Don’t... So bad...He has to take it out and I’ll go down the orgasm....Yes..._ “Please....Take the thing out.” I gasp, my hands reaching to clasp his shirt tightly into my fingers.

He pries them of, holding himself up with one hand.

“Sophie... Remember who’s in control? All I ask you right now is to feel. Don’t think.”

I bite my lip hard, drawing blood.

“Please Niall...” I beg.

He laughs, his finger trailing along my cheeks, and descending to the hollow of my neck. “You are so cute when you decide to beg...”

I flush red. _What?_

“Is it what you really want right now? Me to take it out of you?” Niall questions, playing with the collar of my blouse.

“Yes....” I groan, not being able to take it anymore as he grinds his hips harshly against mine.

“Then turn around.” He sighs.

I hurriedly do as demanded and find myself rewarded with the gracious removal of the plug. But I was still hanging on the edge of climax.

“Got all you need now love?” Niall mocks spinning me back around to face him. Somehow he knew, I was still on the verge of reaching my peak, and he was laughing about since he was the only one that could help me right now.

“No...” I puff. “And you know that I’m still on the verge of climax...”

“I wanna hear you beg for it... I like hearing you beg....” Niall purrs, slowly unbuttoning the top of my blouse.

I shake my head no.

“Please....” He pouts, his cold finger slowly going down my cleavage, creating goose bumps. “I want you to...” He continues, his other hand ghosting the inside of my thigh lightly from under my skirt. “Beg for me...”

_Don’t react, don’t react, don’t react._

Niall bends down closer. “Don’t think... Just feel.” He murmurs, nuzzling into my neck as his hand massaged my thighs sensuously. “Shut your mind and open your sense of touch...” He hums on my skin, nibbling on my earlobe.

I feel his words sinking inside me, and my body relaxes gradually, letting the sense of touch overpower everything. It’s almost like I’m under his spell.

“Now beg.” Niall’s voice is soft, just as soft as the caressing of his hands on the insides of my thighs, nearing my aching center every now and then.

“Please... Niall... I need you to help me... Now... Please.” I groan, my hips giving little thrusts when his digits got closer to where I needed him the most right now.

He chuckles in the inside of my neck, his hot breath tickling me.

“More...” He urges gently, his hands leisurely bringing my panties low enough for him to fit his hand between them and my throbbing crotch. “You need to really want it darling.”

Words pour out by themselves, the desire to be in bliss overriding every contradictory thought I could’ve had.

“I want it Niall! Please! Some teasing me! Just do something!” I plead, writhing under him, trying to get any form of pleasure.

“That’s what I’m gonna do.” He coos, looking straight at me. Suddenly, as his digit makes contact with my lower regions, he groans, shutting his eyes tightly. “Girl you’re sooo wet. How in the world did you hold off your orgasm?” He spews, his fingers playing lightly with my clit while I laid there, drowned in delight. “Here. You did well.” He finishes, shoving in two fingers into my tightness. It was all it took me. That little push to fall over the edge.

“Nialllll.” I moan intensely, shaking and clasping Niall’s shirt between my fingers as I see stars. I savour the feel of genuine pleasure, my release finally coating his fingers. I’m panting madly, the world being rainbows and all in my mind for a few minutes. I had to admit, this had been the best orgasm ever.

“So. How was it?” The blonde boys, removing his fingers and licking them off.

“Best thing ever.” I breathe heavily.

Something vibrates near my center, but it turns out to be Niall’s phone. He smirks and looks at it. His smile drops a little.

“As much as I like seeing you under me and all... I think you need to go see Harry.”

Out of the blue, reality hit me like a brick. I let Niall make me weak again. I let him control my thoughts...Only to have him take me back to Harry. It always ends up to _Harry._

 

[Flashback]

 

**“Niall…. More…. Please”**

**My desires are rapidly fulfilled as he, to my great surprise, thrusts in me. I was astounded, to a point where the pain was dull and absent. I sighed in pleasure as Niall rested inside me motionless, kissing me and whispering tender words in my ear.**

**“I’m ready Niall,” I said as the pleasure took over like a wave. His thrusts were slow and passionate, putting everything he could into each of them. My high was already close, due to the lone pleasure his lovemaking caused. My little leprechaun kissed me, and I orgasm hard, grabbing onto him like he was a lifejacket holding me above sea-level. His movements got sloppier, and he kissed me again before releasing with a grunt inside me.**

**He held me against him for a few seconds, before pulling his cock out.**

**“So… Did I break my promise?” He asks, panting.**

**“No….”**

**He smiles genuinely, and got off the cum covered couch. There was a feeling of well being-inside me and I couldn’t help smiling back to him.**

**He got dressed and helped clothing me like Harry did, though I was fully awake this time. I look back at the couch.**

**“Isn’t the management going to say something about this?” I giggled slightly, feeling tipsy.**

**“They won’t give a damn.” He shrugs, before giving me a quick peck on the lips and pulling me outside of his “room”. He walks down the silent corridor, before taking the door where the stairs.**

**“Where are we going?” I ask, worried.**

**“I have to bring you back to Harry.” He says reluctantly.**

**“But you said….”**

**“I don’t care what I said. I have to give you back to Harry, and keep the band a band. If I don’t, the guys are all going to be cross at me and then One Direction will probably split. It can’t be a girl’s fault that a boy band is torn apart.” He spits back harshly.**

**I feel like I had been slapped, and all the building kindness I had had for Niall disappeared. I want to run away from him, but he reads me like a book and grabs me before I fully turned around.**

 

[End of Flashback]

 

“Niall. Get out.” I say, tears forming into my eyes.


	18. Sharp

“Su-su-sure... But why do you say it so harshly? After what I just gave you...” Niall stammers, hurt in his blue eyes as I push him roughly off me.

“You mean you can’t see the repeating pattern?” I seethe, sitting straight, buttoning up my blouse.

He gives me a confused look and I face him, shaking.

 “After everything we do together... The slow, soft, friendly stuff, you always have to break the peaceful atmosphere and take me back to Harry!” I sulk, rearranging my clothes properly and getting up and off the bed.

Comprehension and remembrance lights up in his face. He grabs my arm, forcing me to stay still in front of him.

“We’ll I’m sorry! Things just turn out that way! I can’t do anything! As far as I know, I’m also mostly there afterwards! I had your back lots of times; drying your tears and reassuring you after Harry or the others had done harsh things! Or have I not?!” His voice had mounted a few decibels, as he too became angry. “Why are you always dropping things on me like that? It’s because I’m the good guy? Is it because I’m all nice and sweet most of the times that when I have a sudden change of behaviour, I become a little more like Harry, you abruptly hate me?” He takes my hands in his, eyes calmer. “Why?”

I pull my hand away and frustration bubbles back up.

“So every time I step out of line I’m suddenly loathed?” He exclaims, raising his hands up, only to have them dig into his hair in desperation. “Am I not allowed to be mean anymore, make a mistake, because you’re used to me being nice all the time?!?”

“Niall I―”

“You’re treating me worse than how you treat Harry, even though my slipups are rarer than his! That’s not fair!” He trails on angrily, making big gestures with his arms. “Maybe I should become more like him! So maybe then you’d be a little more forgiving when I do something I’m not supposed to do!”

“Ni―”

“You forgive him so easily Soph! You even kissed him today! Even after all he’s put you through! But when I’m the one that fucking steps out of line, I get shot down by your anger!” Niall’s voice drops to a whisper once more. “I’m the one that picks up and repairs as best as I can Harry’s broken vases, only to have them slammed back down on my head harshly. Why?” He questions, accent hushed as he’s scared he’d miss my answer.

“I’m so-so-sorry Niall, but―” I stammer, before Niall intonation elevates once more.

“Don’t apologize! You have your own repeating pattern too you know? You’re no better than me! You start apologizing for your mood swings, and then you’re angry again when my sentiments start getting in the way! I should be a little more like Harry, because at least then I wouldn’t have to continually keep my actions and emotions in check, and I’d still be loved by you!”

“I don’t love Harry!” I sob, shaking at the harshness of all he just said. The worst part was that it was true. _I’m such a horrible person..._ I think, gazing at the twins who were returning my saddened look in the mirrors all around us. _They see all... Yet they do nothing? Maybe they can’t hear?_

“You don’t love him? You kissed him! Willingly!” Niall retorts angrily, making me look back at the blonde. “What’s that if it isn’t a sign of love?!?”

“You guys kiss me all the time!” I protest, seeing blurry because of the tears accumulating in my eyes. _Such an_ _awful person..._

“EXACTLY! CAN’T YOU PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER?”

I’m shaking frantically, thoughts being a jumbled mess in my head as I try not to crumble to the ground. The weight of his words was practically pushing me to the ground. _It was only a kiss... It didn’t mean THAT much to them didn’t it? Oh no..._

“Soph?” Niall enquires gently, cautiously. “Oh gosh I’m so sorry Soph I...” I lose the rest of his words.

 _I can’t I can’t... But I have to..._ My eyes divert to Niall’s open room door.

“Sophie...?”As Niall starts going for my arm, I push him away and make a run for it. _I have to breathe... Alone._

“Sophie!”

I can’t look behind me, engulfing into his room and out. I hear four other doors open brusquely. I panic, running down a hallway, then another. Their hurried steps come closer. I can hear their shouts as I struggle to find my way in the mansion.

“Sophie please!”

“Soph!”

“Sophie Miller get back here!”

 Their shouts get clearer. I do a sudden left turn and open a door, enter and lock it behind me. My breathing is ragged and uncontrolled as I slide down the door’s hard surface, crying with my hands in my hands. _I’m such a terrible person...._

Seconds later, there are harsh knocks on the door behind me.

“Soph, open up please!” Louis demands. There’s a faint jingling of keys and the rattling of the doorknob. “Lads there is no key for this door!”

“You’re fingers are swollen, you can’t do the searching job right.” Harry bites back.

“Hey!” Louis replies. “I’m hurt.”

“You’ll get over it.”

There’s more jingling.

“Aww c’mon! There _is_ no key!”

“See! I was right!”

“Louis, not right now please! Niall, what the fuck were you two arguing about? What put her in this state?!?”

“You!” The Irish lad responds hatefully. “You’re the one that always puts her in that saddened state!” I hear a shove.

“Boys.” Liam warns bringing them back to order. “Stop it. You’re brothers. Band mates.” _They are band mates... Brothers... I did this to them again..._ A fresh round of tears start.

I could hear their arguing on the other side of the door as I leaned my head backwards in exasperation, eyes closed, face tear stained. The action makes a small thud.

“She’s leaning against the door?”

“Yes! Probably crying!” Niall utters.

“Why would she choose the bathroom, of all the places, to go cry?”

“She chose the first door she could see, she doesn’t know her way around here!” Harry’s husky voice replies gruffly. The doorknob rattles, and then a fist pounds on the door.

“Soph open up! Please! We just wanna talk!”

_I’m in the bathroom?_

It’s the only phrase I can process. I open my eyes and confirm what Zayn just said. I _am_ in the bathroom. The white, pure, luxurious bathroom. _Bathrooms are filled with weird stuff..._

“What did you do to her Niall?”

“All I had to! That is until you texted!”

I didn’t pay any attention to their arguing, as I slowly stood up, wiping tears. I walk to the sink sluggishly, thoughts running wild in my head.

“ _You’re no better than me! You start apologizing for your mood swings, and then you’re angry again when my sentiments start getting in the way_!” Niall’s words rang loudly as I robotically start rummaging through cabinets for the instrument I was searching for. _“CAN’T YOU PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER?”_ His voice strikes again in my head. _He loves me...?_

“Lads! She’s not against the door anymore! I swear she moved!” Louis is the one that panics.

I open another cupboard, and a little bell rings, making me jump slightly. My eyes fall upon the contents of the dresser. _Bingo._

“Soph don’t!” The doorknob rattles again. “Guys stop fighting she opened the bathroom cabinet with the sharp objects!”

“Shit.” Harry curses.

“Don’t say shit! Do something you twat!” Niall says, clearly angry.

“Sophie please don’t! Why the fuck don’t we have the key to _this_ door?!? Sophie, restrain yourself from doing this!” He pounds on the door.

“Soph please I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking alright? All my thoughts just poured out of my mouth, fuelled by anger and jealousy!”

“Don’t scar your skin again please! I know it might feel good in your thoughts, but it’s not alright! You’ll worsen things!” _Zayn?_

“I have to...” I mumble hoarsely, holding my wrist in the light. “I’m a terrible person... I can’t even protect Emily from you guys...” I mutter tears coming back up as I remember her frightened look when in Harry’s presence. “I’m a bad person....” The razor digs down in the feeble skin, stinging at the first contact. Burgundy blood pebbles scatter on the cuts as I add more and more in a mechanical manner, the pain numbing everything else.

“Sophie it’s not the right way to express yourself!” _Liam?_

“See what you did Harry?!? This is just brilliant!”

“Me?!? I wasn’t the one yelling at her!”

“For once!”

“Guys! Shut up! We have to bust the door down or she might seriously harm herself! She’s not thinking straight right now!” Louis ends. Little dots cloud my vision.

“On three.” Liam instructs. “One, two THREE!” There’s a loud thud, followed by the cracking of wood.

“Again!”

“One, two THREE!”

This time, they do smash through the door. It falls to the ground and suddenly, they’re on me. Harry slaps the razor out of my hands and places my arms inside the sink.

“Liam hold her up! She’s awfully pale! Louis help him!” The curly haired boy instructs.

My knees give out from under me just as Liam and Louis grab under my shoulders, hoisting me up.

“Please...” I beg hoarsely. “I’m an awful person... Lemme do this...” I start reaching for the razor but Harry locks my wrists into one hand.

“No you’re not an awful person; we are the awful people who make you think that.” Harry retorts looking right at me, eyes glazed with worry. He spins back around and opens the tap.

My eyes suddenly close in fatigue.

“Soph don’t pass out please!” Niall begs, squeezing my arm.

As soon as the cold water makes contact with my skin, I wince. “Please no... It hurts,” I groan, struggling feebly in Liam’s and Louis’s arms.

“But we need to cleanse your cuts... This could be dangerous for you... You could get infections....” Louis tries to resonate but I’m half listening as Harry starts washing them, his thumb pads carefully tracing each one of them before rinsing them with the cold water. The sink has a pink glow as he continues the treatment carefully.

“Zayn, grab some bandages! The blood won’t stop flowing!” Harry starts panicking.

I start slipping out of consciousness, overwhelmed by everything that is happening.

“Liam, don’t let her pass out!” Zayn warns the younger boy.

“Soph... Hey stay here with us....” Liam murmurs into my hair, keeping me in a standing position over the sink as the other four boys took care of my arms. He starts whispering sweet nothings as they start the painful process of disinfecting the open skin and bandaging it. It stings. Bad. I never had disinfected cuts before, due to the fact that I have loathed peroxide on open flesh since my childhood. And what they were doing to me right now was just confirming my hate for it. One of them takes a painful stab on a deep cut with a cotton wad.

“Oww! It hurts! Stop it please!” I plea, writhing as much as I could in Liam’s strong grip.

 “It’ll be better in a minute okay beautiful? Shhh... Stop struggling it’ll only take longer if you do....” Liam mumbles in my hair. I shut my eyes, swallowing the pain.

“Liam?!? Did she pass out?” Niall panics.

“Keep her awake! She’s lost so much blood it could be dangerous!”

“’m not passed out... I’m just shutting my eyes because I’m tired and it hurts.” I hiccup.

“Niall go get her some sugar and some water!” Harry commands as some kind of fabric is pressed on my cuts.

“I don’t have to listen to you.” Niall snaps back.

“Not the time Niall! Louis, how do the bandages go?” Harry continues impatiently as I feel Niall’s presence leaving the room.

“Do I look like a fucking nurse? My mom is the nurse, not me!” Louis responds, on the verge of freaking out also.

“So competent guys... I bet you couldn’t babysit a child without risking his death.” I mutter.

“Hey we babysit Lux sometimes.” Louis replies.

“Lemme put the bandages yeah?” I grumble, reaching for the things Zayn and Harry had in their hands.

“No.” Harry protests. “Tell us how... It’ll keep you from falling asleep right there.”

“Fine. Lemme sit.” I huff.

“Why do you need to sit if we want to bandage your arms?” Harry questions.

“I’m tired.” I respond, blinking.

“Oh.”

Liam and Louis help me sit, making me use the bottom of the counter as support. After ensuring I was in a comfortable position, the three boys sit cross-legged around me, making sure I wouldn’t lose balance and fall on the side. As soon as they’re ready, I sigh and do my best to explain what needed to be done, trying to remember what I’d learned in First Aid courses.

It took about 15 minutes, but we managed to finish before Niall came back up with some food. That which he didn’t, which was getting me worried.

“Where’s Niall?” I question carefully, turning to Harry. He shrugs.

“I’ll text him.” Liam offers. He pulls out his phone and types a quick message. He’s responded almost immediately. “Niall is in the movie room, waiting for all of us to join him. He’s got Ben and Jerry’s.”

“Let’s go then!” Louis exclaims happily. I’m about to attempt to stand with the others, but Zayn lays a hand on my thigh, forcing me to say sitting.

“Soph and I are gonna join you later yeah? We need to talk.” Zayn responds, pulling his hand away. I frown.

“Don’t be too long! The ice cream’s gonna melt!” Louis warns.

“Ha-ha don’t worry Lou.” Zayn answers.

“Good.”

Liam, Louis and Harry leave, but harry stops in the doorframe.

“Zayn....?” Harry enquires the older boy, trying to decipher what he wanted with me. “You guys won’t...”

“I swear I’m only gonna talk to her.” The darker boy responds solemnly.

Harry nods, sends me a soft look, and follows Louis and Liam.

“So Sophie.... Would you like to tell me what pushed you to hurt yourself? Because I strongly doubt it was in your intentions when you ran out of your room.”

“Zayn.... I feel bad for what I’m doing to you guys.... Niall was right earlier.” I realise. “I’m no better than all of you. I even made Harry and him fight against each other.” I blink a couple times, trying to fight back the tears that were menacing to fall.

“Soph calm down.... We’re guys. We fight all of the time for the attention of a hot girl.” Zayn sighs.

“That’s the thing Zayn...I’m not hot....” I mumble. “I’m a fat whore.” I start sobbing, digging my face into my legs, cradling myself into my arms. Zayn moves around so he’s right beside me. He hugs me closer to him and my head lulls onto his shoulder. He leans his own on mine, rubbing my arm lovingly.

“Hey... Shhh... Stop the waterworks love....” He coos affectionately. “You’re not fat. You’re gorgeous alright? We wouldn’t be fighting so hard to keep you with us if you weren’t.” He continues, hugging me.

“You’re not even fighting that much anymore,” I remark, before rapidly clamping my mouth shut with my hand. _Shut up Soph! Why can’t you shut up when it’s good for you?!?_

He looks at me longly before answering.

“You remember how two years ago I wasn’t very _nice_ with you?” I could feel him stiffen at the mention of his past actions, but he continued anyways. “And then not long after, the boys found you in a pool of blood?”

I nod, flinching.

“Well I went outside. I wanted to take some fresh air, take my mind off things you know? So I took a walk around London, cigarette in hand. But then there was this girl... She seemed weird as her hair had an uncommon colour: It was purple. But even if I kept eyeing her in fascination, she bravely came over to me. ‛You shouldn’t smoke, it’s bad for your health,’ she had said. ‛I don’t care anymore,’ was all I replied. And she asked me why. And then, with these words, we started talking like we were friends. We finished off up walking in the park and I ended up telling her about you.”

He pauses, exhaling loudly before looking at me straight in the eyes.

“And she told me that if I loved something, I had to set it free. And if it doesn’t come back, it was never meant to be.”

I’m confused about why he was sharing this with me.

“Somehow, that night when we held the party, I knew you we’re going to attempt an escape, just by how easily you forgave me. I was angry at first, but then you talked to me about my smoking, just like the girl, Perrie, had. So I decided to help you escape, by keeping the boys occupied.”

“Y-y-you kept the boys occupied?” I enquire, flabbergasted.

“Yup. While you were dancing with Nialler, I had spiked Louis drink to make him a little sick, and I convinced Liam to look after Lou afterwards. Then, Niall had followed you after you had refused his kiss. But I managed to persuade him to get his mind off things with some shots. And as for Hazz, you send him a couple girls when he’s drunk and he’s done for the rest of the night. But he was harder to win over since he kept looking for you. I swear that boy is really attached to you.” Zayn finishes.

“But what about the text I received.” I recall. _This is a joke... Zayn didn’t do all this for me did he?_

“Liam had looked outside the window just as you left.... I remember his fury as he went and told the other boys... Harry sobered up pretty quick but it was too late. None of the boys know I helped you Soph... Can we keep it that way? I was against taking you again but you know Harry right? He’s so persuasive and I didn’t want to give myself out...” Zayn begs softly, craning his neck so we’re starting right at each other. _He’s dead serious...._

“You’re still in contact with Perrie aren’t you?”

“Umm... Yeah... Why?”

“She’s good for you Zayn.... She changed you and put you in the right direction way faster than any other person could’ve done.”

“I can only go in One Direction,” he chuckles. I sigh smiling.

“But it needs to be the right one.... Maybe we have to convert the other guys... I think Louis is a moot point these days....”

At that moment, Zayn’s phone buzzes. He looks at it, smiles and shows it to me.

 

The ice cream is melting!

Hurry your asses up or I’m eating all of it!

Lou

 

“Let’s go then...” I mumble, trying to stand up.

“Here let me help you.... It could be dangerous with all your loss of blood. You could get dizzy and fall.” Zayn says, picking me up bridal-style in his arms.

 “No... Put me down! I’m too heavy...” I struggle a bit before collapsing in fatigue.

 “Nonsense. See...You’re only tiring yourself by trying to fight me anyways... And you’re on the verge of passing out.” He responds. I huff and nuzzle in his chest, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Am I gonna be able to meet Perrie one day?” I mutter as he starts walking around in the house.

“Why would you want that?” He replies, looking down at me as he continues walking.

“Just to thank her. And I don’t think it’d do me wrong to have some girl company here...”

“I’ll talk to Harry yeah? It’s just... I don’t even think I want Perrie to see what we actually do to you.”

I sigh, shutting my eyes.

“Hey don’t shut your eyes now love... We’re here.” Zayn nudges me in his arms. “You’ll be jumping around as soon as we get some sugar into your system...”

 _But what if I don’t want to eat... I’ll get fat..._ Negative thoughts are haunting my mind again.


	19. Arguing

“So what we’re you two talking about?” Louis demands excitedly as Zayn places me on one of the couches. He sits beside me as Louis continues his interrogation. “Was Zayn all deep and all?”

“Of course he was... He’s Zayn.” I wink, before taking a good look around. The room was huge, and quite comfy, with a half-circle orange sofa placed around a little table. There was a big screen up front.

Zayn places me on my feet, but keeps a firm grip on my arm to help me keep my balance from all the wooziness I was experiencing. _I really did lose a lot of blood..._

“Here.” Louis shoves mea bowl of ice cream. I look at it. ‛Ben & Jerry’s Cookie Dough.’ I don’t take it, eyeing it warily.

“You have to eat at least the quarter of that.” Harry instructs, crossing his arms over his chest as he inspects me up and down. _Making sure Zayn didn’t damage me rather..._

“But I’m not hungry...” I lie, biting my lip.

“That’s not true... You’re always up for a snack.” Niall denies.

“Look if we have to force sugar into you with a needle, we will. But you have to get your energy back.” Liam presses. _What?!? They have needles? Oh god... He’s kidding... Trying to scare the shit out of me right? Well good job..._

“Come on Soph, love, we won’t have to get to that right? Here.” Louis gives me the bowl again and this time I take it. “This will only do you good.”

“Well thanks, Lou.” I give up and he hands me a spoon, urging me to take a seat. Zayn takes place to my right, his hand around my shoulders in care. The action automatically makes me snuggle up a little closer to him in order to get more body warmth. It didn’t feel awkward, due to the fact that I was already starting to feel a stronger connection with Zayn since our earlier conversation. The fact that I now knew he had subtly taken part into my escape two years ago had strongly aided our bonding. And our prior conversation, which made me discover he had a hidden side, had done me good, calmed my rollercoaster of emotions as Zayn would say.   _But is it right to feel closer to Zayn? I don’t know. What I do know is that it is now a little safer to be around Zayn. Not a hundred percent secure, but a good seventy five percent. Thank you Perrie. Whoever you are. You deserve an award._

“What do you wanna watch Soph?” Niall questions loudly, a few feet away from me.

“Say scary movie! That way you can huddle with us!” Louis begs excitedly.

“No way. I hate horror movies.... If I watch one, then tomorrow morning one of you might find me hidden in their bed sheets.” I sigh, rubbing my eyes from the low energy I had left.

“Well that sounds like an okay conclusion to me.” Louis smirks. “And a perfect one I might add.”

“Louis... This is about Sophie. She gets to choose.” Harry chuckles, sitting on my left.

“Then say Grease! Say Grease!”

“Stop pressuring the poor girl. She wants to watch Toy Story.” Liam intervenes.

“Oh I’m not feeling pressured at all right now...” I tease, toying with the ice cream pot with uncertainty. _Should I eat it or should I not?_

“Guys leave her alone... What do you wanna watch, love?” Niall chuckles, a smile finally forming on his lips.

“10 things I hate about you.” I answer. _I didn’t want to sleep through a movie I didn’t see... That just sucks._

Harry frowns.

“Any particular reason for this movie choice?”

“I just found the title fitting.” I shrug. Fatigue was starting to kick in from the loss of blood and lack of sugar, but I pushed it away, not wanting to eat the fatty frozen dessert.

“And what about the content of the movie?” Harry interrupts my drowsy state.

“Never watched it.” I lie.

“Then how do you know about it?”

“Emily.”

“And why would s―”

“Could you two stop arguing so we can actually watch the damn movie and finish it before midnight?” Niall snaps suddenly.

We frown at his outburst, and his cheeks immediately take a soft pink colour in realisation.

  _Something is definitely off with Niall...His edginess can’t be good..._

The six of us are all frozen in puzzlement, until Niall shrugs his shoulders and installs the movie, acting like nothing had just happened.

“Well... That was entertaining,” Louis chuckles, digging his spoon inside his ice cream before taking a large bite.

“He’s gonna have a brain freeze,” I mumble to Zayn, a smile on the corner of my lips. The darker boy nods, also smiling to himself. Seconds later, the blue-eyed boy drops his spoon and rolls to the ground, clutching his head in pain.

“Oww.... Brrraaiinn freeezze,” he groans as Zayn and I burst out laughing. _Whoa... Zayn and I laughing together.... That’s a first,_ I realise silently. _Is it normal to laugh with someone who raped you? I dunno.... But Zayn’s clearly changed since this Perrie girl...Why does everything always have to become so perplexing all the time... Why can’t they either be always nice or always mean? This way I could stay sane with my emotions and actions...._

“It’s not funny... It fuckin’ hurts.” Louis protests during my mental debate, eyes shut tightly in pain.

“You’re such a child for a twenty-two year-old Lou,” Liam teases, ruffling the latter’s hair.

“Oh you did not just say that!” Louis retorts tackling Liam playfully to the ground. “I’m not a child... I just don’t like to act all adulty and dreary like you!” He continues, pushing Liam into the floor jokingly.

“Adulty isn’t even a word!” Liam laughs from under the older boy.

“See! No one except you could have cared that I invented a word!”

“Not true!”

Just as the opening scenes of the movie start, their brotherly tackling rapidly turns into full on shoving. I stay immobile in Zayn’s arms, fascinated by how fast things went. I’m clearly not the only one as the other three’s gazes are also locked on the fighting mass of limbs in the middle of the floor.

“Guys. Guys. GUYS!!” Niall exclaims after a moment, pulling them apart _. Moody leprechaun._ “Could you two try not to kill yourselves right now?”

“Don’t worry Nialler... I was only trying to make Li Li realise why everyone calls him Daddy Direction... It’s because he’s too mature and serene and all that boring stuff,” The cheeky boys exclaims, giving Liam another shove, to which he responds identically.

“Can we just watch the movie now? I think the evening been eventful enough...” Harry groans, sighing as he slouches into the couch.

“For once since the last hour, I agree with Hazz.” Niall approves huffing. The blonde grabs a Ben & Jerry’s from the mini fridge, which sat beside the sofa and sits on the floor in front of me, placing the frozen treat on his lap. _There are cushioned sofas and he sits on the floor... in front of me...what?_

“Are you sitting in front of me because you want me to play with your hair Niall?” I mock while toying with wisps of his bleached hair, wanting to evaluate his response.

“Sure, if ever the need is there,” The Irish lad shrugs carelessly. My comfy mood drops.

_He’s cross at me. Niall you impenetrable leprechaun. One second he’s shouting at me because I don’t give him as much forgiveness as Harry, and the next he’s sorry he hurt my feelings, but he’s really not because all he said was the truth... Niall, Niall, Niall... What am I gonna do with you? What am I gonna do with myself?_

“Hey Zaynie! I want you to play with my hair too!” Louis exclaims, sitting beside Niall and in front of Zayn.

“Only if you don’t call me Zaynie, Boobear.” The darker boy retorts, tousling the older boy’s hair affectionately with his hand that isn’t around me.

“Yeah Hazz I’d offer you to play with my hair also... but I haven’t got much...” Liam chuckles, also sitting beside Niall. I suddenly decide to remove my hand from the blonde’s hair.

“Oh don’t worry Li, I’ve got Soph here to keep me company,” The curly-haired boy replies while opening his arms for me to snuggle in. “Right Soph? You’ll cuddle with me?” He says, obviously not giving me a choice. _But I’m fine with Zayn right now...Why is he always so possessive?_

From the corner of my eye, I see the boys move a little uncomfortably, anxious to see if I’ll stay with Zayn or obey Harry.

“Nahh Harry. I’ll just sit straight if that’s how you’re gonna play it.” I frown, closing my eyes a few times as Zayn helps me get sitting straighter up.

“And what exactly am I playing at?!?” Harry demands incredulous.

“The domineering, overprotective and jealous kidnapper.” I snap, crossing my arms over my chest. “Showing everyone I belong to you. Yeah well the thing is, Harry, they know it very well already. The only people who don’t know are the rest of the world! What would your fans think? Why don’t you show them you kidnapped me?!? ”

“I am n―”

“Guys can we just eat ice cream and watch a movie, without the arguing? You know, be normal?” Zayn cuts, exhaling loudly _.  Yeah, like eating ice cream in front of a movie with your kidnappers is normal....What is wrong with me? I should make them hate me. I should be locking myself up in that special bedroom they gave me, hide under the covers, ignore them completely and starve myself to death. And it’d be easier for me to hate them, because they’d hate me for not listening to them. Then maybe they’d realise how much effect they had on me._

“I hate you.” I mutter trying to convince myself, taking my head into my hands in exasperation, leaving the frozen dessert laying on my lap.

“Who?!” they all chorus, heads spinning around to look at me. Harry’s face was angry as well as Liam’s, but Niall’s was more confused and hurt, Louis's sad and deceived and Zayn’s more understanding.

“All of you. For being able to make me happy and comfy when I shouldn’t be.” I mumble. Their faces change immediately.

“The hate is reciprocal then.” Louis shrugs after a moment of thought. “And I think I speak for everyone here when I say that we hate you too, because we can be ourselves around you. You make us lose control, that which makes us dangerous for you.”

“I hate that you’re attention grabbing.” Zayn continues. “You make us act possessive way too easily.”

“What?” I frown.

 Zayn shakes his head in disbelief. “Clearly you don’t see all the heads that spin your way when you enter a room, because you don’t know you’re beautiful and you think its okay for you to hurt yourself.” _And great he’s quoting his own song..._

The boys all very visibly flinch at the fresh memory Zayn just sent them, but all I can do is stare at my melting ice cream in silence. _What was this sharing session for? Make it harder for me to hate them again? Why?_

“I hate the fact that you aren’t hateable for long.” Liam adds.

“I personally hate the fact that you aren’t just another girl we can let go.” Harry agrees. Louis, Liam and Zayn nod.

“Okay so now that everyone has poured their feelings, can we watch the fucking movie?” Niall snaps suddenly in irritation. That made everybody shut up in surprise, but we did stop talking to watch.

Harry snaps his fingers and the lights dim. _Classic Harry._

“And Sophie... Don’t forget to eat.” The Irish boy ends, giving me one stern glare. I nod slowly, catching the glimpse of hurt in his baby blues into the darkness just before he turns to face the screen.

As we get into the movie, I find myself practically sleeping, my head lolling sideways once in a while and my mind getting drowsy with lethargy. The loss of blood was gradually getting to me.

It’s barely the beginning that Louis decides to talk again, jolting me awake from my little nap. I take notice we are right in the middle of the part where Julia goes to Ms. Perky’s office, where that last one is writing and erotica novel.

“Hey guys! You know what?” Louis calls out.

“No, but I have a feeling we’re about to know.” Zayn mumbles. Louis dismisses his comment sassily.

“This part reminds me.... I found Soph’s major turn on today!” He claps excitedly. _Oh no._

“What is it?” Harry asks curiously. He shoots me an interested sideways glance. _Can’t they stop? Can’t they see I’m not in the mood? Louis, what the fuck?_

“She likes the dirty talk. Like a lot. I bet we could make her cum just by whispering dirty things into her ear!” He continues, sniggering. _Oh no...He didn’t..._ “Right Soph?” Louis demands, spinning his head around to look at me directly in the eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I lie, huffing in annoyance before crossing my legs. He cocks his eyebrow up challengingly.

“You sure? You don’t remember yourself writhing on the desk, as I whispered what I was going to do to your dripping pussy with my fat cock?” He tempts, one of his hands sliding slowly up my legs.

A spark of arousal tickles my insides at the words he just pronounced, but I push it away grimacing. Today had been full enough. _I won’t willingly let them do things to me while I’m in this state._ His hand kept going higher as thoughts invaded my mind.

“Stop Louis.” I warn, pushing his hand away as well as the nasty thoughts.

“See. I got you all flustered using only words.” He chants cheekily.

“And your hand.” I point out in irritation.

“Want me to try without the hand?” he challenges as Niall, Harry, Liam and Zayn get their eyes fixated on the screen again.

“No thanks, I think I’ll pass.” I reply dryly. He smirks and gets his attention back on the movie.

The rest of the film goes pretty fast, due to the fact I slept through all of it. I’m very lucky neither Harry nor Zayn noticed I didn’t touch the food. I wake up just as the end song starts blazing into the speakers.

“Hey Sophie!” Louis says noisily.

“What?” I question groggily, before yawning loudly. Big mistake.

 Louis is the only one that rotates around to face me and his eyes turn into slits as he looks forwards and back to my untouched ice cream and me. There’s a long silence, apart from the movie credits. And then:

“Why haven’t you touched the sugar, even though you’re getting sleepy?” Louis demands very seriously. “Did you dare to sleep during the movie?” The boys’ heads spin around rapidly to verify what Lou just said. I gulp nervously. _What?_

“I ummm...no... maybe...” I struggle to find words. _What if I did?! I was tired... I could sleep. They won’t be the ones that decide on my sleeping hours now won’t they?_


	20. Little Things

“You did didn’t you?” Louis chides, standing up. His form towers over me, making me hug my knees to myself protectively. “You slept.”

“And what if I did?!?”I give up sighing, looking up at him.

“Yeah Louis what if she did?” Liam questions, agreeing with me. _Oh good. So I’m not the only one thinking that way. Nice Liam is in the place._

Louis spins around to look at the younger boy, hands on his hips likes the sassy lad he is.

“C’mon Li you know why she can’t sleep!” Louis states.

“Well would you enlighten me? Because I really don’t know why we couldn’t let her sleep. I know for a fact that when someone loses a lot of blood, they need to eat and sleep in order to regain their forces.” Liam elaborates. “Your mother is a nurse Louis... You should know these kinds of things.”

“Yeah well like you said, my mother is the nurse, not me.” Louis snaps, a little pissed Liam was correcting him. The older boy turns back to face me, his fury going to me instead. “Anyhow, Soph you didn’t eat!”

“I was tired!” I protest. “And with reason!” I add, voice elevating to meet his.

“Yeah well maybe if you wouldn’t have gone cutting in the first place, all this wouldn’t have happened!”He explodes.

That was a low hit.

“I can’t control it.... You don’t understand... I just have to do it...To lessen the pain...” I whisper, tears stinging on the brim of my eyes.

“That’s bullshit!”

“Louis!” The four boys warn.

I burst out heatedly: “You can’t understand! You and your fucking perfect life! You guys don’t understand! You can’t! Because you haven’t been through what’ve been through since my father left! ” I end angrily, before shattering into broken sobs as I hugged myself and hid my face. Zayn takes me into his arms but I stay curled into a ball even as he tries to nudge me out of the position.

“So stubborn,” he says it under his breath but I hear him anyways. He starts caressing my hair. “Look don’t stop now Soph. Let it all out. Tell us what you’re thinking. It’ll do you good. Keep talking and you’ll stop crying.” _Why do you always make things seem so easy Zayn!_

 “Fine! My dad fucking left me and my mother, then she became alcoholic and then suddenly I was all alone to deal with everything! So I blamed my dad’s departure on myself...I started cutting with the kitchen knife one night, when my mother was an unconscious drunken mess on the floor, convincing myself that I was what went wrong with their relationship throughout every slice. I kept telling myself that I wasn’t a good daughter enough!” I hiccup, exhaling shakily as I dug up old scars.  

I see every guys squirm uncomfortably but I pursue what I was saying. “It’s when I found you guys, your songs and all the cute way you treated fans ... It was all that lovey dovey _shit_ that made me stop the cutting because I thought I had the chance to have a perfect relationship with one of you, just like any other fan. But then I’m with you, forcefully, and your songs are nothing but bullshit to your eyes in the end because clearly you don’t treat me like you would treat the girls in the songs.” I continue, lifting my head up for mere seconds. “It’s all an image you give yourselves.” My teary eyes meet with Louis’s sorry ones. “Why does reality always have to be so harsh....?” I whisper.

“I’m sorry Sophie. I didn’t know much about your past but you get me so worried sometimes... I overreact, fueled by anger, emotions and confusion. I become that _monster_ again.” Louis soothes, making a sour face as he called himself a monster. “And I don’t like being wrong.” Louis chuckles softly. I nod, and my stomach growls.

“So Sophie... You got your sleep but you have to eat now. Will you eat love?” Niall sighs, leaning his head back so our eyes could meet. He even pouts his lip. “For me?”

I mumble negatively, and hide my face into my legs once more; not wanting to give in to Niall’s his charm. Especially with his bipolar emotions of tonight, I couldn’t trust him. _His bipolarity reminds me of Harry...._

“Why?” Harry enquires gently. “Why don’t you want to eat? We won’t poison you if that’s what you’re thinking...”

“S’not that...” I nuzzle into Zayn but he arranges me back around so they can all see my face.

“What is it then?” Harry continues.

 “I’ll be fat.” I give up.

They all exhale in exasperation.

“Why all these insecurities suddenly? You were fine with eating this morning!” Niall explodes, scaring me.

“You guys bring them out.” I respond slowly, slumping my shoulders in shame. I’m usually able to keep everything to myself, stay strong, but it seems as they really do bring every fiber of me out of the darkness. It’s like I’m constantly naked in front of them... no walls... no barriers to protect myself.

“Keep them in then.” Niall says dryly.

“Niall!” Harry reproves.

“Why do you keep being sweet to me Niall? Hmm? If you hate me that much.” _Why are you so unpleasant if you said you felt for me, yesterday night?_

 “Shut up Harry.” The blond retorts, ignoring me. “You’re the one who started this shit in first place.” Niall says lowly before leaving. Harry disregards him and his comment as I watch the blonde leave almost sadly. _What’s happening with Niall?_ _Something has to be wrong with him. Something I did really pissed him off._

Unexpectedly, I yawn.

“Clearly your still tired cupcake... But we won’t let you sleep until you eat a couple bites of that.” Harry says, pointing the ice cream.

“How many?” I surrender exhaling. I really wanted to sleep again... My mind was fuzzy and worn-out.

The boys all spin to look at Liam. _Like Liam will know... It’s not like he worked with health stuff..._

“Five. One for each one of us.” The brown-eyed boy shrugs.

“Oh can I feed you?!” Louis squeals excitedly, grabbing the abandoned Ben & Jerry’s pot and the spoon.

“Are you mental? I’m eighteen. I can feed myself.” I scowl, grabbing the pot and spoon.

“Hey boys I got another idea!” Louis states as I open the ice cream.

“When don’t you...” Zayn laughs. “But shoot.”

“We could try the Daddy kink one night!”

“Is there a part of the day where you’re not thinking about sex?” I mutter, digging the spoon in the frozen treat.

“Yes. When I’m with family... That’d be awkward.” The older boy admits and I roll my eyes.

“So if I eat five spoonfuls of this fat―”

“Sugar,” They correct at the same time.

“Fine fatty sugar,” I resign making a face, “I can go to bed and have a nice relaxing sleep. With none of you part of it. Right?” I did not want sex of any of Louis freaky kinks.

“Right.” Liam, Harry and Zayn agree.

“That is if you won’t dream about us.” Louis contradicts.

“Whatever.” I puff out exasperatedly, before rapidly gulping down the five needed spoonfuls. “Here. All done.” I say, giving the bowl back to Louis as I stand up wobbily, legs all mushy from my weird positions.

“Here baby-cakes... I’ll take you back up to your room.” Harry proposes, before cradling me up in his arms. “’Night lads!” He calls out before carrying me back upstairs and to my room.

“I could’ve walked,” I tell him as we walk down the hallway, yawning once before pressing closer to his torso for more body warmth.

“Sure, but carrying you is so much more amusing,” The curly-haired boy replies, flashing me a dimpled smile when I looked up at him to roll my eyes. I hear a door slam and try to spin around to the sound source but Harry’s arms constrict around me, immobilizing my body.

“S’only Niall making us know he’s angry... But don’t worry he’ll come around.” He adds when he notices my scared look.

Harry somehow manages to open a door with his arms full and we end up in his room. Orangey, like the one he had two years ago. He passes right through and enters my room, setting me on the bed. He goes to my closet and pulls out comfy pyjamas.

“Here. Good night.” He ends, backing up. He looks me up and down and bites his lip.

“What?” I question, rubbing my eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks shyly.

“N―”

“Please? C’mon sugar-lips...” He almost begs. _Sugar-lips? Baby cakes? Cupcake earlier? What is it with these boys and their terms of endearment?_ “Just a little peck right there.” He continues, sliding his thumb on my lower lip.

“Maybe another time.” I turn him off, grabbing the pyjama.

He huffs and nods, before leaving. I stop him before he’s completely closed his door.

“Why did you text Niall earlier? Why did you want me to join you in your room?”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow,” He sighs shaking his head negatively, before shutting the door.

I huff and unchanged rapidly, not caring that the boys could see me through the mirrors. I had one goal and it was to sleep. _Tomorrow, things would be better,_ I think as I shut off my lights and slide into my sheets, clutching Padgett.

“I have quite a lot of things to put into you Padge,” I mumble sighing, before falling into slumber.

 

_********************************************************_

I wake up drowsily to broken sobs. Heart-wrenching ones. They were not quite near, but familiar enough. Pushing the sheets away from my body, I stood up and listened carefully. The weeping was coming from Niall’s room. I tip-toe silently to his door, and enter, without bothering to knock. He doesn’t notice me entering because he makes no sound other than his weeping.

“Niall?” I question softly before gasping in shock. _No. NO. This couldn’t be real._ _The thought of it being real brought tears to my eyes._ _I’m in a nightmare_. The scene in front of me was bloody horrific. Niall was on his bed, in a tank top and cotton pants, a razor in hands, as he kept slicing his wrists shakily, letting another sob escape his chapped lips after every cut. _No, no!_

“Niall!” I cry, jumping on him to push the razor out of his hands. “You can’t do that! You’re not allowed!” I blubber, holding his hands up to see if he did the cuts deep.

He looks up at me, eyes filled with tears.

“Why? Why can’t I do what you do?” He pleads holding my wrists.

“Because you’re Niall!” I cry, my fingers sliding on his bloody carvings. Another choked sob escapes my lips at the realisation that it was really reality.

“So what if I’m Niall? You’re Sophie! MY Sophie! I don’t understand Soph....” He weeps, looking down at his arms. “Why would it be righter if it was you?” He sobs.

“Because you’re my Niall!” I protest as tears stung my eyes.

“What about Harry? Is he your Harry? Or Louis? Or Zayn? Or Liam?” He goes on, his eyes flooding with more tears.

“I don’t care about them right now Niall! You’re my only preoccupation at the moment! Why did you start Niall?”

“I wanted to have something unique with you.” He responds looking away. _Something unique that I’ll do only with him._

I grab his face kiss him, putting all my emotions into the kiss. Fear, frustration, care, love, confusion... all jumbled up into that one kiss. He replies to the kiss, also placing in his frustrations, his love and undoubtly his jealousy. He brings me closer, making me straddle his hips to leave as less space between us as possible. We stay like that for a long time, our tears mingling together at one point. I pull back to breathe.

“Now we have something special.” I whisper.

“How can you even do this to yourself?” He adds brokenly, holding his wrists in front of my face, ruining the moment. “I wanted to see if it’d do me good, like you say it does... but it doesn’t Soph! You need to realise this! It fucking hurts! You won’t diminish the mental pain with physical one! And even though you do, it won’t be for long! It comes back!”

The tears start streaming down my face again.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” Niall repeats persistently, also on the brim of tears.


	21. Breakdown

“I just don’t understand!” He continues pulling his hair with his fingers. The movement makes the blood on his wrists slowly slide downwards and stain his shirt.

 I feel nauseous looking at it, so I end up grabbing his wrists and pulling them back to a vertical position.

“Soph... I don’t understand why you do this to yourself.”

I look up and gaze into his teary orbs.

“There’s nothing to understand Niall.... It’s like Zayn’s smoking.” I snivel, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. “Its nasty habit that once it’s started, you always have to resort to it in order to prove a point. I cut because I can’t control the inside pain. I cut because I have the chance to control the outside one. It’s every dark feeling that results into cutting.” I continue. “If I’m feeling angry, sad, depressed, jealous, abandoned, miserable... I’ll automatically think of cutting.” I pause, closing my eyes as more tears stain my cheeks. I open them again to find Niall also crying silently in front of me. “Sometimes I resist the feeling, and others I’m too far gone to care. You don’t think clearly when you’re cutting... It’s just something that is done. A horrible habit.” I end, more tears gushing out of my eyes. “Why did you start Niall?” I ask quivering. “It’s so hard to stop!”

“I wanted to see if it really numbed the pain. The pain of seeing you do that. That’s the third time I see these freshly dug into your wrists Soph! You’ve gotta stop! I won’t do it again if you don’t either!” The Irish boy pleads, more tears forming on the edge of his eyes as his thumbs skim my various cuts and scars. “You’re hurting me more than you’re hurting yourself when you do that! And I’m sure it’s the same for the other boys! You’re hurting them way more than you’re hurting yourself!” He repeats, looking at me with pleading eyes. His tears menace to drop, but they don’t.

“They deserve to suffer....” I mumble to myself as I start playing with my fingers. Niall hears me.

“You are worth way more than us! Don’t make yourself pay the price for our mistakes!” He exclaims, thrusting his arms up in the air. My eyes couldn’t resist drifting to his wrists and I snap.

“They’re clearly not mistakes! Because people tend to learn from mistakes! You guys keep doing it!” I protest, giving him a shove to get away from him. _What a brusque change of situation._

He clamps five of his fingers around my wrists, and uses the other five to hold me on his waist. “Soph―” He tries to calm me down, but I continue my rambling tears wetting my cheeks once more.

“Again and again! Modifying my train of thought and using me so I feel like an object! And it’s only the first full day I’m with you since two years! Do you realise how this will impact on the rest of my life? How much it already has?! I’m at a point where I’m questioning my sanity! And you want me to focus on school on top of that! Every person has a limit―!” I explode, before being completely surprised by a kiss. Niall’s lips were soft and careful on mine, as if he were afraid I’d break.

“Shhh... Love it’s ok... I get your point... I’ll talk to Harry yeah?” The blonde murmurs pulling back, placing a strand of hair behind my ear. “I think you need a companion... other than us. And a break from school.”

 

I inhale once, before bursting into more sobs on Niall’s chest.

“What’s wrong now?” Niall asks incredulous.

“Why is it Harry? Why is it always Harry? You’re older! And if I don’t go to school, I won’t be able to see Emily! I won’t be able to talk to somebody that’ll keep me sane! I can’t even text Ashley anymore because you guys have my cell phone! She must be worried sick! Oh god why? Why?!Why can’t I live on land with unicorns that shit butterflies and eat rainbows....Or whatever! Why can’t I have a normal life? Why?” I whine. I continue my babbling, not even trying to form words anymore after a couple minutes.

“Look Soph I―”

There’s a knock at the door but I keep blubbering nonsense in Niall’s blood-stained shirt.

“Wait a sec!” The Irish lad calls, before pulling away from under me carefully. I grab his pillow and start crying into it instead, having a major breakdown. He pats my hair and tucks me into his sheets before leaving the room at a fast pace.

Niall comes back, then opens the door leading to my room and shuts it again.

I hear voices whispering as I calm down my sobbing.

“Harry I don’t think she should go to school for the rest of the week. Plus we have to slack off the objectifying... Make her feel more human.”

“Why? Is she okay? Niall what happened? Why was she in your room?”

“She had a nightmare alright? And then she just went through major mood swings. I think she needs to talk to Ashley for awhile also...” The older boy lies smoothly.

“You think I should let her have her phone?!”

“Only for a couple minutes Hazz. She really needs them.”

“Someone would have to watch her. Plus, we have to go to school today. She has to go to school; she had detention planned for the rest of the week!”

“Hazz c’mon! You can arrange something yeah? I swear what we’re doing to her isn’t healthy! Have you even seen her this morning?!”

I hear a door open and I rapidly slow my breathing down, and turn my back to the door, curling into a ball around Niall’s pillow. I keep my gaze fixed on a spot on the wall.

“Soph?” Harry’s deep and concerned voice questions softly.

I stay silent and shut my eyes.

“She seems perfectly fine.”

“She can’t be fine after last night. Look, I think she’s sleeping. Let her be, this’ll only do her good.” Niall tells Harry and the latter shuts the door. I hear another door open, but it’s from farther away. Certainly not Niall’s room.

“Vas happenin? Hey where’s Soph?” Zayn’s voice is confused.

“Soph’s in my room, trying to get a little sleep.”

“She can’t stay home alone... She could harm herself again.” Harry continues on his train of thought. “Were gonna have to punish her about disrespecting that rule...” He sighs.

 I stay emotionless as I hear another door open. I recognize Liam’s graver voice.

“Hazz... Only you Zayn and Niall are needed at school today! The principal just called! So you guys better get ready now or you’ll be late!”

I hear Harry moan, clearly not wanting to go while Louis cheers from somewhere.

“See...She won’t be alone... Liam and Louis will stay here with her.” Niall states. “Just give them her phone with your instructions and we’ll all be fine.”

There’s a long sigh as well as mumbling. And then there was whispering as well as doors opening and water running from different areas of the house.

After a couple minutes, the door to Niall’s room opened and closed. The blonde kneeled in front of me.

“Good you’re awake. Liam and Louis will be staying with you here today while Harry, Zayn and I will go to school and arrange your absences and do our ‘jobs’” He explains, air quoting the word jobs. “I want you to sleep alright? Get your needed rest and think about things.”

“Harry didn’t see your cuts?” I mumble.

“I went to wash the blood away when he knocked and I put a jumper on.” He brushes it off. “Look Soph... Do we have a deal? I don’t hurt myself and you won’t hurt yourself? You’ll fight the urge? Please.” He takes my hand into his and kisses my knuckles. “We’ll look over each other?”

I shut my eyes and nod faintly.

“Good. Now sleep, kitten.”

He kisses the top of my forehead and leaves. I hug his pillow tighter as soon as the door shuts, tears threatening to fall once more. _How did I make him hurt himself...?_ _Why do I hurt myself? Is it worth it? Is the pain I’m causing around me worth it?_

My heart clenches at the very vivid memory of a broken Niall, slashing his wrists in a mechanical manner. His sobbing resonating clearly into my ears. Cuts and blood stains to prove it really happened. _It is so horrible to notice that someone you care about is in pain. Even if they don’t care about you back,_ I consider, thinking about me and the boys situation. _But somehow, I do care about the boys_ , I realise. _I can’t deny it... I would cry a river if one of them died._ A crushed sob escapes my lips. _What are they doing to me...? What am I doing to them?_

A faint memory of the face of Ashley when she learned about my dangerous cutting habits comes back to my mind. Then the one of Emily. Then the recent one of Niall. Harry. Zayn. Louis. Liam. _They felt what I felt when I saw Niall...Powerless. Is the pain worth it? Do they deserve the pain I inflict? Why do I do this...? Such a horrible person..._

I drift into slumber, face wet with new tears and a horrible sense of guilt.


	22. Accepting Fate

*******************************

I have a horrible headache. I open my eyes slowly, before shutting them again and snuggling deeper into the Niall-odoured sheets. _I’m gonna stay here forever. This is gonna be my death bed,_ I decide with a loud sigh. I hear loud shouts downstairs but I ignore them, wanting to stay in the blankets for as long as possible.

Suddenly, I feel wetness pooling down below. I knit my brows in confusion. _What?!_

Lifting the covers up, I curse. Niall’s previous light sheets had a spot of burgundy, matching the one on my pyjama pants.

_Fuckin’ great. Seems like my body hasn’t agreed on the ‘stay in bed’ plan._

I huff once more, eyeing the blood in disbelief. But then it hits me. _That means I’m not pregnant!_

I frown. _It’s weird that the thought hadn’t crossed my mind earlier though... I had stopped taking the god damn pill after my release. I hadn’t seen the point. But then why didn’t I think of it after the intercourses with the boys? But I don’t believe it has crossed the boys’ minds too because I don’t recall any of them using condoms... they seem to hate these baby-preventers anyways. It’s not like they are the ones that are stuck with the baby afterwards._

I huff once more and then I realise that I simply can’t stay in bed. I have an internal debate on what I’m about to solve my bloody period. _Should I go see the boys downstairs and ask if they have stuff, or go to the bathroom and try to find the things alone and then sneak back into the bed, without alarming the boys of my wake?_ I opt for the second choice and get off the bed carefully, grimacing as I feel more blood.

Pushing away the uneasiness, I open Niall’s door gently, popping my head outside to inspect the hall. _No Louis, no Liam. I’m good to go._ I hear them though... they’re probably downstairs, playing one of their loud games.

 Closing the door gently behind me, I tip toe my way to yesterday’s bathroom, the only one which I remember the route to. I take the time to take mental notes about my surroundings, in order to know more about the manor. _It never hurts to know more about my surroundings._

When I finally arrive to the door of the bathroom, the house is eerie. No sound is heard.  _I guess I just got farther than there playing area;_ I shrug, before turning the handle.

Brusquely, alarms start ringing loudly.

_What. The. Fuck._

I’m completely bewildered. _Why the fuck would someone put alarms on a bathroom door?_

Then I hear them, Liam and Louis, stampeding loudly up the staircase. _Just great._

“Fast Louis! She might be harming herself!” Liam’s worried voice comes closer. _Oh that’s what it’s all about!_

“I’m not a fucking olympist” The older boys pants, complaining.

“I told you we should’ve watched her sleep until she woke up!”

“Yeah and then we’d be like that stalker, the sparkling vampire!” Louis spits back.

“There she is!” Liam yells around the corner of the hallway.

“Soph!” They come running, hands all over me, inspecting every inch of my skin.

“Are you alright?!” Liam shouts.

“I will be as soon as you shut the alarm off!” I retort just as loudly. My head is pounding madly.

“Oh right.”

The noise stops almost immediately as Louis reaches into his back pocket.

“When did you even have the time to place this shit.” I scowl, massaging my temples.

“Language.” Liam chides. “And yeah last night, not long after Harry brought you to bed, we had a small group counsel and we decided on a couple things.” _That couldn’t be good._

“Okay then.” I grumble. “Now, can you two explain to me, why I can’t go to the bathroom alone?” I exhale once they let me go and that the alarm has stopped ringing into my ears.

“Halloo! Have you already forgotten, what happened to you the last time you were alone in a bathroom baby-cakes?” Louis demands, tapping my nose.

“Of course I remember.” I scrunch my nose and pull backwards a bit, heading to enter the bathroom. Liam grabs my arm.

“We can’t trust you.” Liam shakes his head.

“Fine then. How do I get to go to the bathroom without one of you?” I grimace.

“Why do you wanna go to the bathroom?” Louis enquires.

“What if I want to take a piss?!”

“You clearly don’t! You said ‘what if’! And you’re not doing that ridiculous ‘I need to piss’ dance.” Louis argues.

“Not everybody does that dance Lou.” Liam sighs, face palming himself. “Not everybody acts like a 5 year-old.”

“I do not!”

“You do!”

I sigh. “What I want, is girl stuff alright? I’m on my period.” I give up, rubbing my temples.

“You’re on your period?” Liam questions, shooting a sideways glance in Louis’s direction.

“Yes. Something all girls have. I haven’t changed since two years.” I roll my eyes. _What was their problem?_  Oh yeah maybe they just realised that they could’ve been fathers...

“I think we pushed luck a bit too far huh?” Liam tells Louis. The latter nods his approval.

“Okay what’s going on?” I huff.

“You didn’t continue taking the pill over the last two years didn’t you?”

“Why would I? A: I didn’t know which one it even is and B: I didn’t know you were actually gonna kidnap me again!”

“I thought that you’d take my text as a warning.” Liam retorts.

“So it was you who sent me that text!?”

“I signed with my first initial.”

“Two of you have that initial smarty. But let’s get back to the point shall we? What has my period gotta do with this entire pill thing? I don’t recall learning about that anywhere in Sex Ed. Or whatever.”

“What do kids learn these days?” Louis sighs _._

 _Hey weirdo... You’re not that older than me._ I frown, coughing back the remark.

“Liam, tell her. I’ll call Hazza and make him stop at the pharmacy.” Louis says, pulling his phone out of his back pocket. He walks away from us, but still in our view.

“Okay sooo... Where do start?” The brown eyed boy starts awkwardly. “So the pill we gave you last year was supposed to stop your umm...”

“Menstrual cycles?” I supply, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Yeah that. The first week or two when it’s taken, it only retards the cycle for a couple days, that which happened to you right? Two years ago your period was late if I remember correctly?”

“Yes.” I roll my eyes, shifting my weight from one foot to another in annoyance as I didn’t the point of this right now and the wetness in my panties felt uncomfortable.

“So if it’s taken for longer than two weeks in a row, it stops the cycle completely, eliminating any chance of getting you pregnant. So we thought that you’d continued taking it after your escape, and we were so horny and vengeful when we got you back that we didn’t take the time to ask if you had indeed continued to take the pill.”

“And sooo...?”

“We’ll we’re only gonna make sure not to push our luck again.” Liam ends with a shrug.

“That’s good news. Maybe next time you bozos can simply think of using condoms and I wouldn’t have to worry about taking that stupid pill.” I mutter. “And if you guys used condoms, we would be sure I wouldn’t end up preggo because of a certain malfunctioning of the pill or whatever. I think I already read somewhere that I’m supposed to take them at the same time everyday for them to work properly.”

Liam shakes his head. “Not these ones. We got you special ones that work as long as you take them every day.”

“How thoughtful.” I say in a fake sweet voice. “How’d you get them anyways?”

“When you got the money, you can get lots of things others can’t.” Liam shrugs.

“Of course.” I roll my eyes. “Now can I just get some girl stuff? I’m getting uhh... sticky.”

“Yeah sure.” Liam finally takes me inside the bathroom and shows me a cupboard. He opens it. “This has all the stuff you need.”

_Why didn’t I see these yesterday?_

“Okay... Can I do my stuff alone?” I question, placing my hands on my hips.

“You won’t―”

“No.”

“But―”

“Liam I won’t harm myself I swear.” I huff.

“I’m just outside the door. I’ll hear you if you open the cupboard with the sharp objects,” he menaces.

“Who wouldn’t hear? It has a godamn alarm on...

“It has a bell.”

“Same thing.”

“No it isn’t.”

“Look I won’t touch it.” I sigh.

“Be quick.” He gets out and I overhear a little of him and Louis talking before the door closes fully.

“Hey Liam! Guess what? Harry said that he’d...” Is all I caught. _Curious. But it better be good for me..._

I pass my hand through my hair once, before grabbing what I need and doing my stuff. Listening closely, I hear Liam and Louis on the other side of the door, talking excitedly. Something about Bruce Wayne and Glen Coco. _What the fuck. These boys are really peculiar._

I look down at myself and scowl. _I can’t stay in my pyjamas... they’re dirty. Plus I really need a shower._  I pop my head out the door reluctantly.

“Louis can you get me some clean clothes please?” I ask the older boy.

“Sure love. What da ya want? Dress? Skirt? Jeans? Tees? Jumpers? Choose your victim.”

“Something comfortable... Not too sexy please Lou.” I say, before shutting the door. I hear a knock at my door about five minutes later. The exact time I took to jump in the shower wash and get out. I answer the door with a towel wrapped around my body. Louis hands me the pile of clothes, licking his lips reflexively as he eyes my state of almost nakedness. His eyes turn a faint darker colour and my breath hitches, my pulse quickening, some unnecessary hormones kicking in at mental images he just sent me involuntarily.

I thank him quickly and shut the door before he can pull a move. _What was that Soph?_ I think shakily while shaking my head. Calming my breathing, I take a look at what he gave me: Salmon pink TOMS, white polka-dotted skirt, aqua camisole, loose salmon tee, One Direction necklace, One Direction bracelets and simple panties. _Wait. No bra?_ I dig around once more, and end up empty handed on the bra-level. _Louis, little bastard._

I open the door, hiding behind it.

“Lou, did you forget the bra?” I enquire.

“No. It was intentional.” He shrugs.

“Why?”

“Because you, love, don’t always get to have things your way... Even if you act cute and pitiful and all. Now hurry and dress. We’ll take care of you right after.”

 _Fuckin’ awesome,_ I mumble to myself before shutting the door again. _What does he mean by ‘take care?’_ I slide on my clothing, and jewelry, grimacing when the bracelets touched some of my sensible wrist skin and glowering at the lack of bra. I huff once before getting out. _Liam is missing,_ I remark.

“Perfect.” Louis claps.

“Where’s Liam?”

“He went to make you a little something to eat. You’re gonna eat all of what he’ll make you.”

“What time is it?” I question as my stomach growls.

“Quarter past one. You slept a lot, lemme tell you that. You’re hungry, right?”

“Starving.” I admit, rubbing my stomach to soothe a sudden spark of cramps _. Hopefully they won’t end up like last time with Liam..._ I shiver. “Yeah I’m hungry.” I repeat.

“Good. C’mon let’s fill you up.” Louis starts pulling on my arm but I stiffen at the double sense his phrase just had. _They wouldn’t do that while I’m on my period right? That would be... Disgusting._

“Now look who’s dirty minded?” Louis chides. “Silly! We’re gonna feed you with food, from the kitchen.” He chuckles, pulling me once more. He seems to be deep in thought as he drags me down the staircase and to the kitchen. “But would you like it though?” He asks while we’re in the hallway preceding the dining room.

“Like what?” I stammer confused.

“Being filled up?”He says it like it’s obvious.

“With food, yes.”

“No weirdo. With Liam or me?”

“No.” I respond quickly, not wanting to even think about it.

“Liar. Your nipples perked up ‘cause you’re aroused.” Louis states with a devilish grin.

“No. It’s because I’m cold and I don’t exactly have a bra on right now.” I can’t help snapping.

“Well I know just the way to warm you up love.” The blue-eyed boy says suggestively. “Nothing better than a little body heat.”

“Louis, I’m on my period.”

“What’s a little blood? Haven’t you ever heard of blood play? And are you saying you would if you weren’t on your period?” Louis demands, opening the door that leads to the dining room.

“Disgusting, don’t wanna think about it and no.”

“I’ll prove you wrong.” Louis promises, pulling me inside the kitchen.

“I’m so thrilled and excited to experience your oh so holy intentions.”I mock.

He shoots me a dazzling smile. “Careful love... You might wanna be careful not to provoke my inner monster.” He sing-songs. “Lots of things can trigger it...”

“Here Sophie,” Liam says, cutting Louis. He hands me a plate with various fruits. “Eat all you want, it’s healthy sugar.”

“And that’s his nice way of saying, eat it all babe.” Louis ends.

I roll my eyes, grab the bowl and sit on one of the stools, before shoving fruit pieces down my throat. From good old strawberries to exotic mangoes.

The boys sit down in front of me and watch in awe as I keep eating like there’s no tomorrow.

“Do you have Nutella?” I ask after a minute or two. “These fruits wouldn’t mind a little coating.” I explain.

“And to think yesterday you didn’t want to eat a little Ben & Jerry’s.” Louis shakes his head in disbelief, standing up to get the Nutella. He places it in front on me.

I open it and start shoving fruits in, taking large mouthfuls without letting any drop end anywhere other than in my throat.

“I bet it’s because of her period.” Liam resonates with an ounce of uncertainly. “I think girls how have their periods need more sugar to prevent cramps.” _Not. Liam, sometimes I wonder where you get your information._

“Maybe. But as far as I know, she’s always loved food, just like Nialler. I guess yesterday was just... too much?” Louis contradicts, shaking his head.

 I shut their conversation off completely, solely focusing on the food. _What indeed was wrong with me yesterday for refusing sugar? Doesn’t matter... This is just so heavenly._

Just as I’m placing a chocolate coated banana in my mouth, I get a small cramp, resulting into an unexpected moan. The two boys visibly stiffen as I redden in fervent embarrassment. _Sophie you dumb shit. Moaning in front of the two most bipolar people of the house? That’s like raising a red flag in front of a raging bull you idiot. And it had to be the banana. Fuck you ovaries. You had to hurt me, make me moan, while I’m munching on a freakin’ banana. Stupid._

They both shut their eyes tightly, very visibly trying to push out images I sent them. Liam looks away suddenly, his breathing a little raspier than the normal.

“The things I would do to you right now if you weren’t on your period...” The brown-eyed boy hiccups.

“None of them to which I think I can restrain,” Louis bursts suddenly, grabbing my arm and pulling me off the stool. He pushes me up against the wall and places himself in between my legs, licking his lips as his eyes turn darker.

“You moaned on purpose right? You knew I’d wanna ravish you! Why do you keep playing with my restraints?!” He demands. “They’re gonna break!”

“No Lou! Look I didn’t mean to incite you to touch me in any way!” I beg, pushing him away from me.

Louis hits the wall beside my head. I jump in fright, but he keeps me pressed tightly against him, making sure I felt his growing arousal. _Where is the earlier joyful Louis?_

“Louis careful,” Liam edges, looking worriedly between the older boy and I. _Good to see I’m not the only one worrying about Louis temper problems._ Louis pays no notice to Liam’s warning. I look over Lou’s shoulder to see Liam mouthing a sorry.

“Why’d you moan then? The chocolate alone couldn’t have done it.” Louis makes me look at him again.

“Cramps. I just had a sudden abdomen pain that turned out into a groan.” I let out, pushing feebly against Louis’s stronger form. His eyelids drop for mere seconds, looking at the place where we were touching before looking back into my eyes.

“Liam, how much time before the boys arrive?” Louis questions the younger boy, his gaze not leaving mine once. I shut my eyes, his gaze frightening me. “Tut tut, open your eyes love.” Louis coos softly, lifting my chin up. I obey reluctantly, giving him the most pleading eyes I could muster to try to get jubilant Louis back.

“It shouldn’t be long; they didn’t have to stay until the last period.” Liam replies, voice laced with uncomfort. “Louis, Harry said that she could make a call, but it has to be done before his arrival.”

“Exactly. He said Sophie _could_ make a call. Does she deserve to make one though?” The blue-eyed boy cocks his head to the side. “I think she’d be too privileged, especially with all that’ll be coming up.” He continues, his finger trailing along the side of my face slowly. _What?_

“No Louis.” Liam denies.

Suddenly, my ovaries contract again and my knees go weak, a whimper making its way out of my mouth. I lean on Louis for support.

“Your periods are really strong huh?” Louis realises, keeping me upwards. He’s softer though with his actions. “I’ll help you push them away for a while yeah?”

“No Lou I don’t wanna have sex right now.” I shake my head, clutching my stomach and rubbing circles where the pain was located.

“No silly.” He wraps my legs around his waist and places my arms around his neck. He spins me around so I’m on his back. “I’m gonna take care of you. Liam, heat up one of those heating pads will ya?” He asks, before taking a very baffled me out of the kitchen. _Major mood swing right there._ “Oh and bring me the phone, peasant!” He yells just as we go by the dining room. He places me on the couch of the first room of this house I visited, the living room.“Here. I want you to lie there, and shut your eyes.” He instructs.

I shake my head in denial. “No Louis I don’t want―”

He places his finger on my lips. “Trust me?” It comes out as a question. I’m about to decline, but his troubled eyes make me swallow back my words.

“Keep your eyes open then?”

“Lou I don’t know...”

“What if you tell me when to stop?” He almost pleads. I flinch at another pain surge. “Please? I’ll only kiss it better. And massage it a bit. And distract you at the same time.”

I huff hesitantly and give in, nodding and hoping it wouldn’t turn out like it did with Liam two years ago. Louis places himself to straddle my body, but holds himself up with his left hand, which I now noticed wasn’t as swollen as yesterday. Lifting my shirt up with his free hand, he descends towards my abdomen slowly and starts peppering it with butterfly kisses. My heart rate speeds up unhealthily and Louis smiles on my stomach.

“Do you trust me enough to close your eyes now?” He mumbles.

 I squirm, doubtful, but end closing them after a few seconds, a shaky sigh escaping my lips. Louis resumes kissing my stomach, but as time goes, he starts going higher and higher, making my breath hitch. Unexpectedly, his mouth stops touching my body altogether, but I still feel him hovering over me. I’m about to open my eyes to ask him what’s wrong, but out of the blue, his soft lips connect with mine in a soothing kiss. I sense his right hand trailing along my stomach, stopping where I felt the pain the most. His fingers start massaging the spot slowly, his lips never leaving mine. I let out a wretched whine on his mouth as his finger digs in a particularly painful spot.

Louis mumbles a quiet apology, before reconnecting our lips and continuing his work.

I have to admit, it felt good. Too good. I wasn’t supposed to like this. It was too intimate for Louis and I. It was too weird for Louis and I to be like this. But as the kiss went more fervently, a feeling of comfort and security started building up. And Louis rapidly turns it into lust, his hips starting a slow humping rhythm.

“Louis get off her.” Liam’s stern voice breaks us apart, sending Louis tumbling on the floor in surprise.

“It’s not like I was hurting her mate.” The other lad grumbles, his lips swollen by our kissing. I also notice he has a tent in his trousers. _Great._

“You wanted a heating pad Louis?” Liam questions, holding a little pillow up.

“Yeah. Place it on her stomach and let her use her phone while I get rid of this,” The older boy sighs, motioning his growing erection. “Next time Soph, we’re going all the way.” He cautions.

“I won’t let any of you touch me sexually while on my period.” I retort, the feeling of well-being Louis had commenced slowly leaving.

“How long are your periods usually?” Liam enquires.

“5 to 6 days.”

“One week. I’ll have to wait for one freakin week.” Louis groans, before leaving.

“Harry’s gonna freak too...” Liam mutters, before giving me the heating pad and the cell phone. I sit up properly and huddle in the corner of the couch, placing the heating pad on the aching place of my stomach. I then look at the phone.

“You have five minutes precisely before the three other boys arrive... Use them well.” Liam advises, looking at me intensely.

I dial Ashley’s number quickly. She picks up on the first ring.

“Soph?” Her voice in panicked.

“Yes Ash it’s me.” I answer.

“Put it on speakerphone,” Liam instructs. I do as told; glad I could finally talk to Ashley.

“Look Ash, I only gotta couple minutes alright? So I just wanna let you know that I’m perfectly fine, even if I’m not where I’m supposed to be.”

“You’re not with Emily? Soph what is happening? I kept getting texts from your phone saying you were okay, but I knew you couldn’t be the one answering since it wasn’t a three-line reply and I just freaked out! You’re with them again aren’t you?” Her voice goes from panicky to angry on the other side of the line.

Liam is tense by my side, awaiting my reply.

“Soph? Do you want me to call the police?”

“No! Don’t...” I trail on. “I’m doing okay and that’s all you need to know alright? I promise we’ll talk again.

“You wanna hang up already? Soph you gotta help me if you want me to help you.” She pleads _. I feel tears stinging the brim of my eyes._

“This is all I can tell you so far, or you would never be able to hear from me again alright? I love you, bye.” And I hang up, just like that, before dialing Emily’s number. It ends up on voicemail. _Oh right. She’s still in class._

“Hey it’s Em here! Leave a message and I’ll answer a-s-a-p!” Her voice chirps. It beeps.

“Hey Em its Soph Umm... Just to let you know that I won’t be going to school for the rest of the week, due to.... problems. Don’t worry I’m fine, just a little unstable. They haven’t killed me yet, so don’t go ninja on them if you have the miserable chance of seeing them at school.” I chuckle and sigh. “So yeah take care.” I end the call just as I hear excited voices enter the house.

“Great timing,” Liam smiles, handing out his hand. I place the phone in it dejectedly and he places it in his trousers. I hear Louis running downstairs excitedly as he goes to greet the boys.

“Can you stay here for a moment?” Liam questions.

“I haven’t got the intention of going anywhere.” I respond. “I’d get lost and then you’d find me and blah blah.”

“Good point.” Liam exits. I close my eyes, pressing the heating pad to my stomach as I try focusing on their chatter.

“Should we take one...?”

“No leave them there!”

“Will she like them...?”

“Think so...”

“What’s wrong with your face...?”

“That Emily girl has a good right hook.”

I chuckle at Harry’s response, imagining the whole scenario in my head. _Don’t think Emily’ll feel bad after listening to my message though. I think she was just glad to have a go on Harry._

Their voices suddenly get hushed and I know they are nearby. Zayn pops in first.

“Soph, we have a surprise for you.” He winks.

“Two,” Harry corrects, coming behind Zayn. The curly haired boy has a box in his hands. Liam and Louis enter next, the latter having a really excited smile on his face. Niall comes out last, with a basket in his hands. It’s peeping. _What?!_

“We bought you companions.” Harry says as Niall shows me the content of the basket. Six ducklings. “Because both Niall and Zayn said you needed a living presence other than ours. So since I didn’t want to bring another girl here, I brought six feathery creatures.”

“You get to pick the name of one.” Louis adds. “Because the five other names are already chosen by us. Harry named one Quackers, Zayn chose Neptune, Liam selected Bruce Wayne and Niall named another Shamrock. I know they chose boring names so I named mine, Glen Coco!” He says happily. _So that’s what they were talking about when I was in the bathroom..._

I am too flabbergasted to say anything. The little webbed-footed animals kept chirping happily, looking up at us in curiosity.

“Do you like them?” Harry questions worriedly after a moment of silence.

“Oh I love them.” I whisper. I place my hand in the basket, palm open and facing upwards. The ducklings peep and run to the corner. Except one. He comes closer to my hand, and gives it a soft, careful peck. He waits for a few seconds, and jumps on it. “I’m naming him Karma.” I decide, holding him up closer to me. I place him back in the box, noting that Karma was the one with the weird patterns on his wings.

“Oh Soph. She’s for you,” Harry says, giving me the box. 

I open it to find a ginger kitten looking at me with big blue eyes. I gasp, looking at Harry wide-eyed.

“I thought that she could live in your room, while the ducklings live in the pond outside.” Harry explains, petting the kitten. “But the ducklings can come inside the house too, it’s so big.”

“You have a pond?”I ask incredulously.

“Yeah, outside.” Liam shrugs. “It has fishes and turtles already.”

“She’s never seen outside the house. Maybe we could...” Zayn says, looking at Harry for permission.

“Do you wanna go see it?” Harry asks me. “Wanna go outside for a bit?”

I nod. I would indeed love a little fresh air. I pick up the kitten and cradle it in my arms lovingly while Louis picks up the basket whispering something about Glen Coco, again. The boys take me out the living room and towards the backdoor, harry beside me, Niall and Louis in front, Zayn and Liam in back..

“So how will you name the kitten?” Niall asks, in front of me.

“Fate.” I answer, caressing the ball of fur. She purrs.


	23. New Things to Know About

“Cute.” He chuckles just as we step outside.

“Wow...” I breathe out. “You guys have... Space.” I continue, looking at the massive green carpet of grass laid in front of us. I could see the faint outline of a forest when I squinted.

“When you gotta the money, you can have and do lots.” Harry shrugs. “And we are in the middle of nowhere sooo...”

“What do you do with all this ground?”

“Play football,” Louis answers.

“Run,” Liam adds.

“Wrestle.” Zayn finishes, elbowing Louis knowingly.

“You need that much room to wrestle?” I enquire, cuddling Fate as I motion the green carpet that extended farther than necessary. The kitten mewls, her head turning left and right in curiosity of her surroundings. “This terrain is almost as big as a soccer field. Or football as you guys call it.” I persist. Louis makes an insulted sound.

“Yeah football. You’re the weirdos that call that other thing where you use hands football. It doesn’t even make sense! You should call it handball but another sport is already handball so that―”

“Not the point Lou. You don’t need this much greenery to wrestle...And I bet you guys even have a room for that.” I huff.

“No we don―” Harry gets cut off by Louis.

 “But yes we need this much to wrestle, because you need to have a lot of space to be fast when you steel Liam’s boxer stash.” Louis explains. “And then when he does reach you, he just tackles you to the ground and drags you around in the grass ‘till you tell him that they were hidden under his bed the whole time. So yes we need that much space to wrestle.” He continues, smiling sheepishly. “True story.” He adds.

“Wouldn’t doubt it.”

“Basically it’s to permit a greater deal of amusement.” Niall laughs, recalling the event.

“And I don’t know why we’re even arguing on this on the first place.” Harry groans.

“Me neither.” Liam approves.

The ducklings in the basket start peeping.

“Apart from that **_soccer field_**.....where’s the pond?” I ask, seeing no water source for the poor ducklings.

“C’mon,” Harry chuckles. His hand on my lower back, he leads me to a massive half-circled shaped hedge, located on the side of the house. The boys on our heels, the curly-haired boy takes me through an iron gate, placed in between two hedges as an entrance.

Once inside the restricted area, which was really big considering it was closed in around the whole side of the house; I stop and stand in silent awe for a few seconds, admiring what sat in front of me. On the side of the house there was a beautifully set up patio with a picnic table. The patio had a glass panel that led to a room inside the house that I didn’t know of, since Harry still doesn’t want me familiarized with my surroundings, scared I’ll get too comfortable and use it as an advantage I guess. _Great idea._ _Maybe this week I can do some exploring since the boys won’t touch me much? Perhaps Lou will want to join me on my little adventure... Or Zayn. He’d be safer. I guess all will depend on who’ll have to go substitute at school..._ Thoughts start to jumble up into my head as I get excited, but I calm myself down and continue inspecting what I can see presently.

 The pond, was pulled straight out of a children’s book. In the middle of the semicircle of hedges that surrounded us and the terrace, there was a pond with a small waterfall, surrounded by pebbles and rocks. It was filled with goldfishes, turtles, ferns, water lilies and cattails. Frogs were probably in there too, but I couldn’t be sure from where I stood. There even was a little wooden bridge placed over the middle of the pond. A little bridge where Louis, Liam and Zayn suddenly stood, away from Harry, Niall and I. _Weird, I didn’t see them go... Must’ve been when I was busy looking at the patio. What could they be talking about..?._

Louis and Zayn were in the middle of what seemed like an important discussion, while Liam was casually playing with the turtles all while adding to the conversation here and there. They had serious faces.

“So....” Niall pulls me out of my inquisitive trance.  “You wanna show the ducklings to their new homes?” He enquires, holding the basket out.

“Yeah sure.” I say, “I’d love that.” I go to place Fate on the grass but she mewls in protest, clinging to my arms. I chuckle. “Harry, can you hold Fate?”

“Of course I can... But you’re missing a little magic word love...” He taunts, smirking as he crosses his arms over his chest. I huff in annoyance and look at Niall. He has his arms full with the peeping basket. I turn to face the darker boy that stood with Liam and Louis on the bridge.

“Zayn?” I call out as I start walking into his direction.

The browned eyed boy spins around from his conversation to look at me intensely, questioning clear in his eyes.

“Can y―”

“Fine. I’ll hold the pussy.” Harry puffs in exasperation as he stops me, holding his hands out for me to place the kitten in.

“You make it seem like a chore... And her name is Fate.” I raise an eyebrow, caressing Fate lovingly. From the corner of my eyes, I see the three boys coming to join us.

“Can I please hold the kitten? Please?” Harry sighs. I look directly in his eyes for mere seconds and snigger to myself, seeing the beginning of a bruise forming on Harry’s cheek because of Emily. _Good job Em._

“What a change of situation huh? You are the one who ended up pleading me. But here, you’re cute when you beg.” I chuckle, giving him the ginger ball of fur.

“Soph...” Niall warns as Harry makes a disgusted sound.

“I’ll show you cute. I’m not cute.” He starts advancing on me but stops and turns around, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips. He whirls back around to face me. “Sophie you are lucky to be on your period right now, because I swear that if you weren’t, the situation would have switched around again, in my interest.” Harry menaces lowly. “And speaking of which, how many days does your period last usually?” He asks as I reach for Karma in Niall’s basket. Placing my hand under the duckling softly, I lift him up and carefully walk to the pond with the boys on my heels. I gently push Karma into the water, before turning around to face Harry to answer him.

“They last―”

“Six days mate.” Louis answers for me as they reach us. “Terrible huh?”

“Six? Why can’t it be three or four?” He groans in response.

“Because I don’t get to choose my periods.” I retort. “And I think it’s great for me and my sanity to get a break from all the sexual stuff you do.” _And if I didn’t have them, I’d probably be fucked and toyed with every hour._

“Well you and your sanity better get stronger sweetcheeks, because we’ve barely gone hard on you yet. A, you’ll have to be punished for harming yourself, you broke a rule. B, I may have gotten you out of detention, but I’ll find a way to make you repay that little favour. And C, we still have a date to go on.”

“So the date will involve sex?” I ask dejectedly. _Why can’t he change? Can’t he see he breaks me?_

“Maybe.” He mumbles, looking away.

I huff and take care of placing the five other ducklings in the pond, before taking Fate back into my arms.

“Did you guys think of stuff for Fate? Like food and a litter box and these kinds of things?” I ask the boys, scratching my kitten’s head.

“They’re in the car,” Niall answers. “I’ll bring them up to your room yeah?”

“I’ll... Come with you?” It came out as a question.

“No. You’re staying with Harry,” The blonde denies, before walking to the terrace and inside the house. He doesn’t even give me a second glance.

I’m astounded. Something is wrong with what just happened. I start following him but Harry grabs my arm.

“Harry please.

“You heard the lad, he can do it alone.”

“If I can’t go, can someone go with him?” I query, getting slightly worried. _Niall wouldn’t have rejected my company without having a twisted intention on the back of his head...Oh no._ “Guys, one of you will have to go with Niall.” I state, realisation dawning on me. I used to do that all the time... Isolate myself to go cut.

“Why?” Liam enquires, crossing his arms. “He can take care of himself.”

“No, I don’t think he can.... You won’t understand... Zayn can you go?” I plea.

A flicker of understanding sparks into the darker boy’s amber eyes. He nods and rushes inside to find Niall.

“What was that about?” Harry questions, looking at me very seriously. “Why are you so worried about Niall?”

“Niall needs me alright?”

“Technically, we all need you,” Louis counters.

“I know! But it’s deeper with Niall!” I spew.

“I really like how what you just said has a double meaning.” Louis remarks.

“Never mind! You wouldn’t understand anyways! Every single one of your fucking thoughts are on sex! All of you!” I storm, tagging along behind Zayn and Niall. Tears of anger blur my vision as I run up the patio, clutching Fate tightly to my chest. Harry, Louis and Liam only decide to follow me once I’m in the house, muttering something about hormones and sleep.

I run straight through the rooms, not paying any attention to my surroundings. _I have to get to Niall. I have to make sure he’s okay. I have to get to Niall._ It’s a repeating mantra in my head. _I have to get to Niall. I have to make sure he’s okay. I have to get―_

I yell in protest as arms wrap themselves around my waist. I drop Fate on the ground and I keep fighting whoever’s holding me as she scurries to hide in a corner.

“Calm down and I’ll let you go,” Liam mumbles in my ear.

“No! You don’t understand!” I protest, hitting his arms. To my surprise, he lets go of me, but he’s rapidly replaced by Harry and Louis, who each grab one of my arms.

“Liam, grab Fate and bring her upstairs. And then get the stuff ready. We’ll be up in a few.” Harry instructs, before talking to me. “Soph calm down. Niall will be fine I promise.” I don’t look at him, my eyes fixed on Liam as he picks Fate up carefully and heads upstairs.

At that exact moment, Harry’s phone beeps. He reaches in his pocket with his left hand, keeping me in a tight grip with his right. He smiles and shows it to me.

 

Hazz show this to Soph.

I’m with Niall upstairs and everything is perfectly fine.

Zayn

 

My breathing slows, and I relax a little in the boy’s grasp

“See? So I don’t know why you freaked out, but everything is perfectly fine.” Harry sighs, placing his phone back into his pocket. “But something you said though, during that little fit, ticked me off. And I just found out the perfect punishment for you self-harming and missing detention.”

I start freaking out again.

“No please Harry I don’t want to... Please I’m tired of all of this! All this physical abuse is tearing me apart!” I complain, struggling in their arms.

“Nobody said anything about physical abuse.” Louis replies.

“Right. No this time Soph... It’s all gonna be of your own making.” Harry agrees. “So we’re gonna take you to bed, and you’ll be able to tell us all about your little experience tomorrow morning.” Harry says, pulling me to where I guessed was my room.

“No! I didn’t even eat supper yet! It’s barely the end of the afternoon! I don’t have to go to sleep! I don’t even have school tomorrow!” I object, thrashing against their grips.

“You won’t even have to eat. We’ll just give you food through the needle.”

“No! No please!” I start sobbing, letting myself go weak. “I’m sorry I said anything! Okay I didn’t mean to upset you or tick you off! Or anything bad I did I’m sorry! Please Harry please!”

“You’re just saying that because you’re now aware of the consequences.” Harry shakes his head as he and Louis try their best to bring me upstairs. They take me through Louis room, and then through mine. They place me on the bed.

As soon as they let go of me, I jump off, only to be held back down.

“Liam I really hope you prepared the stuff!” Louis says between clenched teeth as he battles to keep me down.

“Yeah I did! So are we gonna feed her through that too?” Liam’s deep voice questions from somewhere in my room.

“Yes. And put her to sleep too.” Harry replies. “Soph stop moving... You’re making this ten times worst. Why are you flipping out? Niall’s fine.” He says softly.

“I don’t want you to needle me! Don’t do this!” I beg, suddenly clutching Harry’s shirt.

“Louis, hold her arm out,” Harry commands lowly as he warps his arms around my waist, hugging me to him. I resist at first, but then Harry nuzzles into my neck, and starts butterfly kissing different spots. Weirdly, it calms me down, and I let Louis take my right arm and apply some disinfectant on the upper part of my arm.

“Harry I don’t wanna die.” I groan, as he sucks a sweet spot. The curly- haired boy chuckles on my skin.

“Love, we’re not gonna kill you. We’d never do that.” He coos. “We’re only adding some hormones into your system.”

My stiff reply must’ve told him what I was thinking because he continues.

“They aren’t permanent.” He reassures as Liam and Louis talk lowly near us. “The hormones will increase arousal when you sleep. And I’ve decided to use these ones on you, because you said we only thought about sex. So you’re gonna be the one, dreaming about that. And we’ll see tomorrow morning, if you’ll resist to your cravings, even if you’re on your period. Think of it as a week long experience.”

“The whole week?! No please Harry.... I’ll kiss you if you don’t do this.” I say, silent tears sliding down my cheeks. He kisses them away. I was such at a vulnerable state, and I hated it. It made me cry harder. _Where were the walls I built during two years? They crumbled? Just like that? A simple blink of an eye? No..._

“Maybe next time you’ll think twice about what you say...” Harry mumbles into my hair, pressing another kiss on the side of my neck.

I feel the needle piercing my skin and I flinch, hugging Harry tighter. He caresses my hair and kisses the top of my head, whispering sweet nothings as Liam or Louis, I don’t know which one, emptied the contents of the syringe into my bloodstream. The effects start almost immediately, my grip on reality fading quickly.

“Night, kitten.”

And just like that, I was out in Harry’s arms, tears stained cheeks for the second time in less than 24 hours.


	24. Dreaming

_**************************_

_I’m in a completely white room, sprawled on something soft. A bed I guess. Everything is fuzzy and unclear, from the surroundings to my thoughts. The only thing I know is that I’m aroused as hell, and I feel soft, warm hands exploring my body hungrily, under the silky dress I wore. Focusing is impossible, arousal and ecstasy taking the reigns over all my actions. All I can think about is lust. Lust for another body to please mine._

_“Do you like this Soph?” A husky voice demands, hands under the dress, ghosting slowly over the outline of my excited body._

_I shut my eyes as whimpers escape my lips, my hips rolling to make our skins come into constant contact._

_“Do you want to experience more?” My head snaps downwards, and Harry’s mocking green orbs meet mine. He’s almost naked, only the thin cotton of his boxers retaining his growing erection. “Is this enough to satisfy you?” He repeats, kissing a line down my stomach as his hands continue teasing me._

_“No... Touch me more,” The plea pours out of my lips before I can fully process it. But I really mean what I pronounce. I need him to bring me to the edge... “Harry, take me somewhere nice and pleasurable.” I beg softly, shutting my eyes and clutching the sheets beneath me as his curls tickle some sensitive skin._

_“You want me to take you to another world sweet cheeks?” He says lowly, his fingers taunting my eager body again._

_“Yes!” I groan in exasperation._

_“That’s what I like to hear...” Harry purrs, his hot breathing on my naked skin making goose bumps surface on my pale skin. I shut my eyes and shiver as he carefully lifts my dress off of me and tosses the lacy panties aside. His moist lips connect with mine hungrily as soon as the material is off. His lips taste like spicy cinnamon and sweet honey. The perfect bipolar mix._

**_“Lads I think it worked...She has been moaning for the whole night.”_ ** _I’m surprised and confused as I hear another voice. It’s farther away though. It’s as if the person talking was watching from above._

**_“Clearly. Your eyes are dark rimmed. I take it you didn’t sleep much?”_ **

**_“Couldn’t. Some noises she makes are just sooo... arousing.” The voice sighs._ **

**_“Maybe she’s having a nightmare. You sure they weren’t whimpers and whines of fright?”_ ** _The worried Irish accented voice far-away frightens me, but I don’t get to dwell on the thought for long as Harry’s mouth latches on one of my breasts, eliciting a loud moan and distracting me completely from the outer voices._

_“That’s good huh?” His raspy voice questions, without wanting an answer as he attacks again, this time assaulting the other nipple._

_“Yesss...” I gasp and moan at the delicious feeling._

**_“Nah mate that was definitely a moan. An aroused one.”_ **

**_“Do you know who she’s dreaming about?”_ **

_Harry leaves my lips, and places himself so he’s in between my legs, before dropping down to nuzzle into my neck to make his mark. He nips playfully on the delicate skin and I flinch as he opens the skin, but sigh as he licks and sucks the spot to soothe it. My eyes are shut as he repeats the process on more than one spot, while one of his hands starts fondling with my breasts._

**_“Weirdly no... She hasn’t said a name yet.”_ **

**_“Ok but Hazz... As cute as you two look sleeping together, you need to have your rest. Her school called and wants all of us in, except Zayn. And you and Niall need to be over there at noon. Liam and I are leaving in like twenty minutes.”_ **

_I’m confused. It couldn’t have been Harry talking... Harry’s with me. Why would Louis be talking about Liam, Niall and Zayn? There not there! None of them are! There’s only Harry... I look down to be certain, and see the mass of curls is now over my stomach. What feels like his nose, is rubbing around near my lower regions._

_“Did you know you smelled delightful?” The green-eyed boy says, taking a deep breath as our eyes meet. “Love?” He adds a little worriedly, cocking an eyebrow upwards at my puzzled expression._

**_“I think we should all get out of that school.”_ **

**_“And leave her alone over there?”_ **

**_“No. Get her out also.”_ **

_“Love are you alright?” The Harry touching me asks again, his thumbs rubbing slow circles on my thighs. “Focus on me. It’s only us here... I’m the one who’s gonna make you feel good.”_

_“You don’t hear them?”_

_“Who?”_

_“The voices.”_

_He shakes his head negatively, his curls bouncing on his head. “Ignore them. Focus on ME.” His fingertips brush my clit suddenly._

_I gasp, my hands suddenly clutching the sheets beneath me once more as the arousal returns._

_“Want me to eat you out, sugar lips?”His husky voice screams sex._

_I’m about to agree, but the voices continue perturbing my thoughts._

**_“But how is she gonna win her life without her studies?”_ **

**_“She won’t have to work... I think we have enough money to keep her living a full life with everything she deserves. And we could find her a job once we go on tour also.”_ **

**_“She won’t agree to this. A, She wants to keep seeing Emily, that’s for sure. B, she surely won’t accept we give her money... She’s just not like that.” Someone denies._ **

**_“I’ll convince her.” A voice whispers._ **

_“Sophie.” Harry’s voice is commanding. “I’ll leave if you don’t concentrate.”_

**_“But Harry I’m serious about you needing some rest. Let Zayn take your place.”_ **

**_“Fine but I don’t want to wake her up.”_ **

**_“Let’s just lift her head, and place her on my stomach to match your previous position.”_ **

_I feel myself being sucked out slowly of the white room. I shut my eyes and whimper._

_“Sophie!”_

_I whine in protest and open my eyes as Harry slaps my ass._

**_“And Zayn... I don’t want her to orgasm in that dream...”_ **

_“What?”_

_“Stay here with me.” Harry orders firmly. But then, he starts fading before my eyes, his curly locks being replaced by darker hair and his green orbs by amber ones. Suddenly, it was Zayn towering over me, not Harry. I’m baffled._

_“Zayn? Why, how, where―” His index on my lips, he silences me. He’s dressed just like Harry’s prior almost naked state: only in his boxers._

_“Shhh.” He coos. “You’re with me now... It doesn’t matter anymore....” Zayn continues, tossing a strand of hair out of my face._

_I sigh shakily, trying to get sucked out of the white room again. I didn’t want to be aroused some more. I wanted to know more about the boys’ voices._

I realise I’m dreaming the whole thing. But before I can fully grasp the fact, a hand caresses my hair tenderly.

 ** _“Shhh... Continue sleeping love...Go back to sleep. Don’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.”_** The sweet voice lulls me into a deeper dreaming state and I groan.

_Zayn’s hand start trailing along my body, very similarly to Harry’s previous actions._

_I can’t help flinching. Last time he touched me in a sexual way, it ended up in rape. I was not opting for a repeat, even if it’s in a dream._

_“Zayn...” I almost deny._

_“Soph... I’ll be gentle with you alright? Give me a chance.” The dark boy pleads. “I’m not the same... I’ve changed. Please just...I just wanna...” He kisses me softly, his fingers intertwining with my hair. He tasted like caramel. He pulls back after a few seconds. “I’m not who I was.” He trails on, his breathing slightly raspy from our recent kiss._

_I look away in uncertainty._

_He nuzzles into my neck, but oppositely to Harry, he doesn’t make a hickey. He just stays there, immobile, breathing shallow as he holds most of his weight up with his arms._

_Suddenly, he spins us around so I’m on top of him, straddling his waist. I gasp in surprise, catching myself using his broad shoulders as support. I shoot him a confused look._

_“You take control then.” He says. “Make it count though.”_

_I cock my head to the side. Take control? I’ve never done that before. What am I supposed to do?_

_He chuckles, noticing my uneasiness. “Here, let me give you a hint and a head start.”He speaks._

_Slowly, he starts rolling his hips into mine, igniting multiple sparks of arousal inside near the lower area of my stomach._

_As Zayn continues moving, I start drawing patterns on his chest, tracing his tattoos slowly one by one. I take it he likes it as his eyes shut, a muffled groan escaping his newly swollen lips. He reaches and pinches my upper right arm._

_“Oww...” I whine. “Why’d you do that?” I question, tapping his chest._

_He shrugs._

_I feel him hardening under me and shut my eyes, arousal suddenly kicking in fully._

_“Zayn please...” I moan out. Why now? Why was I more aroused now than just a few seconds earlier?_

_“What?” he stops moving._

_“Can you just take me? I just... I need it.”_

_“You don’t want the control?”He enquires, a little incredulous._

_“I did a few seconds ago... But right now...Now I just want you and I don’t want to take the time to learn...” I shake my head, not understanding why either._

_“Okay then,” He spins us back around so I’m back under him. One of his hands starts caressing with the skin on my inner thighs, while the other starts playing with my folds._

_An obscene sound makes way out of my mouth and I shut my eyes._

_“So wet...” He groans from beneath me. He shoves a single digit in, keeping his other hand drawing figures on my thighs. “So tight...”_

_“Gosh Zaynnnn.”_

_He inserts two other fingers, and begins building a constant rhythm. Out of the blue, he curls his fingers, making me yelp._

_“God Zaynnn, stop playing with me!” I beg._

_“You sure you don’t want me to continue teasing?” He questions, curling them again._

_I groan. “Yesss... Oh God Zaynnn...Yesss Zaynnn! Take me! Now!” I plea._

_“Good.” He says as he removes his boxers with one hand, his other’s fingers continuing to ram themselves inside my now soaked insides. “Ready?”_

_He doesn’t wait for my reply and thrusts inside me._

_“God Soph... Now tell me how good I feel, if you want me to move.”_

_“So fucking good Zaynnn...” I moan out, clutching his head to bring him in for a kiss. Our lips connect and he groans in the kiss, clearly restraining himself from fucking me hard._

_“No Soph...You can do better than that,” he pulls from the kiss, his golden eyes taunting me. “Say something dirty...”_

_I grab behind his neck and pull him so I can whisper into his ear._

_“Zayn you feel so huge inside me. Your massive cock is throbbing so powerfully inside me it makes me shiver and sha―”_

_I don’t get to finish my phrase as he wraps my legs around my hips and starts thrusting roughly in and out of me._

_“C’mon Zayn... I want you to fuck me...Hit the pedal.” I groan. “Heavy metal.” I continue. To my great pleasure, it spurs him on even more, his ramming deeper and more precise, aiming for my g-spot. “Zaynnn!” I yell as he starts hitting it repeatedly._

_Beads of sweat start pearling on both our foreheads. Never stopping his thrusting, he lowers down to whisper into my ear._

_“You’re so beautiful love... You have no idea how gorgeous you actually are..._ _I want to kiss every inch of you. I love the way your hair feels as I run my fingers through them. You look so beautiful and angelic, I feel like I’d dirty you just by touching you. Your eyes are so expressive and beautiful I can’t help but get lost in them._ _” He says that last one gazing deep into my eyes._

_I feel like I’m gonna fall over the edge. Zayn cums with a loud moan inside me, filling me up so perfectly. And then, I’m sucked out of the white dream just as it is my turn to reach climax._

I wake up, aroused as hell.

“Soph...”

 I spin around, only to realise I had been sleeping on Zayn’s chest. _Didn’t I fall asleep on Harry?_ I’m panting madly, and he looks at me with guilty eyes.

“Sorry?” he attempts, biting his lower lip. “But I took it you were close so I had to wake to up.” He looks away. _Wait a minute. He’s the one that woke me up._

“Why?” I almost sob. “And please don’t say because Harry told you to, because I’m ripping your head off.” I menace. I’m sexually frustrated right now. And I can’t lessen it; I’m on my period for God’s sake.

“Ok Harry didn’t tell me to.” He denies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where i am... comments?


	25. Sketches

“You’re lying.” I shake my head, plunging my hands into my hair in disbelief. I needed friction. Or a turn-off. “Harry told you to... I heard it. I think...” I continue, uncertainty lacing my voice.

“Okay so yeah I lied...You see I wanted to keep my head attached on my neck thank you.” He nods slowly.

“Zaynnn... ” I sigh exasperatedly after a couple seconds. I realise he stiffens a bit, but I continue. “How would you feel if you didn’t reach climax hmm?” I demand, looking at him intensely.

“I guess I’d live with it, and wait until it passes.” He shrugs, crossing his legs and placing his arms behind his head. “Ya know... control myself? Or find someone to help me...” He wriggles his eyebrows suggestively.

I roll my eyes.

“Well you obviously don’t want the second option sooo... live with it and wait until it passes. Control yourself like I can control myself.”

_Right, like you expect me to believe that rubbish... I bet you wouldn’t control yourself if you had a forced dirty dream with lots of dirty talk._

_Wait did I say rubbish? No... I thought about the word rubbish. My thoughts are British? These boys are rubbing off on me with their British terms...And why the hell am I having this discussion in my head? Focus Soph._

I huff and shut my eyes, pulling my hair a little. _I bet it’s the dirty dream that converted my thoughts into British ones...Because dreams are thoughts and all...Ooh... Light bulb._

“Ok I’m gonna rectify the question.” I say slowly, looking up into his amber eyes. “How would you feel, if I grabbed you spontaneously, right now, and stroked you hard? How’d you feel, if I tied your hands to a head post and played around with you dirtily, only to prevent you from cumming at the end? ”

“I don’t know Soph because it’ll never happen.... Because you’d never have the guts to do that. And you’re way too innocent to try.” He smirks, straightening himself up a bit on my bed. He uncrosses his legs, revealing the beginning of a small tent in his trousers. _Bingo._

“Is that a challenge, Malik?” I cock an eyebrow up.

“Maybe, Miller.” He retorts, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Zayn....” I heave, shaking my head. I look down at my nails.

“What Soph?”

“Zaynnn...” I groan a little louder. I gaze back up at him with hooded eyes.

Clearly uncomfortable, Zayn bites his lower lip, his eyes locked on me. “What.... Soph?” He seems uncertain.

I lick my lips, wetting them, and sigh again. “Zaynnn. Pleeeaaseee” I whine.

“What...?” He gulps, unsubtly trying to hide the growing lump in his pants.

I shut my eyes and groan, squirming a little. I had managed to arouse myself with the little noises...Weird. “I’m gonna go take a cold shower.” I sigh brusquely, getting off the bed.

He grabs my wrist, keeping me near the bed.

“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head, biting his lip nervously. “You won the challenge and you barely did anything... But now can you just...” He trails on, looking down at his present erection.

“Sorry’s not gonna cut it Zayn.” I chuckle, knowing he wanted me to help him with his growing problem. “You did wake me up just before climax, remember?” I add, pulling my arm away from his grip slowly. The soft touch of his fingertips on my skin stirs unwanted images in my head, making the lower part of my stomach suddenly warmer. “So technically, we’re equal now.” I carry on.

“Fair enough,” he heaves, sinking into my pillows morosely. He fidgets a little, arranging himself on the bed. “Yeah you’re right. This is quite uncomfortable, frustrating and highly unsatisfying.” He agrees frowning. “So since we’re both... stuck... can we solve the problem together?” He attempts.

“And on this note, I’m gonna go shower while you, and I quote, live with it, and wait until it passes.” I smirk, turning back around to leave. I stop suddenly and spin back around to face him. “And you’ll be able to tell Harry that even if he continues injecting hormones into my system at night and wakes me up before orgasm; I won’t give in to my desires because I’m on my period and that’s just gross.”

“Wait.” He groans as he gets off the bed. “I’m coming with you.”

“Echh...Sounds tempting but I’ll have to pass.” I reply sarcastically, refuting his presence with me in the bathroom. _No way José, you’re not going in there with me._

“In fact, you can’t pass.” Zayn denies. “I’m not leaving you alone in a room. Doesn’t mean I’ll shower with you, even if I’d really like that, but I’m gonna be sitting on the sink counter. Or the toilet top.” He says, taking my hand.

I take the time to look around as he drags me through his room. It was neat, to my surprise. The bed was made and there weren’t many clothes strewn on the floor, the very opposite to Louis’s disorganized room. The three walls were painted with different streaks of dark blue, and they had little black drawings here and there.

I’m about to question him about them but I don’t have the time as he tows me outside and into the corridor. He stops in his tracks, his face thoughtful.

“What kind of shower do you want?” He asks me. “Spacious? Luxurious? White? Colourful? Name something.” He enumerates.

“Anything Zayn, as long as it has cold water... I just want to have a cold shower.” I respond, not seeing the reason behind the question. _I mean, a shower is a shower, right?_

“You shouldn’t have left the choice to me babe. But hey I’m fine with that anyways.” He smirks and takes me down the hallway. We walk beside Niall’s bedroom door, making it now possible for me to identify where we were in the house and where we were possibly going. _The washroom where I cut myself that second day... Oh boy today’s the fourth day I’m with them right? Wow..._

Zayn makes us turn right instead of left.

“Umm... Wasn’t there a shower in the washroom over there?” I ask, frowning. “You know... The washroom where I cut myself.” I add more softly. He very visibly flinches.

“Yeah but I don’t want that one.” He shakes his head, taking me farther down the hall.

 _Oh I have to ask him about what happened with Niall yesterday,_ I recall as he opens a door.

“Here ya go.” He says smirking, motioning me to go in.

I’m cautious as I step inside. And with reason.

“No Zayn.” I refuse and back up as soon as I see the glass shower. It was completely transparent.

“Yes Soph. I’m not giving you anything else.” He pushes me inside and shuts the door. “Now undress and wash in front of me.”

“Zayn that’s not you... That’s the kind of move Harry or Louis would pull. Not you. Or at least, not the new-found you. ” I say, trying to shake some good sense into his probably horny thoughts, judging by how the tent in his trousers hadn’t descended very much.

My comment visibly ticks him off. “Okay fine... I won’t look.” He pouts a little and walks to the end of the bathroom, before sitting on the counter and looking out the window. “Now take your shower.” He huffs, waving me off without looking.

 I sigh and start undressing slowly, my eyes locked on Zayn’s back to make sure he wouldn’t turn around.

He lets out numerous noisy exhales as he hears my clothes drop to the floor, but I ignore him as best as I can, before jumping into the glass case and opening the water.

“Can I look now?” he pleads from his spot.

“Nope.” I respond, popping the ‘p’.

“It’s not like I haven’t seen all of it.”

“Exactly... No need to see it again.”

“But it’s pretty. You have a really appealing body with that gorgeous creamy skin and your round breasts and―”

“I get it Zayn. You like seeing me naked. Doesn’t mean I like being naked.”

He groans once more. “And how am I supposed to get rid of my own problem?” He asks loudly, wanting to be heard over the running water.

“Wait ‘till I’m done.” I retort as I grab the bottle written body wash. “Or wank.” I add.

“You could’ve just touched yourself too you know.” He defies.

“Hello... Bloody lady bits.” I counter, rolling my eyes.

“But would you have done it otherwise?”

“None of your business.”

He stops talking after that, and leaves me alone while I wash my body and hair. I shut the water once I’m done, looking for something close to dry me off. From inside of the shower, and realise the pile of towels is near Zayn. I breathe out and roll my eyes. _I bet he did that on purpose._

“Zayn?”  I demand, opening the glass door.

“Yes love?” he spins around rapidly. I hunch and cover myself swiftly, shutting the shower door at the same time.

“No! Keep looking away!” I protest. He rolls his eyes and turns back around.

“Then why say my name if you didn’t want me to see?” he complains.

“Could you hand me a towel? Please. I’m dripping here...”

 _Wait what?_ I face slap myself, taking in the double meaning of my sayings. Zayn chuckles, also catching the double sense.

“And how am I supposed to give it to you if I can’t look in your direction? I can only look one direction...” He trails on.

“Ha-ha. Your pun isn’t funny. Just shut your eyes.” I gripe.

“But what if I bang into a wall?” he whines.

“Zayn.” I reply dryly.

“Ok fine. I now know you don’t care if I walk into a wall.” He grumbles, grabbing a towel. He turns around to face me; his eyes eyes shut, and holds the towel out for me.  He takes careful step towards me, keeping his eyes shut. “You do know the other boys wouldn’t have given you a choice, right?” He says as he continues advancing cautiously.

I grab the towel and wrap it around me, before answering.

“I’m pretty sure Niall would’ve reacted quite similarly to you. Harry probably would’ve wanted the little favour to cost something like a kiss and Liam and Louis well I guess I’d depend on how they’d have been feeling.” I answer. “Or something similar to that. I swear nothing can be foreseen anymore with you guys.” I say, shaking my head as I tightened my grasp around the towel.

And then, just like that, Zayn drops his pants and boxers in front of me, groaning.

My gaze averts from his naked lower half and my cheeks become warmer in embarrassment.

“What are you doing?!?” I exclaim shocked, keeping my eyes from wandering to unwanted places. I decided to keep them locked on his face instead.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m taking a cold shower.” The dark boy shrugs as he takes his shirt off. “See... I’m not shying away from your gaze am I?” He flaunts, showing off his body. I keep my eyes away from the lower part of his body as he enters the shower.

“Yeah well you’re well built.” I mutter once he’s inside. Still clutching the towel, I take a seat on the basket that rested peacefully near the counter.

The water starts running and Zayn groans as the cold water touches his skin.

“What was that?” He asks.

“What was what?”

“What you said just before I started the water... Something about my body.”

“You’re well built.” I repeat. “And since you’re a guy, it’s easier.”

He turns around so he’s side to the jet and face to me, arms crossed on his muscular and tanned chest.

“It’s not easier because we’re guys.... And Sophie if you have so many difficulties accepting yourself...” He stops and rephrases, “Sophie, would work outs help you? You know, if you feel that you are helping yourself to become the image you wanna be, would it make you feel better about yourself?” He asks, water gliding on the outlines of his body.

“Zayn turn back around and wash.” I deflect.

“Not until you answer. Because we talked about that yesterday when you were asleep and Liam volunteered to help you with your body image issues.”

“Is it like one of your habits? Talk together at night about me when I’m not awake to hear it?” I avert his question.

“Yes. Now please answer the question. I’ll talk to you about what happened with Niall yesterday if you answer me. Would you stop feeling bad about your image if you did something to help it? Apart from cheerleading of course. But you don’t do enough of that for it to actually have an effect...”

“I do a lot of cheerleading thank you and it’s a sport that demands a lot of physical effort and―”

“Just answer the following question with a yes or no? Would you like Liam to help you work out?”

“I guess I wouldn’t mind.” I mumble.

“Good. I’ll make sure to let the others know.” He turns back around and this time I stop looking all together, the sink suddenly very interesting. After barely five minutes of silence, I look back at him, without shame. Just not purposefully staring at his waist and lower, as soapy water trailed done his body. He was already almost finished washing his hair and body.

“What happened with Niall yesterday Zayn?” I question softly, but loud enough to be heard over the running water. He sighs, and takes his face into his hands, splashing water on it. He repeats the motion before answering.

“First of all Soph, I wanna know since when has Nialler had a cutting habit?” He requests very seriously.

“I found him in tears and blood early yesterday morning.” I respond miserably just as he cuts the water off. “It was his first time, and hopefully the last.”

He sighs, passing his hand into his wet hair once. The subject was touchy; both of us could feel it. We were cautious of what we were gonna say, and how to say it.

Zayn gets out of the shower and grabs a towel, enclosing it around his waist. “C’mon.” He says, motioning for me to follow him.

Rearranging the towel around my own body, I stand up and pursue him into the corridor.

“Zayn did Niall cut himself again yesterday?” I ask him as we walk on the carpeted floor.

“If he did, what would you do? Cut yourself again?” He opposes. “Because that’s what you two agreed on right? If you cut, he cuts and if he cuts, you cut? Do you even realise how stupid this actually sounds?” He continues angrily.

“Zayn... Did Niall cut?” I ask again, voice trembling. He sighs, maintaining his anger level to a minimum as we continue advancing down the corridor to his room.

 “No.” He answers finally. “I stopped him just before he could do it again. Because I know it’s once you do it the second time that it’s impossibly hard to get someone to stop.” He continues. “Sophie, I really hope you are starting to realise the effect you have on us. Especially on little Nialler.” He adds.

I look down in shame. _I’m such an awful human being..._

Zayn stops walking and lifts my chin up with his free hand, forcing me to look into his eyes.

“And before you think you’re a bad person for making us feel that way, because I know that’s exactly what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, tell yourself we did you worst alright? Just stop feeling guilty for everything. Please. You’d be doing everybody a huge favour, including yourself, Emily, Ashley and all those who care about you.” He finishes his gaze lingering a few seconds on my lips before he starts walking again.

_But I’m trying... That’s what you can’t grasp. It’s not an easy flick of fingers...._

Zayn walks us back to his room, opening the door for me to enter first.

“Zayn did you draw these?” I question him just before we reach my room, gesturing in admiration all the little sketches on his walls.

“Yup. Painted my room myself.... ” He nods, looking around. “Do you draw?” He enquires after quick thinking.

“Nah. I just doodle in my notebooks here and there. I suck at drawing. My best drawing is a stick figure in a dress.”

He bursts out laughing.

“I don’t believe you.” He says amused, shaking his head. “Go and dress yourself, I just found what we’ll be doing today.” He says, urging me to my room.

“We could explore this huge house and do lots of the many things this house provides, but what you wanna do is see my drawing skills? How does that make any sense?”

“You can’t visit the whole house yet love...Where would be the surprises? Just go change.” He grins.

“Okay okay...You won’t look if I change?” I ask, just before shutting his door.

“No. But you should change in the walkthrough closet just to make sure I won’t get tempted yeah? But also...Be aware of the fact that I trust you won’t go into any of the other boys’ rooms, and try to get out of the house.” He cocks his eyebrow up.

“I won’t... I’d get lost in the house and you’d end finding me eventually and then I’d get punished.” I reply. Whoa...

“Good to see you’ve caught on.” He smiles. “Oh and we brought some girl stuff for you... its somewhere in your room...in your closet I think.”

 I shut the door, a little shocked. _I got brainwashed by these boys,_ I realise. Anger bubbles up inside me.

“No... That can’t be...” I mutter, shaking my head as I headed to the closet beside Louis’s room top find some clothes. I shut the closet doors and open the light. “But maybe it’s true.” I whisper in horror, as I start searching for comfortable clothes. “It took them four days to change my mentality? That’s crazy...” I mumble, grabbing what I wanted: bra, panties, sweats, socks, a tank top and a little jean jacket without sleeves. The last item wasn‘t necessary, but it was good-looking so I decided I wanted to wear it.

I get dressed and take care of my girl stuff, before stepping out of the wardrobe. Fate was there, waiting for me.

“Hey there gorgeous,” I coo, taking her into my arms. I rub her head lovingly, and hug her. “Have you been here all along?” I ask her, obviously not waiting for a reply. She purrs as I continue petting her ginger fur. “I’m so sorry for dropping you yesterday and letting Liam taking you upstairs...” I continue, using my ‘baby’ voice. “He was nice wasn’t he? And Niall took care of your litter right?”

“Umm... Am I interrupting something?” The voice has a mocking edge.

I spin around to see Zayn leaning on his doorframe, a smile on his lips and a mischievous look in his brown eyes. He had a dark jumper on with dark jeans, hair placed messily on his head.

“Nah... I’m just rambling to my cat. It’s not like she can understand me anyways but it’s always fun to talk to someone just as vulnerable as me ya know?”

“You have some great motherly love.” He notices, ignoring the last part of my statement. I stiffen.

“Don’t think even about it.” I snarl, suddenly stingy. “I don’t want to be a mother. I don’t want to end up like mine. I don’t want you guys leaving me for another girl while I’m pregnant because you wouldn’t be able to use me for my initial purpose, sex! I don’t want my child to lose its father!” I word-vomit angrily.

“Whoa calm down love. It’s way too early anyways to be pregnant: there’s no way I’m letting you be pregnant at the age of 18. And we wouldn’t leave you if you ended up pregnant... C’mon...We’re not heartless. We’ll just wait a little longer for pregnancy possibilities an―”

“And there’s no way at all you guys decide when I’ll be pregnant alright? So get the protection methods going.” I snap. “If you don’t like condoms, find something else because I certainly don’t trust your ridiculous little pills.”

He laughs. “You’re in a bad mood suddenly huh? I’ll leave this talk with you and Harry.”

I shoot him a look.

“Fine fine... And no it’s not fine because I don’t know what to tell you.” He shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “Condoms are just... disturbing.” He shudders. “On a totally different note, c’mon downstairs. We’ll draw down there.” He says. “And yeah Louis would totally disagree with the color accordance of your outfit.”

I look down at my green and orange socks, then to my neon blue sweats, and my white tank top. I roll my eyes.

“Well he’s not there.” I sigh, caressing Fate’s head once more. I’m about to ask Zayn if Fate can come too but he beats me to it.

“And yes, you can bring Fate.” He says.

Zayn takes me downstairs, to the area where Louis and Harry immobilized me yesterday. The room that had a view on the pond and the ducklings.

I take the time to look around. It’s very cushiony, and open. There was a rectangular-shaped couch on the side of the room, except the rectangle had a missing chunk in the middle, leaving room for a little table.

“Wait for me right here, I’ll get the stuff.” He instructs, before leaving me alone.

Keeping Fate in my arms, I advance to the window, looking outside with longing. Fate though, seems curious.

 Zayn is back in a matter of minutes.

“Zaynnn.” I whine, turning around.

“Soph I learned my lesson. Please, don’t arouse me again.”

“Can we go outside?” I plea. “Just on the patio at least...”

“Oh... umm... okay. Sure. Why not?” He shrugs and carries the stuff outside, placing it on the table. I place Fate on the ground and she runs to go see the ducklings _. I feel freer outside. It feels good._

“Now...Draw me... And I’ll draw you alright?” He directs once were sat down and ready. He hands me a sheet and pencil.

I draw a stick figure with a quiff.

“Tadaa! Finished! I exclaim, holding it up for him to see.

“How can you? I haven’t even started and...” He takes a good look at my drawing. “Soph...” He shakes his head. “You can do better.”

 “Okay fine.” I huff and crumple the sheet, taking a new one. Biting my lip in concentration, I start drawing.

 

 

********************************************** 

 

As time passed, we talked about noting and everything, including Perrie, my family, what I had done over the last two years, our hopes and inspirations and that kind of gibberish. We dodged the subject of the other four boys, and how I felt about each of them. I didn’t know myself.... But I really did enjoy this different side of Zayn. Niall worried me, Louis made me feel unprepared, Liam was still a wonder and Harry... Harry was just so perplexing.

Zayn and eye would occasionally look up at each other consecutively to improve our drawings, make them more realistic, and when we did look at the same time, I would end up looking back down rapidly, smiling at my sheet.

“Here ya go.” I show him once I’m finished.

“See, I knew you could draw better than a stick figure. You actually draw really cute cartoons you know?” He compliments.

“Okay okay but can we go visit the house now that I’m done drawing?” I beg with puppy dog eyes.

“No... Because I’m not done... ” He frowns, biting his lip as he continues his drawing. “Put a little colour on your sketch.” He advises, keeping his eyes on his sheet as he pushed the box of coloured crayons and pastels in my direction.

Once I finished Zayn’s cartoon representation, I started making some of every boy, occasionally stopping to look over at Fate and the ducklings. Zayn though, was clearly still working on his initial one. And he didn’t want me to look at it, covering it with his arm the whole time.

“You hungry?” He asks after hearing my stomach grumble. He looks up from his drawing for mere seconds, waiting for my answer.

“No. My stomach is just letting you know it’s angry.” I reply sarcastically, placing the pencil on the table.

“Fine then I won’t get any food.” He shrugs, a smile on the corner of his lips. His brows are knit in concentration as he continues drawing lines.

I stare at him for a couple seconds, waiting to see if he’s joking or not.

“Okay yeah I’m hungry.” I give in.

“What do you want to eat? Name something... We have almost every food item possible.”

“Surprise me. Oh no don’t in fact.” I recall the shower incident, where he totally took advantage of me. “Pasta would be nice.” I answer after a moment of thought.

“Pasta it is then... ” He heads inside. “Can I trust you again?” he questions just as he’s about to shut the sliding door. “You won’t get lost or look at the drawing?”

“I promise I won’t. I’m staying with Fate.” I sigh, standing up also. “I’ll probably be under a tree when you come back.” He smiles and vanishes inside, shutting the door behind him. My chair scrapes along the wooden patio as I leave the table, and remove my socks before joining Fate near the pond. She was observing the fish with interest, her paw occasionally slashing the water.

“Hey Furball,” I coo, picking her up. She mewls in protest, and I place her back on the ground grudgingly.

“Hey you... You’re supposed to be on my side.” I scold her. She looks up at me with her big blue eyes. “Nah it’s okay.” I reassure her. I start walking to the tree near the gate and hedges that separated the house from the open field, and notice she’s following me. _I guess she just didn’t wanna be carried then._

I walk under the tree and sit so I’m leaning on the tree’s bark. Fate pounces on me. I giggle as she starts placing herself so she can be comfortable on my thighs, her little claws tickling me.

Karma and the other ducklings, suddenly pull out of the water, quacking noisily as they waddled to join us in curiosity. Fate reflexively takes a defensive pose on me, and I laugh some more, caressing her back.

“Hey calm down... They’re friends.” I mumble, scratching her behind her ear.

The six ducklings assembled around us, pecking here and there in inquisitiveness. I lift my hand up to hold Fate still, but they all quack nervously, before shuffling back to the water. Except Karma.

 I cock my eyebrow up as the little duck gets up on my legs, and gets closer to Fate, before practically hiding under her paws. My cat pushes him away in annoyance, but Karma comes back again, this time huddling under my hand that was on the ground. I cup my hand and lift him up, so he’s on my stomach.

“You’re a special one aren’t you?” I mumble, looking at the feathery creature in wonder. “Fate...” I warn as she approaches to toss him away again.  She doesn’t look up at me and keeps gazing at Karma. To my surprise, she goes and licks his head. Karma then jumps off my hand, and places himself in between her paws once more. She doesn’t move the little guy.

“Friends already huh? Well that escalated quickly,” I chuckle as Karma start peeping happily.  I pet Fate lovingly, and Karma starts complaining, chirping in envy. I grin and give him the same affectionate treatment.

Zayn appears a few minutes later, two bowls in hand as he walks to join our little trio.

“That duckling is a strange one isn’t he?” He states as he takes a seat beside me. He hands me a bowl of delicious looking pasta.

“He’s not strange... he’s unique.” I retort, taking a look at what he just gave me as I placed Fate and Karma on the grass with my free hand. Ham cubes, carrots, tomatoes, cauliflower, broccoli... He had a whole garden in there. But he also had grapes. _Weirdo_.

“You’re the strange one that put grapes in your pasta salad here...” I tell him, looking cautiously at the contents of the pasta salad.

“No... I’m just ‘unique’.” He pouts, quoting me.

I look at the salad again, my stomach rumbling. “I have ham cubes and you don’t? Why?” I complain.

“Yeah because you can eat pork and I can’t. I’m Muslim, and you’re not. Now don’t be difficult, and eat.” He instructs, taking another mouthful.

“How do you even know my religious orientation I never―”

“Just eat Soph.” He groans exasperatedly, shutting his eyes. Then, he starts staring at me expectantly.

I gulp before taking a careful bite. I had to give it to him... It was the best pasta salad I had ever tasted.

 

************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... Comments? Thoughts? lemme know!


	26. Alive

 

**********************

The rest of the week passed on pretty smoothly, the boys not touching me sexually. Not touching me at all in fact.

Louis had tried to persuade me into trying the blood kink, but I had firmly denied and he let it go after a few tries, to my great relief. Sure there were a couple other innuendos here and there, but that was it. It was comfortable, but I felt like the boys’ hormones had difficulty maintaining themselves to a low level, and it worried me. As the week went, they kept looking at me with envy, twitching uncomfortably when I was sat too close. The first two days weren’t bad, but it was nearing the third, fourth and fifth ones that sometimes, they had difficulty to stay in the same room as me. So I was the one who left the room, scared of the outcomes. Scared that they’d take me sexually. And then one day, I was alone for the full twenty-four hours. And then the next. And the other one. And so on.

Suddenly, they were trying to give me as much space as possible, the total opposite to first days where I had to be escorted everywhere I went. So I was left alone to play with Fate and Karma most of the time under the tree in the yard. And I was completely fine with that, but I missed being social. It’s not like a cat or a duckling can answer you right? They just stare at you with big eyes...

Some days I would just stay in my room with Karma, walking to the kitchen whenever I was hungry. Whichever boy or boys that was with me that day didn’t oppose. At first I was surprised, but then I just savoured the extra liberty. Plus, Zayn had managed to buy me even more freedom, asking Harry to remove the alarms on the washrooms so I could also go peacefully. They hadn’t removed the bells on the cupboards though and I was actually glad they didn’t. It prevented me from thinking about cutting because I knew that if I opened one of them, it’d ring and then the boys would come, scold me and place the restrictions back up again. I wanted to keep my freedom for as long as I could.

Niall made it hard not to think about cutting... I knew he kept stealing glances at my wrists now and then, but he always kept his hidden under jumpers or long-sleeved shirts, leaving me blind in ignorance. And it worried me, his broken face sometimes haunting my dreams. He just popped in and then out... and his eyes were what marked me the most.  They were sad, broken, lost. I just couldn’t get them out of my head, even when the dream version of one of the boys aroused me like hell.

My dreams always turned to be with the person I woke up with, but not once was I awakened with Harry or Niall by my side. They were the ones who went to bed with me, meaning the dream started with them, but it’d always finish with one of the other three boys. It was weird that out of the five boys, Niall and Harry had been the most distant. They were only there for the hormone injection, and then they sang me to sleep afterwards if they felt like it.

Zayn still didn’t want to show me his drawing, and for a strange reason, it frustrated me. I mean, it was only a drawing, but it still got to me. However, I tried to ignore it, due to the fact that he was the one spending the most time with me. Taking the time to know if all was alright and stuff. But why was he the one doing this? Harry could talk to me too. Niall, Louis, Liam were also capable of talking.

“Zayn... Why are you all so distant with me lately?” I’d questioned him one afternoon when he had decided to come around to chat in my room.

“Were not distant.” He denies.

“Then why don’t you guys come and see me, interact or something, for more than an hour?” I contradict.

“Well Harry has been feeling guilty and thinks it’s a good idea to let you some space. Niall is... complicated. Trying to sort things out alone. He doesn’t even talk to us. I really don’t know about Liam and Louis... but Louis seemed to say you didn’t like his demands and Liam is almost always at school because ‛his’ teacher is on vacation or whatever... I though, have found something to distract myself as I can’t use you as a distraction.” He shrugs. “Sorry.” He ends, giving me an apologetic look before leaving me alone once more.

_He could use me as a distraction... Just not the one he’d like it to be. And even then, he isn’t like that anymore!_

 Something about his behaviour, was suggesting that he had started seeing Perrie again, and he was starting to fall the girl. We would occasionally brush the subject, and his eyes would gleam, a smile stuck on his lips.

Something about Louis and Liam too was different. And I bet that their situation was very similar to Zayn’s. Or at least starting to be. My period hadn’t allowed them to touch me intimately for a week, and it was all it took them to get their relief elsewhere. And I strongly doubt they would put their career in jeopardy by sleeping repeatedly with other random girls. It would frustrate fans to see them constantly making out. No, I really think they went and met a special someone. And I felt a pang of jealousy towards those girls. Because they’ll have the boy’s nice sides... while all I got was the most of their abusive ones.

My period lasted for a shorter time than said, but I didn’t tell them. I wanted to see when they’d snap. But they never did. Never even asked questions. I ended up being the one on the verge of breaking. Especially when they restrained me from going to school. Like at all. Couldn’t even call Emily to let her know I was fine... hell I didn’t even know if she was fine, with the boys roaming around the school. And then one day I shattered. I needed to talk to her... Talk to a human being for more than a couple seconds. I needed to make sure she was alright. Needed to know I could have attention.

It had been about after the second or third week, I had lost the count once they stopped dosing me with hormones, and I was alone at the house with Niall. The boys had woken early in order to go to school, and I had too, opening my eyes just as the front door shut to consent their exit.

I rapidly get out of my sheets and head into my closet, putting my uniform on for school.  I try recalling my academic schedule, but fail to do so. Groaning, I decide to pack my cheerleading stuff too just in case. Grabbing the bag in one hand and shutting the closet with the other, I sigh.

“Bye Fate.” I whisper to my kitten, patting her head before exiting.

“Niall, I’m going to school!” I shout, passing through Zayn’s room and heading downstairs. “I can’t take being around this manor anymore!”

“No! Why?!” He shouts back from his room. I keep walking as his head his head pops out of his door a few seconds after, eyeing me up and down, blinking in fatigue. His eyes are dark rimmed. Clearly, I woke him up. He stood only in his boxers. “Why do you wanna go to _school_?” He says it like its poison in his mouth.

“I have to see Emily... I have to talk to somebody for more than five minute Ni!” I explain without looking back, maintaining my way down the hall.

“And how’re you planning to go to school? By foot?” He challenges, running up to me as he struggled to get some pants on. He stops me, almost shoving me into the wall. His touch sent a pleasant feeling through my body. I blink a few times in surprise before answering.

“Hellllooo. I can drive. I’m eighteen.” I push his naked chest away, turning around to carry on downstairs.

“The boys took the only car.” He shakes his head, grabbing my wrist to make me face him again.

“You guys have only one c―” I stop in mid-phrase, incredulous. “This can’t be possible... Aww c’mon! You have a huge manor, with literally everything... but you guys don’t have two cars? I mean, that’s not even logic!” I start going in circles, avoiding looking at him into the eyes.

 I feel him standing tense beside me, probably expecting something violent from me. The truth was that I wanted to hit him. Hard. Or at least hit something. But I don’t, taking deep breaths instead.

“You are guys. Guys love cars technically.” I huff, crossing my arms over my chest before facing him, eyes sad. “Why can’t I go to school?” I ask him softly.

“There’s no car.”

“Ni please... You guys don’t even want to wake me up in the morning for me to go to school... I thought there was a rule about having average grades. How am I supposed to even do that if I don’t attend school?” I plea.

“The boys and I decided we wouldn’t impose you any rules anymore...So forget about the grades. And this new rule free policy is partially why you’re free to roam around in the house and you don’t have to pleasure yourself daily. And also because Zayn reported you said something about knowing that escaping would only get you in more trouble... So we thought we’d reward you with more freedom and alone time because you finally understood that escaping serves you no good.”

“You gave me too much! Too much freedom! It’s almost as if I lived alone in this mansion! But the point is, I need to talk to her! To Emily! I need to see her, make sure she’s okay... and I can’t ruin my future by not going to school! I’ll need a job or something when you’ll get tired of me!” I start freaking out, ugly scenarios forming in my mind.

“Soph. We’ll never get tired of you.” He shakes his head, before passing his hand into his hair in exasperation. “We’ll make sure to give you all the money you need for a full life, with us.”

“You won’t get tired of me?! Niall you guys are barely talking to me since three or four weeks! See, I’ve even lost the count! And you still aren’t touching me or talking to me whatsoever! How’s that not losing interest?! Zayn even had the time to catch up with Perrie... I bet they’re thinking about making their relationship official!” I start hyperventilating. “And what about Harry? Hmm? He barely even looks at me! Louis doesn’t dare have a word with me and Liam can’t even smile at me anymore! And you!” I poke his chest, making him stagger backwards in surprise. “You’ve been locked up in your room or at school or any place away from me all along! Doing I don’t know what!” I burst, tears stinging my eyes. I wipe them away before carrying on, “I need attention! A human’s one! I’m at a point where I won’t even mind if you start raping me again... because then at least I’d get something to make me feel alive!” I pause, continuing more calmly. “That’s why I need to go back to school... I can’t continue living so alone... I need family, friends, love, affection... You guys are making it hard for me not to resort to self-harming.” I add more quietly, on the brim of tears as I eye my scarred wrists. I had managed to keep it under control during the couple of weeks, but that didn’t mean the itch wasn’t there. I was proud I hadn’t done it, but I had nobody to share my pride with, as nobody wanted to talk.

My eyes slowly drift to his exposed wrists.

“You haven’t done it either?” I mumble, before looking up at him.

He looks at the ground, shaking his head. “Zayn kept me informed on what you were doing so as long as you didn’t do it, you kept me safe... Thank you.” He looks up at me, eyes avid with gratitude.

“It was nothing.” I murmur, before looking away awkwardly. He grabs my wrist, his other hand cupping my face to make me stare in his cerulean eyes.

“No it wasn’t nothing.” Niall denies, his thumb pad caressing my cheekbones gently. “And as a proper thank you, I’m gonna take you out of this house al’ight?”

“You’re gonna let me go to school?” I ask, voice full of hope.

“No...” He pauses and looks down, biting his lip in thought. His smile grows as he gets an idea. “I’m taking you on a day-long adventure.” He announces.

My hope drops, shoulders slumping. “You are finally gonna let me visit the whole house?” I try.

“Of course not love. I told you I’m taking you out of this suffocating manor.” He frowns.

“You don’t have a car.” I sigh.

“We’ll walk.” He shrugs. “Put some oxygen in your cells. Now go change into something more umm... comfortable. But it doesn’t have to be sporty... just get out of the uniform yeah? And make sure Fate has enough food for the day. I’m gonna call the boys and let them know what we’re doing, and I’ll take care of preparing the picnic.” He elaborates, pulling his phone out of nowhere as I head back to my room, a little overwhelmed.

_Picnic? Fine with me, as long as you continue talking to me. But why a picnic.... Better yet, why his sudden change of behaviour?_

Still a little confused, I head to my closet carefully, wondering what to wear. _What month are we even in? Like then end of October or something? Should I wear something warm?_

All the questions were giving me a headache so I ended picking up something to keep me warm. If it was too hot out, well then I could take off a few pieces of clothes... not like Niall would mind anyways. So I pull out a normal t-shirt, a pink and black varsity jacket, blue jeans and some supras to finish it off. I looked at myself quickly in the mirror stuck on the wardrobe door, frowning when I see my hair.

I walk to Zayn’s room and borrow a hairbrush and some hair bands, before heading back to my closet’s mirror. I sigh once I’m finished tying my hair up in a ponytail. “What now?” I mumble, looking at myself wearily.

“Sophie! You ready?! Come and meet me in the kitchen!” Niall’s Irish voice resonates through the house.

“Yeah... Coming down!” I shout back. I turn to Fate, who was currently looking at me from her basket in curiosity. “Bye again fur ball.” I smile, before exhaling loudly and going downstairs to meet Niall.

“I like your shoes,” he comments as soon as I enter the kitchen. I look down. _Right, supras were his thing._ Niall finishes putting some food into a backpack, and then takes me out the backyard. I take a good look at him from behind ... He seems thinner, his jumper and jeans almost floating on his body... Weird. He stops once were on the terrace. “Love your missing something to cover your head...” He realises, looking me up and down slowly. “Wait right here.” He instructs, slinging the backpack on his shoulder as he goes back in. I hear him run up the stairs. He comes back seconds later. “Here.” He places a snapback on my head. “It’s yours.” He says simply.

“Thanks... I guess.”

He smiles. “Now follow me. I’m gonna take you somewhere special...” He says as he takes me through the gate near ‘my’ tree, making us get out of the half-circle of hedges. We start walking through the field, heading for the forest at the far end.

“Is it far?” I question once we’re half-way through the field. “That place you wanna take me to?”

“Why? Are you already tired?” He chuckles.

“No... I’m just trying to make a conversation.” I counter.

“Okay then, no it’s not far. Maybe a 5 kilometer walk? Give or take a few meters.” He answers.

“Sooo... What have you been doing, sulking alone for all these days?” I ask once we’re at the edge of the forest. He makes us enter and follow the dirt trail.

“It’s not important Soph.” He brushes it off, jumping over a very large root. He turns around and helps me over it.

“Yes Niall, it’s im―” I try once I’m back on the solid ground.

“No Soph. It’s not.” He silences me

“Fine then.” I give up. “It’s not my problem anyways.”

He sighs, but continues walking. “Sophie why are you so curious about what all of us are doing these days? We thought your life would be better without us around. We gave you everything, but spared you of our presence once we realised you didn’t want it.”

“When did you think I didn’t want it? I did want it Niall... But I was on my period... It’s normal to shut some people off no? Especially horny ones. I was scared!”

“But you didn’t even give us a chance to control ourselves! You left the room without saying a word!” He bursts. “Truth was... most of the time we were shaking out of nervousness! We’re not used to talking normally to girls for more than a couple minutes... We’re not used to do long talking that won’t lead to a hook-up whatsoever!”

“You boys have sisters and mothers... You know what it’s like to talk naturally about regular things with a girl.” I contradict.

“No because we can’t think about sisters or mothers sexually! It’s not right. We can’t think about kissing them or something like that!”

“And you guys can’t think of me as a sister?” I try.

“I personally can’t....I think Zayn’s the one who manages it best.... but I can’t! You have no idea how hard it is to see you being toyed with by another guy, even when it’s one of the lads...my almost brothers... the times where I just wanted to make you feel good and love you, have you all to myself...But I can’t do that. Because Harry’s in the picture. And something’s going on with you two and―”

“S’okay Niall...I get it. Let’s not just talk about this subject anymore...” I calm him.

He very visibly loosens up. “Let’s not talk at all shall we? Might avoid unnecessary arguments.” He mumbles loud enough for me to hear, without giving me a second glance. 

We then pursue our walking without talking much, to my great dismay. So I tried to push the rejection away by looking at the auburn turning forest.

 

 

****************************************** 

 

“Are we there yet?” I groan, breaking our eerie silence. We had stopped to eat a few minutes ago, but I was practically dragging my legs in fatigue. The sun wasn’t helping either, a little past the zenith, its heat was almost unbearable. Particularly now, as there were not a lot of trees over our heads, leaving space for the blazing sun’s rays to reach us. I had taken off my jacket a few seconds ago and wrapped it around my waist, and Niall had done t he same with his jumper.

Brusquely, he stops in front of me, and places our almost empty bag on the ground, before taking his loose t-shirt and his pants off.

“Niall, what are you doing?” I whine as he takes off his socks and shoes, standing before me only in his boxers.

“Jumping off the cliff?” he says it like it’s a question. “To my death I think... You obviously hate me...” He trails on.

“What?!” I ask incredulous as I now notice the rocky border, a few feet away from us. It seemed high, judging by what I could see on the other side of the opening. _He’s fucking with my mind right now right?_ _He’s fucking kidding me. He’s not trying to kill himself right?_

I faintly hear water running as Niall starts backing away from me slowly, a mischievous smile on his face. “Niall this isn’t funny...” I start but he spins around and jumps off the ledge and into the cavity. “Niall!” I scream just as I hear a loud splash of water. I run, bending over the edge where he just jumped. “Niall!” I gaze down to see a clear water-filled bay, with a small cascade. There were moss covered rocks here and there, and a peach body at the bottom of the water. I hold my breath, anxiously. _Please be alive. Please be―_

Niall’s blonde head pops out of the water a few seconds later, laughing.

“Niall!” he imitates, using a girly voice. _Dead. Bastard._

I pout, crossing my arms over my chest. “That wasn’t funny.”

“Hell yes it was.”

I don’t reply, placing myself on my stomach so I can look down at him angrily.

“Aww c’mon love... Aren’t you gonna join me?” he demands from the water. “The water’s cool... refreshing.”

“What? So suddenly it’s okay to talk?” I bite back.

“Shouldn’t you be glad I’m taking now? Like you said, sometimes you just need to shut off some people. I just didn’t feel like talking earlier... I had nothing good to say.” He says, swimming around in the water. “Now c’mon down!”

“Niall I’ll wet my clothes if I join you.” I counteract.

“Take them off... Stay in your underwear just like I did. And before you complain, love it’s nothing I haven’t seen before and it acts just like a bathing suit.” He shuts me off, shaking his wet hair before plunging inside the water.

“What if I can’t swim?” I defy him once he’s back out of the surface.

“Can you? You can swim right?”

“Yes but―”

“See? You have absolutely no reason not to jump.” He quiets my protests.

“Okay fine.” I snap, getting up. “You’re gonna catch me though?” I add, once I’m out of my outerwear. I take a peek down where he was before pulling backwards nauseously, rubbing my arms to get rid of my goose bumps.

“I promise I’ll catch you.” He answers, pulling his arms out of the water. “Now jump.”

I shut my eyes, taking a long respiration.

“Everything will be fine love... I’m here.” He calls out. I let out another shaky sigh, and then I jump, fueled by adrenalin. I felt alive for the first time in a couple weeks 


	27. Nervous

I let out another shaky sigh, and then I jump, fueled by adrenalin. I feel alive for the first time in a couple weeks as the wind bites my exposed skin, the water rushing exhilaratingly fast towards me.  Niall’s blurry shape is suddenly a few centimeters away and just as I feel hands on my waist, the bay swallows me whole, the force of my impact bringing Niall underwater with me. Everything is suddenly dulled, my hearing impaired as my ears fill with water.

I hold my breath, opening my eyes to gaze through the clear water with amazement. A couple of little fish were swimming peacefully here and there, mostly around the rocks and weeds. I look downwards. _Wow.... This is deeper than I thought it’d be._ Forgetting for the fraction of a second that I’m underwater, I gasp in surprise. Water fills my lungs just as I feel the hands on my waist tugging me upwards.

 I manage to get my head out of the water seconds later, wheezing.

“Niall?!” I panic, my legs kicking under me to keep my head over the surface.

 “Shhh love it’s alright. Everything’s okay, I’m with you.” Niall coos, helping me to gain control over the water. “You told me you could swim...”

“I can... I just panicked and I-I-I lost control.” I blabber, trying to regulate my breathing.

He eyes me inquisitively. “Did you actually try to breathe under water?” he realises, chuckling lowly.

“No I gasped... But yeah dumb move I know.” I puff.

He bursts out laughing, and I splash him, angry.

“You’re serious?! You tried gasping underwater?! Ha ha ha!” He laughs.

“Not my fault! This thing is just so deep and I was surprised and... Never mind.” I abandon as him laughter continues. “Look are we gonna keep swimming for the whole time? I feel like my legs are gonna give out.” I heave, a little annoyed of his mocking.

His laughing gone abruptly, Niall shakes his head, making water droplets drip off his hair.

“Boy are you whiny today huh? It’s like you can’t be satisfied with anything I do... ” he sighs. _Why sudden mood swings?_

I’m about to retort something but he continues.

“C’mon, there’s a place in this little cove where you can actually touch the bottom.” He chuckles, pulling my arm as he swims through the waterfall effortlessly. I stop in front of the cascade.

“Isn’t it gonna push you downwards?” I question, eyeing it uncertainly.

“Give me your hands,” he instructs from the other side, his voice slightly dimmed by the falling water.

“What why―”

“Do you trust me? Would I hurt you purposefully?” he shoots simultaneously.

“Okay fine...” I reply before carefully passing my hands through the curtain of water.

As soon as our fingers lock under the water, the blonde boy tugs me rapidly towards him, the force of my body sliding through the water creating waves that end up splashing on his chest. Surprised, I reach for his shoulders to steady myself, but my hands end up grasping around his neck. Our eyes meet.

“I love _you_ Sophie Miller.” Niall mumbles, before his lips latch on mine. He wraps my legs around his waist, hauling me up so I’m higher than him, my upper body out of the water. My hormones, who were familiar with the feeling of being abandoned and ignored, decided it was okay to kick in full drive. Cupping his face, I return his kiss heatedly, cherishing the contact of our skins together and the attention he was giving me right now. I feel his wet hands slide up and down the length of my body and I shiver from the cool contact, arranging my position so our body warmth could mix properly.

Water droplets slide down my skin and onto his as the kiss gets calmer, more loving and less desperate.

“Well... That was nice.” I speak softly, breaking the kiss. We stay immobile, our foreheads touching, our rushed breathing mingling. Seeing as I wasn’t gonna go for more just yet, Niall pulls back, a little deceived.

“See. The waterfall wasn’t that bad after all was it? Like a shower....” He says as he lets more space between our bodies. He tucks a strand of wet hair behind my ear.

“Right... And after some worked up make-out session, only you would return to the subject of the waterfall. ” I chuckle smiling, a little out of breath.

“Yeah and so...?” Niall carefully leans on the rock behind him, sighing. “Why would there be something wrong with talking about a waterfall? A perfectly normal, gorgeous and innocent waterfall deserves some awareness no?” He babbles rapidly.

I pull a face _. Why all those adjectives?_

“Niall can you just...Never mind.” I shake my head negatively and try letting go of him, but end up staying there as my tippy toes were only able to graze the platform on which he seemed to be standing on. _Okay this is awkward._ _Fuck you shortness, you’re making this even more awkward. What I’d give to be an inch taller right now..._

“Can you tell me how you found this place?” I question him quietly trying to break the unease of the situation, my hands now resting on his shoulders for support as I motion around us. “How did you find this little place hmm?”

“It happened a couple days before we took you back with us. The day before we went to get you at your school to be more precise. I needed to think, clear my head, and the boys just kept talking about the things they would do to you once they’d get their hands on you... So I ended up wandering aimlessly in the forest and I just fell on this place. The other boys don’t know it’s here.” He explains.

“How did you know the bay was deep enough for you to jump in?”

“I threw a rock in that day... A big one. I watched it sink down, and assumed the distance between the surface and the bottom was safe enough to jump in.” Niall explains.

“So you weren’t sure?!” I exclaim.

“Yes I was... I can estimate distance pretty well thank you. ”

I cast a skeptic look in his direction, but he shakes his head, making the water move around us.

“C’mon I wouldn’t kill myself in front of you... Especially not when I have such a wonderful life with a promising career and all...”

“I don’t know... You’re weird today.” I reply slowly.

 “And you’re questionny and you can’t help whinging, but you don’t see me calling you weird.” He shrugs, nervousness clear in his azure orbs. _Something isn’t right here._

“Niall is something wr―?”

“Soph you should really learn to trust me more...” Niall remarks cutting me off.

_Why is he dodging the subject of his situation?_

I frown as he continues, “I wouldn’t do anything to put _you_ purposefully in danger you know that right?” He mumbles, our eyes locked together. His entrancing gaze heads down to my lips, then back up to my eyes.

The atmosphere is silent, apart from the sound of running water.

Niall breaks it unexpectedly. “Soph... I never got your answer....You know, of the question I asked you on our first night back together... Do you have feelings for me?” Our closeness makes our breathing mingle and Niall doesn’t help my growing arousal as he wraps my legs around his body, holding me up like he’d done earlier. “Do you have any strong feelings?” He adds, his thumb carefully tracing my thigh from under the water. “A special pull maybe?” He trails on. “Please... Can you just tell me...?” He pleads after my silent reply.

“Niall I-I-I think I do bu-bu-but,” I stammer. “But I―”

“That’s all I need to hear for now...” He lets out a sigh of relief. “Kiss me again,” He whispers. “Please...I just have a feeling you’ll be leaving me soon...”

“Niall I won’t leave you...”

“Kiss me anyways... I love the feel of your lips on mine...” He persists quietly. “Please?” His eyes have an anxious look in them.

“Niall is something wrong?” I ask him worriedly. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“No...” he groans. “Please...I just need you to love me right now...”

“Niall, I―”

“You owe me this much.” His voice is dry, surprising me.

“What is wrong with you?” I push away from him but he catches my wrists, immobilizing me. “Niall!” I protest.

“I’m sorry Sophie....” His grip gets tighter, but his eyes fill with sadness and guilt.

“Niall you’re hurting me!” I plea, struggling to get him to let go of my wrists.

“Sophie... I did something bad.” He looks at me very seriously, his grip not faltering. “Something I shouldn’t have...”

“Niall you’re scaring me.” I say shakily. He loosens his grip a little. _What was he talking about?_

“These last few weeks were hard on me al’ight? But you need to understand Soph... That I’ll never hurt _you_.” He continues, emphasizing on the _you_. _No... This doesn’t sound right at all._


	28. Painful

“These last few weeks were hard on me al’ight? But you need to understand Soph... That I’ll never hurt _you_.” He continues, emphasizing on the _you_. _No... This doesn’t sound right at all._

“Niall... What is it?” I ask, voice shaking. He lets go of my arm, passing his hand through his hair once. My legs kick under me, trying to stay afloat. My feet unexpectedly find a rock to stand on.

“You remember the girls at your school? The ones who tormented you on that day when you promised Harry a date? They’re known as J RAGE or somethin’,” he looks around nervously, fondling with his fingers under the water.

“Yeah...” I look at him without understanding.

“Well on that precise day, they sparked my frustration. As the days went, frustration kept building up as they kept taunting me and the boys at school, continuously saying that you weren’t worth our time, attention and money and some shit like that. They said you were a whore Soph.” His eyes never meet mine as he continues talking. “It’s dwelling on these words, alone in my room... That I did something bad.”

“When...?” I question softly, horror creeping up on me as words kept pouring out of his mouth.

“Not long ago. At least I think it is. But I don’t remember. Because I don’t wanna remember. Because it’s painful! Because I know it’ll hurt you to know what I did and how I did it! Because I’m such a horrible person since then and things are just going for the worse. But I don’t regret what I did.” He stops, unsure. “No I don’t.” He persists to himself. “These girls deserved it. They had it coming. They needed to know what it felt like! I had to! The boys wouldn’t do it! So I did! And―”

I place my finger on his lips, silencing his insignificant rambling.

“Niall. What. Did. You. Do?” I question him, separating my words carefully.

He looks up at me for mere seconds, before looking back down. I brace myself for what he’s about to say. _It can’t be that―_

“I raped them.” He mumbles. _Bad._

“You what?” I gasp. _No... I heard wrong. This can’t be true._ “Niall, you did what?”

“You heard me well the first time! Don’t make me repeat it! I raped the damn bitches! Treated them like they deserved to be treated!” He shouts. “They wanted to fuck. Well I fucked them! In the least pleasurable way! And then, I threatened each one of them to change school or else I’d find them and rape them again. And I also told them nobody would believe them if they told media or anybody that Niall Horan from One Direction raped them, because I made sure to use a condom every single time and I assured that they washed themselves thoroughly before I let them go, leaving no trace of mine behind.” The words gushed out of his mouth heartlessly.

I back away from the blonde, scared.

“Nobody deserves rape or abuse.” I shake my head, tears stinging at the thought. “And you left a trace. Psychologically.” I continue. “And it won’t be gone for a long, long time.” _These poor girls...Jade, Rachel,_ _Annaleigh, Gabrielle and Elle... They don’t deserve this. They’ll be traumatised of their own shadows for awhile...They won’t want anybody to even touch them._ _Niall what did you do?_

 _It’s my fault,_ I realise. _It’s my fault Niall is back in Mullingar._ Guilt hit me like a train _._ “Niall why?” My voice is barely above a whisper. Barely hearable over the sound of the falling water behind me. I’m too stunned. _No it’s not true. Not sweet, caring, soft and loving Niall. No._ But his words ring true in my ears. It’d explain his earlier edginess.

“I wasn’t myself! Well yes I was... but not completely!” He continues, obviously trying to convince himself. “Look I was high that day and―”

“You were high? Meaning you took drugs?! Niall why?!”

“Soph I’m so sorry but―”

“Why Niall!?” I repeat, pushing him away angrily as he tries to wrap his arms around me. As I process the information again and again in my head, I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the heart. _Niall why didn’t you tell me anything before?_

“Sophie my control shattered!” He looks up at me, his cerulean eyes suddenly watery. “I just couldn’t stand it anymore! Nobody was talking to me, not even the boys, and I didn’t know what to do or how to react and all was just a fucked up mess in my head because of the drugs and―”

“Don’t blame the drugs. You have only yourself to blame. You’re the one who took them in the first place.” I say, before swimming under the fall and to the edge of the lagoon. Pulling myself out, I could hear Niall not far behind.

“Sophie wait!”

“Niall I don’t wanna talk to you right now.” I storm, walking up the hill by the side of the opening where the bay lay peacefully. Once I reach the place where I had jumped only a few minutes ago, I grab my clothes and put them on rapidly. Niall is beside me as soon as my shirt is over my head. He stops me as I’m about to walk back into the forest, the way we came in.

“Soph... I didn’t lose you forever did I?? Please, say you’ll forgive me one day! I won’t be able to live with myself if you don’t!” Niall babbles, eyes shining with unshed tears. “I already had difficulty feeding myself when you wouldn’t talk!” he persists, eyes wide with plea.

“I don’t know Niall...What you did can’t be taken lightly... I need time to think.” I reply, shrugging him off as tears sting my eyes. “And you didn’t come to talk to me either so it’s not my fault all of you assumed I needed to be alone.” I add, voice wavering as I walk around him to continue my way to the forest.

“Soph you’ll get lost.” Niall protests from behind me.

“I don’t care.” I say, voice breaking as I start walking our earlier trail. Tears start falling across my cheeks and I wipe them off in irritation. I was tired, confused, and angry at the same time.

“But I care.” Niall’s suddenly in front of me, dressed and bag slung his shoulder. “And it’ll take you forever to get to the house if you take that trail.”

“There is no other way to go!”

 “You’ll take the 5km route if you don’t follow me. Let’s just take the 5 minute one yeah?”

“You made us take a 5 km walk for nothing!?” I burst, more tears threatening to fall. _I need a hug right now. I need comfort. I need support._

“No. We took the 5 km trail because I wanted to spend time with you. It wasn’t for nothing.” He mumbles as we start walking the other route.

After barely two minutes of walk, I could see that we were on the edge of the forest, near the field the boys owned. It’s almost as if earlier today, Niall had been making us walk in circles all along.

This time, when Niall offers to help me cross the large root near the entrance of the woods, I refuse.

“You sure you don’t need my help crossing Soph? The bark is slippery, you yourself are wet and it’s a little high if you fall.” He warns from the other side.

“I am sure. I can take care of myself. Leave me alone.” I snap, anger blinding me. _Why did he rape those girls? What went through his head?_ I still couldn’t understand why he did it.

“Soph I understand that my actions wounded you but it’s not a reason to push me away―”

“Niall go away.”

“Fine.” He retorts. “Don’t blame me if you end up with a twisted ankle or somethin’” I hear the crunch of the leaves under his feet fade as he walks away and to the field. I wait a couple minutes, before sighing and climbing up the root.

I regret my refusal for Niall’s help as soon as my foot slips off the slick surface, making tumble to the other side. Catching myself with my arms, I squeal as feel pain igniting my right limb for mere seconds.

“Oww! Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouucchhh!” I ramble sitting up, clutching my wrist to my chest in pain. I look at it. It doesn’t seem broken. But it feels numb. I try moving my fingers and pain courses through them. “Oww.” I groan.  Shaking, I get back upon my feet and walk to the wood’s boundaries, holding my arm to my torso. Flinching, I drop it to my side and take a deep breath before continuing forwards. Once I’m completely out, I take long strides through the green field, wanting to put ice on my swelling arm as rapidly as possible to dim the constant pain that keeps shooting inside it. Niall is about thirty meters in front of me, but I don’t call on him. I don’t want to.

When I finally reach the gate wedged between the half-circle of hedges, Niall is gone inside the house. Harry’s sitting on the patio though, arms behind his head. He stands up as I open the squeaking gate. The earlier events come rushing back to me. _Niall raped some girls..._ The thought alone stings badly. I start crying at the thought of Niall. _Why Niall?_

“Hey Soph! Niall told me you were willing to talk again and interact and I thought that maybe we could―” he stops talking as he sees my tears. “Hey what’s wrong love?” he coos, coming over to me as worry creased his forehead. “And why are you wet?”

“Harry!” I start sobbing, hugging the older boy. I pull back almost immediately, more pain inflaming my wrist. “Harry, Niall raped some girls!” I cry, looking up at him eyes filled with tears.

“He did what?” The curly haired boy asks, incredulous.

“Harry he raped Jade, Gabrielle, Elle, Annaleigh and Rachel! He took me to this beautiful bay and then we swam a bit and he just dropped it all on me!”

His face is now a mask of horror. “Bloody hell... Why would he do that?”

I start hyperventilating out more, emotions hitting me like a train. “He said something about drugs and them tempting you guys and calling me names which frustrated him and he started freaking out and―”

“Sophie calm down.” Harry shushes me, hugging me to him.

Keeping my right arm away from him, I cry in his shirt. I’m unstable, feelings drowning me. _Niall why?_

“Shush it’s alright love... We’ll take care of things.” He says softly, caressing my hair as his chin rests on the top of my head. That’s how Louis find’s us minutes later, hugging on the porch.

“Well aren’t you two getting cozy.” He points out. “So Sophie you’re ready to intermingle with us again it seems?”

I turn look up at him, face wet with dry tears. “No. Louis I―”

Zayn comes in, a little flustered. “Niall came in teary eyed... Can one of you two care to tell me what happened?” he demands. Liam comes outside, also inquisitive.

“What’s wrong with Nialler?” He enquires. Harry ignores him, addressing to Zayn.

“Zayn, Niall was on drugs these last couple of days... I don’t know you how you managed to miss it with you going to his room every single day.” Harry reprimands, pulling away from our hug.

“Don’t blame this on me Styles. You weren’t doing much either.” Zayn bites back. “I wasn’t the one sulking in my room. I was giving her,” he nods my way, “the attention she was missing all while checking on Niall once in a while.”

“You obviously could’ve done better. Now both of them are hurt.” Harry retorts.

“You’re the one who let them be together today! You gave Niall the permission to take her out!”

“Zayn,” Liam tenses, ready to restrain the darker boy if needed.

“I’m fine.” He turns around, before spinning back to face harry and I. “I’ll just go take care of a broken Niall... Again!” Zayn says before storming inside.

“No I’ll go!” Harry starts following the older boy but I stop him with my left arm, keeping the other one relaxed on my side.

“Harry I need ice.” I mumble, wanting to break off the argument before it got out of hand.

“Did he hurt you?” Harry pulls back, inspecting me up and down.

“Her wrist is broken.” Louis remarks, frowning as he comes closer to Harry and I’s duo. “Can you move your fingers?” The blue eyed boy probes, his own fingers lifting my arm up carefully to eye level.

“No.” I shake my head as an aching throb runs through my wrist and hand at another try.

“Yeah your wrist is broken.” Louis acknowledges.

“Louis how would you, of all people, know that?” Liam rolls his eyes, clearly unconvinced.

“My mom’s a nurse dumbo.”

Liam scoffs. “The number of times I heard you say that in the way that meant you knew nothing about first aid stuff and all!” He shakes his head.

“I don’t work under pressure!” Louis counters. “Look Daisy had already broken her arm and my mom taught me how to notice if a bone is fractured even if it doesn’t look like it. It’s simple. Sophie was clearly in pain by the way she was placing her arm so nobody could touch it but her, she can’t move her fingers and she would’ve have stopped Harry with her right arm if it didn’t hurt her that bad. I have a feeling the adrenaline has stopped pumping in your system yeah?” Louis directs the last part to me.

“Adrenaline?” I say uncertainly.

“Your arm must hurt more now than how it did on the impact of whatever caused you to fracture your bone yeah?”

I nod.

“Well that’s what adrenaline does. And now you need ice and a hospital. And probably a cast for six to eight weeks depending on how many of your small wrist bones you broke.”

“C’mon I’ll take you to the hospital with my car.” Harry places him arm around my shoulder, inciting me to enter the house.

“You guys only have one car.” I shake my head. “Why is it ‘yours’ specifically?”

“Love, we each have our own car.” Harry frowns. “Don’t you remember how Louis brought you back home that day of detention in a different car than the one I brought you to school in?”

“But Niall said... ” I stay silent for a minute. “Yeah forget that you’re right.” _I’m so stupid. So Niall lied to me?_ _Of course he lied he wanted to be alone with me for the day. He needed my company like I needed his. But he lied?_ I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the heart once more.

“Louis when did you get so doctor-ish?” Liam questions the older boy as we get inside the warm manor.

“I’ve always been that smart Leyum.” Louis brags.

“Ugh whatever. You three go in the car. I’ll fetch the ice and join you.”

“Can you bring Padgett too?” I ask him.

“Why would you want Padgett?”

“To be happy. And try to forgive Niall.” I reply simply. _I’ll open him up, find what good Niall has already done._ _Maybe it’ll compensate for the raping. Maybe. I hope it will. I never completely forgave Zayn, until I learned he had helped me escape. And even then... I stay distant with him when I can._

“Yeah okay.”

“Bring her pillow too. You know, just in case. Hospitals are slow to treat patients.” Louis adds. Liam nods and heads upstairs.

We get out the front door and Harry opens the car’s passenger door for me, making sure I was properly attached before going to the driver’s side. Louis takes a place in the back seat and Liam soon follows.

“Here ya go.” He hands me the ice pack and Padgett.

“Boys... You guys wouldn’t mind if I went alone with her hmm? I mean... I did leave you with Danielle and Eleanor yeah?” He looks at them through the review mirror.

“Danielle and Eleanor?”I question, cringing as I place the icepack on my broken wrist.

“You’ll meet them soon enough.” Liam promises from behind me.

“Harry I wanna go...” Louis complains, pouting a bit.

“Louis... I’ll have a Nerf war with you when I get back if you let me be alone with her.” Harry assures the older boy.

“Fine then. As soon as you get back. Get ready to be bombarded Styles.” Louis menaces before opening the door. He gets out. “C’mon Liam... I’ll use you as my target for now.”

“What? Oh no Tomlinson you’ll have to get me first.” Liam says, rapidly getting out of the car before sprinting to the house, Louis on his heels.

“Well. That went well.” Harry sighs. He cocks his head to the side, looking at me. “Does it hurt? Your wrist I mean?”

“Yes. So can we just get to the hospital?” I groan, shutting my eyes.

“Yeah yeah sorry.” He chuckles, starting the car.

I sigh, resting my head on my seat as one question kept twirling into my head.... _Why Niall?_


	29. Be Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know that I care for you  
> I'll always be there for you  
> Promise I will stay right here, yeah  
> I know that you want me too  
> Baby we can make it through, anything  
> Cause everything's gonna Be Alright, ai-ai-ai-aight  
> Be Alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
> 
> -Justin Bieber

Just like Louis had assumed, the wait at the hospital had been long. Although, thanks to Harry, I had had a private room in less than 15 minutes. Nurses had placed me on a bed and gave me a dose of morphine to help me cope with the pain. We waited another couple of hours before they could take my radiography and I discovered that I had fractured the top of my radius bone, that which explained why the pain was located more towards the wrist. I also learned I needed an operation, in order to have screws and plates placed in my arm. _Ugh._

“Sweetheart, when was the last time you ate?”Asked one of the nurses once I was back in my room. Harry was seated on the chair beside me, Padgett on his lap.

“Towards noon I think...Maybe a little later. I had a picnic.” I recall, flinching slightly.

“Oohh. Was it nice? Was this young man the one who brought you on the picnic?” She asks knowingly, motioning Harry. _Could she mind her own business?_

“No. T’was somebody else.” I reply dryly, looking down. I’m shaking, my good fist clenched tightly. _Niall._

“Okay then... Sorry it wasn’t of my concern anyways,” She sighs, before continuing. “Clearly you aren’t sure about the time when you ate and for an operation we need to be sure you haven’t eaten or drank for the period of six hours. It’s already five o’clock so we’ll have to operate you tomorrow morning because eleven o’clock is too late for an operation. So no eating after midnight.” She scribbles on her notepad. _Five o’clock?_

“I’ll have to sleep here?” I whine.

“Yes. I’m sorry. But at least you have company.” She nods towards Harry. “Some people suffer through much worse than a broken wrist and they have to live through it alone.” She shrugs. “And some people can’t have a private room either... Lemme tell you that having someone who has constipation beside you isn’t pleasant.” She ends. “Another nurse will come to check up on you every hour or so...No funny stuff please.” She adds before leaving.

“Couldn’t she be anymore sweet.” I mumble sarcastically, cradling my arm as I sit up on the hospital bed.

Harry chuckles beside me, stretching. Placing his head into his hands, he sighs before standing up, placing Padgett where he previously was.

“I’ll call the boys and let them know we’ll be home tomorrow.” He exhales, pulling out his phone. “Hey Liam? Yeah no were gonna sleep over there. Yeah I know it sucks.” Harry walks back in forth as he talks on his cell phone. “Hey did Niall know Sophie got hurt?”

My head spins to Harry’s direction and I bite my lip, trembling slightly. Our eye’s meet, before he turns around again grimacing. _Soph don’t think about it._ Taking a deep sigh, I shut my eyes, listening partly to what Harry was saying.

 “I don’t think he knows because he arrived before her therefore she was behind him... He doesn’t? Don’t tell him about it then. The guilt might kill him. He can’t live with himself already? Zayn is taking care of him right? Liam someone needs to keep an eye on him! Yeah I don’t think she’s coping well with it either... at the simple mention of him she starts shaking....Yes I know. And tell Louis I’m sorry for not being able to play with him tonight, yeah? Ok good. Thanks mate. See ya.” He hangs up and looks around. “This is gonna be a horrid night... I loathe hospitals.” He groans.

“Join the club. At least you’re not the one getting a surgery whatsoever and a cast for I don’t know how many weeks.”

Harry looks around furtively, before sitting cross-legged in front of me, at the foot of my bed. “I don’t know if this is allowed but,” He shrugs. “So how exactly did you break your wrist?” He enquires. “Or rather can you fill me in on your whole day?”

“It’s a long story with a horrible ending.” I brush him off.

“We have nothing else to do Sophie.” He raises his eyebrows.

“Well to make a long story short this morning I wanted to go to school to get some kind of verification that I was alive and I could get some people to actually talk to me for longer than a minute. I wanted to talk to Emily. But Niall prevented me from going to school under the pretext that you guys only had one car. So I complained I needed to get out of the house.” My breathing starts getting shaky as I continue. “Then he invited me on this journey in the woods where we had a picnic and then he took me to a bay with a cute waterfall and then well we kissed and he said he loved me but then he went all fidgety and defensive and he admitted he had taken drugs and raped a bunch of girls because they’d been mean to me behind my back.” My respiration is ragged and uncontrolled as I finish, tears stinging my eyes. My heart beats faster at the thought of him and what he’d done. “Why Niall... Why?” I sob, hugging my knees, momentarily forgetting about my wounded wrist. “Oww!” I bawl as I nudge my fractured bone, crying harder. “Why, why, why?!”

“Hey love.... shhh... ” Harry comes beside me, hugging me to him. “Hey everything’s gonna be fine... There’s surely a logical explanation to this...” He mumbles in my hair. “Shhh...I’m pretty sure everything will be alright.”

I curl on myself as he cradles me into his arms gently, lifting me so I’m resting in-between his legs. I hold my arm to my stomach, whinging a little.

 “I’m certain everything will be alright...” He repeats, placing his chin on the top of my head. Harry randomly starts humming a song, his soft voice soothing me as he lulls me back and forth in his arms. I shut my eyes and let out a shaky sigh, calming my pulse.

 __  
Through the storm and, through the clouds  
Bumps on the road and upside down now  
I know it's hard baby, to sleep at night  
Don't you worry  
  
Cause Everything's gonna be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight  
Be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight  
Through the sorrow,  
And the fights  
Don't you worry,  
Cause everything's gonna Be Alright,ai-ai-ai-aight  
Be Alright,ai-ai-ai-aight..  
  


But I lose control again when I recognise who the singer is.

_You know that I care for you_ __  
I'll always be there for you  
Promise I will stay right here, yeah  
I know that you want me too  
Baby we can make it through, anything  
Cause everything's gonna Be Alright, ai-ai-ai-aight  
Be Alright, ai-ai-ai-aight

It’s Justin Bieber’s song. It reminds me of Niall. _Niall, Niall, Niall. Why? Why am I even reacting like that? It’s just rape...What do you mean just rape?! Rape is horrible! It’s wrong! These girls we’re raped because of you somehow. Soph it’s your fault. No it’s not. Niall’s the one who took the drugs. But he wanted to defend you Soph. Stop arguing with yourself!_  I start whimpering again, wetting Harry’s shirt with a fresh round of salty tears. _Niall, Niall, Niall. Why?_

“Sorry. I’m such an idiot. I forgot.” The older boy apologizes rapidly. “What can I do to place a smile on that pretty face of yours?” He questions. _Make me forget about rapist, drug taking Niall. Make me remember the sweet and loving Niall._

I stay silent for a few seconds, looking up at him teary eyed, a dilemma running wild within my head. _Should I do it? In front of Harry? Yes. I need it. I’m gonna open Padgett. Remember the soft-hearted things Niall did. Forget about the bad stuff._

“Slice Padgett open.” I answer finally.

“What?” He frowns, clearly not expecting that as an answer.

“Open Padgett.” I repeat, huffing as I wipe my tears with the backside of my good hand. I get off him.

“Why wou―”

“Harry can you just give me the damn turtle and a pair of scissors?” I sigh, passing my hand through my messy hair.

“You’re gonna hurt Liam’s feeling’s...” He says after handing me the stuffed pet.

“No I won’t. We’ll stitch it back before he sees it.” I groan.

“I’ll go... fetch some scissors.” The green-eyed boy says slowly, before leaving the room. He comes back in seconds later, scissors in hand. “I’ll cut for you yeah?” he enquires, weight on the bed shifting as he takes a seat beside me once more.

“Sure. I’m right-handed anyways.” I huff, giving him the turtle. “Cut straight through the middle.” I instruct.

Harry does as asked, before setting the scissors down on the chair beside him. He frowns.

“Why are there papers in him?” he asks, pulling one of the shreds of paper out of Padgett. I pluck it out of his hands.

“These,” I wave it in front of his face, “Are the good memories of my time with you guys two years ago.” I look at the piece. “For example, this one says: _In the changing room with Louis. We talked. It was nice._ ” I read. A cozy feeling forms into my stomach. Placing the piece of paper beside me, I grab another one. “ _When Harry defended me after Zayn’s actions._ ” I put it down, smiling a little at the memory. “See?” I pick two more bits of paper. “ _Liam giving me Padgett_. _Zayn apologizing_.”

Harry picks one up. “ _Food fight with Niall.”_ He cocks an eyebrow up.

“That was so fun! I cracked eggs on his head!” I laugh. “And then he threw milk at my face.” I roll my eyes. “But then I got back at him and buttered his clothes!” I giggle at the souvenir, before sighing. Harry smiles.

“I think it’s one of the first times I hear you laugh. Like a genuine laugh. You’re pretty when you laugh Soph.” Harry remarks. I blush a little. “And you’re cute when you blush.” He adds, chuckling.

Tossing a strand of hair aside, I pick a different paper. “ _Harry singing me to sleep with Isn’t She Lovely_.” I look at the older boy. “Can you sing me to sleep tonight?”

“Yeah maybe... If I can sleep with you.”

I frown.

“As in sleep in the bed.” He adds rapidly. “I do not wanna sleep in a chair.”

“What’ll the nurse say when she checks on me?” My brows furrow.

“Oh aren’t they cute!” He answers in a high voice.

I burst out laughing. “Harry this isn’t the Notebook.”

“Meh.” He shrugs, grabbing another shred of Padgett’s insides. “ _Louis jokes_.” He looks at me, a smile on the side of his lips. “Louis’s jokes make you happy?”

“I should’ve written Louis personality.” I remark.

“Why?” he smiles, but his eyebrows are pulled together in a frown.

“Because Louis’s is just so full of life.” I explain. “His moods affect people! He’s sad, I feel sad. And when he’s joyful while I’m depressed, he can still get me to smile.”

“True that.” The curly haired boy acknowledges.

“You two should have more bonding moments.” I say while taking a new shard from Padgett with my left hand. “ _Liam’s nice side._ ”

“Liam’s nice side?” Harry repeats confused.

“Are you gonna question every single one of my little sheets?” I respond. “Liam’s really sensitive... I can tell he feels guilty after he’s done something bad... And he tends to want to find a way to be forgiven. That’s his nice side. His apologies. They always turn out to be soft and cute. Like Padgett. Zayn also told me a few weeks ago he’d be willing to work out with me too.”

“Yeah he is. But that’ll be a little hard now, considering you’ll probably have a cast.”

“I’ll do some running exercises then.” I answer simply. I open up a different shred of paper. “ _With Niall at the London Eye._ ” That had been nice.

Harry rummages through Padgett, opening up a few. “You haven’t got many about Zayn.” He notices.

“Because I didn’t add the ones of these last couple of weeks. Zayn two years ago was distant and cold. But this year.... Zayn is like my big brother. He’s made me happy so many times lately...” I sigh, smiling.

“Supper.” A nurse enters, carrying a tray. She places it on the bedside table, and leaves almost immediately after, my gaze burning a hole into her back. _Gosh. These ladies are so social._

“Do you want the food?”

“Not hungry.” I lie, placing the pieces of paper back into Padgett. I didn’t need cheering up anymore.

“Do you love Zayn?” Harry enquires after a few seconds of silence. “As in real love?”

“What is your definition of real love Harry?” I counter.

“I mean, would you start a family with him?”

“No.” I shake my head. “I doubt that. He’s really more like a family member himself. As in a brother, like I said earlier. And besides... he’s got Perrie. Did you see how much she’s changed him? I think that if a woman can change a man... Well there’s something definitely present between the two of them. A strong chemistry. People don’t change to please others... Unless they really like them.” I answer. _Wow. I sound like Zayn._

“Wow. You sounded just like him.” Harry says, speaking my thoughts. “He went to see you many times this last month yeah?”

I nod.

“It shows.” He says.

“Is it a good thing or bad thing Styles?”

“I guess it’s alright Miller. Everybody needs to have a bit of a Zayn inside them somehow,” Harry shrugs. I start laughing. “What I just said sounded dirty didn’t it?” Harry realises, suddenly also chuckling. I bob my head up and down in affirmation, still sniggering. “And you’re laughing because you’re tired, correct?”

“Yup. If it was otherwise, I would’ve ignored it and rolled my eyes. Or maybe I wouldn’t have understood the double sense.” My stomach growls. “And now I’m really hungry.” I eye the tray near me and grimace. “Maybe not in fact.”

“I’m guessing you aren’t a fan of hospital food?”

“Not really.”

“I’m gonna go fetch you some real food then.” Harry stands up. “There’s a food store down the road. What do you want?”

“Umm. Food?”

“Oh really? I thought I was going to the supermarket to hunt a tiger.” He shakes his head. “No but really.”

“Some poutine.” I tell him.

“What’s that?”

“You don’t know what poutine is? You have not lived!” I exclaim, face slapping myself in over-dramatic exasperation. “Ah well too bad. It’s a Quebec meal anyways.”

“You wanted me to go all the way to Quebec to fetch you a meal? I mean I can go but you won’t see me until like two or three days later... You’d have starved by then and the boys would’ve―”

“Aha Harry I was only messing around with you. I think I’d be sated with sushi.”

“Good. That’s what’ll get. Wait for me here, I’ll be back in twenty alright?” Harry instructs, leaning on the doorframe.

“Harry, it’s not like I can go anywhere really.”

“True. Bu― Yeah never mind.” He shrugs and leaves. I exhale and arrange myself on the uncomfortable bed, before placing my pillow on my face, keeping my injured arm lying peacefully on my stomach.

 

 ***************************************

 

The visit of a nurse and a dose of morphine later, Harry comes back with the food. We eat and talk, and Harry helps me write new papers to place inside Padgett, my left-handed writing being completely unreadable.

Towards nine o’clock, Harry shuts the light and lies in the bed with me, in a spooning position. I didn’t oppose, due to the fact that the hospital bed was way too small to have two bodies lie side by side. And I felt safe in his arms.

Harry’s breath is hot in my neck, the steady movement of his chest rising and falling behind me soothing me even more.

“Aren’t you gonna sing me to sleep?” I mumble, yawning as I shut my eyes. “I let you in my bed.”

“What do you want me to sing?” He whispers back, pressing a soft kiss at the nape of my neck.

“Anything.”

 

 _Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now_ __  
Our song on the radio, but it don't sound the same  
When our friends talk about you all that it does is just tear me down  
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name  
And it all just sound like uh, uh, uh  
  
Hmmm too young, too dumb to realize  
That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand  
Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance  
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance  
Now my baby is dancing, but she's dancing with another man.

I’m almost sleeping; his soft words making me sink deeper into slumber as his fingers rub small, tender circles on my stomach. __  
  
My pride, my ego, my needs and my selfish ways  
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life  
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made  
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes  
It all just sounds like uh, uh, uh, uh  
  


“Soph are you still awake? I need to tell you something...” He nudges me softly.

I deepen my respiration, wanting to see if Harry’ll tell me anyways if I act asleep.

“Soph?”

 It’s silent for what seems for long minutes. I almost give in to sleeping, until I hear him speak.

“Sophie Miller. I love you.” He mumbles quietly. “And I’m so sorry for what I’ve done in the past. I really wish I was more like Niall. And that’s why I think you should forgive him. All I’ve done certainly adds up to this mistake of his... And you’ve forgiven me. So for his sake, for the boys’ sake, for my sake and even your sake... I think you should forgive him. And I know I’m a coward right now, not telling you directly since you’re asleep, but I needed you to hear it. Niall needs you more than I do. I think I could live if you weren’t with me... but I don’t think he could. And because I love him, I need you to be with him.” __  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey! leave a review... And the update'll come in faster :) ILY guys! The ones who review, i give you virtual hugs! Here's my twitter if ever ya wanna talk :@suchdirectioner


	30. Silence

 

“Sophie Miller. I love you.” He mumbles quietly, playing with a strand of my hair. “And I’m so sorry for what I’ve done in the past. I really wish I was more like Niall. And that’s why I think you should forgive him. All I’ve done certainly adds up to this mistake of his... And you’ve forgiven me. So for his sake, for the boys’ sake, for my sake and even your sake... I think you should forgive him. And I know I’m a coward right now, not telling you directly since you’re asleep, but I needed you to hear it. Niall needs you more than I do. I think I could live if you weren’t with me... but I don’t think he could. And because I love him, I need you to be with him.” He sighs into my neck, hugging me closer to him. “You need to be with _him_.” Harry mutters.

Something wet trickles on my neck and Harry whimpers. Goosebumps rise on my skin. _Is Harry crying_?

“And now look at me. I’m crying.” He sniffs, confirming my doubt. “I’m such a wuss,” He mumbles in disbelief, his curls tickling my neck. He sighs and the weight on the bed shifts.

I shiver as his body warmth leaves with him, and stay motionless as Harry carefully gets off the bed completely, lifting what I had for a blanket back up to cover my shoulders. I hear him leave, the sound of the door opening and closing indicating his departure. Rapidly, I open my eyes and sit up.

“Harry?” I whisper, walking to the door. I open it. “HARRY?” I whisper a little louder. There’s no response, the hallway being empty. “Harry.” I whine. _He’s gone. Why?_ Hugging myself, I walk back to my bed, close my eyes and lay down.

It takes me a long time to sleep. I just couldn’t. I felt too alone, even if nurses kept checking on my ‘sleeping’ form once in awhile. Plus, I couldn’t get Harry's speech out of my head. And when I finally manage to sleep, Harry still isn’t back.

__

***************************************

To my great sadness Harry’s presence was still missing when the nurses woke me up for my operation. I left the surgery room with a bright pink, itchy cast that covered my forearm. A cast I needed to keep for eight fucking weeks.

After the doctor had given me the instructions concerning my newly arranged wrist, he tells me I’m free to go. As I go back to my room to fetch Padgett and my pillow, I’m secretly hoping that Harry’ll be there, waiting for me. Holding my breath, I open the door. He’s not there. But Liam is though. He stands up from the chair as I enter.

“Hey there broken arm. You ready to go?”He smiles, my pillow and Padgett under his arm. I look at that last one carefully. He’s stitched back together. _What? How? When?_

“Where’s Harry?” I counter, looking around.

“Hello to you too little Miss Thoughtful. A ‘Hey Liam’ would’ve been nice. After all, I did feed your cat.” He shoots back, faking hurt.

“Hey Liam.” I roll my eyes, but smile anyways. “Where’s Harry?” I repeat.

“He left.” Liam answers simply, putting his hands into his jacket pockets.

“Obviously. But where? And why?” I persist.

“The where, I don’t know but he said he’d be back at home before you’d arrive. The why? Well he couldn’t sleep or somethin’.” The older boy shrugs. “And I don’t blame him. It’s almost impossible to sleep at ease in a hospital.” Liam stops, his brown eyes scanning me up and down. “And by the looks of it, you couldn’t get much sleep either,” he adds.

“I need a shower,” I groan. My gaze drifts to my cast. “Thank God for the waterproof cast.”

“About that.... For how much time will this neon thing be latched to your arm?” He asks, handing me my pillow and Padgett.

“Eight weeks.” I exhale, taking my stuff from Liam’s hands.

We step outside my room and head to the parking lot, Liam guiding me to his car.

I slump on the passenger seat as he starts the engine.

“Are you alright there?” he enquires.

“Just a little woozy. I guess the effects of the drugs they used on me during the operation haven’t completely worn off yet.”

“Hey do you wanna meet Danielle?” Liam questions once we’re on the road.

“Danielle?”

“Yeah a good friend of mine.”

“Is she more than a good friend?” I smile.

He avoids answering. “We met on the X-Factor. I don’t know if you’ve read about me and her before we... umm... Took you?”

I shake my head negatively. _Okay so Danielle knows the whole band._

“Well anyways I restarted contact with her a few days ago.”

“And you wanna go see her now?” I ask, frowning.

“Yeah. She’s finishing her dance practice in about ten minutes and I said I’d pick her up.”

“I’m hungry, and I haven’t eaten breakfast so if―”

“Maybe after we pick her up we could stop at a Starbucks or something and the three of us could talk.” He proposes cutting me, keeping his eyes on the road. He’s tense.

“Sure then. Why not?” I shrug. The rest of the ride is quiet. I even manage to sleep a couple minutes.

“Hey wake up sleepyhead, were here.” Liam nudges me softly. I blink a few times. We were in front of a small, but classy dance studio.

“Do I have to get out?” I whine softly, my head pounding a bit. “Why don’t you just get her, and I’ll wait here in the backseat and try to get more sleep.”

“You’re cranky this morning huh?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I just got a cast, I have a headache and I blame that on the surgery, and Harry left me all alone at the hospital yesterday, without saying a word.” I huff.

“Okay... Fine. I’ll go get her alone. You won’t get out of the car.... right?” He looks hesitant, unbuckling his seatbelt.

“Yes. I’ll stay here Liam. And not because I need to stay, but because I want to stay.” I admit.

He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He seems, saddened. “We finally broke you, haven’t we?” he says, guilt lacing his voice.

“Liam, don’t remind me alright?” I groan, rubbing my temples. “It’s bad enough I want what’s totally wrong.” I sigh, slumping in my seat as I cross my pink arm and the normal one over my chest.

“Fine, fine,” he chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief as he gets out of the car.

I observe him enter the building attentively. Once he’s in, I exhale and unbuckle my seatbelt, getting out of the passenger seat of the car. I lean on the car for a couple minutes, breathing the morning fresh air. My gaze drifts to the passing cars. The street full of people I could possibly mingle with. _What is wrong with me? Why can’t I leave?_ I huff, scrutinizing the area, before looking down at my feet. _It would be sooo easy. But Harry. I can’t leave him. Not after what he told me last night. And Niall. Oh no. If I leave, he’d kill himself. Why is the world so complicated?_ Shaking my head, I get in the backseat of the car, squeezing my pillow before throwing it angrily. _Harry why didn’t you want to tell me you loved me? Why wait ‘till I was sleeping?! And Niall why did you rape those girls?! Why did you start cutting?! Liam why do you kind of feel bad for me?! Why now? Why these mood changes?! Louis why can’t I stay angry after you? Why do you always manage to put a smile on my face? Zayn why have you changed sooo much, to a point where I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you?!_

“Why?!?” I yell, taking my head into my hands. “Why can’t these boys come with a fuckin’ manual?” I curse, shutting my eyes for a few seconds. I look at Padgett. “And why are you stitched?”

At that moment, I look outside and see Liam and a girl, Danielle I presume, walking out of the dance studio. Hands grazing, heads pulled back in a laugh. _Well Liam... I think you two are gonna be more than just good friends._

I look at them closely as they approach the car, now hand in hand. Danielle is simply gorgeous. She’s tall, her hair is long and frizzy and her eyes are just about Liam’s color. Most of all, she’s naturally beautiful. Not an ounce of makeup was noticeable on her skin.

The duo gets into the car, and I still feel some of my prior resentment burning callously in my veins as the take a seat in front of me.

“And that’s Sophie. The girl I was talking you about.” Liam introduces me, motioning me in the back seat. The girl turns around to face me.

“Hey!” She smiles, exposing rows of pearly white teeth. “I’m Danielle.”

“I’m Sophie Miller, I’m eighteen and I’ve been sold to One Direction when I was sixteen,” I reply, smiling also. _Aww shit. I did not just say that._

From the front seat, Liam very visibly stiffens, shooting me a dark look in the rear-view mirror. Danielle frowns, not understanding. _Well this is awkward._

“I mean sold as in they were so charming I didn’t want to spend a day away from them. My mom couldn’t take care of me and they just agreed to take me with them.” I correct rapidly. “Wow. Yeah that sounded better in my head.” I laugh nervously.

“You’re adorbs. I like you already.” Danielle gushes, giggling.

Liam also starts laughing as he starts the car, but it’s more forced and worried.

At Starbucks, the ambience is tense between me and Liam once Danielle and I start chatting about our lives and girl things, but it shrinks when Liam realises my earlier outburst was just a slip-up.

“I know why these boys kept you around. You are such pleasant company Soph,” Danielle chatters, sipping her latté.

“Thank you. You are great to be around too.” I return, smiling. And it was true. Half an hour later and I’m friends with a girl who’s eight years older than me.  

 

******************************

 

 “Liam.... Do you like Danielle? As in love-like?” I try, looking at him intensely once we’re back into the car, heading home. We had dropped Danielle at her bus stop a couple minutes ago.

“Whaaat? No. Of course not. Why would you think that? That’s just ridiculous. Ha-ha you’re real funny Soph.” He blabbers nervously.

“Liam...Maybe a crush?” I give him an inquisitive stare.

“Stop looking at me like that....I don’t have a―Ok yeah, I might’ve a little bit of a crush on her.” He gives in. “How’d you know?”

“You kept laughing nervously at the Starbucks.” I chuckle. “As if you we’re insecure. And you maintained a goofy smile on your face the whole time after you’d calmed down.”

“Calmed down?”

“Yeah... I could feel frustration bubbling off you during the first fifteen minutes.”

“With reason.” His grip tightens on the steering wheel. “You almost got me pegged for a rapist, in front of Danielle of all people!” He exclaims.

“I’m not gonna stay anything about this statement.” I reply, looking at the passing countryside.

“I am not a rapist Sophie Miller.”

“I didn’t say anything about you being a rapist.” I retort.

“Well you thought it.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No Liam, I didn’t.”

“Look, I don’t wanna argue with you right now.” The older boy exhales just as we arrive at the manor. He parks the vehicle.

“Great, me neither.” I say, getting out of the car with my stuff under my good arm. I walk to the house, a little demoralised.

“Sophie!” Louis jumps on me as soon as I set foot inside. “Can I sign your cast?”

“Louis,” I smile. _He’s like a kid these days..._ “I have to shower and then―”

“Pretty please with a naked me on top?!” he begs. _Never mind. He’s an overgrown kid with nasty ideas._

“After I shower, if you really want to.” I give in. Predicting what he was about to say next by the devilish look on his face, I cut him off. “Not the naked part though.”

“Aww. It’s been so long already... how am I supposed to know if I’m working properly?” he whines.

“Don’t you have Eleanor or some other girl? Like Liam who has Danielle. She’s a sweet girl.” I say, walking upstairs to my room. Louis’s close on my heels.

“Yeah but... Wait you met Danielle?” The blue-eyed boy exclaims, stopping me in the staircase.

“Yes.”

“Louis!” Liam calls him from downstairs.

“What?!” The older boy shouts back. I flinch

“Leave Soph alone and come pick up the mess you’ve made in the living room!”

“Yes Daddy!” Louis mocks. He’s about to head down but I stop him.

“Hey Lou is Harry here?” I question.

“Yeah we played with the Nerf guns a few minutes before you arrived. Let me tell ya, I beat the crap out of him.” He winks. “If you’re looking for him, check his room.” He adds, walking down the stairs.

 _In his room..._ I head to mine, walking through Zayn’s. To my surprise, the dark boy isn’t there. _He must be with Niall_ , I decide, going to my room.

Fate pounces in my arms as soon as I set foot inside.

“Hey there fur ball,” I coo, hugging her. “I’ll be back okay? I have to see Harry.” I add, placing her back down. I walk to the door written Harry, and open it.

Harry’s there, lying on his bed with his arms crossed behind his head.

“Hey love, how can I help you?”

“Harry, I have to tell you something.” I say slowly, shutting the door behind me.

“Go for it,” he says nonchalantly.

I bite my lip. _Do I tell him I heard what he said last night? I should...But I won’t. It’s better if he doesn’t know._

“Harry why did you leave me alone in the hospital last night?” I finally ask. Guilt flickers in his face for mere seconds before he shrugs.

“I couldn’t sleep.”


	31. Alien

“I couldn’t sleep.” _Liar._

“Why?”

“I told you, I loathe hospitals.” He shrugs.

“So you left me, all alone in a hospital, because you loathe them?”

“Yeah...” he frowns. “What’s the problem with that? Were you worried?” His eyebrow cocks up in curiosity.

“My problem is that you left without saying a word!” I explode, before pulling myself together quickly. “Harry you don’t leave a girl alone at night after being all sweet and stuff! Plus, I wasn’t worried. You can take care of yourself just fine. I was hurt.” I say more quietly.

His eyes soften, but the green-eyed boy doesn’t reply anything.

“So the answer to why you were gone without a word last night is as simple as you couldn’t sleep in a hospital?” My fists clench, my eyes shutting.

“Yeah.”

“Harry....” I exhale, opening my eyes slowly. “That doesn’t make sense. Not from you.”

“Yes it does. And especially from me. I doubt Niall would be the one to leave you alone. Or Zayn. Or Louis. Or even Liam.”

 _Harry, Harry, Harry...Don’t get the other boys into this. I heard you last night. Don’t push me away._ If only I could speak these words aloud.

“Harry.” I sigh, shaking my head in desolation. “Don’t shut me out. Please. This is not about Niall right now. Or any of the other boys. This is about you and me.”

“I’m not shutting you out.” He denies.

“Harry...”                                      

“I finally organized our date Soph.” The curly-haired boy cuts in. _Wait...What?_

“What? What date? Harry don’t change the subject.”

“You owe me a date remember?” He sing-songs.

“I said that about a month ago.” I counter.

“You still said it.” He shrugs, getting off his bed. He places himself so our bodies face each other, his body towering over mine. “You even promised... if I remember correctly. You wouldn’t break your word, would you?” His gaze is intense, daring me to say yes.

I take a careful step back. “No but―”

“Tut tut tut. No buts.” He reprimands, strangely reminding me of Louis. The green-eyed boy claps his hands. “So since we’re gonna talk about the date, might as well fill you in on all. Two things. Firstly, your Thanksgiving is coming up in three or four weeks. The fourth Thursday of November or something? Well I’m taking you out the Wednesday just before so don’t make any plans.” _The fourth Thursday of November, that’s the American Thanksgiving Harry.... But wow really? American Thanksgiving is so soon? Jesus. The Canadian one is already over. Time has flown for the last couple of days. Ait why did he say ‘your’ Thanksgiving?_

“You guys don’t celebrate Thanksgiving right.” I remark.

“No we don’t. But you do, right?”

“Yes, but the Canadian one is already over. It was like last week or something. And with whom would I make plans anyways?” I think out loud.

“Don’t know, but you’re unpredictable.” He overlooks my comment.  “Second, with the **_American_** Thanksgiving near,” he emphases on the American part, “Christmas is also approaching.”

“Well obviously―”

“Shush.” His finger is on my lips. “I want you to have your luggage packed for a twenty-day trip. It needs to be done by the end of this month. We will be leaving during the Christmas Holidays. A little after your cast is off.” _Wait luggage? What in the world?_

“Why would I need luggage?” _My brain was going into overdrive._

“Because I’m taking you somewhere.” Harry responds. “The boys and I in fact.” He corrects. “We’ll have a big family dinner and we’re all gonna say a little hello to our families, go to Bradford, Doncaster, Wolverhampton, Mullingar and Holmes Chapel from the 19th to the 25th and on Christmas night, we’re taking the plane. We’re coming back to Ireland on about January 15th. So that means you have to make another suitcase for these six days.” He explains rapidly.

“Wait what? Harry slow down I’m confused...Where are we going exactly? And with whom?” _It was a lot to take in at the same time._

“Somewhere. You and One Direction”

“Thank you for clarifying the location.” I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

“It’s my pleasure really.” Harry retorts cockily.

“No seriously Harry how am I supposed to pack if I don’t know where we’re going? For all I know, we could be going to a basement.” I rub my temples with my good hand and sit on his bed. _This was not going as planned._

“I’m not that cheap.” He mocks hurt, sitting down beside me. “We’re gonna take you to more than one place so pack for about every weather.”

“Harry...” I groan.

“Want me to get Louis to pack for you?” The older boy proposes innocently.

“No way.” I shake my head, shutting my eyes at the horrid thought. “That bozo would pack my suitcase with lingerie and shit like that.”

“Do you want _me_ to take care of it then?” he enquires, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

My eyes shoot open and I gulp. Clearly, this was a trust test. _Do I trust Harry? I think I do. Yes. I do. Especially after what he admitted last night. I should stop doubting him..._

I stay silent for a couple seconds, biting my lip. “Yeah okay. Only I’m in charge of my toiletries.”

Harry very visibly shudders. “I wouldn’t have had it otherwise.” He stands up.

“What wrong with toiletries?” I frown.

“They are just.... Weird.” He grimaces. _Ugh boys._ “Show me a couple clothes you like? So I know I can put them in the suitcase when the time comes?” He suggests changing the subject, as he heads to the door that leads to my room.

“Harry, wait.” I stand up, following him. “I need to know three things.” I admit once we enter my room. Fate comes over and I cradle her in my arms. My cat starts scratching my cast in clear annoyance, wanting to rid me of this irregularity. Shaking my head, I change my mind and place her back on the ground. She climbs on my bed.

Harry watches the scene silently before proceeding to the end of my room, near Louis’s door.

“What do you want to know? I’ll try to give you reasonable answers.” Harry replies, heading to my closet. I’m close on his heels.

“No. You’ll give me truthful answers.” I retort.

“Sophie. I strongly advise not to provoke me right now.” He says very seriously, opening the wardrobe. “I’m just not in the mood for your attitude.” We walk inside.

“Fine.” I grumble. Feeling tension radiating off him, I decide not to push my luck and listen to his warning.

“Firstly, why did you tell me all of this now? The Christmas trip and all the bla bla.”

“Why not?” Harry responds simply. _Indeed._

“Okay right... Second thing. Were you the one who fixed Padgett?”

“Why?”

“Were you?” I defy. Fate comes in the wardrobe with us, a little curious.  
“Yes.” He abandons turning around to face me. “Yesterday, you said that he’d be fixed before Liam would see him so last night, when I realised it wasn’t gonna turn out true and Liam would probably be angry when he’d see Padgett split open, well I fixed him. I sewed him back together when you were in the operating room.”  
“Well, thanks.” I sigh, picking my kitten up and caressing her head with my good hand. He smiles, turning back around.  
“What?”  
I hug him. Hard. “Thank you.” I mumble in his shirt. He returns the hug awkwardly. “Thanks...For everything you did for me last night. Everything you said.” I continue.  
“Everything I said?” The taller boy stiffens, worried. Why don’t you wanna tell me Harry?  
“Yes. Everything we had the chance to talk about while opening Padgett. Our little bonding moment. It felt normal.” I pull back from the hug, looking into his eyes. “And the.. Well...I...Um.” I blabber. Spit it out Soph. Just say it. Tell him you heard him last night. “And thank you for the song you sang before I slept.” I exhale softly. I’m a chicken.  
“It was my pleasure really. I had been a dick for the last couple of weeks.” Our eyes lock, and I find myself leaning in to kiss him. Harry coughs uneasily.

“But Zayn’s the one who really deserves the gratitude.”

“Harry.” I back away from him. “Stop bringing the other boys into moments like this.”

“Didn’t you say that there we’re three things you wanted to ask me? What’s the third one?” Harry deflects slyly.

I huff, ticked off. His subject changes were getting on my nerves. I answered nonetheless.

“Can I go to school this week?”

“No.” He shakes his head, his response sharp.

“Why? Harry, I need school!” I complain. “I need education!”

“It’s a waste of time Soph.” Harry contradicts.

“No Harry, it isn’t. Sometime soon, I’m gonna need to find a way to win my life. Earn money. Get a job.”

“No you won’t. You’ll be going on tour with us in about a year and we’ll keep giving you all you need.”

“No. You’ll forget one of the most important things a girl needs. Attention, comfort and love.”

“Attention?”

“You know that thing I lacked of before Niall took me outside yesterday?”

“And see where that got you?” he points my arm. “In a cast. Look Soph....you are just not going back to school.” He sighs, rubbing his temples.

“Why? Is it because you don’t wanna go anymore?

“Yes. And the other boys either. We’re going to need all our energy as we’ll be releasing new songs soon and starting a tour and all. ”

“You can trust me. I’ll come back to you Harry. I can drive over there and back. Just let me see Emily. Let me be social with girls.”

“I thought Liam made you meet Danielle?”

“He did. But the time of a coffee isn’t enough. Why are you being so difficult?”

He bites his lip in concentration, before getting out of the wardrobe muttering something sounding like _“I’ll do this later.”_ Harry looks at me, his eyes probing mine. “Fine. Go to school.” He decides finally, throwing his arm up in the air in defeat.

 I smile, but it drops immediately as he continues.

“But you are the ones making plans to go and plans to come back. I, for a fact, am not lending you my car because I don’t want you to leave me. I swear that if you don’t comeback at a maximum of an hour after the school’s end time.... You’re grounded.” He decides.

“Grounded? What the hell Harry? You are not my father you can’t ground me.”

“Well you never had a father to do the job anyways.” _Ouch_. “Do not test me Soph. If you prefer punishing, then so be it.” Harry silences sternly, before slamming his room door loudly. I wince as I hear him yell in fury.

I stay in place, hearing things being thrown and broken in his room as well as dimmed heated screams. I shiver and flinch at some particular loud ones.

“I’m gonna go shower,” I mutter after standing immobile for a minute or two. Taking Fate in my arms, I walk through Zayn’s still empty room and head to the bathroom. Shutting the door behind me, I place my ginger kitten on the counter and undress, hopping into the glass case.

Once I’m done, I get out and wrap a towel around myself as best as I can due to my crab arm, and step out in the hallway. To my pleasant surprise, Fate follows me without me saying a word.

“One day you won’t be following me around though huh? You’ll just be one lazy ass cat.” I huff, looking down at my pet. Her ears twitch and she mewls just as I’m intercepted by Louis.

“Hey gorgeous.”

“Hey Lou.”

I stop walking as he bends down beside me and picks Fate up. “What happened with Hazza?” The blue eyed-boy enquires suddenly, walking by my side. “It’s like a hurricane tore through his room.”

“I don’t know Lou...I think he’s frustrated after himself or something. He’s trying to be nice with me, but tries to hide it at the same time...It’s weird huh?”

“Maybe.” The older boy shrugs his shoulders.

“And he told me about the Christmas trip.” I frown.

“We have a Christmas trip?”

“Apparently.” _Oh so he didn’t tell the boys?_

“Hey I put some clothes on your bed.” Louis says after a moment.

“Should I be afraid? Is like lingerie and stuff?”

“No... I must say though that your neon cast, is quite the turn off.” He chuckles.

We walk to my room, passing through his messy one.

“Do ya like it?” Louis enquires, pointing the outfit once were in my bedroom. On my bed was splayed a gorgeous dress, with black, white and teal stripes. I also had the silver directioner necklace, and a pair of black flats. I smile, and then I frown.

“Yeah it’s great.... Although I just hope my stupid cast is gonna fit in the sleeves.”

“Yeah the lace is elastic. It should be okay.” The Doncaster boy reassures, placing Fate on the floor. “I’ll leave you to change?” He asks.

“Yup.” Keeping a hold on my towel, I manage to hang the dress on my cast and Louis brings the accessories for me in the wardrobe. To my surprise, he places the objects on a little shelf, steps out, and shuts the door. _Whoa. Louis not wanting to see me naked? I think he’s been brainwashed..._

“Hey Louis can I ask you a question.” I question once I walk out my closet.

“You just did.”

“Louis. I need to ask you a favour.” I huff and he chuckles.

“Depends on what it is.” he replies smoothly. His features are curious though.

“Could you drive me to school and back tomorrow? And for the whole week? Or could you at least lend me your car if you don’t wanna go?”

He grimaces. “Did Harry say you could go?”

“Yes, but by my own means.”

“And you’re using me?” His eyebrows cock up in surprise.

“Yeah....” I respond uncertainly.

“Okay.” He agrees. “But there’s no way I’m letting you drive my car. I’ll drive you. And as payment....”He trails on thinking. _Shit. I should’ve known that was coming... nothing is free with those boys huh? Nothing that doesn’t involve their personal needs anyways._

“I wanna be the only one to sign you cast.” He chooses finally with a proud smirk.

“S-s-sure. No problem.” I blabber, caught off guard. I was expecting a sexual favour or something...

“Then it’s settled. I’m gonna go get a sharpie. Wait a sec.” He winks, sauntering happily to his room.

I sit on my bed, still a little confused. This situation felt alien-like. It wasn’t normal. Harry putting himself after the other lads, Niall being a rapist, Liam being lovable and shy around Danielle, Louis asking for something non-sexual... _What will Zayn turn out like? Hopefully he’ll stay the same, open and transformed boy..._

 

********************************************************** 

 

The next day at school, the pink of my cast is almost invisible due to all of Louis’s many insignificant doodles. And his name written in gigantic font. But it feels good to be back. Back with normal people. Back to the routine.

School is like I never left. Except for the stares and questioning looks I got while I walked down the hallway. They made me remember that I did leave for a long time, and that I came back with a broken member. Must be weird and unusual.

I’m about to head to my locker see if Emily is there, but a group of girls in designer clothes catch my eye. A group of girls I know, even though sometimes I wish I didn’t. A group of girls that isn’t supposed to be here, according to Niall. I gasp. _Shit. Why is J RAGE here?_


	32. Masks and Illusions

“This is not good,” I mumble. “Really not good.” I start walking towards them, but a hand on my shoulder stops me.

“Soph?! Is that you? Sophie oh my God!” What sounds like Emily jumps on me from behind, startling me as well as half the hallway. “Sophie oh my gosh I’m so happy to see you!” She hugs me tightly. _Yep, definitely Emily._

“Nice to see you again Em!” I smile. I look behind my shoulder. J RAGE is gone. _Shit._

“It feels so good to have you in my arms right now Soph... You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too Em.” I respond. I inhale in her shoulder, appreciating the warmth and contact.

“Soph you were gone way too long...” She mumbles, squeezing me tighter as if I was gonna leave.

“Em, I can’t breathe.” I utter after a couple seconds, pulling away slowly. We were in the hallway, getting stares here and there and I was starting to feel awkward.

“Where were you? If Harry didn’t keep sending me pictures and videos of you being just fine, I would’ve called the cops!” The brown-eyed girl exclaims shamelessly. _Okay even more awkward._

“Shhh don’t talk too loud.” I quiet, taking her to the nearest washroom. Hopefully, it was empty. I frown, mentally replaying what she just told me. “Wait what? Harry sent pictures and videos of me, to you? When did you two even exchange numbers?”

“He got mine through your phone I think.” _Well Harry. Aren’t you just full of surprises?_

“But he sent you pictures of me?”

“Yeah... Weird I know. Most of the time, they were pictures of you sleeping.”

“How did you know I wasn’t dead? I could’ve looked dead when I slept no?”

“Well like I said earlier, he sent videos too. You were clearly breathing and moving in your sleep. But,” She pauses, looking at me up and down. “That bastard never told me you had a cast. For fuck’s sake Soph what happened to your arm?” Emily continues a little angrily, motioning my black and pink cast. “Did he have any relation to―?”

“No Em. This time, it’s my fault. I fell off a tree because I was stubborn and I didn’t ask for Niall’s help.”

“And why didn’t you ask for his help? Wait no. Why would you fall off a tree?” She corrects, hands on her hips.

“Yesterday, Niall and I took a walk in the woods and there was this giant, dead tree trunk that was in the path and it was slippery because my clothes were all wet.” I pause. “And―”

“Wait your clo―?”

“My clothes were wet because we went swimming earlier,” I answer before she even asks the question. I need to be fast and stop Jade and her friends from telling somebody and sending Niall to jail for rape. “And I refused his help because he did something dreadful.” I add.

“What did he do?” She gasps.

“He says he raped J RAGE?” It sounds like a question as it comes out of my mouth. “Jade and her friends. He raped them and menaced them not to come back to school or tell anybody about what happened.”

“Soph this doesn’t sound right.” My friend shakes her head. “Not from Niall anyways. Even Harry wouldn’t do that. None of them would. Surely if Niall did do it, he would’ve been more convincing with them as the girls are here in school today. We’re seeing them in Science in a couple minutes actually. ” She presses, checking her watch. Emily’s about to pull me out of the washroom, but I stand firmly on the ground.

“But Niall told me he did it! Why would he lie, especially telling me something that’d get me to dislike him?” I shut my eyes, pulling my hair with my good hand as I thought. “He told me he was high and couldn’t help―”

“There’s the flaw.”

“What?” I respond, incredulous.

“You just found the solution. Niall was high.”

It dawned on me. It was as if Emily had undone a complicated knot on a very simple package. “So you’re saying that―”

“Exactly. Niall hallucinated stuff. He was high on I don’t know what drugs. He probably imagined the whole scene in his head, and thought it was reality. Which it wasn’t.”

_That would be such a relief for me. And him. He’d feel so much better if he knew he hadn’t done anything horrific. He’d be Niall. Sweet Niall. Not  rapist Niall. Just my little leprechaun with his slight problems._

“Or maybe something happened between him and the girls, but he misinterpreted it.” Emily trails on. _Ugh no. Please no. He didn’t sleep with those girls now did he? Please God no._

“I need to go talk to them to find out.” I decide. We get out of the washroom just as the bell rings.

“We have five minutes to get to class.” Emily remarks.

“I know what that bell means Em. It’s not like I’ve been absent for a year or so,” I counter a little dryly.

“Gee sorry for saying something,” She mumbles as we head to our lockers.

“I’m sorry... Niall’s case is on my mind right now...” I apologize as we grab our books for Science. “And the boys have been weird lately... Not acting like themselves.”

“Or maybe not the selves you know? Maybe you just have them totally naked in front of you?”

“Em.” I warn, shutting my locker door as she does the same. We start heading to class.

“No silly I know you’ve seen them naked before.”

“Shhh... Emily.” I mutter. “Don’t remind me.” We were getting more awkward stares and it was making me uneasy.

“What I meant is, maybe you’re seeing them in their true nature. Maybe the mask that they had put on two years ago has fallen off completely this year.” She continues very seriously.

“Maybe.” I whisper, thoughtful as Emily and I take a seat in the back of the class. My gaze lingers longer than necessary on the group of five girls chatting excitedly as they checked their nails out. They surely didn’t look scared or terrified if they’ve been raped.... _or maybe they too are wearing a mask?_

I frown at the idea, shaking my head. _Niall didn’t rape those girls. They aren’t pretending to be just fine._

The class starts.

“Hello class! So last week we talked about the different components of blood.” Miss Peterson starts, tossing her blonde hair off of her shoulder. “So today, we’ll be having a laboratory in teams of two or three. I’m passing out different blood samples and you have to identify the two different blood cells, plus the platelets, through a microscope. You have to draw your observations for each sample, I’m picking them up.” She concludes. People start shuffling in the class, searching for partners.

 The teacher being quite young and quite indifferent about taking during laboratories, I paired up with Emily to learn more about what had been going on with her and life while I was gone. And also because I didn’t feel like being with anyone else in the class right now.

“So how’s your love life going? If I remember correctly, last we talked about that, there was Kyle.”

“Yeah I haven’t talked to him much since that time he gave me a lift.” She sighs as she adjusts our microscope. “But that’s mostly because he’s always busy on the soccer field. You know, being the captain and all. He texts me now and then. Asking me on dates. But I was so stressed lately about you that I refused.”

“Well you should agree. I say, I go with you.”

“Or we could go on a double date.” She proposes.

“With who am I gonna go?”

Emily turns around to look at me as if I had suddenly grown a second head. “You have five boys who I’m sure would love to go. Pick one.” She answers just as the teacher comes around, handing us three blood samples. We automatically stop taking about the One Direction boys.

“Hey. Sophie Miller. You’re back.” The blue-eyed lady smiles, eyeing me up and down. “Is that a cast?”

“No, it’s a whale.” I retort sarcastically so only my friend can hear. Emily elbows me.

“Be polite. She’s trying to be friendly.” She counters, just as silently.

“Is your cast signed by your boyfriend? Was he the one that did this to you?” The woman enquires. _Boy is she nosy... it’s as if she was a teenager like us._

“First, Miss Peterson, the boy who signed my cast, if you can even call it signing, this is not my boyfriend. He’s just a really good friend.” I correct. “And I did this to myself. I fell off a tree.” I add, motioning my cast.

“You poor thing. I really hope you get to use your arm soon again.” The blonde smiles, patting my shoulder consolingly. _Hullo. I’m not your friend._ I bite back a comment. “I think Emily will fill you in on what you’ve missed in Science. Won’t you Emily?”

“Yeah sure.” My friend shrugs. As soon as the teacher leaves, I exhale.

“Boy is she an interfering teacher,” I grumble, my fingers tapping on the desk in annoyance. “There she was, trying to be my friend or something. Why would she suddenly care? Before my departure, I was the last fuck she gave. Well not exactly, but I was a normal student.”

“Can’t blame someone for caring.” Emily huffs.

“You think I shut people out.” It wasn’t a question. It was a fact.

“Yes. It’s like you can’t even think of the possibility that someone can actually care for your well being.” The brunette continues, peering into the microscope.

“That’s not true.” I stutter as she pulls back.

“Is it?”

“Em maybe I don’t realise it... But I’ve been alone for a lot of things in my life. And the boys have recently been acting human around me. You can’t blame me for blocking people out. You’re the only one who I’ve let in completely. Evidence is, I’m willing to get my ass kicked by the boys to come and talk to you, tell you where they live and all.”

“Where do they live really?” My friend places her hands on her hips.

“I don’t know. They don’t have a map lying around written YOU ARE HERE with a little arrow and the roads around the house. Hell I haven’t even visited the whole manor yet. But here’s what I know: It’s a huge country house. They have a forest as well as a huge field and it’s about a 50 kilometer drive from here to there.” I list. “But don’t come. Not yet anyways.”

“Wasn’t planning to. You seem to like these boys. ”

“I do n―”

“Don’t lie... they treat you... Good?”

“I wouldn’t say that. But yeah they’ve been treating me better. And Niall managed to make me stop the cutting.” I add more quietly.

“So you haven’t cut? Not even scraped yourself purposefully or something?” Emily whispers back, surprised.

“No.”

“I’m gonna kiss this boy when I see him. Gosh Soph I’m so proud of you.” She gives my shoulder an encouraging squeeze.

“But why? I had stopped before they caught me again...”

“Soph why are you lying to yourself? I could still see the scratches you made on your wrists here and there.” She shakes her head, looking into the microscope again before noting something on her sheet.

“You know me too well Em. I can’t hide anything from you. Right through me. As if I was transparent.” I sigh.

“That’s what best friend’s are for.”

The instant the bells rings, I tell Emily to go without me and I intercept the J RAGE girls in the hallway. _Wow. Déjà-vu. Except the last time, it was practically the other way around and Harry saved me and the Ni― Sophie. Focus._

“What do you want?” Jade huffs, irritated.

“Jade I want an honest answer right now. From all of you in fact.” I pursue, looking at their five faces while hiding a grimace. _Well if Niall didn’t harm them, their make-up surely was the one who raped their faces._ I snigger to myself.

“You’re crazy right? You just giggled to yourself.” Gabrielle remarks.

“So that was the reason you were absent for so long?” Annaleigh adds catching on.

“You were in an insane asylum.” Rachel joins.

“And now you need us to confirm you’re not insane.” Elle ends. _What the fuck is wrong with their minds?_

“Sorry can’t help you then because unfortunately, you are mad.” Jade shrugs me off.

“No that’s not the point.” I shake my head angrily, pushing her back into the wall. “I need to know if you girls have been in contact with Niall Horan recently.” _Please say no. Please say no. Please say n―_

“Yes in fact. Why? Are you jealous? You don’t have enough with Harry drooling all over you?” Jade mocks.

“What happened when you were with him?” I question, restraining from slapping the bitch.

“It was about three of four days ago.” Rachel starts.

“The boy was in pretty bad shape.” Gabrielle admits. “And for an unknown reason, he came to us. And so we talked to him and stuff and he started blabbering nonsense about being mean and all. He passed out.”

“I let him sleep at mine that night; to make sure he wouldn’t drive and have an accident.” Jade tells. “And the next morning, he was gone.”

“That’s all?” I question, holding my breath. Niall had been confused. He didn’t do anything. He’s been an angel the whole time...And these girls didn’t’ do anything to him either? God this is a miracle.

“You can say thank you. You were lucky we didn’t take advantage to his unconscious body... I could’ve done some naughty things to him.” Jade sneers. “Next time though, he’ll be conscious and we’ll be having some real sexy time.” _I strongly doubt that, but keep dreaming. It doesn’t hurt anybody._

“Thank you, for taking care of Niall.” I say truthfully, before leaving them. My heart fills with joy as I walk down the hallway, strong feelings stirring in my stomach. I can’t wait to tell Niall tonight. I can’t wait to tell him he’s innocent. I feel like shouting it on the roof tops. Niall is not a rapist. Niall is not guilty of anything.

 

 ****************************************

 

It’s almost as if the hours on the clock are mocking me. The day passes horrendously slowly as my excitement to go home grows. When the last bell finally rings, I run to my locker. Emily joins me minutes later as I finish packing up.

“So you are gonna tell Niall he’s innocent, right?” She enquires.

“Of course.”

“And you’re gonna go on a double date with me and Kyle this weekend, right?”

“This weekend?”

“Yeah I confirmed it with him in Music class. So you’re coming, right?”

“Sure.” I huff. “I owe you that much. For being such a great friend and all. It’s my turn to be the great friend.”

“Good. I take it you’ll manage to call or text and tell me who you’re going with? Or just give me the answer tomorrow at school?”

“Yeah I’ll tell you tomorrow.” I agree. “Bye!” I hug her, before walking rapidly to the parking lot.

Louis was already arrived. And he had a scowl on his face. _Uh-oh._

“Hey Louis... Everything okay?” I ask gently as I get in the passenger seat of his car.

 “I’ve been better.” He responds dryly, starting the engine. “So how was school?” The older-boy attempts to get the attention off him as we get on the road.

“School was great. Talked to Emily again. Felt good.” I shrug, not mentioning the Irish lad. _Niall was gonna be the first one to know he was innocent. “_ You on the other hand, don’t look like your jolly self.” I note. I take a deep sigh, trying to contain my eagerness at the mental image I had of Niall learning about how he hadn’t done anything wrong.

“It’s Eleanor.” Louis huffs after a minute of silence. “She’s really cute and funny and all that, but she tries too hard to get to know more about me. And it appears she knows about you.”

“Wait. She knows you guys bought me, or she knows I’m living with you?”

“I’m not sure. But she knows you exist.” He exhales.

“And that’s bad?”

“Kinda. I’m just not ready to present you yet. I’m not at that stage, like Liam is with Danielle. And I know she wants to meet you. Like really bad.”

“Tell her that you’ll let her met me when you are ready. If she loves you enough, she’ll understand.”

“You sound like my mom teaching me about respecting my sexual partner’s limits.” Louis shakes his head, chuckling to himself.

We arrive at the manor a couple minutes later and I’m practically buzzing on my seat, wanting to see Niall so badly right now. The moment Louis stops the car; I hop outside and run inside the manor, and up to Niall’s room. Weirdly, I don’t bump on harry or Liam on the way there.

“Niall guess what?!” I say excitedly, opening the Irish lad’s room door. He’s not there. My smile falters a little, but I head over to Zayn’ room to check for both boys. It’s also empty. “Niall?!” I’m responded by an eerie silence. I can almost hear my heart pumping from my running up the stairs. “Niall?” I yell again. “Harry? Liam? Zayn?” I can’t help the knot forming into my stomach. I feel like I’m going to vomit.

“Sophie?!” I hear Louis worried shout from downstairs. I run to meet him.

“What Lou? Where are the boys?” I start panicking seeing the mask of horror on Louis face as he reads a note placed on the table near the entrance. _Why didn’t I see it?!_

“Get back in the car. We’re going to the hospital. Niall tried to kill himself.” He says urgently. He shows me the note, written in a hurried handwriting.

 

**Louis, get to the nearest hospital ASAP. Niall tried to kill himself. TTYL with more info. Be quick. He needs Sophie.**

**-Liam**

 

I can’t move, breath stuck in my throat.

“No...” I whisper. _This is a nightmare. It’s all an illusion. It’s not true._

“Sophie! We have to go! Now!” Louis pulls me out of the house and into his car, wasting no time to start the engine. His eyes are getting wet with tears.Mine are too. I’m sure.

 _This is a nightmare. It’s all an illusion. It’s not true._ _Wake up Soph._ I tears start sliding down my cheeks, and dots cloud my vision.

“No no no Niall!” I start hyperventilating. _Just as things were getting better... He has to try and kill himself? Why? Is it because he couldn’t live without my forgiveness? Oh Niall I forgive you! You didn’t do anything! Niall this is all my fault._

“Sophie don’t faint!” Louis orders, placing one of his hands on my leg. “He’ll be alright. Everything’s gonna end up alright.” He urges, voice shaky. “Oh God please let him be alright.” He pleads, looking upwards. “Why why why?” Louis shakes his head, wiping his tears with the back of his hand as he did his best to focus on the road. “Why the fuck would he do that?” The blue-eyed boy continues intensely. “Sophie do you think it’s my fault? Do you think that it’s because I haven’t been with him enough?”

“No Lou. I don’t think it’s your fault.” I shake my head, before taking it in my hands as more tears drop.

Once at the hospital, we are placed in a waiting room.

The other boys are there, eyes puffy. Liam is arguing heatedly with a nurse and Zayn is sitting on a chair, head in his hands. Harry is leaning on the wall, trying to look strong but failing. His cheeks are tear stained, his eyes red from crying.

“Harry!” I start sobbing again, running to go hug the curly-haired boy.

His head shoots up and he starts crying again as he welcomes me in his arms.

“Harry tell me what happened?! Where is Niall? Harry please please please tell me he’s okay?” I weep. “Where is he? What happened?” I repeat, crying harder in his shirt, my good hand clenching around the fabric.

“I don’t know. He’s in surgery.” He responds, voice hoarse as he hugs me tighter. “They won’t tell us anything. Sophie it was horrific. The way he looked when they got him in the ambulance. Sophie I hate hospitals. They are bad places.” Harry trails on. “Do you think it’s my fault?”

“Harry it’s nobody’s fault. Things happen.” Zayn intervenes, talking for the first time since me and Louis have arrived. That last one who was with Liam, urging the nurse to tell us about Niall and let us see him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola you can follow or talk to me on Twitter, Instagram and Kik: @suchdirectioner  
> Feel free to comment! :)


	33. Finding Out

“Zayn, what happened to Niall? What did he do to end up here? He didn’t cut himself right?” I ask the darker boy, pulling away from Harry a little to speak to Zayn face to face. The latter takes a deep breath before answering.

“He was hit by a car.” _Niall was hit by a car?_

“But Liam wrote that he tried to kill himself,” I object. _This doesn’t make any sense._

“We aren’t sure yet what happened exactly. Louis wouldn’t answer his phone when we tried to warn him about Niall’s situation so Liam wrote the first thing he could think of and left it at the house for you two to see.”

“How does one come with the idea that someone tries to kill himself when he’s hit by a car?” I almost scream. Heads turn my way, and Liam and Louis stop arguing with the nurse to see what’s happening.

“Sophie calm down.” Harry mumbles in my hair. I’m shaking in his arms, my sadness turning into frustration.

“Niall froze in the middle of the road as car arrived.” Zayn continues once I’m calmer. Louis and Liam resume their protesting against the lady.

 “Maybe he was distracted. Maybe he didn’t look around as he crossed the road and he was just stunned when he saw the car so he stopped moving altogether. It’s called being frozen in fear.” I snap. Harry squeezes my shoulder. “I thought he tried killing himself! I thought it was voluntary, not an accident!” I pursue.

Harry stays silent as the bickering between Zayn and I persists.

“But why would he go outside in the first place? Why didn’t he tell somebody?”

“Maybe he went outside for some fresh air! Some time alone! Maybe he knew you’d wanna follow!”

“Well you see, we only have maybe’s! We aren’t certain about anything! And you, of all people, would’ve wanted me to stay with him anyways!”

“This still isn’t a good reason to make me think he tried to kill himself!”

“But that was never my intention! I didn’t want to scare you!”

“Well you hellla did!” I cry.

“Soph shhh...” Harry whispers.

“I agree with Sophie. I don’t think it was right to make us think Niall had the intentions to kill himself,” Louis enters our argument casually finally leaving the nurse alone. Liam though, was not quite finished talking with the lady. “But on the other hand, I don’t blame them for thinking that way. I would’ve thought that way too, becauseNiall’s been having dark thoughts recently and I think that Sophie not forgiving him wasn’t helping much.” Louis accuses me

“Are you saying it’s my fault?!” I retort, hurt. Tears sting my eyes once more.

“No it’s nobody’s fault!” Zayn disagrees.

“Let’s just stop arguing and hear for ourselves what Niall has to say.” Liam breaks the feud, pulling away from a very flustered nurse. The woman says something into her walkie-talkie. “He’s being brought out of the operating room. We can go see him in a couple minutes.”

“As soon as you folks calm down rather.” The nurse intervenes, placing the walkie-talkie away. “We are in a hospital. Patients require peace and quiet. Not teenagers that keep yelling at each other. I know you all are stressed for Mr. Horan, but we’ve had worst cases. He’s gonna make it. The doctor will take care of him.”

I sigh, before taking a seat beside Zayn. Harry sits beside me, and Louis and Liam sit beside us. We wait in silence.

“So for how long have you guys been here?” I ask after a couple minutes.

“About two or three hours. I don’t know. And I don’t think I want to.” He replies, before placing his head back into his hands.

Having nothing else to say, I shut my eyes, taking slow breaths. I open my eyes and look around. The blue and turquoise tints of the hospital are nauseating, the smell of sterilisation not helping. My head starts spinning.

“Harry I hate hospitals too.” I groan.

“Are you going to be sick?” He enquires, standing up. I shake my head.

“I think I just need to walk around.”

“I’ll come with you.” He offers. I feel the other three boys looking at us intently.

“I’m just going to be walking back and forth in the waiting room Harry,” I deny.

“Well I’ll do it with you.”

“Ok sure. Whatever.” I sigh, not finding the will to argue.

We walk silently, doing circles in the semi-empty waiting room. From the corner of my eye, I see Liam pulling out his phone. Zayn’s already on his, talking lowly.

“My mother tells me Niall’s mother is worried sick.” Liam says aloud, reading a text. Harry and I stop walking, looking at the brown-eyed boy.

“Who told them?” Louis counters.

“I don’t know,” Liam shrugs.

After several other minutes of pacing, a man with a white coat arrives. _Finally._

“Boys,” The doctor starts, “And girl,” He adds, looking at me before addressing to all of us. “My name is Dr. Martins. I’m the one in charge for Mister Horan. I do not know who you are, nor do I care, but some people with your faces on cartons are making a racket outside, asking if Mister Horan is alright and other obscene things I shall not name.” The man says, very seriously. “I will not let you see Mr. Horan until they leave. We are in a hospital, not an arena.”

“Shit some paps finally found us.” Louis groans.

“So did the fans.” Liam huffs.  “The dedicated one at the least because the ones at Sophie’s school didn’t stalk us much.”

“Well that was a good thing.” Harry points out.

“I think the whole world knows about it.” Zayn says dryly.

“Knows about what?” _Wait a sec...._ “Wait did your management even know you were in Ireland? Were you like, hiding me or something?” I enquire.

“Kinda. I mean they knew we took a short break but we lied to them on the location. Some radio guy saw us when we arrived and overheard us talking about finding you. We paid him to stay quiet. The bastard couldn’t hold his mouth and told it on the radio. Fortunately for us, his radio frequency isn’t very popular.” Louis explains.

It does ring a bell though...

 

[Flashback]

****

**_“And now to make a secure atmosphere, here is One Direction’s What Makes You Beautiful! And here’s some great news for directioners, I heard our hometown Niall and his gang are presently in Mullingar! Looking for a girl! Could it be you?”_ **

**_“You’re insecure, don’t know what fo―”_ **

****

[End of Flashback]

 

 

“Lads look.” The Pakistani boy shows us his phone. Twitter was on the screen, with more than a thousand tweets on how Niall ended up in a hospital. _Just great. More attention._

“I’m pretty sure that’s how Niall’s mom found about it too.” Louis points out. He looks at Zayn’s phone. “Paul found out too.” He chuckles, before his smile falters. “They are gonna be sooo mad.”

“Nonetheless, some of your fans are mad, hollering in front of the hospital right now.” The doctor brings them back to the present time.

“They had to find us when we’re at a hospital.” Liam groans, rubbing his temples. “Can we all go see Niall, then take care of the fans outside?” Liam asks Dr. Martins.

“No.” The doctor shakes his head. “We wouldn’t want Niall to be overwhelmed. He’s probably sleeping right now anyways. Or about to get up a little disoriented. He hit his head pretty hard. Only one person will be allowed for the first hour to make sure he doesn’t freak out. Which one of you will go?”

“Lads, I think Sophie should go first. Niall needs her most right now, and we have to go take care of the people outside...” Harry sighs. I squeeze his hand gratefully, with my good arm.

“Thank you.” I mumble, hugging him.

“He needs you Soph.” He whispers back, before pushing me softly towards the doctor.

“Follow me, miss.”

The doctor takes me through a long hallway, talking as he went. “So Niall, like I said earlier, hit his head pretty hard on the asphalt after the impact. Luckily for him, the car wasn’t driving too fast and all he got we’re a few broken ribs and many bruises.”

“So why did he need surgery?”

“His brain got damaged when his skull collided the asphalt.”

“How damaged?” I whisper, scared of the answer. “He can still talk right? He still has all his memories?”

“The frontal lobe of his brain is the part that was harmed. But fortunately for him, only a small part of it.” Dr. Martins trails on while we turn left. He stops in front of a door with blurry glass, talking to me face to face. “When people injure the frontal lobe their brains, usually they have difficulty thinking and concentrating on more than one thing. Some other cases are the inability to move some body parts, or a total change of personality.”

_Were in front of Niall’s room._

“What does Niall have?” I question softly, bracing myself.

“He is a very lucky chap let me tell you that. According to the images we have of his cerebral activity, only his emotions were affected. His case is particular though. We only have about two or three patients like him. He’ll live an emotion very profoundly, if you understand what I mean. If he’s angry, he’ll risk being a raging hurricane. If he’s happy, well he’ll be in constant bliss. But if he’s feeling more sad and depressed, it might take him twice the normal time to recover. This could be very dangerous as we noticed the boy had self-harming scars all along his wrists.” The doctor looks at me pointedly. “They weren’t fresh so we presumed he had stopped this habit?”

“Yes.”

He notes something on his pad.

“I suggest you look out for him intensely. His mood swings might be dangerous the first few days, as they will be at their highest. You are Sophie right?”

“Yeah...How do you know my name?”

“The medical group that placed him in the ambulance said he didn’t stop asking for a certain Sophie. I just assumed it was you.”

I smile sadly. _Oh Niall._

“So I’ll leave you two... I think he’s up,” Dr. Martins says, looking at his watch.

“Wait.” I grab his arm. “Do you know for how long this state will affect him? I mean the deep emotions and mood swings?” I ask.

“I think it’ll wear off over time. But I can’t be sure. The patients that had that already are, as a matter of fact, quite recent.”

“Are you gonna tell all this to the boys that were with me? I don’t think I can explain it like you did.” I enquire.

“Sure miss.”

“Thank you.” I tell him truthfully, before opening the door to Niall’s room carefully. I hear the beeping of the machines before I see him. Gulping, I step inside.

“Soph?” Niall croaks. “Is that you?” I see him. He’s plugged here and there, with bandages around his chest and small cuts and bruises on his face.

“Niall oh my god.” I start crying, and head over to the bed. I hug him hard, careful not to squeeze him with my bothering cast. “What did you do?” I whisper, grasping him tighter.

“Ouch Soph I’m a little sore around the chest area,” Niall chuckles.

“Sorry,” I pull away, wiping a tear with the back of my good hand. “I’m just so happy to see you safe and sound.” I admit. His face changes rapidly to confused and scared.

“Wait you’re not angry after me anymore?”

“Niall why would I be angry?”

“Well I-I-I raped girls a-a-and,” He stutters, trembling.

“No Niall. You didn’t.” I smile. “You imagined it all.”

“But no I’m sure―”

I place a finger on his lips.

“The drugs made you think you did it.”

“Maybe I’m still dreaming then,” he shakes his head, becoming really scared. “Maybe I’m still under the influence of drugs.”The Irish lad starts freaking out. The doctor was right; his emotions become drastic really quickly.

“I’ll prove you otherwise.” I whisper, before leaning down carefully to place a kiss on his chapped lips. I hear his heart monitor accelerating near me and I smile in the kiss.

“Do you believe this is real now?” I mumble, pulling away slowly. He shakes his head, eyes shining with joy.

“Only if I can get another one.” He responds, just as quietly. His hand carefully pulls my head back in for another kiss. “Now I do.” Niall acknowledges once we break the kiss. 


	34. Emotions

“Maybe I’m still dreaming then,” he shakes his head, becoming really scared. “Maybe I’m still under the influence of drugs.”The Irish lad starts freaking out. The doctor was right; his emotions become drastic really quickly.

“I’ll prove you otherwise.” I whisper, before leaning down carefully to place a kiss on his chapped lips. I hear his heart monitor accelerating near me and I smile in the kiss.

“Do you believe this is real now?” I mumble, pulling away slowly. He shakes his head, eyes shining with joy.

“Only if I can get another one.” He responds, just as quietly. His hand carefully pulls my head in for another kiss. Niall’s lips are warm against mine, small butterflies forming in my stomach at the intimate feel of our lips joining again. He groans appreciatively on my lips. “Now I do.” Niall acknowledges as he pulls back gently. His lips are trembling, as well as his hands.

“Niall, are you okay? You’re shaking,” I laugh nervously, ready to go fetch the doctor if needed.

“I’m feeling incredible actually. Too incredible actually.” He admits, sighing as he closes his eyes. “I could die right now and I’d be in bliss...” He mumbles.

“Niall..?” I say worriedly.

His eyes shoot open. “I’m just so overwhelmed by you.” The blonde explains. “Everything about you. Your touch, your smell, your eyes, your lips, your body...” He groans. “It’s like I can’t keep my feelings for you under control....You kissed me and it was like floating on a cloud. It felt heavenly. ” he moans, his heart beat accelerating on the monitor.

“Niall I have to tell you something....” I tell him carefully, trying to get his emotions back to a stable point. Unfortunately, I just sent them going another way.

“Are you gonna say you don’t wanna be with me anymore?” The Irish boy is already on the verge of tears. “Don’t you love me Soph? I didn’t rape those girls so why are you being so distant? Are you gonna leave me here? All alone?” He starts panicking and I sit on his bed.

“No no no. Niall calm down... Listen.” He looks at me wide-eyed and nervous. I shut my eyes before continuing. “You do know you hit your head right?”

“Y-y-yeah,” he stutters.

“Well... it affected your brain.”

“Are you saying it changed my memory? So you and I... We’re not very close? But why did you kiss me? Why did we kiss if we’re not very close?” He rambles on sadly. “Why torture me?”

“Niall stop jumping to conclusions.” I quiet. _This was gonna be so hard. He has absolutely no power over his feelings._ “I don’t know if the doctor told you...But Niall, you damaged a small part of the front of your brain. And it’s the one that controls your emotions.” I say finally.

“I don’t understand.”

“You mean you don’t notice the constant mood swings you’re having? You were happy just a moment ago, in bliss I might add, and now you’re nervous and scared.” I try, in order to make him understand.

He frowns.

“Am I going to stay like that for a long time?” he asks after a couple seconds of silence.

“We don’t know.”

“God this is horrible.” He groans, shutting his eyes. Niall’s lip is trembling.

“Niall it could’ve been worst.” I try reassuring him. “You could’ve lost some parts of your memory.”

“Are the lads gonna come and see me?” He asks brusquely, changing the subject completely. I stand up carefully, caught off guard.

“Yeah I can go get them if―”

“No stay.” He grabs my good hand. “Please.”

“Okay.” I frown.

“Sit.” The blonde says, patting my previous spot. I do as asked, uncertain. He smiles, and shuts his eyes, before resting his head on the hospital bed. It’s silent, a part from the monitor that indicated his heart rate. It was slow and steady, until he exhaled, pulling a face. The beeping rapidly accelerated.

“Niall?” I enquire anxiously.

“Hmm?” He mumbles without opening his eyes, his heartbeat slowing once more.

“What are you thinking about?”

“You. And all that’s going on. Life.” The Irish boy responds simply, his eyes still shut. _Which makes me think..._

“Niall you didn’t try to kill yourself right? To end up here I mean? It was an accident? You didn’t mean to end up being hit by a car?” I shoot simultaneously.

“What?” he opens his eyes, revealing two confused cerulean eyes.

“You weren’t trying to kill yourself when you crossed the road, right?”

“No. Not at all.” He shakes his head vigorously, goose bumps rising on his skin.

“You promise?” I cock my eyebrow up.

“Soph I wouldn’t lie to you about that... in fact I wouldn’t lie to you at all...I don’t keep secrets from you. Why are you talking to me like I’m a child?” Niall’s mood rapidly shifts to angry and hurt.

“That’s not what I’m doing Niall,” I shake my head negatively. “I’m just making sure you’re okay because I care for you. A lot.”

“And that’s all it’ll ever be right? Caring. You’ll never love me like I love you right?” He retorts, irritated. “No you won’t because you’re selfish and you only think about yourself and YOUR feelings and all that girl―”

“No Niall that’s not it.” I cut him, taken aback by his harshness. _This is too much... I can’t take it... I won’t be able to take his swings._  I’m blinking back tears, biting my lip.

“God. I’m so sorry Soph.” He says horrified, realising what he’d just said. “I had a mood change didn’t I?” Niall grimaces. I stay quiet, but he understands my silent answer. He moves himself as far away from me as possible. “Stupid, unrestrained feelings...C’mere,” The blonde mumbles, tapping the empty space right beside him on the bed.

I don’t move.

“Please Soph...” he begs.

Carefully, I get on the bed, and snuggle up to him, avoiding hitting his damaged rib cage area with my cast. My head rests on the top his chest as I take deep breaths, synchronising them with the beating of his heart. He caresses my hair lovingly.

“I’m sorry Soph.” He whispers softly after a couple minutes of peaceful silence. “I didn’t mean what I just said...” he continues.

_But he did. He thinks it’s taking me a long time to love him back. And he’s right... Maybe Niall’s not the one for me? Why wouldn’t he be the one? He’s been the nicest. Heaven help me. My life’s a mess._

“What are you thinking about?” Niall pulls me out of my reverie.

“You.” I answer honestly. He squeezes me, his heart beat quickening. Sighing quietly, I shut my eyes, letting myself be held in Niall’s arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short :s Been lacking of time


	35. Sexy Imagination

_**********_ **_∞_ ** _************_

That’s exactly how Louis finds us a couple minutes later: entangled in each other’s arms.

“Good to see you’re okay mate,” Louis says, eyeing the both of us. “So hospitals hmm? Kinky.” He adds casually.

“Ugh no Louis.” I groan once I understand what he means. “He’s hurt; I’m hurt, which means no sex.” I tell the older boy, getting off Niall’s chest. The latter groans a little in protest.

“Hey where’s Harry?” I enquire.

“Hey where’s Perry?” Louis mocks, chuckling. Seeing as he was the only one laughing, he sighs. “One at a time remember?”

“Oh, right. So I’ll leave you two alone?”

“Yeah don’t worry I won’t sexually harass him, were not homos. Not that there’s something wrong with them because there isn’t but―”

“You won’t be sexually assaulting anybody Lou,” I silence his rambling.

“Hmm. Don’t be so certain love.” He smirks, sending a flirty smile my way. I roll my eyes, heading for the door.

“You’ll come back though Soph?” Niall calls. I turn around to face him as he’s sitting up slowly on his bed. “You won’t leave me alone with this bozo forever?” The Irish lad continues, eyes pleading.

“Hey the bozo is right beside you mate,” Louis punches Niall’s arm playfully.

“Ouch,” Niall whines.

“Ah right sorry mate I forgot― hey!” Louis protests as Niall smiles and hits him back. They start play fighting; Niall’s eyes are shining with pleasure, making me smile. It suddenly drops as his heart rate starts accelerating.

“Hey Lou, the doctor told you right?” I enquire, worried of leaving the two alone. I did not want to see an emotionally broken Niall.

“Yeah Soph.” The older boy shrugs, ruffling the blonde’s hair. I turn to leave once more but Niall causes me to stop into my tracks again.

“Soph you didn’t answer my question? You’ll come back to me?” His voice tinted with worry.

“Niall, I promise I’ll come back after everybody has had their turn to talk, play fight or whatever with you.” I nod, before leaving the room. I sigh outside the door, before walking back to the waiting room. This is just too much to take. The three boys practically jump on me when I arrive.

“How is he?”

“He’s perfectly fine Liam.” I say, trying my best to keep a straight face. “Really he’s fine. He’ll be okay. It could’ve been worse.” I tell them. _Who am I trying to convince? Them or me?_

“But the doctor said his emotions were messed up. Sophie, is he really okay?” Liam urges.

I nod, face grave, before collapsing on a chair, tearing up.

“No Liam... No he’s not.” I utter. _Gosh I’m such a mess. Why am I so emotional?_

“Hey Soph... Shhh.” Harry comes over to me, rubbing my back affectionately. He lifts me up and places me on his lap, before cradling me in his arms. “Soph it can’t be that bad...” he coos.

“But it is! Harry his mood swings are horrible! It’s like he’s suddenly so different! He’s not the carefree and composed Niall anymore! His emotions change so rapidly, it’s scary! He deliberately said I was selfish because apparently I only care about my feelings and not his! But that’s not true! I know I’m selfish, but I don’t like to hear it! It stings! The normal Niall would’ve kept it to himself! Or at least not have told me so harshly! ” I ramble sadly, crying into Harry’s shirt. He kisses the top of my head.

“You’re not selfish,” he mumbles in my hair. “You’re just thinking about yourself... a lot...”

“How’s that not selfish Harry?”

“Sophie it’s perfectly fine... And it’s good for you. See, you’re a much happier person. I’m sure Niall understands that lots of things are going through your mind at once...”

“And lots are going through his also and he can’t control what’s going out of his mouth!”

“Sophie the doctor said that’d it’ll probably lessen over time, and then eventually disappear completely.” Zayn says, attempting to calm my crying.

“But what if it doesn’t?” I look up at the darker boy, eyes filled with tears. “What if his emotions never become normal again?”

“Surely the doctor will have some medication for him. Like mood stabilizers or something.” Liam tries reassuring me. “Like the stuff they give to people with bi-polar disorders.” The brown-haired boy continues thoughtfully.

“I really hope they do find something for him Liam... It would kill me to see him unsteady and insecure every day.” I shut my eyes shuddering. I wipe my tears, before resting my head on Harry’s shoulder.

Liam takes a seat beside Harry and I, while Zayn leans against a wall, checking out his phone again.

“But good news is, Niall didn’t try to kill himself.” I add, after a couple minutes of eerie silence.

“He didn’t deliberately walk in front of the car?” Zayn questions, his brow cocking up in curiosity.

I shake my head.

“It was an accident. I guess he just wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings.” I shrug my shoulders. “When exactly did we come at the point where we ponder the possibility of Niall trying to kill himself?” I mutter to myself.

“When he started cutting.” Zayn replies easily. “For all we know, you could’ve had suicidal thoughts too,” He points out.

Harry very noticeably stiffens under me. I stay silent.

Louis comes in a few minutes later, smiling broadly.

“Hey guess what? I have some great news! But I won’t tell you! You have to guess!” he exclaims childishly.

“I don’t want to guess, because I feel we’re gonna know anyways.” I answer morosely.

“Hey stop being so down Soph. You’re ruining my good mood.” Louis scolds. “No what I wanted to say was that I just bumped into the doctor.”

“And?” Harry presses.

“Well he said I looked healthy.” He announces proudly. We all groan simultaneously.

“Really Lou? That’s what you wanted to tell us?” Liam huffs.

“You should be happy to know I am healthy.”

“Louis did you have something more relevant to tell us?” Zayn exhales.

“Well I also want to tell you guys I have a big dick.” The older boy adds casually.

“Seriously? Louis why can’t you say something useful when we want it?” Zayn starts losing patience, and so does the rest of us.

“Fine. You guys are no fun. No what the doctor said is that he remarked that when Niall is in contact with different people, it helps him maintain his emotions more easily. It makes him more conscious and he’s better at maintaining his moods.”

“Does that mean we can go more than one at a time?”

“Yeah. Three’s max though for now.”

“Soph do you wanna go with Zayn and Liam?” Harry proposes.

“No Harry. You go. I went already.” I refuse, getting off him. He stands up.

“You sure?” The curly-haired boy asks.

“Positive.” I nod, sitting back down in the now empty seat. As soon as Harry’s out of sight, Louis approaches me.

“So Sophie... We’re alone and I thought maybe―”

“Louis.” I shut my eyes, rubbing my temples. “Please. No sex talk whatsoever.”

“I am offended Sophie.” Louis mocks hurt, placing a hand on his heart.  “I only wanted to hug. You are so dirty minded.” He reprimands, taking a seat next to me.

“I’m dirty minded? Look who’s talking. I’m not the one who thought about sex in the hospital, and I certainly am not the one who flaunted about my dick size.”

“I’m not dirty minded either. It’s called having a sexy imagination. And by the way, love, I know this will probably shock you... but you can’t flaunt about your dick size anyways because you don’t have a dick.” Louis says very seriously. _What?_

“Thank you Louis! I would’ve never known without your revelation! I’ll now see myself differently in a mirror!” I say sarcastically. “You’ve basically changed my life! Oh my gosh I was positive I had a dick!” I roll my eyes. I faintly notice I attracted some attention from people around but I ignore it. “Seriously Louis. You just answered one of my biggest questions on life.”

“Well I’m glad I elucidated one of the unresolved problems going in that pretty little head of yours.” Louis counters, smiling proudly. I roll my eyes again, before breaking up into a laugh.

“This is utterly ridiculous,” I giggle, clutching my stomach.

Louis starts chuckling too and pretty soon, we’re a laughing mess on the floor. Once we calmed down, we started small chat, saying random things to each other, some who made more sense than others. We ended up arguing over soccer aka football for him, and it made me think of Kyle, who was the soccer team’s captain and then one though led to another and I thought about the double date with him and Em. And then I thought of Louis.

“Hey Louis?” I ask after a couple seconds of thinking.

“Yeah?”

“Wanna go on a double date with me?”

“Whoa. What?”

“You know my friend Emily?” he nods and I continue, “Well she invited me on a double date this weekend and―”

“I can’t Soph.” The older boy shakes his head negatively.

“Why Lou?”

“Harry’d kill me.”


	36. Lust, Hatred and Sass

I gasp. “What? Louis come on he’s your best friend...”

“Exactly. I can’t go on a date with my best friend’s girl.”

“I’m not his girl.” I deny. Louis makes a face, shaking his head slightly. “What if we go as friends?”

“He’d misinterpret it Soph.”

“Louis, Harry won’t care if I go on a date with someone other than him....” I try.

“Yes, he’ll care if it’s someone other than Niall.” The older boy says, before rapidly pursing his lips, clearly regretting what he just said. “Never mind what I just said.”

“Why Niall...?” I enquire.

“Because.” He shuts me off.

“Would you care to be more elaborate....?” I press. He shakes his head. “Louis...” I beg. “Please.”

“Soph, Harry tells me everything. And I really do mean everything.” Louis sighs, passing his hand in his hair. “You would only be able to go on a date with him or Niall.  ”

“But why Niall?” I urge. He completely avoided my question.

“Harry knows Niall wouldn’t be able to live without you, that’s why he’d be the only exception.” The blue-eyed boy explains.

“I know that.... He also told me I _needed_ to love Niall.” I admit.

“When did― Wait what? You aren’t supposed to know he wants you to be with Niall.... Wait this is all wrong. He didn’t want to tell you. When did he tell you?” Louis blabbers, his fingers digging into his hair worriedly as his blue orbs pierce through mine.

“Louis, you basically just told me Niall would be the only exception for a date.” I say carefully.

“As _friends_. I never told you that he needed you, wanted you, to _love_ Niall. Where did you get that from?”

“Two days ago I think. At this hospital.” I motion around us. “Harry thought I was sleeping and cowardly spilled everything, before leaving me all alone at the hospital.” I continue, voice bitterly.

“Does he know you heard him?”

“What if he heard me? What if he didn’t? Who cares? I’m the one involved here. ” I burst.

“Sophie just answer the damn question,” Louis responds dryly.

“No.”

“You should tell him Sophie. Before he finds out by others means than you.” He advises.

“Only you and I know I heard him... Louis you wouldn’t tell him?” I frown. He looks away. “Louis he did leave me alone in the hospital after. I’m just being fair.”

“This isn’t about being fair Sophie,” his voice is dead serious, no amusement present in his usually joyful eyes. “Harry has the right to know. If you don’t tell him, I will.”

“What difference will it make, whether it’s me or you that tells him?” I huff, lifting my arms up in the air in exasperation.

“I honestly think he’ll react better if you were the one who told him. If I tell him, he’ll end up angry after you, because you kept it from him and weren’t planning on telling him anytime soon. If you tell him, chances are that he might be shy, even embarrassed, but a little pissed you waited two days to tell him.”

“Either way, he’ll end up angry after me! I like the relation we have now... it’s healthy and painless compared to what I had two years ago, or even a month ago!”

“Painless for you. I think Harry is in emotional pain. Niall also. But you clearly aren’t as you keep them both on the edge, keeping them in the darkness about your feelings towards them. See what happens when emotions get in the way? People get hurt. Maybe it’s a good thing Niall’s are messed up.”

Guilt assaults me powerfully, and I feel like I’ve been punched in the face.

“Don’t say that! It hurts me also! I don’t know how to act, as I don’t wanna hurt any of them! But that’s not even the point right now!” I fume. Sighing, I calm down, rubbing my temple with my good hand. I try my best to ignore what he just said. “The point is, Harry doesn’t have to know! Louis can’t you just shut your eyes on this?” I plea, looking up at him.

“Sorry.” He shakes his head. “I’m giving you until this weekend to tell him yourself, or I’ll do it and let you deal Harry's anger.”

I sigh, slumping in the chair.“He won’t be that angry, right?” I groan.

“No. He’ll be hurt and confused, and it may turn into lust if you’re not able to tell him the right way.”

“Louis don’t tell him.”

“Will you then?” he enquires.

“I don’t know.” I whimper.

“Like I said, you have until weekend to think about it.” Louis ends the conversation and stands up, before leaving.

“Just great.” I mumble. “Another one who leaves me alone in a hospital. Louis, I hate you.” I mutter, slumping really low in my seat. Our conversation replays in my head. _Would he really tell him? Am I really that selfish? Keeping them in the ignorance about my feelings? The problem is, I don’t even know how I feel about those boys! They drive me mad. Why am I even living with them? Why am I so freaking attached to them? Why―_

“Hey Soph!” Zayn comes jogging in, smiling. His smile drops as he looks around, noticing Louis’s absence. “Where’s Lou?”

“He left me. Alone. I don’t know where he went.” I grumble, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Why are you in a sour mood?” The darker boy asks, approaching me.

“I’ve been left alone in a hospital for the second time this week. Why would I be in a sour mood in your opinion?”

“Because you’re alone?” He frowns, uncertain.

“Bingo. Now, what did ya wanna tell me?” I sigh.

“Well I’m going to go find Lou, and you can go see Niall with Harry and Liam.”

“What if I don’t wanna see them?” I mumble to myself, standing up.

“What was that?” Zayn enquires. _Shit he heard me. Great. Now I need to explain myself._

“Look... it pains me to see Niall like this alright?” I huff. “It’s almost like I’m being stabbed in the heart. And then there’s Harry. Him, who I just can’t tolerate because he’s being too sweet to be Harry. And It’s been three people who’ve been telling me that I’m being selfish, but I can’t help it because I don’t wanna hurt anybody and I’m being selfish by keeping them in ignorance and sometimes I wish Harry’d be mean again, so I could make an easy choice and just go with Niall and be happy and maybe even have children I don’t know! But I can’t! And thinking about all that alone, having feelings for more than one of you guys, is messed up because initially, you guys bought me for fuck’s sake.”

“Shhh. Sophie calm down...” Zayn advances closer to me, attempting to hug me.

“Why do you even care?” I spit angrily, pushing him away. I notice people eyeing me curiously and I resist the strong urge to flip them off. _Why can’t they mind their own business?!_

“Sophie... Don’t start with the attitude and stop causing a scene.” Zayn’s golden eyes harden, just like his voice. “I’m only trying to be friendly here. If you don’t wanna talk about it, fine. You’re the one who started word-vomiting on me, and I listened.” The dark boy continues. “I know you’re worried about Niall, but you’re not the only one, and this is certainly not the best way to show it. You have absolutely no reason to be pissed after me, or any of the boys. We’ve been nothing but kind for the last week or so. Now calm down, get your shit together and go see Niall. He hasn’t stop asking for you.” He ends dryly.

“Okay then. Fine,” I shrug, before walking away from Zayn and to the blonde’s room, thoughts running wild in my head. _Can’t he leave me alone? I’m allowed to say what I think no? No of course not. I’m with the One Direction boys. I can’t say things I think. Not anymore from the look of it..._ I feel a sudden surge of hate towards the boys at the reminisce of a month ago. _Why should I be calm about everything? Why shouldn’t I be allowed to tell what’s going on in my mind?_

Once at the Irish boy’s door, I inhale deeply, trying to push some of the hate away, before stepping inside.

“Sophie!” The Irish voice chimes like joy at its finest. It’s almost as if Niall is a child at Christmas, and I’m the most desired present that he just received. “Sophie you came back!” he exclaims as I come closer to him, Harry and Liam.

“Course I did... I told you I would.” I smile, hiding all my previous thoughts and hatred behind it. I can’t hate Niall. Not when he’s like this.

“Oi! Where’s Lou?” Harry enquires from beside Niall’s bed. “Liam and him will exchange...”

“I’m pretty sure he’s somewhere on Earth Harry.” I say, my mouth forming the words before I could even process them. I don’t even understand why I decided to be sassy.

“Is something wrong with you?” The green-eyed boy frowns, just like the other two.

“I’m perfectly fine.” I sigh, feeling annoyance bubble up in my veins.

“You sure?” He presses. I can’t help notice that Liam and Niall stay silent. The last one though, is squirming uncomfortably on his bed, grimacing. _Must be his bruised ribs... Right?_

“Yes.” I answer slowly. “I’m feeling great, walking on sunshine, riding a unicorn that eats rainbows or whatever that’ll convince you that I was never better.”

“Liar,” His eyes are slits, his mouth pressed in a thin line.

“Of course I’m lying... Unicorns don’t exist, and it’s literally impossible to walk on sunshine. So that leaves us with... I’m feeling great.”

“Cut the sass Soph. Answer the question.”

“Okay then. I’m fine under the circumstances given. Happy?”

He shakes his head, standing up and taking my hand.

“Wanna come and talk outside?” Harry questions, tugging me towards the door.

“Not exactly.” I shake my head, pulling my hand away from his. “I came to see Niall...” I look over Harry's shoulder to see that Niall is tense and Liam is muttering things to him, surely to calm him down my looks of it.  “I think I’ll stay a little longer with him...” I continue.

“Well sorry, I’m not giving you a choice sweet cheeks. You’re coming with me.” Harry’s deep voice has a scary edge as he grasps my arm in a tight grip and yanks me out the room. _Ugh._

My body collides with the one of a person dressed in white. The doctor.

“Oww...” I groan, as Harry rapidly lets go of my arm.

“I’m sorry, it’s my bad.” The doctor chuckles pulling me out of my stare as he smoothed up his clothes. “Sophie! I wanted to see you. I have some news for you.”

I rub the sore spot and glare at Harry. He responds by glaring back, before placing himself beside me so are arms are barely touching. Discretely, he slips his hand into mine. I try to pull away, but his grasp is tight. I give up on fighting, not wanting to make him angrier. I decide to place my attention on the doctor instead.

“So... Would you like to hear it?” The man dressed in white enquires, cocking his eyebrow upwards.

“Is it about Niall?”

“Yes.”

“Is it good news?”

“Yes.” Dr. Martins nods. “Sophie, we’ve studied, in the last hour or so, how Niall reacted to different people. We took note that his heart rate monitor accelerates when his emotions are stronger. This reaction is very similar to the one of people with bi-polar disorders.  So we actually have medication we can give him, to help him control it. He won’t have to stay in the hospital for more than maybe another eight hours, give a take a few minutes, in order for us to test the efficacy of the pills we’ll administer. That means Mr. Horan will be sleeping at the hospital. But we’ll need you two, Sophie and Niall, to be alone, and I really do mean alone,” He pauses, looking pointedly at Harry beside me, before pursuing, “With Niall for this time.”

“Why me?”

“You triggered Niall’s stronger emotions.” He says, checking his pads. He lifts a few sheets up. “According to the nurse, his heart rate amplified the most during the times of 5 o’clock and 6. You were the one who visited him during these times, correct?”

“I don’t know... I think so.” I blabber, searching in my mind. _Do I even wanna stay that long with Niall? Yes... Maybe. If his emotions are in check._ “I don’t recall seeing the time at any moment since after school...So maybe it isn’t me,” I add, trying to find a small possibility of getting out of this.

“Yes she visited in those hours.” Harry agrees from beside me. I huff.

“Then this is why, Sophie, we need you to stay with him during the effects of the medication.”

“When will he take them?”

“Now. I was about to go give them to him, and then fetch you in the waiting room. It turned out I won’t have to fetch you after all.” He smiles. At that moment, my stomach grumbles. Harry chuckles from beside me, and I elbow him in the stomach, irritated.

“Will we have food? I know he loves it and it’s almost supper time...” I trail on.

“I’ll take care of that.” Harry volunteers. He lets go of my hands and kisses my forehead. “I’ll be back in a few.” The curly-haired boy adds, before leaving.

“I’m sorry Sophie I know this probably isn’t my business... But aren’t you with Niall? Or at least close to be?” The doctor investigates.

“I don’t even know.” I huff angrily. The doctor laughs nervously, and takes us inside Niall’s room.

“Mr. Payne, I will ask you to leave.” Dr. Martins instructs as he walks to Niall’s bed, looking at the different monitors. Niall frowns as Liam leaves.

“Sophie?” Liam enquires before walking through the door. “You coming?”

“I have to stay with Niall.”

Liam nods and exits without saying anything else. _Weird. I thought he’d ask the doctor if I was lying... huh._

“You, love, make it seem like it’s a chore to stay with me.” Niall pouts a little as the doctor rummages a bit in his pockets. The older man pulls out a pack of pills, and hands them out to Niall.

“You will take these. They will help you control your emotions. Now while the pills take effect, I know this might seem, uh, pretty off, but I want you two to test as many emotions as possible in the next couple hours.” The man was very visibly starting to blush as he addressed to the both of us. “This will include lust and other possible sexual desires.... I absolutely do not mean you two having a sexual intercourse on the bed, this which is not allowed. Sophie...Just try to stimulate some kind of sexual reaction from him....But due to the fact that you two aren’t... Together? I think that these ones might be harder. We can just ignore them and―”

“No... I wanna do it.” Niall shakes his head. _Of course you do._

“I uhh... Yeah. We’ll see about that.” I end stunned, sitting on the chair beside the bed as Niall takes the pills, listening to the doctor’s instructions. I am not able to pay attention to what the two are saying near me, my mind going totally blank.


	37. Running

“Soph? Sophie? Sophie!” Niall shakes my shoulder.

“What?” I blink a few times, looking around. Niall and I are alone; the only sound heard is our breathing and the annoying beeping of the machines. “Where’s the doctor?”

“Sophie, he left just now, but you were stuck in a daze for several minutes... You okay?” Niall questions, his blue eyes searching worriedly through mine. I shut my eyes once, and open them again.

“I’m fine Niall... Just lots of things going through my mind at the same time...”

“I’m worrying you, aren’t I?” He mumbles.

“Yes.” I sigh, taking my head with one hand. “But not all only that...”

“Come here and tell me what’s on your mind,” he invites, making space for me in his bed.

“No Niall. I can’t. I just can’t. There’s too much going on in my head. Too many knots to untie.”

“I think I can help you untie a couple...”

“I don’t think so,” I shake my head.

“At least, give me a chance... Let me try.” He proposes, tapping the place beside him. “It’ll only do you good.”

I sigh, pulling my hair a little. Shutting my eyes, I start having an internal debate with myself. _Should I tell him everything? Or only some parts? Should Niall know about how Harry unintentionally poured his feelings to me? What about my argument with Louis? And the one with Zayn? The ones about being selfish? Should I tell him that’s why my surges of hatred have come back? Should I―_

“Soph?” Niall’s voice pulls me out of my pondering.

“Hmm?”

“You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Daydreaming... Being troubled in that pretty little head of yours.”

“Umm...Sorry?”

 “Don’t apologize.” The blonde chuckles. “It’s actually quite cute. Just like everything you do.”

“Always the flatterer aren’t you, Niall?” I remark, smiling feebly.

“Eh. It’s the Irish charm.” He shrugs, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink.

“Niall are you blushing?” I grin.

“If I say yes, will you come on the bed with me?” He smirks. I laugh and shake my head in disbelief, getting on the bed beside him. I place myself sideways, so I can talk to him face to side.

“Happy?” I poke his chest lightly. He pushes my hand away playfully and sits up in his bed, placing himself so were face-to-face

“Not quite...” His gaze drops down to my lips for mere seconds.

I open my mouth to protest, but his finger silences me.

“And no, this time, I’m not asking for a kiss. I only want your mind to be clear. I want you, to tell me what’s going on Soph. Please? Tell me anything you want. Anything that’ll make you a happier person.” His hand places itself on my calf, his thumb pad drawing soothing circles on my skin. It involuntarily creates spark of arousal inside me, and I stiffen, pulling my legs a little more to myself. Niall gulps very imperceptibly, his gaze following his hands. The Irish lad doesn’t take them away from my body, almost entranced. Keeping his head down, he exhales noisily before pursuing. “I want you to tell me everything. Even if it involves insulting me or one of the boys whatsoever.” He lets out finally.

“Niall I―”

“Plus, you might stir different emotions from me. It’s a win-win situation Soph.” The blonde presses, before looking up at the ceiling in despair.

“Niall look at me.” I sigh. He brings his head down slowly, stopping when our eyes met. “If I tell you, promise me you won’t interrupt me? Or be too angry?” I try, taking his fingers into my hand and away from my legs.

“I swear I’ll just listen.” He agrees. “And if the pills do work, I’m supposed to have the normal control over my emotions.”

“Do you think they’re working?”

“Well I’m not feeling too happy I’m with you...”

“Thanks,” I say sarcastically.

“What I meant was that I’m not in complete bliss... I can control that. To some extent,” he adds, looking at the heart monitor. It had faintly accelerated, but not drastically. “But I feel I can manage my feelings enough to listen to you without hurting you verbally or whatsoever.”

“Okay so I had an argument with Louis earlier. And then with Zayn.” I admit, playing with his hand nervously.

“Oh... kay? What was it about? I hope it wasn’t about me...”

“No.” I respond quickly. He cocks his eyebrow up, unconvinced. “Well partly.” I admit. “Let me start from the beginning. You had brought up earlier, in your moment of anger, the fact that I was selfish and―”

“Sophie I didn’t me―”

“Niall. You said you wouldn’t interrupt.” I chastise, looking at him pointedly. He mimes zipping his lips shut, and throwing the key away. Shaking my head, I smile and look down at our intertwined fingers, before continuing. “So you said I was selfish, and it got to me. Harry agreed I was selfish, but said that since it made me a happier person, then it wasn’t important. Then he, Liam and Zayn went to see you, leaving me alone with Louis.”

He’s about to say something, but presses his lips together instead, inhaling loudly. I squeeze his fingers as a sign of appreciation, pursuing what I was saying.

“We ended up goofing around, Louis saying nonsense about me not having a dick and stupid stuff like that. You know, he was just being Louis, until I brought up a double date with him.” I watch his reaction carefully, evaluating how he visibly stiffens at the mention of a date, but I keep talking. “So he refused, saying something about Harry killing him. Obviously I asked him why, I mean come on, Harry’s his best friend, but he said that Harry’d be the only one allowed to date me.” _And now is where I’ll switch the story a bit...Take some parts out..._ “Then, out of nowhere, he said I was not fair because I was selfish since I kept playing with you boys’ feelings. Then he left me alone, and Zayn arrived a few minutes later, looking for the both of us. I got angry after him, because suddenly, I was angry after all of you. You guys make me feel things I’m not supposed to feel. And it frustrates me. So much.” I end heatedly.

Niall stays silent for a few seconds, gazing directly into my eyes.

“Well first of all, I agree with Harry. I think it’s... okay... to be selfish if it makes you a happier person.” He says carefully, passing his hand through his hair. “But Louis is right too. It’s not fair, for us, to be played around like that. I think we deserve an answer, or at least, a hint about your feelings.”

_That was not supposed to happen._

“Not fair? Life isn’t fair Niall, and examples are everywhere these days! What’s fair about you, being in a hospital right now? What about me in a cast? Oh also, what’s fair about me being constantly emotionally pushed around by you guys? Really what’s fair about life Niall?” I exclaim, throwing my arms in the air.

“Sophie, calm down.” The way the blonde places his hand on my leg is meant as a reassuring action, but I flinch away from his touch.

“No Niall, I won’t calm down.” I get off the bed brusquely, pumped. “You asked me what was going on in my head and that’s exactly what I did! I told you what I thought! As you can see, I’m mostly pissed at everything right now!”

“Soph, you’re tired and it’s big a big day...I think you’re overreacting and―”

“I’m overreacting?!? How’s this overreacting,” I motion around us, “Due to the current situation hmm? I think it’s pretty damn reasonable!” I shout angrily. The words continue pouring out of my mouth. “I’ve been bought for fucks sake! I’m pretty sure my reaction isn’t even adequate!”

“Are you even hearing yourself right now?!  You sound like the 16 year-old you!” He’s yelling too. “Get over it! You’ve been bought two years ago! Turn the fucking page!”

“Get over it?! GET OVER IT?!? How would you react if you lived though all I’ve been so far?!”

“I’d learn to accept the situation and maybe consider the thought that the current circumstances might turn out to be the best that happened to me so far!”

“The best that happened to me?!” I retort incredulously, my hands going up in confusion. I feel something loosen inside me. “Well fuck that. You know what? That’s it Niall.” I abandon, dropping my arms. “I’m done with you guys. Hope you can accept that.” I end, before storming out of his room.  I ignore him as he yells my name, walking determinedly towards the hospital’s exit. This time, I’m going to get away from them for real. _I’m getting away. But where? I have no home._ _Nowhere to go to sleep, and feel safe!_ _And it’s their fuckin fault. Everything is their fault!_

I let out a scream of rage, getting a couple glances my way. I don’t care. I never did anyways.

People move out of my way as I dash through different corridors, hoping I wouldn’t come face to face with Louis, Liam or Zayn. Harry wasn’t a problem, he was out getting some food, and Niall was on a hospital bed. Probably being eaten by guilt. But the doctors will take care of him.

Brusquely, I’m forcefully dragged out of my train of thought as I feel hands wrapping themselves around my waist, making me squeal in surprise. I faintly smell the familiar cologne of one the boys and goose bumps rise along my skin. Liam.

“Let go of me!” I shout, trying to get as much attention as possible. _Maybe someone’ll help me._

“Where are you going in such a mood?” he questions, pulling me to a halt. I fight against his grip, desperately wanting to get away from him. The older boys say a couple sorry’s to the people around, towing me to a more secluded part of the hallway.

“Let go of me Liam!” I grumble angrily, struggling against his iron grip.

“Not until you answer my question. Sophie, where are you going?” He responds, immobilizing my upper body.

“Away from here apparently!” I bring my foot down hard on his, and elbow him in the stomach with my cast. Taken by surprise, he lets go of me and I break into a run, dodging people on the way. _At least the cast has a purpose_. I can’t help thinking as I sprint down the hall, and outside the hospital doors. I bump into someone.  The person curses, dropping whatever he had in his hands on the ground but I keep going forwards and into the hospital’s parking lot, not bearing the thought of being caught by Liam. I slightly hear liquid dripping.

“Sophie? Sophie! Come back here!” A deep voice echoes, irritation lacing his words. _It’s the guy I smashed into..._ _Wait, how does he know my name?_ I turn my head around for mere seconds. I spin it back around when I realize who the person was. _Harry. Shit. Fuck. I’m dead. God if you’re up there, help me._

Unfortunately, my cardio starts failing me. _No no no!_ In a matter of seconds, my sprinting is reduced to a pitiful jog.

“Got ya.” Harry mumbles in my ear, hugging me to him.

I move violently, making his fingers dig into my skin. I whine.

“Stop moving Soph. Calm down.” He commands lowly.

Stubbornly, I continue thrashing about in vain. “Harry let me go!” I try hitting him with my cast, but fail miserably. He grabs it, making me whimper in pain. Sucking it up, I try shoving him away once more.

“Keep doing that, you’ll only tire yourself more Soph.” The curly-haired boy taunts in my ear.

I scream out in rage. “Fuck you Harry Styles! I fucking hate you! You make me miserable you son of a bitch! Fucking dick let go of me!” I shout at the top of my lungs, still fighting back.

“You done yet sweet cheeks? Surrender?” His comment angers me even more.

“I fucking hate you Styles! You prick! Let go of me!” I yell, stomping my feet, flaying wildly in his arms.

“Apparently not...”

“Let go of me Harry! You fucking jerk! Let go! I want to go home! I want to have a home! Harry fucking Styles get your hands off me!” I continue, on a sadder note as I tire myself both emotionally and physically. My voice is hoarse from all the screaming. “Harry please... Just please let me go. Please. ” I end up begging.  He relaxes his grip before totally letting go of me, placing his hands in his pockets.

“All I wanted was a please... Now, are you calmed down?” He enquires, cocking his eyebrow up.

 I nod up and down slowly. _He’s way to calm... This can’t be good._

“Good. Now you and I, need to talk. Very seriously.” He finishes, offering me his hand. I don’t take it.

“Harry please don’t hurt me.” I say instead.

He shakes his head. “Like I said, you and I are gonna **_talk_**.” He repeats, emphasizing on the talking part. “We have to go get Niall some lunch since you made me drop it,” He points the spot near the hospital doors, where a brown bag and its contents were strewn messily on the ground. “We’ll talk on the way and back if you need to.” Harry says simply.  “Plus we’ll walk. This will give you even more time to cool down.”

“I’m very cool thank you.” I spit.

“Hmm. I think I could cook eggs on your skin love.”

“Not funny.”

“Wasn’t trying to.” The green-eyed boy shrugs. “So, you comin’?” He asks, handing out his hand once more. 


	38. Talking

“Let go of me Harry! You fucking jerk! Let go! I want to go home! I want to have a home! Harry fucking Styles get your hands off me!” I continue, on a sadder note as I tire myself both emotionally and physically. My voice is hoarse from all the screaming. “Harry please... Just please let me go. Please. ” I end up begging.  He relaxes his grip before totally letting go of me, placing his hands in his pockets.

“All I wanted was a please... Now, are you calmed down?” He enquires, cocking his eyebrow up.

 I nod up and down slowly. _He’s way too calm... This can’t be good._

“Good. Now you and I, need to talk. Very seriously.” He finishes, offering me his hand. I don’t take it.

“Harry please don’t hurt me.” I plea instead.

He shakes his head. “Like I said, you and I are gonna **_talk_**.” He repeats, emphasizing on the talking part. “We have to go get Niall some lunch since you made me drop it,” He points the spot near the hospital doors, where a brown bag and its contents were strewn messily on the ground. “We’ll talk on the way and back if you need to.” Harry says simply.  “Plus we’ll walk. This will give you even more time to cool down.”

“I’m very cool thank you.” I spit.

“Hmm. I think I could cook eggs on your skin love.”

“Not funny.”

“Wasn’t trying to.” The green-eyed boy shrugs. “So, you comin’?” He asks, handing out his hand once more.

I start going beside him but he stops me.

“Ah ah ah, you have to take my hand though,” he chastises. I hiccup in protest, crossing my arms around my chest in disdain. “Stop being childish Sophie... It’s not like I’m going to kill you. We’re. Only. Going. To. Talk. ” Harry says seriously, separating his words carefully as he brings his hand closer to mine.

I look over his shoulder and I see Liam’s head popping out of the hospital doors. He doesn’t look happy as he stands with his arms crossed at the door. I gulp.

Not wanting to face Liam, I take Harry’s hand, half expecting him to pull me harshly closer to him. But he doesn’t. He just takes it like a normal human being and we start walking, hand in hand. _I’m flabbergasted._

“So Sophie...” Harry starts once we’re out of the hospital’s parking lot and walking on the sidewalk. “Are you gonna tell me what was the reason behind that little stunt you pulled barely a few minutes ago?”

“No so fuck off.”

“Sophie I’m acting civilized right now, you should too.” He advises, voice suggesting he wouldn’t tolerate me so calmly for long. “So, the reason is?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I grumble.

“See that’s your problem. When we try to let you in, you lock yourself out but when we do shut the door, you’re practically begging to be accepted inside.”

“That’s just too metaphorical for me Harry. You sound like Zayn.”

“Let me put it this way then,” he proposes casually. “When we’re nice and open with you, you want absolutely nothing to do with us, but when we don’t want to care for you, it’s the becomes moment where you want the most attention. Now do you understand what I mean?”

“Okay I get it! I know I’m not perfect!” I huff.

“You don’t have to be...Look Sophie all I want is for you to stop being so conflicted about your feelings. Because that’s what it is, isn’t it? You don’t want to be nice with us when were nice with you, because you think it’d be like if you’ve given up on fighting. You’d feel guilty because it’s simply immoral. But when we don’t want to be with you, when we’re more uncaring, it’s suddenly okay to want to be with us because the feeling isn’t returned.” He explains. “You’re scared.” Harry realises, looking right into my eyes. “Why are you scared to want to be with us?”

“Because it’s not normal for me to feel something apart from hate towards five guys who used me! Who abused me!” I almost shout, trying to wriggle my hand out of his.

“Shhh... Quiet down.” He squeezes my hand more tightly, sending a couple glares to some curious pedestrians. He then sets his gaze on me. “Why can’t you let this part of your past go? It happened, you can’t change the past, and you can’t stay fearful of the future forever either. You’re making yourself miserable by dreading your future.”

“It’s not something I can simply let go! I’ll be scarred forever Harry, no matter how nice you boys become, no matter how many gifts you give. I bet you have things that’ve scarred you too. Some things that just keep coming back to your mind at the view of a particular object or person or maybe even at the mention of a name, at the hearing of a song.” I say sadly.

He looks up at the sky, deep in thought.

“The thing is Soph, at one point we need to move on.” Harry sighs finally. “I know, you’ll still be wounded internally, but if you keep focusing on the details that bring you down.... Your life will be so wretched. Look if it can make you feel any better...I won’t ever―” he stops talking and looks around. “Ugh there are paps all around. Damn why did they even find us at the hospital? Fuckers don’t understand we need some kind of privacy.” He curses, walking a faster pace, bringing me closer to him at the same time. “Hope you don’t mind us being on the cover of a magazine tomorrow morning.” He grumbles, pissed. I rapidly steal glance around and indeed, some men with big cameras we’re strewn here and there, snapping shots.

“Well I’ve been through worst then being on a cover page.” I huff.

“True.” He acknowledges, before towing me into a café a little farther down the road. It resembled to a Tim Hortons, but in a more retro version.

Once Harry is positive the area is free of paparazzi, he continues talking. “The thing is, will you survive the hate? Our fans are lethal when it comes to us hanging out with another girl... And worst, we’ve probably been pictured holding hands so that means double the hate.”

“I don’t have a twitter, or a Facebook anymore and I’ve been adopt―, no bought,” I correct myself before pursuing, “By you guys, which signifies that the hate would be sent by mail, meaning to your house, and that is if they find it... I think I’ll be okay.”

“Aww you said adopted. Improvement right there.” Harry smiles, heading over to the counter of the café in order to order food.

“Wrong Harry. I said bought.” I say, just as the cashier asks him what he’d like.

“I’ll take eight salad and chicken wraps, a box of 50 donut holes and six iced lemonades”

He places his order and leans on the counter before replying.

“No don’t deny it Sophie. I heard you. You were going to say adopted, but you stopped yourself.”

“Sir? That’ll be thirty-three and sixty nine cents.”

“That’s what I mean when I say that you’re scared to want to be with us. Sophie let’s face it: The idea of being adopted is certainly more appealing than being bought, no? So why won’t you see it the more positive way?” He enquires, paying no attention to the cashier behind him as he pulls his wallet out and hands him a fifty dollar bill, keeping his penetrating eyes locked on mine.

“I uh... I think it’s uh...”

“See, you don’t even know.”

“Well what if the adopters are mean, horrible, and abusive? That’d make both choices not worth considering.” I offer as the cashier starts, little by little, putting Harry’s order next to him.

“Again with the negative thoughts Soph.” Harry scolds, shaking his head as two brown bags and six drinks appear beside him. “What if they could be sweet, every now and then? No bond is perfect, whether it’s with a parent, a friend, a boyfriend... People are people. People aren’t perfect.” He says simply, picking up a brown bag from the counter in one hand and the platter holding four drinks in another. “God I sounded like Zayn,” He chuckles. Harry pauses, looking between his filled hands and the rest of the food on the counter. “Can I trust you not to run, and bring the other bag and drinks while walking beside me?” He questions. “I think you know that if you try something, consequences won’t be pleasant?”

“You do know I have a cast right?” I ask him, practically shoving the pink and black thing in his face.

“Are you gonna hit me with it?” he frowns. I giggle, laughing at his suggestion.

“No silly, but it’s a good idea...” I trail on but stop when I see his serious face. “No I hit Liam earlier and I’m pretty sure it hurt me more than it hurt him. Really Harry what I meant to say is only one of my arms is free.”

“I’m pretty sure you can make the bag hold in between your cast and your body Sophie,” He shakes his head. “Wait you hit Liam?” He realises.

“Yeah I’ll manage the food.” I respond quickly, taking the brown bag in between my arm and body like Harry suggested, and the drinks in the other. I walk outside, feeling him close on my heels. “Why did you even order all this food? Eight wraps? We’re six.” I point out once we’re out of the café. I was struggling to stop the bag from slipping in between my cast and body and I was hoping Harry would forget about the fact I hit one of his band mates.

“Well I figured Niall would eat another one, because he’s Niall I think he’ll wanna eat his feelings after what you put him through when you left, especially since his emotions have difficulty acting normally.”

“Okay but that still leaves another wrap...” I counter.

“For you I guess... you eat an awful lot for a girl your size. And yes, before you say something negative again, your size is perfect. Your welcome.”

“I wasn’t gonna say anything.”

“Really?”

“Okay yes, I would’ve made a comment. Happy?”

“Well at least you admit it.” He shrugs.

We walk in silence for a few other minutes, until Harry decides to talk again.

“Soph did we ever tell you how you got sold to us? And why we chose you, over all the possible other girls?”

“No but I’m pretty sure my mom was drunk, the usual, when she sold me, and I looked like a good fuck so you jumped on the occasion to have your little plaything.”

“No Sophie.”

I look at him pointedly, sceptical.

“Okay yes partly.” He confesses. “But it wasn’t all about the sex.”

I keep looking at him sharply, still unconvinced. He finally gives up.

“Okay okay fine! At first that’s what it was: sex, with no strings attached. But Sophie things changed for me somewhere along the way. And that was even before we brought you to London. Something clicked inside my mind when I looked into your eyes that first night when Louis, Niall and I took care of your virginity. I saw a fierce desire for survival. You had a strong plan set in mind, a vicious determination, and you didn’t care what you had to do to get free, whether it was to give in, or not.  I don’t know why it affected me so much, but it did. You fascinated me.” Harry explains as we get closer to the hospital. “But anyhow I became possessive very rapidly, letting the boys know that you we’re mostly mine. Louis protested the most, saying I already had a girlfriend. Which was true basically.”

“Yeah I remember her... She broke up with you for another guy and then you took it all out on me.” I say bitterly as we enter the hospital.

“Well it was either that or... never mind.” Harry shakes his head, making his curls bounce.

“Harry there’s something I don’t understand...If I fascinated you that much... Why did you punish me so often then? Showed no remorse whatsoever?”

“I had no other way to make you understand that that I didn’t want you to leave. No other way to make you realise I wanted you to stay with us. And I didn’t want you to think I cared, because you would’ve thought my way of caring was just fucked up. I didn’t want to scare you.”

“Well I’m telling you now, you scared me even more cause I didn’t know you were a human being until the last day or two, when you showed an ounce of feelings towards me after Zayn raped me.”

“I had other nice moments too,” he protests. I open my mouth but he beats me to it. “Don’t deny what I just said. You don’t know half of what I’ve done Sophie.” The green eyed boy informs very firmly. “You know very little in fact.”

I bite my lip, swallowing back my comment.

“For example, you remember that night when you escaped? Slipped oh so easily out of my fingers? Too easily?”

“How can I forget the best night of my life?” I huff as we get nearer to Niall’s room.

“Sophie that night I got drunk on purpose. I wanted to see if you’d take advantage of the situation. And you did.”

_Woah what? So in the end, both Zayn and Harry had a doing in my escape two-years ago? So you’re telling me I won’t be able to do it again, alone? Isn’t that so fucking great? Yeah not really. Or maybe Harry is making that up...._

 “Why’d you come and get me again then? If you got weak and disoriented on purpose, why keep searching for me for the last two years?”

“Frustration I guess. To prove to you you’ll never be able to be completely free of us. That I was always capable of finding you.”

“Wow. I swear you are so bi-polar or something Harry... It doesn’t even make sense.”

“You don’t understand... It’s like I need you to be around to be complete. I wanted to make you feel the same thing about me so when we took a hold of you once more, I tried to get the lust you felt for me back and I pleaded the boys not to be nice with you to give me a chance to modify your lust into more. Into deeper feelings.”

_That does ring a bell... Niall telling me all about it the first night. He had asked me to forgive him if ever he was mean and heartless because Harry had asked him to be. That first night he told me he was against Harry because he had feelings for me. I never even responded to his declaration. I put him through so much...He doesn’t deserve to be left in the dark like that._

“Well that plan failed quickly.” I say finally.

“Because Niall didn’t like it and neither did Zayn for the peculiar reason that is named Perrie. They didn’t like it because the way I was treating you wasn’t what you deserved. Louis caught on quickly, and Liam also but me ... It’s only recently I’ve realised how right he is. All the time I spent alone in my room a couple days ago, shut from the world... I spent it on questioning myself. Putting myself, my actions, into interrogation. I hated it. I still do in fact, because it’s so much harder to be happy, but I think it’s worth it once in a while. Are you happier around me than you were let’s say, three weeks ago?” Harry questions.

“Well for one thing, I do feel a lot more comfortable. But you’re still Harry. And Zayn is still Zayn. And Niall is still Niall, just like Liam is still Liam and Louis is still Louis.”

“And what’s that’s supposed to mean?” he enquires as we stop in front of Niall’s door. As if on cue, Louis gets out of Niall’s room, looking calmer than he did when he left me an hour ago. His eyes light up when he sees that Harry and I are carrying food.

“Bloody hell Harry it took you awhile. Niall said you left about thirty minutes ago and then Liam said that Miss Sophie here”, The Doncaster boy pauses to look at me sternly before continuing, “Had run off and then I realised I was hungry and I couldn’t eat because the damn hospital food is just gross. Mate you almost killed me. And Niall. He’s also on the verge of death by guilt and starvation by the way.” Louis pokes me accusingly.

 I stay silent but thoughts are going wild in my head. _Not my fault...Yes okay. Poor Niall the things I put him through...I shouldn’t feel responsible for his state though after all he said to me... Gahh Niall what are you doing to me?!_

“You have the gift of exaggerating things Louis,” Harry shakes his head, handing him the food. He takes it all eagerly, but leaves some for Niall which consisted of the contents I was holding.

“Well it certainly makes life more exciting when everything is exaggerated no?” The older boy shrugs. “Normal is dull.” He continues, standing beside me as Harry’s phone rings. He answers.

“Hullo?”

“Well you certainly look happier than this morning.” I mutter under my breath to Louis as Harry starts talking exasperatedly to the device.

“Not because of you as you can see. Did you inform Harold on the subject of our earlier little tussle?” Louis responds just as quiet.

“No.”

“Tick tock.” He whispers as Harry ends his call. “I’m bringing this to the other two boys,” Louis informs before leaving. I huff angrily as I watch him go, clutching the bag of food tightly in between my fingers. I turn to Harry.

“So who was on the phone?”

“Paul, our very annoyed bodyguard. He must’ve heard about our little unmentioned escapade to a hospital in Ireland”

“And?”

“Eh I don’t know the rest I hung up on him.” He shrugs. “I’ll have the same sermon from his real-life version anyways. So back to what we were saying before Louis interrupted us on the verge of starvation...” He rolls his eyes, “What did you mean when you said I was still Harry?” The curly-haired boy asks, leaning on the wall beside us.

“Never mind that. Talking about starvation, I’m gonna go bring this to Niall,” I motion the bag of food in my good hand but he stops me.

“Not before you answer me.”

“You don’t want to let it go?” I whine.

“No.”

“Fine. You have this strange atmosphere around you... I feel like I’m your obsession, one of your possessions or something and it’s not always pleasant.” I give in.

“Not always?” He quirks his eyebrow. “Soph what are you not telling me?”

“It uh... It can be in some cases uh... a...”

“I’m listening...” He leans in closer to me to support his point.

“Okay in some weird cases it can maybe be a turn-on. I said it fine, okay, whatever. Every girl likes to feel wanted in some way and the way you guys, you particularly, make me feel when were close and all well it’s almost overwhelming and yeah.” I word-vomit, pushing him away lightly in embarrassment. _Why did you even tell him that? Now he knows you have a strange fetish, and he’ll take advantage of you._

“A turn-on? You like being roughened?” He exclaims, clapping. He has a gleeful expression on his face.

“Shhh. That’s not exactly what I meant; you assumed that all by yourself.”

“But I’m right, am I not?” He smirks.

“Let’s not have this conversation here and now okay?” I say between clenched teeth, already regretting my words. _It’s crazy what that boy can get out of me without effort._ “But I like it most because I get to hurt you too.” I add, trying to take back what had poured out of my mouth. “Best part is hurting you.”

“Hair pulling, nail scratches, useless shoves and struggling? That’s what you call hurting?” He chuckles.

“Would you rather I hit you where the sun doesn’t shine with my cast?” I menace lowly.

“Sophie don’t threaten me,” Harry’s voice brusquely loses its previous playful edge.

“Well don’t provoke me.” I snarl back.

“You brought this upon yourself when you confided about your fetish.”

“You mean you can’t control yourself hmm?” I snap. “That’s ridiculous!”

Suddenly, he presses me against the wall, knocking the breath out of me as I tightly clutched the brown bag in my hand. Our noses touching and our breathing mingling, Harry tosses a strand of hair out of my face before placing his hand under my chin. His thumb slides slowly across my lip as my eyes are locked on his.

“It’s not ridiculous. I can’t _always_ control what you do to me.” He mumbles, eyes serious. 


	39. Stockholm Syndrome

I can’t _always_ control what you do to me.” He mumbles, eyes serious. “Take note that I can do many painful things if your will to be defiant increases. Consider this as your first and last warning.” He informs.

“My warning?” I scoff, “You’re threating me Styles? You won’t hurt me.” I chuckle.

“Don’t be so sure, harm comes in many different forms.” He says calmly.

“But I am sure, because you’re over harming me. You’re way past hurting me because you want to be nice with me in order to have me want you. _Ha. In your face Styles. It hurts to be powerless over somebody doesn’t it? Welcome to my world._

“Soph I―”

“Don’t deny it, you told me that a minute ago. You want me to want you. You won’t harm me, Harold, especially not in a hospital.” I retort proudly, everything part of me daring him to try something.

His grip tightens slightly, but the action doesn’t intimidate me at all.

“You know you were talking about me controlling myself? Well I think it’d be best for you,” He starts slowly, “To learn to control what comes out of that pretty mouth of yours.” He smiles falsely, before stealing a quick but harsh kiss. Our lips are only in contact for a mere second, but it feels much longer from the inside.  Something tears up in my heart.

Harry breaks the kiss, but stays close, voice raspy as he talked.

“I can break you again Soph, one step at a time.”

“You’d lose me forever if you did that,” I whisper, losing all my previous confidence in the blink of an eye. More like the length of a kiss.

He leans in and murmurs directly into my ear.

“I don’t think I would...I have ways to get you to want me, and your declared fetish is a brand new an asset for me. You like it rough, I’m gonna give it to you rough. Really Sophie in the end, you’ll be the one in charge of your own fate. And no matter how much you fight it, you have strong feelings for me.”

“Yes I hate you.” I snap.

“There’s a fine line between love and hate sugar lips.” Harry replies cockily. He pulls back and winks, bites his lip and then leaves, following Louis’s earlier steps.

I’m frozen in shock, eyes wide as I try reprocessing what had just happened. _Okay so Harry kissed me, and threatened me. Big deal. He’s done it before, nothing new. But the way he just did it…_ I shiver. _It’s as if the old Harry is just below the surface, prying the new Harry to give him his place back._ I gulp _. Please God don’t let this happen. I pushed him to far…And he’s right no matter how he’ll hurt me, I’ll always end up forgiving him because I pity him or something. I feel for my kidnapper...Ugh I’m so tense for nothing right now. Damn it’s been a long emotional day. I wanna sleep._ I rub my eyes, on the verge of an emotional meltdown. Sighing, I blink a couple times before gazing down at my hands. _A brown bag… why do I have that again?_ I frown, taking a look around. _Hospital? Oh right Niall._

Shaking my head, I push the door open, only to be caught into a bear hug.

“Sophie oh my god I’m so sorry! I wasn’t thinking earlier and I just said what was on my mind without thinking like usual and I didn’t―”

“Niall you’re strangling me,” I manage to say. He loosens his grip, pulling backwards to look at me in the eyes.

“I am _so_ sorry Sophie.” He says seriously before engulfing me into a hug again. “So, so, _so_ sorry.” The blonde repeats, nuzzling in my neck.

“S’okay Niall.” I return his hug awkwardly.

“Why do you keep forgiving me, after all the things I put you through?” Niall mumbles.

“I owe you that because I think I’ve given you my share of emotional times. I’m just trying to get even with you. You’re the one who stood by me the longest after all. I think I’m even part of the cause you ended up in the hospital initially.” I chuckle softly.

 “No Soph I told you already I was hit by a car.” Niall denies.

“Weird I have difficulty realizing that… Maybe because you are currently hugging me when you should be resting in bed Horan,” I scold him.

“I’m perfectly fine… Miller.” He grimaces, clearly not liking the use of our family names. “I was with Louis a couple minutes ago and the medication seems to work. We talked about different things and we managed to get a few emotions out of me like frustration, happiness, nervousness, grief and jealousy. Pretty much all of them except arousal because yeah it’s Louis... Anyways they were all perfectly balanced.” Niall tells.

_Jealousy hmm? Wonder about whom they talked about. Probably Harry. No correction, certainly Harry._

“Okay but Niall even if your psychological health is going the right way doesn’t mean your body is following at the same speed.” I try to reason, urging him to his bed. He doesn’t budge.

“Sophie I’m telling you I’m fine.” Niall protests. _Boys… Always need to look tough when they aren’t._

“Not completely,” I prove my point by poking his ribs softly.

He winces, taking a small step away from my probing fingers.

“See? I just hurt you by barely touching you. Go lay on the bed Niall.”

“But I don’t want to. I want to go back home with you.” He whines.

“Will you stay here and go in your bed if I told you I brought you food?” I try, waving the brown bag in his face. His face literally lights up. “So? You’ll go and stay in bed if I give it to you?”

“It can help to keep me here a little longer yes.” The Irish boy admits.

“Then go in your bed.”

“You sound like my mom,” He groans, walking morosely to his bed. “I’m telling you I’m feeling great.” He continues as I follow behind him, rolling to my eyes. _Boys._

Once he finally lies down, I sit on the bed next to him and pull out the contents of the bag, placing them on the bedside table. He picks up what he wants to eat and I imitate his action before we both start eating in silence. Niall is done eating in no time whereas I have difficulty swallowing, still conflicted about my quarrel with Harry.

“You’re worried about my state, but you should be worried about yours...” The blonde remarks after a couple minutes, eyeing me warily.

“I’m great... just thoughtful.” I say between small bites.

“You’re not okay Soph.” Niall says a matter-of-factly. “I know you well enough now, to recognize that you are not okay, just by the way you eat. I’m not gonna ask you to tell me, because last time didn’t end that well,” he trails on, “But you should talk to Zayn. He’s the one who’s the most likely to listen and try to help.”

“I don’t wanna talk though. There’s nothing to talk about.” I shrug.

“Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?” Niall cocks his eyebrow upward.

“I think both...Ugh what I need right now is sweetness. I need my cat and Padgett.” I huff, finishing up my food.

Niall makes an insulted sound. “And what do I serve for? Decoration? C’mere.” He opens his arms and I nestle into them without hesitation, carefully resting my head on his sore chest. I listen to his slightly accelerated heartbeat and chuckle.

“Am I making you nervous Nialler?”

“No,” he sighs noisily. “You’re making me scared.”

“And why is that,” I mumble.

“I’m scared I’ll lose control... I don’t wanna hurt you again and you’re just so close...” He leaves his sentence unfinished, kissing the top of my head before placing his chin over it and wrapping his arms around me. “I just love you sooo much Sophie... I don’t think I could live without you.” The Irish boy murmurs, his fingers tracing circles on my arms.

We stay silent for a few seconds, until Niall decides to speak again.

“You know our earlier argument about feelings?”

“Niall I don’t wanna―” He cuts me.

“I know you feel guilty for having emotions towards the boys and I and I thought about it a lot... What if you decided the cause for these feelings is the consequence of a disease? Would you feel less guilty and accept them more?”

“Niall why would you even ponder ‘what if’s’? Such a disease doesn’t exist.” I say sullenly, shutting my eyes.

“That’s where you’re wrong... I remember reading about it not that long ago when I was wondering if it was possible for a person to have feelings towards a person who kidnapped and raped them and other stuff. What you’re experiencing could easily be pulled of as Stockholm syndrome.” Niall informs.

_It’s normal for me to feel for them because I have Stockholm syndrome? So I am sick? Is that what it is? Do I need to be treated? Or do I want to keep living like that?_

“It’s up to you really because there are treatments that exist.”

_Wait I said that out loud?_

“Yes you did, again.” The blonde laughs.

“So what you’re saying is, it’s okay for me to let myself feel happy and comfortable around you?”

“Not quite. What I meant is that you can let go of the guilt that keeps haunting you if you blame your behaviour on the Stockholm syndrome.”

_If I do that, I can stop pushing Niall and Harry away... I can stop fighting them. But fighting them is fun, until it gets too extreme like Harry earlier who menaced to hurt me again..._

I look up at Niall, making sure I hadn’t said that out loud. He doesn’t seem to have heard. Good.

“So will you blame it on the Stockholm syndrome or keep living emotionally exhausting days by being eating by guilt regularly?” Niall asks, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

“When you say it like that, it certainly seems like a good idea to blame it all on the Stockholm syndrome...” I speak carefully.

“I think you’d live happier like that, but I’m leaving you the choice.”

I play with my fingers, thinking. _There’s something fun though about being defiant... It’s a thrill that makes me feel alive._

“You still are allowed to be angry after us if we frustrate you love,” he chuckles. “You are a normal person after all. No I just want you to stop being scared to feel. That’s it. I don’t want to hear you complain about how wrong it is, because it wouldn’t be any more.”

_That’s what I’ll do. I’ll stop thinking its wrong. It wouldn’t be, because I have Stockholm syndrome._

“That’s what I’ll do Niall. I’m blaming the disease.” I decide, turning around to look at him in the eyes as I do so.

He smiles, exposing his pearly whites.

“I wanna hear you say it.” The blonde exhales.

“I, Sophie Miller, have the Stockholm syndrome.” I say firmly. “Which means I can do this...” I continue, before kissing him heatedly.

He returns the kiss with just as much passion. I feel as light as a feather as I take in what I just said and did...It feels good to let go. Finally be free of that horrible guilt. Nothing to be guilty about anymore concerning wrong emotions...It’s all right.

My fingers tangle into Niall’s bleached hair as he helps me place myself so I am straddling his waist. He groans on my lips, his hand reaching behind my neck to bring me as close to him as possible. The Irish boy stops up for a second.

“How do you feel?” he whispers panting.

“Phenomeniall,” I smile, before joining our lips once more. This time, his tongue probes my lower lip for entrance, and I grant it. His calloused hands slide under my top, caressing my skin.

“I want you,” Niall whispers before latching his mouth on my neck. I shut my eyes and moan softly as his lips work wonders on my sensitive skin.

Someone clears their throat behind us and I rapidly get off Niall, my face flaming in the embarrassment of getting caught. I turn around to see a hurried mass of curls heading out the door.


	40. Taunting

My fingers tangle into Niall’s bleached hair as he helps me place myself so I am straddling his waist. He groans on my lips, his hand reaching behind my neck to bring me as close to him as possible. The Irish boy stops up for a second.

“How do you feel?” he whispers panting.

“Phenomeniall,” I smile, before joining our lips once more. This time, his tongue probes my lower lip for entrance, and I grant it. His calloused hands slide under my top, caressing my skin.

“I want you,” Niall whispers before latching his mouth on my neck. I shut my eyes and moan softly as his lips work wonders on my sensitive skin.

Someone clears their throat behind us and I rapidly get off Niall, my face flaming in the embarrassment of getting caught. I turn around to see a hurried mass of curls heading out the door.

_Harry saw us making out and he left? Without doing anything?_

I ponder the thought for a couple seconds, trying to comprehend how I felt about that. _Honestly I think I couldn’t care less. He did say he wanted me to go with Niall the other night no? But he doesn’t know that I know that so he’ll pretend it’s not the case... I should tell him. This way, he’d leave me be with Niall without acting jealous._

_Do you really want to be with Niall?_

_Harry doesn’t mind._

_Sophie it doesn’t mean that because he said he wanted you with Niall, that he really wants that to happen. He just really cares for his mate’s mental sanity._

_Niall wouldn’t be happy without me, but Harry has made a huge effort to change for me. He deserves a little consideration._

 “Having a mental debate with yourself?” Niall enquires, rubbing his neck awkwardly. I blink a couple times, before nestling into Niall’s arms, breathing his comforting scent.

“Yeah.” I sigh, shutting my eyes.

“Is it because you feel guilty?” The blonde asks, rubbing my arms soothingly. “Because Stock―”

“No. It’s because Harry saw us.”

Niall huffs, clearly annoyed.

“And? He’s seen us make out before no? Hell he even asked me to roughen you up in front of him the second day of your return with us... You shouldn’t be that disturbed. Really Harry should―”

I silence him, pressing my lips against him. I pull away slowly, locking my eyes with his.

“I know Niall. _I know._ But Harry’s clearly having problems controlling his emotions and actions.”

“He’ll be fine.”

“Niall I didn’t abandon you when you started... when you umm... started...” I have a lump in my throat as I try getting the word out. “You know when you started... cutting.” I say a little softly.

“S’not the same.” Niall shakes his head, looking down at his fingers. I intertwine them with mine.

“It kinda is.”

“You’re too nice for your own good.” He looks up at the ceiling in desperation. I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what to reply. “You should think about yourself once in awhile...” Niall continues.

“That’s what I’m doing right now no? Being with you...” I trail on, looking at his lips. “In the safety of your arms...” I continue, before latching our lips together in a tender kiss. I smile as he flips us around so he’s over me. We stare in each other’s eyes for a couple seconds.

“You know I’ll always be there for you right?” The blonde confides as our bodies stay close together. He kisses me again, before taking my face into his hands. “No matter what happens between you and Harry, or you and any of the other boys, I’ll always be there to dry your tears, give you a hug or whatever you need. You’ll always be able to count on me Sophie. I promise.” Niall says quietly, before dropping down for another gentle kiss. “I overheard you and Harry talk earlier... Something about you being too defiant would result into consequences?”

“Yeah?”

“You won’t be too rebellious right? You’ll be careful? I can’t exactly control Harry...” He frowns.

“But I want to fight back. It’s a newfound thrill of mine... I like being defiant.” I admit.

“But why fight back?”

“Probably to leave.”

“Why leave? You said you wouldn’t feel guilty.”

“It’s not because I feel guilty... it’s because... I don’t even know. I’d leave to make sure that you guys would keep wanting me by your side... Really I think I’d leave to be caught again, as twisted as this sounds.”

“You’re right; it does sound a little crazy.” He chuckles, before going down on my body, peppering it with kisses. “But I think it’s only a kink, so I guess its okay for it to sound abnormal.” He smiles on my stomach. “Plus I don’t think I’d let you leave...” He sighs. “I wish I could take you home right away and explore that little turn-on, as well as the one Louis informed us of that movie night.” The Irish boy admits as his hand slips under my shirt to caress one of my breasts.

Dr. Martins steps inside the room at that exact moment.

“Well well. Clearly you two have mended your earlier quarrel, but I have to stop you as we did say no sexual intercourse at a hospital and you two are well started...” He says as I quickly wriggle out of under Niall and back onto the chair beside the bed, glowing with embarrassment. “And on that note Mr. Horan you are free to go.” Dr Martins adds.

_∞_

I was sitting in the living room with Fate on my knees, caressing her head as I watched with absolutely no interest Niall and Harry arguing over me. Louis and Liam had gone upstairs to their room, and Zayn had taken a stroll outside. But Niall and Harry had both decided to follow me to the living room. And things were starting to get heated.

We had come back from the hospital only a few minutes ago, stopping by the pharmacy to buy Niall’s daily medication, and already Niall and Harry weren’t okay with each other. And clearly it was wearing Niall out physically and mentally. Dr. Martins had given some instructions to Niall saying he needed to get a lot of rest in order for him to get his broken ribs fixed as quickly as possible.

During the car ride, I concluded that both Niall and Harry were attaching. So to make things easier for me, I’ll have to make one meaner. I have to make one break me so hard that ill hate him. Question is, which one?

“Harry you’ve only shown your tender side recently! It’s normal for her to want to be more with me! S’not like we’re getting married!”

“But I’ve done so many things for her! Some you don’t even know about! I’ve freaking changed lots of my habits!”

Their banter continues, and I come to the decision that Niall is the one who wouldn’t survive my denial.

“We share more things together!”

“Relationships are better if they complete each other!”

I finally decide to intervene, my heart pounding wildly in my head at the realisation of what I’m about to do to Harry.

“Boys just shut it will you?! Niall you should rest and Harry for fuck’s sake get over it! I made out with Niall, big deal!” I burst, standing up angrily, making my cat scurry away frightened. “I don’t fucking belong to you! As far as I know, I’m supposed to be shared between all of you, you egoistic prick!” I keep my firm demeanour as Harry’s features scream angry.

“You don’t get to speak to me like that!” He snaps, clenching his hands into fists, knuckles turning white rapidly.

“I get to speak however I fucking want Styles!” I retort, keeping up with my game.

“What’s the fuss all about?” Liam joins us in the living room, confused.

“Soph―”

“Go in my room Sophie.” Harry orders, cutting off Niall’s warning. I stay perfectly still, challenging the curly-haired boy.  Liam rapidly restrains Niall from placing himself between Harry and I. If Harry decided to lunge, which he probably could as steam was about to blow out his nostrils, Niall’s ribs would suffer from the impact and he could probably puncture a lung.

“Go fucking upstairs now!” Harry hollers, suddenly towering over me.

“Har―”

“Make me!” I yell back, also interrupting Niall’s protests. “You are not my dad! I’m a grown adult you don’t get to tell me what to do!”

“You asked for it. You’ll be yelling my name by the time I’m done with you!” He says darkly, before swinging me over his shoulder. “I’m sick and tired of your behaviour!” Harry storms as he takes me upstairs. I barely have the time to see Niall fighting against Liam that Harry is almost already upstairs, mounting three steps at a time. “I try to talk to you! I try to fix things between us! But you keep making me mad! You want me to get angry! You want me to be the fucking bad guy! Am I right? You like to see how far you can push me huh?! Why do you keep testing me?!” Harry opens his room door and throws me on his bed. I flinch at the brutal landing, and again as he slams the door shut and locks it from the inside. “I don't even know what to do anymore to make you understand! You want me to fucking punish you!” He exclaims, pulling his hair as he walks circles in his bedroom. “I don't know what to do to make you understand!” The British boy repeats, before stopping glaring at me. “You’re to stay in my room until I come back.” He decides finally.

“No way. I’m going to my room. Your room smells like you.” I shake my head, standing up. He pushes me back down menacingly.

“You are not going to leave MY room. You’re... grounded. And you’ll be staying here until I decide otherwise.”

“That’s all? I’m fucking grounded?! You can’t do that!”

“You wanted me to hurt you right? Do what I always do? Well tell you what; I’ll do what you hate most. I’m leaving you alone in here.” He finishes, pulling back. “If you dare try something cheeky; I’m starving you for the rest of the day.”

“I already ate supper. With Niall remember?” I smirk.

“Then who says you’ll be allowed to eat breakfast?”

“Harry fucking Styles!”

He walks over to the door connecting with my room and opens it, plays with the doorknob a bit before turning back around and walking out his own room. _What the fuck just happened?_ _Why would he have put locks that can keep him locked up in his room? That doesn’t make sense!_

I stand up, wriggling the handle of the door that lead to my room, and the one that led to the hallway, finding them both locked. _Bloody hell this house is madness. The doors can lock both ways apparently._

I huff. _Well this did not go as planned. I wasn’t supposed to be trapped in his room. I was supposed to anger him enough so he’d lose control and then we would’ve had rough sex and I’d hate him a little more.  Then after the sex, I would’ve gone to bed in my own room with my cat and Padgett. And then slowly my hate for Harry would grow and my feelings for him would become history...Ugh why does Harry have to control himself now?!_

“Harry someone needs to take care of Fate!” I yell suddenly, pounding my fists on the door. “I need to take care of my cat Harold!” I try convincing him to let me go.

“Don’t worry; your pussy is in good hands!” He shouts back from somewhere in the hallway. I’m almost certain he was sat just beside the door, leaning on the wall.

“You fuckin’ asshole! Don’t touch my cat!”

“It’s either that or I’m letting it starve!”

“Let Zayn take care of it!”

“Or nobody!”

“Fucking ass!”

He doesn’t reply.

“Harry!” I holler angrily. I’m once again met with no response. _Maybe he left...._ “HARRRYYYY!!!!”

“Told you you’d be yelling my name!” _Bastard’s just on the other side of the wall._

“You fucking smartass!” I fume. “Harry I’ll fucking kill you!”

“You can’t, were not in the same room!” He sing-songs, taunting me. “Now stop yelling, you’re giving me a headache love. Find something else to do to pass time.”

“You have nothing in your room except a fucking big bed and an ugly dresser!”

 “You can pleasure yourself on my bed, I don’t mind.”

“Cocky prick! And if I do indeed do that, it’ll be Niall’s name on my lips!” I try to provoke him again.

“Then watch my gorgeous room furniture or something. Just stop your incessant screeching, woman.”

 _Fine. I’ll watch your ‛gorgeous’ furniture get destroyed._ I take long strides towards his drawers, pulling out all of its contents and throwing them on the floor. I tear the sheets off his bed, and shove the pillows away also sprawling them on the floor. The only thing left of his bed was his mattress.

_Now for the big finale..._

I walk up to his now empty dresser, pull out all of the drawers and push the piece of furniture on the floor. It falls down loudly, the noise of wood splitting resonating through the room. I smile at the broken dresser, satisfied.

Harry bursts inside the door.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He explodes, finally snapping. He pushes me on the mattress, his body heat suffocating me. “Why do you keep doing this to **_me_**?”


	41. Louis

Harry bursts inside the door.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He explodes, finally snapping. He pushes me on the mattress, his body heat suffocating me. “Why do you keep doing this to **_me_**? Why do you want me to hurt you? Why do you want to hate me for fucks sake?” He bombards, shaking me. His voice suddenly lowers to a hush. “And most of all, why do you react like this, after what I admitted to you at the hospital?” He whispers brokenly. “Why didn’t you tell me you heard every single fucking word!” he snaps, his anger returning as quickly as it had left.

“I-I-I wait what?” I blabber, not understanding.

“Why did you want me to hear it from Louis?!” He presses himself harder against me.

“What?! When?”

“Just now in the hallway.”

“He wasn’t supposed to tell you yet!” I reply, pushing him away.

He doesn’t budge, eyes hard. “Yet? So you were willing to make me wait?”

“Louis had given me until weekend to tell you! I was going to tell you Harry I swear! It’s his fault! That bastard―”

“DO NOT BLAME THIS ON LOUIS!” The curly-haired boy booms and I flinch. “You were actually going to make me wait?!”

“Harry I didn’t even know how to approach the subject, because I knew you’d react like this! You make a big deal out of small things!”

“You keep throwing things around like they are worth nothing! I’ve made my feelings towards you pretty clear that night, but you don’t care!”

“Yeah well if I remember correctly, you did say you didn’t want me to be with you right? You wanted me to be with Niall! That’s what I’m fucking doing! You also said you cared about Niall, but apparently not as you two males are practically doing nothing but fighting for me since we came back from the hospital! So because Niall didn’t try to kill himself, because he survived, you can keep me all to yourself? No!”

“Shut up! I care for Niall!”

“No Harry―”

“I said shut up!”

Next thing I know, my left cheek is thumping, his hand leaving a painful sting.

“You’re the one who’s fucking everything up!” Harry yells. “Every single problem between me and the boys is because of you!”

“You slapped me.” I utter, taken aback.

Harry backs away from me, also momentarily stunned of his action.

“You think you control us. Well I’ve got news for you Sophie, you fucking don’t. I still have full authority over you and it doesn’t seem like talking to you about it, being nice and all, makes you understand that!”

“Harry you slapped me...” I place my hand on my cheek and rub it softly, trying to dull the throb and lessen the sting. I’m on the brim of tears. _Never had one of the boys slapped me. Never. “_ You really slapped me...”

“I’m fucking tired of being ignored!” he shouts, taking his head into his hands as he shut his eyes. “That’s it. I’m done with being the fucking nice Harry. I’m giving you over to Louis.” He declares, coming back over to me. He grabs my good wrist, wrenching me toward him harshly. “It’s been a while since he wanted to play with you but I prevented him to because I decided to care about you! Apparently my worst mistake because you don’t even wanna care about us!” He lifts me up, throwing me over his shoulder as if I weighed nothing. He walks out his destroyed room and into the corridor to Louis’s room.

I struggle in his grasp, hitting his back. “Lemme go! I can walk! You’re a fucking coward! You can’t even punish me yourself!”

Brusquely, he drops me on the ground, making my head hit the floor with a loud thump. I blink back tears, rubbing the back of my head instead.

“Now walk.” He instructs, pushing me forwards. “And I’m starving you until you learn to fucking behave again!” The British boy concludes, giving me another shove.

“If you do that, I’m not going on that fucking date with you. Nor the fucking trip for the holidays.” I menace, walking towards Louis’s room as slowly as possible. He grips my left arm, pulling me forwards.

“I have my ways to make you cooperate.” He seethes, before tugging me inside Louis’s room. The blue-eyed boy turns around as soon as we enter.

“Hey mate what― Whoa. Has the little couple been fighting?”

“Louis I’ll fucking kill you!” I start to jump on him but Harry holds me back. I squirm and struggle. “Louis why’d you tell him?! You fucking bastard!”

“I would fuck you right now for that dirty little mouth of yours...”

“You’re an ass you know that!?”

“But oh how you love that sexy ass of mine.”

“Anyways,” Harry breaks in, “She needs to be punished.” Harry shoves me over to Louis, the latter wrapping his arms tightly around me, placing his head on my shoulder in a lover’s embrace. I shrug him off, but his arms stay around my body.

“What did you do Sophieboo?”

“Shut up! I’m giving you the silent treatment” I try to elbow him in the stomach, failing miserably.

“That little brat completely destroyed my room. I’m going to try to fix it a little before tonight while you take care of her...” Harry says to Louis.

“Well someone’s been misbehaving a lot lately, don’t you think Soph?” Louis mocks, turning me around briefly so we’re facing each other.

Pushing back my urge to spit in his face, I pull out my tongue. Chuckling, he spins me back around to face Harry.

The Cheshire lad looks at me directly in the eyes. “If I don’t manage to fix it in time, I’m sleeping in your room, naked.” The green-eyed boy tells, poking my chest. “Let me tell you your sleep won’t be pleasant... you aren’t quite fond of toys if I remember well?”

Freeing my arms out of Louis’s grasp, I reach over to strangle the cocky prick but the older boy swiftly encircles my arms once more.

“So Harry you want me to babysit her or...”

 “I let you do whatever with her, as long as she learns her lesson.” The younger boy finishes, smirking at me.

“Harry you’re a coward! You can’t even punish me yourself!” I writhe around in Louis’s arms, but his grip is vice around my limbs, probably forming bruises.

“True because you’d end up enjoying remember? It wouldn’t be called punishing.” He shakes his head and leaves, shutting the door behind him.

“Lock it please!” Louis yells.

As soon as I hear the faint but recognizable click of the bolt, I just stop holding myself up on my feet, letting Louis support my weight.

“Sophie you have legs. Please do use them.” He sighs, holding me up for a couple seconds. Seeing as I wasn’t going to listen, he just dropped me on my ass. _Oww._

“Why did you tell him!?” I whine, looking up at the British boy, ignoring my sore bottom.

“I warned you at the hospital.” The blue-eyed boy frowns, sitting on his bed in front of me.

“You said you’d wait till weekend! I would’ve told him by then! I would’ve fucking told him! You ruined everything! My perfectly prepared plan, you fucking ruined it!”

“You, had a plan?” Louis chuckles.

“Yes, had!”

“Look no matter how much you complain, it’s done. But I’m curious... What was your plan?” The Doncaster boy enquires.

“None of your fucking business.” I snap.

“Hmm, firstly watch the language and second, it can lessen your punishment time. So choose wisely what you’ll respond.” His voice takes a darker edge.

“You really are going to punish me?”

“Yeah. It’s been a while since I got laid properly and my hand can’t do the job anymore.” The brown-haired boy shrugs. “But you’re avoiding my question. What was your little plan Soph?”

“What about Eleanor? Aren’t you two like, together?” I deflect.

“Not quite... She’s a little too nosy to be my girlfriend just yet and things are getting complicated already with media discovering our location and all... a girlfriend would only complicate things. Sophie answer the damn question! You won’t escape the punishment either way. You’re just making me angrier.” Louis huffs.

“Why do you even care?” I whine.

“You’re entertaining...” He rubs his temples. “Look I have ways to make you talk if you don’t start talking in the next five seconds. One...”

“Knowing you, I’ll only have three.” I spit back.

“Two, three, four...” he warns accelerating his count.

“See?”

“For fucks sake Sophie!” He grabs my left arm, hauling me on his bed. Almost immediately, he’s towering over me, placing my casted arm in between his knee and my waist, and my left one over my head. “Stop testing limits.” He says between clenched teeth. “You’ll get hurt.” He sighs, pressing our foreheads together. “I don’t want you to get too hurt.”

As we gaze in each other’s eyes, our breathing is ragged, and I immediately feel the sexual desire emanating from him, the darker shade of his eyes being a good indicator as well as his tightening pants.

“So you want me to get hurt?” I murmur. He lets my left arm go, placing both his hands beside my head.

“Pain makes people alive. I like you better alive.” He smiles, slowly lowering his face while looking alternatively between my lips and my eyes, as if asking for permission.

I slowly bring my left hand down, about to slap him but I decide otherwise and place it along the side of my body, mimicking the right arms position. _I’m supposed to make Harry angry. Not Louis. Louis and I aren’t supposed to be quarreling. Harry was the one who was supposed to snap and punish me so we could hate each other. But he didn’t punish me. He still wants me to love him, to trust him... And I do, even though he fucking slapped me... Sophie you’ve been brainwashed. How pathetic. I give up._

“If you want to slap me do it. I deserve it, I was a dick. Plus, I like it when you struggle.” Louis breaks into my thoughts casually.

“If you insist.”

I raise my hand again, momentarily distracting him as I knee him in the stomach. I flip myself around to crawl away but Louis rapidly becomes more aggressive, pressing me face first in the mattress.

“That’s more like it...” He turns me back around so we’re face to face. “You are just so much more fun alive,” he breathes raspily, “And I find it easier to punish you when you’re rebellious, because you’re too innocent otherwise...”the British boy continues, before closing the distance between our mouths.

I respond instinctively to the intimate caress of our lips, my good hand tangling in his feathered hair.

“Hit me again.” He demands between kisses. “Slap me.” He urges, before pinching a nipple.

“No...” I cry out. “I can’t.”

“And I can’t punish you properly if you aren’t reacting defiantly...” he groans. He connects our lips once more, one of his hands trailing the length of my body sensually. He grips my thigh. “Resist. Please.”

“I don’t want to,” I shake my head and he jumps on the occasion to nuzzle into my neck. His warm tongue starts tracing circles on my skin, making goose bumps rise on my skin.

“Soph you’re a fighter... C’mon fight me.”

“That wasn’t my plan...”

“To hell with the plan! We’re going to have some mind blowing sex if you listen to what I say. You’ll have bruises and you’ll every time they are faintly grazed by somebody or something, you’ll think of me.”

“I don’t like you angry... you become that monster...”

 

[Flashback]

**“Lou-Lou-Louis!” I gasp. “You’re losing it!”**

**“It’s Mr. Tomlinson for you!” He orders, pushing me onto my knees.**

**I wince and gasp at the same time, shocked.**

**He plays with the zipper of his pants before bringing them down. “Now suck.” He rasps huskily, grabbing my hair with one hand and his erection with the other.**

**I’m too stunned to move yet.**

**He pulls me closer to his throbbing manhood. “NOW!” He demands, shoving himself deeply in my throat. _It is then that I discovered Louis could be a sex-craving monster at times... It’s like the other side of joyful, immature Louis. And it isn’t pretty._**

**Louis lets out a guttural groan as his cock reaches the far back of my throat. Reflexively, I start gagging, tears springing to my eyes. But Louis gives me no time to calm myself. He roughly starts face-fucking me, forcefully making me bob my head up and down his length.**

**Shaking, I gaze upwards and our eyes meet. His blue orbs soften a little in realisation, and his movements smoothen, some of the monster in him gone.**

 

[End of flashback]

 

“I don’t like you as a monster.” I whisper, shuddering at the memory. “I rather you as a jolly, perverted and immature guy.”

“How am I supposed to punish you now...” He shuts his eyes, pulling away from his leaning position to a sitting one on me as he rubs his temples thinking deeply. “I’ll manage to stop if it gets too extreme. If you make me look into your eyes and you tell me you want to stop, I swear on my life I will stop.”

“Lou―”

“If you fight against me, I’ll go on the double date with you this weekend. As a lame apology for telling you off to Harry before said time.”

“You said Harry wouldn’t―” he places his finger on my lips.

“We don’t need to tell him you have a double date. We can just say I’ve found that another one of your kinks that involves public sex and we want to experience it and everything will be fine.”

“You are not telling him that because it isn’t true.” I snap.

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist. We’ll find something.” He huffs. He rolls his hips into mine a little, trying to retrieve the arousal he had lost during our conversation. “Now struggle. Make it seem like I’m forcing you to have sex with me.”

“I think that’s your kink huh?”

“Wow. Was about time you noticed.” Louis says it like it’s obvious. “Guess why Harry chose me to punish you over all the other boys? Their kinks aren’t as intense at mine... But enough of the talking and more fucking!” He deflects, leaning forwards once more to capture my lips in between his.

“Quick thing though... you’ll be careful with my broken wrist, right?”

“I am not cruel. And it isn’t exactly the kind of pain that I was talking about earlier yeah.” He frowns. “Just don’t hit me with it please? Plaster hurts, according to Liam.”

“Fine.” I chuckle, recalling today’s earlier event.

“Now c’mon little whore, shut that pretty cock sucking mouth of yours and show me what you got,” he taunts, using these particular words to provoke me. And he does. I feel anger mounting rapidly.

“I am not a whore and I’m not a cock sucker.” I say darkly.

“I beg to differ.”

“You asked for it.” I mutter, before I start thrashing around under him, trying my best to get him out of his straddling position over my body. I only succeed into making him move a little more upfront.

“C’mon you can do better than that.” Louis mocks, easily keeping down on his bed. I feel his arousal growing, his eyes turning a darker shade of blue.

I manage to kick my legs and roll over, resulting me falling off the bed with a thud. _Ouch I fell a lot today yeah?_ Barely registering the thought, I rapidly stand up and run to the door of my room, the one I don’t remember anybody locking. I turn the handle and find it unlocked. I’m about to run inside but Louis arm’s are suddenly around my waist, pulling me back into his room.

“That would’ve been too easy wouldn’t it?” He whispers huskily in my neck, shutting the door with his foot. He drags me back to his bed, places himself in his regular straddling position and pulls my shirt off my body forcefully.

His hands start towards my bra, but I push his chest, attempting once more to dislodge him.

“Tsk tsk eager to have me naked already?” Louis chuckles, his eyes completely clouded with lust. The brown-haired boy reaches over to his bedside drawer, pulling out a pair of handcuffs. “It’s only to make things more... Entertaining,” he explains with a wink, before placing both my arms over my head and locking them together with the metal cuffs.

 I whine, feeling my cast dig into my other hand roughly when I moved. _I think I rather the skin to skin contact..._

“Comfy?”

“Yeah I’m floating on a cloud,” I say sarcastically.

He slaps the inside of my thigh, a loud smack echoing through the room.

“Don’t sass me little girl.” Louis warns.

He gets off the bed and pulls his shirt off, undoing his pants to stand in boxers. He starts crawling over me but I kick towards his face, momentarily preventing him from coming any closer. “I love it when you’re feisty,” he purrs, before digging his nails into my ankles.

I whimper, pulling at the handcuffs to try getting him off me but the metal only ends up digging into my soft flesh, and the cast pressing into my other hand.

Louis has a predatory look in his eyes, and I know the monster is starting to take over him gradually. He takes both ankles in one hand, and brings my skirt down my legs swiftly with the other.

The Doncaster boy licks his lips as he hoists himself up and over my body once more, attacking my bra. Seeing as my hands are tied over my head, he simply tears it off my skin, not giving two damns about the material. I don’t either, as I am not the one paying them anyways.

He automatically fondles my perking nipples, with his thumbs and starts playing with my breasts, groping the mounds of flesh tightly every two seconds or so.

“Louisss,” I groan, shutting my eyes as I give up every sign of resistance.

He slaps my chest.

“Keep fighting or I’m spanking you, little slut.” He orders, before nuzzling into my neck to nip the sensitive skin.

I want to fight back, but I whine and stay still as his teeth suddenly pierce the skin. Skillfully, Louis starts sucking the small wound, his hands still playing with my chest. I shut my eyes tightly, swallowing back a loud moan as his hips begin dig into mine harshly, the only material between our lower centers being my panties and his boxers.

Heat pools at the bottom of my stomach at the thought of Louis inside me again. I realise it has been a long time since I had got the proper sexual attention, and my hormones we’re desperately craving it.

“You dirty whore you want to be spanked don’t you? You didn’t listen to me... You want my hands on that perky ass of yours and you want them slapping it ‘till it’s raw? Slap it so hard you won’t be able to sit on it tomorrow without attracting attention? I imagine you going to class and trying to sit without whining... You’ll be having dirty thoughts at the reminisce of what we’re about to do right now...I bet your wet at the thought of this happening tomorrow.”

As if on cue, wetness drips down my thigh at his dirty sayings and I moan loudly, bucking my hips upwards.

“That’s it you little slut. Now get on your hands and knees and show me that naughty ass of yours so I can teach it a lesson.”

I do as asked, digging my face into his pillow to whimper as the handcuffs scrape my exposed wrist. I feel the cold air hit my lower center as Louis removes my panties completely, his hand tapping my cheeks lightly.

“I’m gonna give you ten alright? Five for each of the arse cheeks. And I want you to count them for me.” He instructs, before his hand strikes my right butt cheek with a loud smack.

I shudder and groan in the pillow, the pain preventing me to talk.

“Sophie you have to count or you’ll stay at one.” Louis chides. He hits the right one again and I flinch.

“One,” I respond, voice strained. The blue-eyed boy slaps it again. “Two.”

The sound echoes loudly through the room, it’s almost frightening at what force he actually dared to hit me.

SMACK!

“Three.”

SMACK, SMACK!

“Four, five.”

I swear it must’ve been his full force as my right cheek felt as if it were on fire. I’m on the brim of tears, hiding my face into Louis’s pillow as he strikes the left one.

SMACK!

“One.” Already my skin is getting numb. He didn’t hold back at all. The monster is totally controlling him now, I am sure. My heart is thumping loudly in my chest but I keep counting.

“Two. Three.”

I feel two of my heartbeats harder than the others, but I’m not sure to have felt another blow from Louis so I stay silent, biting my lip.

“Sophie we need to start over! You stopped counting and I just gave you two.” Louis reprimands.

“No, no, no Please! Louis no stop. Stop spanking me. I don’t like it.” I whine, all previous arousal gone.

“No talking apart from counting.”

SMACK!

I let out a sob, turning my head around so I could look at him in the eyes.

“Louis I can’t take it anymore. No more spanking, please.” I beg, on the brim of tears. My ass felt as if it had been pierced with thousands of small needles everywhere. 

Recognition lights up his eyes almost immediately. “Yeah okay.” He helps me turn back around so I’m on my back.

I hiss, feeling the material of his sheets grazing my sore ass.

“I’m so sorry. I got carried away again...You still want to fuck though right?”

“Anything but spanking at this point.” I agree, shutting my eyes. I reopen them brusquely when I feel his tongue at my entrance, licking long stripes between my folds.

“God Louis,” I moan, urging him to come even closer by squeezing my legs tighter around his face. He takes my thighs and spreads them apart though, not allowing me to control him.

I hiccup as his tongue enters me before licking my clit. Wetness drips out once more and Louis smiles, lapping it up. He pulls back and I whimper.

“Louiisss don’t leave me like that.”

“Calm down kitten, I’m just ridding myself of these,” He motions his boxers and pulls them off, exposing his throbbing member. He takes it in his hands and glides his thumb over the slit, resulting a moan.

“Want me to―”

“No I think you’ve been punished enough,” he shakes his head, before taking his place on the bed. Hooking my legs over each shoulder, he slides his shaft on the length of my folds a couple times, making heat puddle lower down once more.

“You’re not going to finger me first? Or something?”

“No, you’re wet enough.”

And with that he sheaths himself inside. I wanna reach over to grasp his hair but almost cry when I remember my hands are tied over my head.

“Louis’s untie me,” I gasp pleadingly.

“No.” He gives another harsh thrust.

“Pleeeeaassse,” I moan at he hits the perfect spot.

“I said no!” he opposes, reaching over to the bed’s headboard behind my head. He starts using it as a lever to propel himself deeper and faster into my awaiting body.

He doesn’t react as I lower my legs from his shoulders to his hips, making myself more comfortable and he keeps plowing in and out of me. The position is perfect, and I start to lose focus, pleasure overwhelming me.

“Lou I think I―”

“I know,” he says, removing one hand from the headboard to rub circles on my clit. That does it. I come down from my high loudly, blabbering a string of nonsense and swears as the Doncaster boy smiles down at me, keeping his hurried rhythm to reach his own undoing. An unknown number of thrusts later, he’s emptying himself inside me with a guttural groan, dropping beside me.

Our breathing is irregular and our bodies are covered in sweat.

I squirm a little.

“Care to untie me now Lou?” I enquire raspily.

“Sure.” He very lazily places himself over me, reaching over to his bedside drawers to retrieve the keys to the handcuffs.

And at that exact moment, someone bursts in Louis room.

Surprised, Louis topples over to the side, to reveal a horrified Niall. _Oh no. He probably thought Louis was abusing me or something. This isn’t gonna be good._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment! Share your thoughts and i might post sooner ;)


	42. Dangerous

Surprised, Louis topples over to the side, to reveal a horrified Niall. _Oh no. He probably thought Louis was abusing me or something. This isn’t gonna be good._

“Niall this isn’t what it looks like,” Louis says quickly.

“Then please explain. She’s tied up and naked for fuck’s sake, and I heard her scream.” Niall says between clenched teeth, his glare towards Louis deadly.

“No Niall I swear he didn’t abuse me or anything, well he did but it was okay and look, Louis can you fucking untie me now?!” I blabber, feeling self-conscious under their probing looks.

The brown haired boy rapidly unlatches the handcuffs, and I wrap his sheets around my body, covering my exposed skin.

“Louis are you mental? How could you even do that to her?” Niall persists, angrily approaching him.

“Look I had to or―”

“Or I wouldn’t have been able to sleep,” I cut in before he can mention Harry.

“So you needed to be ruthlessly fucked, to be able to sleep? That’s not you Sophie! Louis did ya brainwash her?” Niall yells, coming over to me. He presses his palm on my forehead, his own creased with worry.

“Well sex _is_ tiring, especially with me...” Louis shrugs, reaching on the floor for his shirt and boxers.

“Your forehead is hot are you okay?” Niall asks me anxiously, completely shutting out Louis. “You should be somewhere more peaceful if you wanna sleep. What went through your head? Asking Louis?”

“My room is totally peaceful thank you.” Louis protests, irritated.

“Louis I’m not in the mood for your sass right now. If I had just a little less control, I swear I’d hit you.”

“I’m not sick, just sore.” I tell Niall, before Louis can retort something cheeky and get hit.  “And tired, now that you mention sleep...”

“C’mon I’ll carry you to my room.” The blonde proposes, leaning over to take me.

 “No Niall you’re the one who needs the most rest between the two of us.” I shake my head, tightening Louis’s sheets around my body. “Lemme walk. And sleep in my own room.” _And that way Harry won’t come looking for me tonight..._

“Sorry princess, I’m not taking no for an answer,” he counters, swooping me up in his arms with all of Louis’s sheets. I start struggling but stop almost immediately. _Or I could sleep in Niall’s room and finally make Harry break!_

I wrap my arms around his neck, his tight grip on my body preventing Louis’s bed sheet’s to drop too low.

“Care to tell me how I’m gonna sleep without covers?” The older lad whines as Niall turns to leave.

“I’ll bring them back, just let me take her to mines.”

 _What about Harry? He said he’d come to fetch you,_ Louis mouths to me while making grand gestures as Niall spins around to leave once more.

 _I want him to snap,_ I mouth back. He rolls his eyes, rubbing his temples in disbelief.

 _You’re looking for trouble,_ is the last thing I can read before Niall takes me out of Louis’s room and transports me to his. He deposits me on his bed, and then looks at me expectantly.

“What?”

“I have to bring the sheets back to Louis’s room.”

“Can you pass me some clothes then? I’m not staying naked in front of you...”

“You had no problem with Louis seeing you naked a minute ago,” he mutters. “I don’t see why I can’t. You’re my princess after all.” The Irish boy rambles. “Why would you see him when I was near? And to get fucked into fatigue? That’s not right at all! That’s not you Sophie! And even if it were you, Louis shouldn’t have been the one―”

I shut my eyes briefly, a small smile crawling upon my features. “Niall, are you getting possessive? A little like Harry maybe?”

“I am not Harry,” He says coldly. “I am not like him at all. Do not compare me to him.” Niall walks to his wardrobe, passing me a pair of his boxers as well as a shirt that’s twice my size. Still in Louis’s covers, I squirm into them, before letting Niall leave with the remainants of Louis’s bed.

“You won’t hurt Louis right?” I ask before he crosses the doorframe. “He was just, uhh, doing me a favour?” _Whoa that didn’t mean to sound as a question._

“I hope you convinced yourself, because I’m not won over at all.” He rolls his eyes, before leaving for Louis’s room. He comes back about a minute later, finding me laid flat on my back on his bed, rolling my thumbs.

“Are you going to get inside the covers, or am I gonna have to force you?” He enquires, removing his shirt and trousers and standing only in his trousers. I look at his bruised chest briefly, flinching a little at the massive one near his diaphragm.

“Force me.” I taunt, forever defiant.

“You asked for it,” he smirks, before he jumps on me and starts tickling me.

“Niall no stop! Stop touching me!” I shriek, giggling. I try to push his hands away but they keep coming back to attack me. “Niall okay okay! I’ll get under the covers!” I give in, laughing. He slides under with me, and places us in a spooning position. I sigh, shutting my eyes.

“Why did you want me to force you?” He enquires after a few seconds. “Why be rebellious with me, when I want nothing but your well-being?”

“I told you earlier at the hospital Niall, I like being defiant. Makes me feel alive.”

“You’ll get hurt.”

“Pain makes you alive.” I say, quoting Louis’s earlier words. He hugs me tighter, his breathing shaky as he holds me tightly in his arms.

“I don’t like it when you’re in pain.” He murmurs, exhaling. His warm hand slides under my shirt and onto my stomach, and he starts rubbing slow circles.

He stops after a couple minutes, and I’m pretty sure he’s about to doze off. Poor lad, he had such a hard day. Can’t even shut his bedroom lights.

All I can do now is wait for Harry to barge into his room furiously. And weirdly, it stresses me. I want him to break, but there’s still a part of me that’s afraid to shatter him into too many pieces.

Niall must’ve sensed my uneasiness as he starts talking again.

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” The blue-eyed boy whispers in my neck.

“No.” I dig my face into his pillow.

“Sophie, you can’t lie to save your life.” He chuckles.

“Well this isn’t a life or death situation.” I huff, turning around to face him.

“What’s wrong these days with you?” The blonde questions, tossing my hair away from my face. “Is it your new suicidal thrill? Trying to get one of us to break?” Niall scowls. “What you did, standing up to Harry when we came back from the hospital, that was way too bold to be safe. Harry is dangerous. And Louis is too, for that matter.”

“Louis? Dangerous? He’s a jolly lad, with a perverted mind... The only danger is his kink, when it’s out of control. He can control it though, if he cares enough about the person’s well-being. ”

 “I still think he isn’t harmless...” He purses his lips, unsure.

“What about Liam and Zayn? Would you say they’re dangerous?” I explore his thoughts about the other boys.

“Well―”

“Do you think they could take care of me properly if I’m left alone with them, a little like what just happened with Lou and I?” I press, tapping into the possessive edge he has particularly tonight.

Clearly it works as his grip tightens around my waist, and he pulls me closer.

“Zayn is unpredictable really. He’s changed, thanks to Perrie, but we know what he’s capable of. Maybe he could do it again?” He huffs, uncertainty lacing his words.

“Now who’s trying to convince who?” I mock, smiling.

He rolls his eyes, before kissing my cheek.

“What about Liam?” I probe after a short pause.

“Danielle seems to keep him on his good side. If Danielle leaves though, maybe he’d lash out on you.”

“I don’t think Danielle will leave him. And I doubt Liam’ll take it all out on me if she does leave him. I mean, I didn’t do anything to him really.”

“Let’s put it this way. Did you have something to do with Harry’s sudden break-up two years ago?” He asks brusquely.

 I stay silent.

“And even if you had absolutely no relation to her, you don’t even know the girl I’m sure, Harry let all his frustration out on you. Liam might do the same thing.

“What about Harry?” I ask carefully, knowing the subject was tetchy.

“He’s the one who risks bringing you the most harm.”

“He’s changed.”

“Why are you defending him?”

“Why do you refuse to acknowledge the facts? You’re his band mate I’m pretty sure you realised quite quickly how he changed this year.”

“Maybe I don’t want to notice that, because I want you all to myself,” He kisses my throat. “And harry has become a threat...”

“We’re not on a battlefield either.” I roll my eyes, turning around to look at him directly in the eyes.

“So you mentioned all the boys being dangerous, except you little leprechaun...” I softly poke his chest. “Are you saying that you’re not?” I cock my eyebrow upwards doubtfully.

“I am... but not as much. At least I don’t think so. Do you think I’m dangerous?” he nuzzles in my neck, peppering it with tender kisses.

“Not when you act like a giant teddy bear no you’re not.” I giggle. “But you did scare me today. When you yelled about me having to get over the fact that I was bought and all... But really you’re not too dangerous under medication.”

“Not too dangerous?”

“Every girl wants a little danger in her life no? I think I’d make you jealous when you’re not on medication, just to see if you’ll be as possessive as Harry.” I tease, my finger skimming over his chest.

“I can be possessive without my uncontrolled emotions. You’re my princess.” He says, kissing my nose. “And I’m absolutely not afraid to show it,” he smirks, before joining our lips.

I respond to the kiss, my hands reaching for his bleached hair but he rapidly brings them back down.

 “I need to figure out a way for you to stop comparing me to Harry though. You up for another round of ‛fucking someone to make the other fall asleep’, as you and Louis so brilliantly call it?”

 _Another?_ The word strikes me harder than it should have. _Two boys in one night, no hesitation? That’s slutty no? Really―_

“Let’s be honest though, in the end, it really is blatant fucking.” Niall cuts. “But you wanna do it?”

“Are you going to give me a choice?” I mock.

“Not really,” He smirks, before his mouth descends on mine once more. I smile on his lips, moaning lowly as he restarts his earlier movement of rubbing my stomach. “You’re mine princess, only mine,” he mumbles between kisses, over and over again.

His calloused fingers head over to my breasts, but stop a little under them. He takes a careful breath.

I take his hand and urge him to touch me, but he doesn’t budge, faint smile on his lips. The smile doesn’t reach his eyes though.

“Ni what’s wrong?” I ask worriedly.

“I don’t think we should be doing this. Not like that anyways. I shouldn’t treat you like an object that belongs to me.” He trails his finger along my cheekbone lovingly. “Plus I’m tired.” He yawns, proving his point.

“Wait are you serious? Or are you doing that just to tease me?” I frown, unsure.

“I’m very serious Sophie,” he kisses my nose, before resuming our earlier spooning position. “I wanted to do it I swear, but I overlooked my physical capacity to do stuff. My ribs hurt and I have difficulty breathing. I’m sorry.” He whispers, kissing my neck for the millionth time tonight. I turn around.

“Don’t be.” It’s my turn to press a kiss to his nose. “I don’t like you in pain, just like you don’t like me in pain. Plus I was having the word slut screaming at me in my head. Two of you boys in one da―”

“You’re not a slut,” He shakes his head, closing his eyes as he yawns once more. I turn around once more, back facing him, and he wraps his arms around me, giving a reassuring squeeze. “I love you.” And just like that he falls asleep.


	43. Lost

“Sophie...You’re not a slut,” He shakes his head, closing his eyes as he yawns once more. I turn around once more, back facing him, and he wraps his arms around me, giving a reassuring squeeze. “I love you.” And just like that he falls asleep.

I sigh, shaking my head as I hugged the pillow tightly. _What is wrong with me? Why can’t I tell him I love him too? Why does suddenly, making Harry snap seem like a bad idea? Why can’t I just get over Harry?_

I bite my lip, drawing blood.

_I should go back to Louis room and wait for him like he asked. I shouldn’t push him too far. But if Niall awakens, or isn’t really sleeping, he’ll interfere that’s for sure. I don’t want him getting hurt..._

I glance at the clock on the bedside table. 10:46. _I’ll wait until its 11:00 and then I’ll go back to Louis room. Just to make sure Niall really is asleep and he won’t try to defend me if Harry explodes. But do I want him to snap after all? Yes..._

The clock seems to mock me as the minutes linger. My hands grow clammy and wet as I start stressing out. I try to get a hold of myself as clock strikes 10:55. In 5 minutes. _Why would you even stress? You’re plan is about to work perfectly no?_

“But somehow, I don’t wanna lose Harry forever.” I whisper to myself, shutting my eyes. _Why did emotions get in the way in the first place? Maybe I’m in better condition than two years ago, but at least it was way simpler back then. Stupid feelings. Stupid hormones. Stupid everything._

11:00 o’clock strikes. I stay frozen in bed, unable to move. _Maybe Harry won’t come to fetch me after all? Maybe he’ll let me stay with Niall? Maybe he won’t snap..._

Just as I shut my eyes to try to sleep with this idea in mind, I jolt forwards alertly, the door brusquely opening to reveal a fuming Harry.

“Sophie get―!”

“Shhh!” I bravely silence Harry’s shout, motioning Niall’s sleeping figure. “Don’t wake him. Please shhh.” I murmur pleadingly. I didn’t want Niall to get into what I had created with my plan, that last one which was about to turn to a horrible mess in matter of minutes, maybe seconds.

“Come. Here. Now.” He commands lowly while beckoning me forwards, his green orbs piercing hole in my skin.

Carefully, I unravel Niall’s arms from around me, my breathing steady and wary. I freeze as he stirs, my head whipping in his direction to see if he’s awake.

He breathes loudly, but shows no sign of awakening. _Wow he’s out like a light._ My pulse slows in relief at the realisation, but accelerates when I see Harry’s murderous look.

“Harry promise you won’t wake him up, and I’ll come.” I say quickly but quietly, standing up from Niall’s bed.

His look hardens, looking me up and down. _Oh right I’m in Niall’s shirt and boxers..._

“You are in no position to discuss anything. Don’t make me come and get you Soph. You want Niall out of this? Get. Out. Of. His. Fucking. Room. Now.” He separates each of his words precisely, his tone leaving absolutely no place for negotiation.

My head turns to the blonde in question. He stirs, letting out a loud sigh as he turns around. Luckily, his eyes are still shut but I can tell he’s not into a very deep sleep.

“Shhh! Quiet down!” I beg. Shaking, I leniently start to move, my brain working in slow-motion out of fright.

 “You don’t get to order me around. Don’t make me repeat myself. I’ve given you too many chances today. Get your ass here now.” Harry says again, seething. I swear if looks could kill, I’d be a puddle of blood on the floor by now.

I walk to him slowly, head hung low. Harry grips my arm tightly as soon as I’m close enough, jerking me to him. The curly-haired boy then harshly tugs me out of Niall’s room, shutting the door behind him.

He stays dangerously silent as he drags me through the corridor and over to his own room, shoving me inside. I stumble and almost fall at the force of his push, but I slow my fall, catching myself on his bed before dropping down to crumple on the floor. I flinch at the contact of my ass and the ground, momentarily reminiscing what Louis had done less than an hour ago. _And he did that why? Because Harry wouldn’t and couldn’t apparently, punish me. Punish me why? I messed up his room...I look around instinctively, registering the fact that he cleaned his room, the dresser now gone and the bed made. So he won’t sleep in my bed tonight apparently. And I won’t either by the look on his face._

I stare up at him, but he doesn’t talk, eyes fixed on me, lips pressed in a tight line.

“Say something please.” I mumble after a couple minutes.

“I have one question for you. A simple question. But I want an honest answer.” He demands firmly.

“Wh―”

Without warning, the older boy hauls me up and on the bed and he places himself over me, hand covering my mouth as his gaze plunged into mine.

“Har―”

“No don’t talk just yet.” Harry shuts his eyes briefly, reopening them as he takes a deep breath. “I’m restraining from giving you what you really deserve, because somehow, and I’ve told you many times before so it’s not like you don’t know, but somehow I’ve grown to care deeply about you. Nothing foreign there? You knew that, right sweet cheeks?” He coos in a sickly sweet tone, one of his thumbs caressing my face.

“I―” He presses his left hand harder on my mouth.

“Don’t talk. Please. Just shake your head yes or no.” Harry demands harshly, speaking between clenched teeth.

I nod my head up and down. Of course I knew he had feelings for me. He practically told me all day.

“Then why,” he swallows thickly, before pursuing, “Are you so cruel?” He finishes, his features void of emotion. I frown, but Harry continues talking, apparently not expecting an answer as he keeps his hand firmly pressed against my lips. “Have you made up your mind already? It’s going to be Niall huh? He’s your prince charming? He’s the one who swept you off your feet?” He mocks. “Would you be willing to make a family with him one day?”

I try to respond against his hand.

“N―”

“I said don’t talk! Don’t even try!” He pleads, his green orbs turning darker. “You leave me absolutely no chance these days, no matter how nice I try to be, you disobey me, provoke me and do all the things that might eventually result into me tearing your head off!” Harry exclaims heatedly, on the brim of tears. “You give me no fucking chance to prove how right I can be for you, because you’re so stuck on Niall! Why are you so cruel, dangling him in front of me like that, even when knowing how I felt about you? Why does it have to be me you have to hate hmm? Why me? Why are Niall’s feelings worth more than mine? Why is Niall always your first choice?” He whispers, his eyes now filled with water.

I can’t help feeling pity for the curly-haired boy as pulls his mop of curls in desperation, clearly on the verge of screaming.

“I know I told you I wanted you to be with him at the hospital but I realise that I don’t think I could survive either if you’re not with me. I’d be lost without you Sophie. Why are you so callously blind?!” He hits the wall behind my head, shutting his eyes. “Can’t you see I’m trying so hard not to hurt you?” He speaks softly. “Oh right but the thing is, thinking about Niall once more, you want me to fucking hurt you!” Harry starts yelling again while all I can’t do is stay silent, every though in my mind going into overdrive and giving me a headache. “Why do you want to hate me so bad? What have I done to deserve this?!” A lone tear trickles on his cheek but he rapidly wipes it away with the back of his hand, before looking down at me in wonder. “Why can’t you give me the opportunity to prove myself Sophie? It’s all I’m asking you. An occasion to show you how much I love you. I want you to stop wanting to hate me.” He murmurs, cupping my face with his free hand. “Are you gonna give me this chance?” He finally retrieves his other hand from my mouth, expecting an answer.

Truth. Only word that could rightfully summarize Harry’s word vomiting. He was right... I had been blind.

I’m speechless, my mind buzzing as I try to figure out something to answer.

“I uh I...Well um I-I yeah.”

“Please say something coherent at least?” He begs.

“What kind of... chance... do you want exactly?” I separate my words carefully.

“I want to spend one day alone with you. One special day, just for us two. I’ve kept postponing our date because it was clear you didn’t want it, but I really want to have a day alone with you. It would mean a lot to me. To have you all to myself for 24 hours.”

“When?”

“Any day, as long as it is before the Christmas vacations. But please... just don’t make me wait too long... I don’t like it. And also... I’d like it if you stopped wanting to hate me. Unless if it’s to get some rough sex, but please warn me of your little brat stunts beforehand?”

“You’re getting cocky pretty quickly.” I remark.

“You have no idea how it feels to be free of what I just told you.” He says, bending down to kiss my forehead. “But you promise me for that one day?”

“I promise.”

He sighs, standing from the bed before removing his shirt and trousers.

“Can I sleep in my room? Please?” I say in a small voice.

“Nope. I said you’d sleep in my room. And that you weren’t going to eat breakfast. I’m staying firm on this.”

“But―”

“No buts. You wanted me to punish you initially? Well that’s just what I’m doing. And you can’t deny that for trashing my room, you deserve at least that.”

“You slapped me.”

“About that... I am so sorry Sophie I was just so pumped and I couldn’t manage to tell you what I just said and I just lost control... Want me to kiss it better?”

“S’okay I’m not a child.”

Harry slides under his covers and looks at me, waiting for me to imitate him.

“Is it gonna be for soon or next year?” The green-eyed boy asks casually, patting the bed.

“Can I just go get Padgett?”

“And you say you’re not a child.” He rolls his eyes.

“Harry, you know, of all people, what Padgett means to me. Count yourself lucky. Even Niall doesn’t know about his contents.”

“Hmm. Yeah go get the turtle I you want.” He acknowledges carelessly.

I nod, hopping off his bed and out the door to my room. I grab the turtle by the leg and bring it back with me to Harry’s room. I slip into the covers with Harry and weirdly, he doesn’t try to spoon me. He snaps his fingers and the lights shut.

“Good old Harry doesn’t change much concerning technology as I see...”

“Shhh I wanna sleep. I had an emotionally charged day, just like you, and I’d like to rest. And I’m not old by the way. I’m younger than Niall if you recall correctly.” His deep raspy voice mumbles in the dark.

A couple seconds pass, and I decide to talk again.

“You know... I didn’t go to Niall’s room to provoke you earlier. He had heard me scream while I was with Louis, and he saw us and then he just took me with him. He was just looking out for me...” I say softly.

“But you knew you’d be hitting a cord with me.” He says a matter-of-factly. “You knew that letting Niall take you to his room would tick me off.”

“Yeah but I regretted it afterwards.”

“You did?”

“Harry I care for you much more than I actually show it.” I sigh, letting my head sink into the pillow.

“Well that’s good to know... It’s a bit like me lusting for you more than I actually let it show.”

“I don’t think you’re hiding anything related to lust.” I chuckle, teasing him a bit.

“Oh really?” he comes closer to me, his hand wrapping itself around one of my thighs provocatively. “You really have no idea how hard I wanted to bang you when I discovered you had destroyed my room. And let’s not talk about when I found you with a sleeping Niall earlier tonight. I would’ve taken you right there, beside a sleeping Niall, if it weren’t for my self-control. I would’ve shoved something in your mouth to keep you quiet, to make sure you wouldn’t wake Niall when I’d make you orgasm harder than you ever had before and that only with my fingers...”

“Please I wanna sleep.” I groan, trying to ignore the images he had just created.

“So Louis’s theory was right... Dirty talk turns you on.”

I can practically hear his smirk through his tone.

“Night Harry.” I mutter.

“Sweet dreams Sophie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and i'll post more within the next week! :D


	44. Letting The World Know

_I jolt forwards alertly, the sound of a door brusquely opening scaring me. Blinking a few times, I realise it’s an angry Harry who’s standing in the doorframe. Why is he even angry? I gave him his time to talk no? I promised him his 24 hours alone with me―_

_“Sophie get―!”_

_“Shhh!” My mouth speaks the words before I think them, cutting off Harry’s shout as my limbs automatically move to motion Niall’s sleeping figure. “Don’t wake him. Please shhh.” I murmur pleadingly, already knowing what I had to say as if it were a repeated verse of a play. I frown in lack of understanding, before looking around. Whoa. I’m in Niall’s room? Hold the fuck up mind; you’re playing a trick on me... This is a serious case of déjà-vu. Except I had a cast… and now I don’t. Oh my God that’s so cool._

_I wriggle my fingers and feel my arm in wonder, before Harry’s voice brings me back to this weird reality._

_“Come. Here. Now.” Harry commands lowly while beckoning me forwards, his green orbs piercing holes in my skin._

_Apparently every part of my body has its own mind as I unravel Niall’s arms from around me, my breathing steady and wary. I automatically freeze as the Irish boy stirs, holding my breath anxiously. For some unknown reason, I knew Niall mustn’t wake up. Something would be wrong if he did. But I can’t remember what…_

_The sleeping boy breathes loudly, but shows no sign of awakening. Niall can’t wake up._

_I shut my eyes and think for brief seconds… Why does all of this seem so familiar? Wait... Oh is this like a reliving of earlier? This isn’t reality…. My pulse slows in relief at the understanding, but accelerates when I see Harry’s murderous look. How can you even relive something anyways, apart from in dreams? Is this what it is? A dream?_ _Just a very vivid dream?_

_I quietly stand up from Niall’s bed, my mouth forming words but my mind not comprehending them._

_Harry must’ve heard something though as his look hardens, jealousy screaming through his features while he eyes me up and down. Maybe the jealousy comes from the fact that I’m in Niall’s shirt and boxers though..._

_“You are in no position to discuss anything. Don’t make me come and get you Soph. You want Niall out of this? Get. Out. Of. His. Fucking. Room. Now.” The curly-haired boy separates each of his words precisely, his tone leaving absolutely no place for negotiation._

_My head turns to the blonde as Harry’s voice elevates._

_Niall rouses, letting out a loud sigh as he turns around. His eyes are still shut but I can tell he’s not into a very deep sleep, his eyelids twitching._

_“Quiet down please Harry.” I whisper._

_Niall mustn’t wake up. The voice at the back of my head keeps nagging me to keep him asleep. Mustn’t wake Niall up. Niall can’t wake up. Why? I dunno but it makes my head throb, too many questions going wild in my head at once._

_“Shhh! Just shut up please!” I beg to the voice. Woops. Shit. Harry probably thinks I was telling **him** to shut up. Oh no._

_“That’s it! I’m done with you!” The British boy storms, before swiftly pinning me on the bed beside Niall.  He holds both my arms over my head, his green eyes piercing into mine._

_I don’t remember that happening earlier. This can’t be good._

_“You listen here sweet cheeks. I’ve had enough of your behaviour. I’ve been patient and understanding but you’re treating my concern like shit. So here’s what I’m going to do all right? I’ll treat your feelings like shit for a little while. I’ll pretend not to care about them.” He coos, tapping my nose._

_“Harry n―” His hand rapidly clamps over my mouth, his body pressing mine into the mattress beside Niall’s._

_“Don’t worry love; your sexual desires though, will be more than fulfilled.” He mocks. “Or maybe not. Maybe I won’t let you cum.” The green-eyed boy chuckles. Oh my God this is going to turn out to be an erotic dream no? Did Harry give me the arousal drugs before I went to sleep? No he couldn’t._

_The curly-haired boy’s hand slides up and down my stomach, stopping at a lower point down below my navel._

_“NO HAR―”_

_“Shhh… You don’t wanna wake Niall up now do you?” He whispers, his palm pressing harder against my mouth. He pulls back slightly, glancing in Niall’s direction._

_The blonde turns around, his back facing us._

_“I’m going to make you orgasm just beside him okay? But you can’t make a sound.”_

_“I can always make you suck me if you piss me off too much or you’re too loud,” He murmurs, digging his face into my neck._

_His warm body presses against mine harshly, his hips digging into my own. “Spread your legs for me,” He exhales, before kissing the inside of my neck._

_“N―”_

_“I said don’t talk,” Harry orders urgently. “One more outburst and I’m gagging you. And obey. Spread. Your. Fucking. Legs.”_

_I shake my head negatively._

_“Love, I know you like it rough, but I don’t want to harm you this soon.” The brunette mocks._ _“Now open up sweetheart or we might just have to do it the hard way...”_

_Me being my stubborn self, I don’t move an inch, keeping my thighs tightly joined._

_He sighs. “This whole thing just turns me on even more. Hard way it is then.”_

_Harry roughly tugs my legs apart, suddenly making my thigh ache. He places himself in-between them, before removing Niall’s shirt from my body._

_“I rather you in my clothes you know?” He shakes his head, throwing it in a corner. Free my hands of his grasp, I push his chest._

_“Harry I don’t want you to do this!” I protest, heart thumping in my chest._

_Niall stirs beside us, exhaling loudly. Harry’s eyes become slits as he tightly grips my arms again._

_“I don’t care what you want remember? It’s all about what I want. And right now, I want you to shut up while I fuck you beside a totally oblivious Niall.” He continues, removing his shirt. He uses it as a gag, shoving it inside my mouth before tying it behind my head. He easily flips me around, and lifts me up, his crotch pressing into my ass as he leans in to whisper raspily in my ear. “Don’t say a word, he’ll wake up.” He chuckles, one of his fingers playing with the elastic of Niall’s boxers on my body. Harry pulls them off._

_My palms are sweaty as I get nervous, and I start shaking, goose bumps rising all over my skin._

_“Shhh don’t be scared love... It’ll only sting for a bit yeah?” The British voice says silkily in my ear as I feel his naked erection going up and down my slit teasingly.  “Take a deep breath,” He advises, before pushing inside._

_I groan loudly through the gag, my eyes darting Niall sleeping just beside._

_“Harhhhheehh slmmurr pleeeghh,” I try to beg him to go a little slower, the gag diminishing my pleas to low moans and whimpers. My arms drop, resulting into having my face pressed into the mattress. Very uncomfortable._

_“C’mon Sophie..,”_

_Harry slows a little to help me hold myself up once more, before resuming his rough rhythm._

_“You’re mine,” Harry growls, pulling out before plunging back inside my throbbing walls. “Say it Soph. Are you happy? You finally did it. You made me snap. But now I’m just making sure you’re mine. Say you’re mine.” He pursues, shoving his member back in my body. “Say it.”_

_“Cannnhhmmm.” I protest. Hey dumbo, you gagged me you little shit. As if he had read my mind, he unties his shirt from my head and I take deep gulps of air._

_“Now say it. Say it and I might slow down.”_

_Wanting exactly that, I tell him what he wants to hear._

_“I’m yours Harry. You know that. You always knew it anyways.” I gasp. To my relief he slows a little._

_“I beg to differ.” Hearing the voice dripping with the Irish accent surprises me. He’s awake?_

_The waist on the mattress shifts and my arms give out once more. I fall forwards, only to be caught by Niall._

_“You need me too you know. You’re my princess. A princess needs her prince.”_

_“Niall can’t you like? Yeah skip the lovey dovey shit for know and do what you’re supposed to do?”_

_“What the fuck do you mean by do what you’re supposed to do?! Ouch Harry!” I whine as he thrusts deep inside me._

_“Don’t swear.”_

_“We had it all planned. I was fake sleeping.” Niall shrugs._

_I moan loudly as Harry changes angle and hits that one spot._

_“Harry pull out for a sec I don’t like explaining things to her when she’s half-listening.” The blonde sighs._

_“Fine. But be quick I was almost there.” Harry whines, taking his cock out of me. I gasp, my hands balling into fists as my body throbbed with desire._

_Niall arranges me so I’m straddling his hips, gazing directly into his baby blues._

_“Basically Harry told me to go fetch you after Louis punishment so he could come and afterwards and we’d make you choose. He wanted a little advance because you teased him all day. I accepted and pretended I was sleeping the whole time, because Harry’s kink is public sex and I thought―”_

_“Wait a second there. Choose what?”_

_“Which one of us you want most. You’re going to have to stop playing with our feelings one day or another. Since lust for the other is part of your criteria for a relationship―”_

_“It is not.”_

_“Well it certainly helps...” He motions Harry before continuing, “But to put it simply, we decided to have a threesome to see who had the best technique to get you to cum faster.”_

_“Oh my God this is twisted. I want to wake up. Right now.” I say shakily._

_Niall like that was too weird. This dream is too weird. Harry must’ve given me the arousal drugs. Fucking Prick. I’m going to kill him as soon as I figure out how to wake up. I pinch my arm and shut my eyes, but when I open them again, I’m still on top of Niall wearing only a bra, with Harry hovering behind me._

_“I want to wake up,” I repeat, trying to get off Niall._

_“No you don’t,” Harry denies as he thrusts his dick inside me once more._

_I groan, tears pricking my eyes._

_“You’re ours for the rest of the night.”_

_Niall’s calloused fingers trail along my body as Harry pursues his rapid thrusting, stopping where my body and Harry’s we’re joined. His digits start fondling with the sensitive area, his thumb finding my pearl and swiftly rubbing circles._

_“You’re so pretty like that,” The blonde whispers. “All sweaty and bothered on top of me, on the verge of collapsing. You’d be head first in the mattress right now if it weren’t for me supporting you.” Niall says, his skillful fingers still rubbing circles. He suddenly slips one of his digits inside my hole, alongside Harry’s moving cock._

_“Oh my God, Jesus Christ,” I whine._

_“You’re close huh? And I only have one finger in... What if you had two big cocks pulsing through your walls?” Niall whispers dirtily, adding two other fingers in my vagina simultaneously._

_“Niall keep talking dirty, she likes it I can tell. She tightened around me when you did.” Harry says from behind me._

_“You’d like it? Being filled up to your max? I wonder if we got Louis to join us and have you triple penetrated how you’d clamp your wet walls around all of us.”_

_“Oh my fucking God!”_

A harsh pinch in the inside of my thighs shoves me into reality.

“Sophie you can’t swear, even though you’re half-conscious.” The raspy voice chuckles.

I wake up brusquely, and stop breathing almost immediately at the view of Harry’s mesmerizing green eyes only a few centimetres away from me. My heart is pounding wildly in my chest _. A dream. It was all a dream. A fucking dream, literally._

“Good morning sunshine… Had a nice sleep?” The curly-haired boy chuckles.

“Nice sleep?” I shove him away, getting him out of my personal space. “How dare you Harry?!” I exclaim incredulously, poking his chest.

“What did I do?” He frowns.

“Don’t play dumb Harold you know exactly what!” I seethe.

“No, I don’t, so please enlighten me.” The British boy rolls his eyes.

“You gave me the arousal drugs! I don’t know how you managed, but you gave them to me I’m sure!”

He starts laughing whole-heartedly.

“It’s not freaking funny!” I fume, crossing my arms over my chest. “The worst part is that the dream was exactly what you told me about yesterday! You freaking fucked me beside a sleeping Niall! Plus you had the nerve to wake me up before I could actually be content!”

Harry laughs even more, clutching his stomach before rolling on his back.

“Oh my God you are crazy.” I shut my eyes. “It’s not funny at all!”

“You’re right, it’s not funny, it’s just completely hilarious! This is mental!” He hoots, on the brim of tears.

“Care to tell me what’s the funny part in all of this? I think I missed it.” I snap.

“I did nothing, absolutely nothing Sophie, and you dreamt of me, in a sexual way! Oh my God this is a dream come true! Quite literally even!” He laughs even more.

“What do you mean you did nothing?! This does not make any sense! Harry you drugged me like last time!” I protest.

“Sorry but that dream was all of your doing sweet cheeks!” He says between chuckles, still clutching his stomach in laughter. “I guess you’re hiding your lust for me, just like I hide mine for you.”

“Don’t get too cocky Harry, Niall was there too. You two actually formed a team to please me…”

“Hmm maybe we could try this in real-life. See who gets you to orgasm faster or something.” The green-eyed boy proposes thoughtfully.

“Niall would never do that… And no Harry I don’t believe you!  Why would you purposefully wake me up at the climax point if you didn’t know I was having an erotic dream hmm?” I enquire prodding him, not buying his innocence.

“Stop poking me.” Harry flicks my hand away. “It was a pure coincidence really. Louis wanted me to wake you up for school. Something about you two having a deal whatsoever?”

“Yeah he takes me to school when I want and I let him be the only one to sign my cast.” I look down at my casted wrist. “And I think he made sure that I hold my end of the deal, there’s absolutely no space left.” I roll my eyes, smiling absentmindedly.

“Then you better hurry and dress up because he’s leaving in ten.” He says, standing up.

“Why would he leave without me?” I frown. “If it weren’t for me going to school, he’d be able to sleep.”

“He has a date with Eleanor this morning.” The green-eyed boy explains, putting on a shirt.

“Oh.” I can’t help but feel a pang of deception.

“Are you jealous?” Harry questions, cocking his eyebrow upwards.

“No, but from what I’ve gathered, I don’t think she’s okay for him. If Louis really wanted to be with her, he wouldn’t sleep with me behind her back. ” I shrug, also standing up.

“I don’t blame him though.” He whispers, walking up to me. “I’d probably do the same because you’re the most beautiful girl on Earth.” His hand cups my cheek. “It must become so tempting when you’re the forbidden fruit that’s just within reach.” The British boy nuzzles in my neck.

“I’m not the forbi―”

“Yes love, you are, ‘cause you are mine.” Harry insists, before biting the sensible skin in my neck.

“Oww…” I push him away, rubbing my neck. “You’ve got to stop being so possessive.” I reprimand, plucking Padgett off of Harry’s bed. I walk over to the door leading to my room and open it, stepping inside with Harry close on my heels.

Fate’s head pops up from my covers as soon as she hears me enter.

“Hey there gorgeous,” I coo, placing Padgett on my bed before picking her up in my arms and caressing her head. “I’m so sorry I would’ve slept with you yesterday but Harry here didn’t want me to. He even took me away from Niall’s room…” I say in my baby voice.

“You do know I could be even more possessive, right? I am sharing you with Niall yeah?” Harry points out, following me as I walk to my closet to fetch my school uniform.

“I don’t like it when you say it like that Harry... I seem like an object.” I mention quietly, opening the light of my wardrobe.

“I’m sorry love... It’s just sometimes I really wish there we’re more than one of you. It’d be so much easier...”

I stay silent, deposing Fate on the ground before I start rummaging for my stuff.

“I wonder how it’s gonna be when you’ll have to go on tour again.” I say suddenly, thinking out loud. “How media is gonna portray the strange love triangle between you, Niall and I, and how your fans will react when they’ll let them know band is slowly falling apart because of me.”

“The band is not falling apart,” Harry scoffs.

“It’s not? When was the last conversation you had all together? Or last game of something? Or prank? Or even song?” I probe, grabbing my clothes from the hangers.

“Guess what? Christmas is arriving! That’s pretty much the best time for heart-warming get-togethers and stuff.” He says sarcastically. “We’ll be fine.” He sighs.

“I hope so. I really do.... But now can you please just... yeah leave and let me change?” I demand, urging him out my closet.

“Girls and their privacy,” Harry rolls his eyes, but steps outside.

“Guys and their horny selves,” I retort before locking myself inside the closet.

I quickly slide on my clothes, and get out with Fate in my arms.

“Hey Sophieboo you comin’?!” I hear Louis shout from downstairs.

“Yeah!” I yell back, placing my cat on the floor. “I’m just gonna grab breakfast and I’m coming!” I continue, grabbing my bag from beside the bed.

“Tut tut I said no breakfast yesterday.” Harry sing-songs from the doorframe of his room.

“You were serious?!” I exclaim, placing my hands on my hips.

“Completely.”

And that’s how I ended up in Louis’s car with an empty stomach and a very unfortunate sore bottom. Fortunately, Louis had been nice and stopped on the way to buy me a coffee and a muffin. Regrettably, he kept mocking me for almost the whole ride because I couldn’t stop whining about how he had spanked me way to hard last night.

“I warned you last night love,” The Doncaster boy chuckles as he drives through the school’s parking lot entrance. “I told you you’d remember me. And you were practically begging for it yesterday...Disobeying me and stuff.”

“I still think you went a little too hard Louis! It hurts like a fucking bitch!” I mutter angrily, squirming on the car seat as I try to ease the painful sting.

“You’ve already been hurt by a bitch?” Louis exclaims.

“Come on Louis! No of course not but―”

“Well don’t use that nasty term if you don’t know what it’s like. And don’t swear. It’s not ladylike.” He demands, stopping the car. “Also don’t forget I’m picking you up after school, don’t keep me waiting too long please? And smile a little? You’re prettier with a smile... But don’t flirt with any other guys. And tell your friend I’ll be coming with you yeah?”

“Anything else?” I roll my eyes, opening the door with my pink arm while grabbing my stuff with the other.

“Have a very nice day.” He concludes.

“I might’ve had a bigger chance of having a nice day if it weren’t for my sore arse.” I state, before shutting the door. He lowers his window, putting his sunglasses on.

“Do I get a good day kiss?” he enquires cockily, smiling.

“Aren’t you supposed to be going on a date with a certain Eleanor?” I counter.

“Yes indeed... I better go. See ya later sweet cheeks.” Louis chuckles, starting his car.

I stay immobile, watching him leave before I head inside the school.

_∞_

My mind is completely off subject in class, always wandering to my sore ass. And the dream with Niall and Harry. And Louis’s spanking. And how Niall has emotion problems now. And how Harry’s also been quite moody. And how Zayn’s distant, just like Liam. And basically the whole day yesterday. _Whoa it felt like yesterday was a full week._

I swallow a groan as I feel my bottom throbbing slightly every time I make a too rough movement on my seat. I was now sitting in Maths, the last period before lunch. And boy let me tell you I was hungry. _Thank God Louis let me get a coffee and a muffin this morning, I would’ve starved._

I suddenly squirm in my chair, my butt stinging in pain once more. _But also,_ _fuck you Louis_.

I start chuckling silently to myself, imagining his reply if he had heard me, _No Sophie, I fucked you._

 _Ugh why are these boys growing on me?_ I take my head in my hands and shut my eyes, paying absolutely no attention to what was happening at the board as I tried imagining another one of Louis’s replies.

 _No we’re growing in you Sophieboo. It’s not quite the same._ I giggle to myself, and I’m positive I got a couple weird looks from the people beside me.

 _You’re going bonkers, having your mind playing Louis’s voice and your own into an argument._ _Plus you have Stockholm syndrome Soph; you might as well go and get admitted in a mental hospital._ I shake my head in disbelief, and look around to realise I’m the only one left in the class. _I’m pretty sure they’d accept you in a mental hospital._ I flinch at the thought.

“Sophie Miller? Are you alright? You can go to lunch now, the bell has rung about a minute ago,” the teacher frowns, waiting for me to leave in order for him to lock the door.

Standing up from my chair I wince slightly, grabbing my stuff before leaving the classroom to head to the cafeteria in order to find Emily.

I find her seated at our usual spot, with whom I presume is Kyle. My friend waves me over. I walk over to them, quickly noticing many eyes on me accompanied by low buzzing of voices. I pay barely any attention to it.

“Hey,” I say, sitting down.

“Sophie you know Kyle right?” Emily asks, motioning the boy beside her.

“Yeah I’ve seen him a few times. Hi.” I smile.

“Hey babe,” Kyle extends his hand over to me and I shake it. “I remember you... You’re the Canadian that was in advanced French classes last year no?” Kyle realises after a few seconds of starring at me.

“Yeah.” I say a little embarrassed, placing a strand of hair behind my ear.

“So you’re the Sophie Miller Emily keeps talking me about?” The boy continues.  

“Yeah that’s me. Em’s told you good things I hope?” I enquire while speaking wordlessly to Emily with my eyes.

 “Yes of course.” The dark-haired boy smiles. “But... I’m curious. It’s true? You and One Direction huh? All of them?” The blue-eyed boy probes.

I subtly kick my friend’s foot under the table, surprise clear in my face.

“Oh no she’s not the one who told me that.” Kyle shakes his head, chuckling.

_Guess my kick wasn’t so subtle after all._

“I’m going to let you two have your girl talk. I have soccer practice. See you later babe,” He kisses a blushing Emily on the cheek and leaves, blowing a kiss her way before exiting the cafeteria with some of his friends.

“Emily what the fuck do you want to kill me?” I whisper heatedly, trying to avoid other people hearing us. “If the boys learn you told someone, we’re both as good as dead!”

 I take a quick look around. The earlier whispering has gone up to a normal talk and I manage to hear a few words like my name, accompanied by slut, whore, One Direction, and deserves to die. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach multiple times.

 “Em did you tell the whole school?” I ask horrified.

“Sophie I swear I didn’t. This magazine did.” She says, pulling out a bundle of papers from her bag. She hands me the magazine and I gasp.

“When did you get this?”

“It was in the mail this morning... And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who received it. Someone wants to make One Direction’s life miserable, because I never subscribed to this magazine... I got it for free.”

I take a good look at the magazine. The headlines we’re: **One Direction Found in Mullingar, With What Seems Like a Girlfriend For the Five** Below the headline there was the picture taken of me and Harry walking in the streets hand-in-hand, along with another one of me and Niall cuddling together at the hospital, me and Louis arriving together in the car, and a last one of me and the boys in the waiting room. _How do the papas even get those pictures?!_ _It’s called privacy!_

“Oh my God this is bad.” I groan. I go to open it but Emily stops me.

“I have a feeling you’re about to burst if you read more.... C’mon let’s go to the washroom. You’ll attract less attention. You certainly don’t need more.” Emily advises, guiding me out of the cafeteria and into the nearest bathroom as my eyes stayed glued to the cover of the magazine in my hands.

“Go ahead. Read.” She nods.

I flip through the pages, reading the big headlines rapidly. **Niall Horan hospitalized.** **One Direction** **Hiding From Media? New Tour About to Start In January. New Girlfriend or Personal Slut? Insider Reveals Sophie Miller is the Mystery Girl Living With Them.**

 “Oh my God.”

“Yes. But this could turn out positively you know? Maybe paps who managed to get this much information will find the house and One Direction could be arrested. And you’d be free of them no?”

I immediately think of poor Niall in jail and I flinch. _He wouldn’t deserve this._ _Zayn either. And Liam, Harry and Louis as well. None of them deserve prison._

“The thing is... I don’t want them arrested.” I frown. “I have no other home but over there, even though it sucks most of the time.”

“Earth to Sophie, we have a flat remember?” My friend rolls her eyes.

“I know but... What I really don’t want is them ending up in prison because of me. They changed. They’re not who they we’re.”

“After all they did to you, you want them to be safe and happy?”

“I don’t want to destroy their lives! I’d feel bad if I did. I’d feel guilty Em! And I don’t deal well with guilt.” I say morosely, reflexively looking down at my left wrist. “But you’ll understand me when you see Louis.” I continue, trying to get her to see my side of things. “He’s trying to get a girlfriend, to change his ways... And it’s become hard for him to act harsh towards me. And he’s a little less pervy honestly. Emily they’ve changed. It wouldn’t be fair to them.”

“Wait... When will I see Louis?”

“He’s my buddy for the double date.”

“Sophie this isn’t right. What you’re doing to them. Toying with their feelings and such.” She shakes her head. “First Niall, then Harry and now Louis? If you don’t pick one soon, and the right one, you’re all going to get hurt.” _The fucking dream. Didn’t Niall say something familiar in the dream? Dreams are made of long lost thoughts of the brain no? So they’re like the result of many evaluations of the brain? So deep down my subconscious wants me to choose? I can’t! I need them all somehow! But why is Emily saying this?_

“So it’s okay to send them to jail, but not to toy with their feelings? Emily I’m lost.”

“You need to figure this out by yourself.” The brunette shakes her head. “Anyways, changing the subject completely, Kyle and I will be waiting for you at 9 pm Saturday at the park near our flat okay?”

“Sounds perfect.” I nod.

 “I’m going to go eat lunch... You coming?” Emily sighs.

As if on cue, my stomach growls but I shake my head negatively, thinking of how just a few minutes ago, everybody was looking at me, saying horrible stuff.

“You know what? I think I’m going to head home. School isn’t doing me any good right now.”

“Oh. I can share you my phone if you want to call? You know because the boys took yours and you might want to call one of them to pick you up?”

“Yeah thanks that’d be appreciated.”

She smiles, and fishes into her pocket for her phone, before handing it over to me.

“Thanks.”

I take a good look at her phone, eyeing the numbers warily. _What are their phone numbers though? They never told me..._

“I don’t know their numbers. Of any of them.” I realise out loud, giving Emily’s phone back. She places it back in her pocket, biting her lip.

“Want my car?” She proposes.

“But you? You have to go back home at some point.”

“Kyle won’t mind driving me home.”

I stay silent, thinking carefully before talking again.

“Look. It’s okay Emily I’m just going to go wait for the day to end outside. I need fresh air anyways.”

“You sure? Because you’ll have to wait a good three hours outside, alone. And it’s getting chilly out.”

“I’ll be fine. If I get too cold, I’ll just wait by a window somewhere in the school. Or in a bathroom if I’m that desperate.”

“Be careful.” Emily stops me as I turn around to leave. “Don’t listen to what the others say okay Soph? I saw how the comments affected you... You’re not a slut, you we’re used against your will most of the time.” She ends, a sorry look on her face.

“See ya Em,” I nod, before leaving the washroom.

 _Most of the time._ The four words keephaunting me as I walk down the corridors to go fetch my stuff. _Most of the time._ I try to shake out the nasty thoughts as I head outside. _Most of the time._ Sighing, I sit down in front of the school, taking my head in my hands sulkily. _Most of the time. Maybe the article is right. Maybe the others are right. I am a slut. Maybe I deserve to die after all..._ I look down at my un-casted wrist. _Maybe it deserves more scars..._

“Oi Sophie!”

My head snaps up and I wipe away the tears forming in my eyes.

“Sophie get in the car!” A British accent rings as a vehicle pulls up to me. I stand up and back away. _Oh no they’re going to kill me. Somehow they found out about the magazine and they’ll blame it all on me telling it to Emily._

The window rolls down to reveal Zayn.

“Zayn? What are you even doing here?” I hiccup, my voice shaking with fear. “How did you know I’d be here?”

“Sophie please get in the car, we need to talk.” The Bradford boy counters seriously. _That’s it, I’m dead._

“Zayn I-I-I swear I didn’t do anything!” I plea.

“I’m not going to murder you Soph; can you please get in the car with your stuff?”

“How did you know I’d be here?” I repeat.

 “I knew you’d get your hands on the magazine, mainly because you’re the magazine’s center. So I decided I would pick you up from school because I’m starting to know how you react to different things. I knew you’d be an emotional wreck as soon as I learned about the contents of that nasty paper. I was just about to go and fetch you inside but you came out instead. Now get in.”

“How’d you know about it? The magazine.” I ask, getting in the car.

He sighs as he starts driving out the parking and away from the school.

“Louis called home because he saw copies of it in the city during his date with Eleanor. Liam and Harry are trying to arrange stuff with management and the publishers of the magazine. So far copies have only been given to this city. We’re hoping it won’t go worldwide. Now what about you?” He looks at me briefly. “Talk to me. Get your mind off what made you so disturbed earlier.”


	45. Memory Lane Pt 1

“How’d you know about it?” I ask, getting in the car. “The magazine. How did you learn about it?” I say again.

He sighs as he starts driving out the parking and away from the school.

“Louis called home because he saw copies of it in the city during his date with Eleanor. Liam and Harry are trying to arrange stuff with management and the publishers of the magazine. So far copies have only been given to this city. We’re hoping it won’t go worldwide. But now what about you?” He looks at me briefly. “Talk to me. Get your mind off what seems to make you so disturbed. Tell me why you we’re crying just a few seconds ago.”

“I wasn’t,” I mumble.

“Don’t lie. I saw you. Just spill it all out. And be honest.”

“Fine.”

_∞_

“Zayn please!” I beg, shaking. “You’re supposed to help me! Zayn I can’t do this!”

“Yes you can! I’m not letting you out until you understand that!”

I had opened up to him in the car, telling him every single thought that might’ve passed through my head when I learned about the magazine and its contents.. And that included the voice inside my head that told me I was a worthless slut. Wanting to be completely honest with the Bradford boy, I told him I needed to numb the pain, but I wanted him to stop me from doing it. Apparently Zayn didn’t like what I said because next thing I know I’m thrown into a bathroom, Zayn is strewing blades and sharp objects all across the counter, and he exits, locking me inside. That was five minutes ago, and I was still shaking from Zayn’s abrupt roughness.

I stare at the counters contents, and it’s almost like they’re mocking me.  Taunting me to hurt myself.  And I want to give in. So bad. But at the same time, I can’t do it.

 “Zayn I can’t!” I cry, watching fearfully the razors in front of me. “I’m going to hurt myself! I’m not strong enough!” I sob. _You’re a slut. You deserve to suffer. You’re weak._ “Zayn!”

“You are strong enough Soph!” He yells back from the other side of the door. “I know you can do this! Be in control.”

I reach for one of blades, tears sliding down my cheeks as I shakingly hold it over my exposed wrist.

“Zayn!” I weep. “Zayn I’m a whore! I’m useless! And all of you could end up in jail because of me!”

“We are not going to end up in jail! Liam and Harry are taking care of the stupid magazine publisher right now! And no you are not useless, and you are especially not a whore!”

_He’s saying that just to make you feel better. You’re just like a prostitute that does her job for free._

“Please the voice it’s telling me all the wrong stuff! I need you to reassure me!”

“You have to do this on your own Sophie. I know you can. Think of something happy. Something that happened that made you feel like you we’re important to them. Something positive.”

_Niall had said he had cut for me. To show me how important I am to him. How it hurts to know that someone you deeply care about, hurts themselves._

_The thing is, Niall cuts **because** of me. Because of the pain I inflict. That’s not the same. That’s not positive at all. That’s horrific. And Niall might do it again if I do it! Oh no. _

_This is your entire fault. It’s your fault Niall started self-harming in the first place. You are not good enough for him. You deserve to suffer._

“Zayn I’m going to do it! I’m a horrible person! I made Niall start self-harming! I want to get out of here! I don’t want Niall to hurt himself again if I do it!”  I cry, lightly pressing the razor into my skin. “Zayn let me get out please! I won’t do it if I’m with you! I don’t like facing this alone! You’re supposed to help me!” I sob, fat tears falling from my face and onto my extended arm.

“Sophie I’m not letting you out of this bathroom until the need to hurt yourself has passed! You need to realise that self-harming isn’t going to do you any good. You can fight it. You must fight your battle alone, because I won’t always be there with you when you get the urges.” He replies in a serious voice. “Think of something that made you want to be **_you_**.” The British boy presses from the other side of the door.

I rapidly think of my whole life in fast forward, going from my somewhat happy childhood, to that specific moment when my dad left my mom and I for another woman, to my depressing adolescence, to my selling to One Direction two years ago, to my escape, to this year’s kidnapping and all it implied, to the present moment. I could not stop replaying Niall’s tortured features when I found him slicing his wrists.

“Zayn I can’t! I’m too troubled by Niall! It’s all my fault!” I weep, shutting my eyes as I dig the razor inside my wrist slowly. I feel skin breaking.

“Goddamn it! Think of Harry then!” He shouts, hitting the door.

I stop brusquely, images, thoughts and feelings hitting me like a train. I suddenly think of the time when Harry had defended me against Zayn, and sung me to sleep after I had done what I was doing just know. That faint but still present broken look in his eyes every time he’d harm me.  I remember how recently, no matter how much I’d frustrate him; he’d restrain himself from lashing out on me. I realise how much I changed him. How he’d practically take a bullet for me. How I’d probably do the same. How important I was to him. How important he was to me. How loved I felt when I was around him, even though he wasn’t always showing it the right way.

_Oh my God I’m in love with him. Why did I fall for the one that hurt me the most?_

I throw the blade in the sink, backing away from the counter with my arms wrapped around myself. _This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Harry wasn’t supposed to be the one I fell for._ My back hits the wall and I fall to the floor.

“Sophie?” Zayn questions, still outside in the hallway.

“Go away Zayn,” I sniffle, digging my face into my knees as I cry some more.

I hear the door open, but I don’t look up.

“Zayn go away,” I blubber. He sighs.

“Why are you so sad pretty girl? You did it. You didn’t harm yourself.” The dark boy says softly, sitting beside me. “Not a lot anyways... See you only made a scratch.” He continues, motioning the red mark where the razor had barely broken the skin.

“I think I’ve fallen in love with Harry.” I sob, taking my head into my arms.

“And that’s wrong? I mean it’s so obvious, I would’ve thought that you’d know.”

“How is it obvious?! Harry and I do not represent two people in love! We fight most of the time!”

“But you forgive quite quickly and your quarrels usually end up with snogging, or maybe cuddling if your sexual frustration isn’t too high.” He shrugs.

“How would you know that?”

“Harry talks to us. He may seem the most dangerous, but he is the youngest and has a very sweet side, with lots of questions about everything.” Zayn replies carefully. “Now come to the kitchen, I’ll make you something to eat. By the sounds of your stomach, you haven’t eaten much today,” he continues, standing up.

“Harry did forbid me to eat breakfa―”

“C’mon Soph. You, Harry and I all know Louis gave you food.” Zayn rolls his eyes, extending his hand to help me up. “I think it was his way of apologizing for his uhh... punishment of yesterday.”

_Right the spanking. Wait a minute..._

“Why do you know everything that’s going on between closed doors?” I ask, accusingly. “Zayn do you listen to doors or something?”

“No.”

“I don’t believe you,”

“It’s not important if I do or don’t okay? Now c’mon, take my hand or you’ll have to stand up alone.” He sighs.

I take his hand and hoist myself up, before wiping the rest of my tears with the back of my forearm.

“You won’t tell Harry what I just told you though, right?” I ask softly to Zayn as he leads me out of the bathroom and to the kitchen.

“As long as you promise me you’ll tell him.”

“I’ll tell him when I’m ready.” I accept.

 _When I’m ready to break Niall’s heart._ My chest wrenches painfully at the thought of his broken face.

Zayn leads me to the kitchen silently, and all I can think about is how deep I’ve fallen in love with Harry, all while barely realising it.

“So... Have any ideas on what you want to eat?” He enquires, opening the refrigerator door.

I walk to one of the benches placed around the counter in the middle of the kitchen and I sit, flinching a little.

“Soph? What do you want?” The dark boy repeats, looking over his shoulder.

“A big bowl of a cure against love.” I mumble. “I think a large glass of alcohol would probably do the trick.”

“I am not giving you alcohol at a time like this.”

“Weird how two years ago, you practically brought me to a bar illegally, and shoved a couple shooters down my throat.” I mutter.

“People change as time goes alright? That’s what makes the world go round... changes. But really Sophie Miller tell me what you want to eat or I’m making you something you won’t like.”

“And how would you know I won’t like it hmm?” I test.

“Oh my God Sophie.” The Bradford boy rubs his temples, and I can tell he’s on the verge of exploding. “Sophie I swear―”

“Okay okay fine. That weird pasta salad you did for me last time... That be nice,” I admit.

“It wasn’t weird, it was unique remember?” he winks, clearly calming down as he starts pulling out stuff from the fridge, as well as a big bowl and a pot. He puts water in the pot and places it on the stove. He stops as he pulls out a knife, placing it on the counter. “Oh this reminds me... I have something for you.” Zayn states. “Can you put the noodles in when the water’s boiling? I shouldn’t be too long but I’ll take advantage of my trip upstairs to check on Niall, inform him on our tetchy situation and such. I really don’t know how much time it’ll take me, depending on if he took his medication or not or if he’s sleeping or awake.” He takes a deep breath before pursuing. “Are you going to be able to do that for me though? Put these noodles,” Zayn pats the bag of uncooked macaroni on the counter, “In this pot,” he points the pot cooking on the stove, “When little bubbles appear at the surface of the water?”

“Zayn for Christ’s sake. I’m not retarded,” I huff, rolling my eyes.

“I know that darling, I just like to tease you,” The Pakistani boy chuckles, giving me a playful punch on the shoulder. “Oh and also... If you feel like cutting, for whatever reason, these veggies are waiting for you.” he adds, motioning the carrots, broccoli, cauliflower and tomatoes. “I’ll be back in a few,” he ends.

I watch him quietly as he leaves, before looking at the knife he pulled out.

Getting up from the bench, I walk over to it, grasping the handle with my left hand. _But I’m right handed usually... Ugh I hope I won’t chop my fingers off...._

I eye the sharp blade warily, before grabbing a carrot from the bag. I carefully press the blade against the vegetable and push downwards. It cuts through easily. I smile, before restarting the action, making sure my fingers were out of the way every single time. Once the carrot has become a bundle of circular slices, I start chopping it into little cubes, the only sound to be heard in the house being the knife going down on the vegetable.

I grab another carrot, my mind wandering to what happened a couple minutes ago. I was about to cut because of a magazine that may put the boys’ career in jeopardy. I thought of Niall, the urge was stronger. I thought about Harry, I didn’t cut. I told Zayn I fell in love with Harry.

Only thinking his name sent shivers down my spine, his face invading my mind. _His eyes. His gorgeous emerald eyes. And how they look at me with such possessiveness... he makes me feel like I’m the only girl in the world._

I immediately start humming Only Girl in the World by Rihanna.

 

 _Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world_  
Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love  
Like I'm the only one who knows your heart  
Only girl in the world...

_But why oh why did I fall in love with Harry? The one who hurt me the most?! He even slapped me and I did nothing! I freakin forgave him!_ _How am I even going to tell Niall? Can I break his heart like that? After all he did for me?_

_But he deserves to know. He deserves to have my answer about me and him, and Harry and me. I need to let him be free of his feelings for me._

_But what if he reacts badly... What if he―_

“Hey Sophie do you like carrots?”

The knife ghosts my fingers as I spin around brusquely, my heart beating loudly in my chest. The knife is shaking in my hand.

“You know... Big ones?” The Doncaster boy continues, amusement lacing his words.

“Oh my God Louis you almost gave me a heart attack you bastard. And I almost sliced my fingers off!”

The Doncaster boy chuckles, walking over to me. He steals one of my carrot cubes, plopping it into his mouth.

“So do you? More specifically, do you like boys who like girls who like carrots?”

“Louis, carrots jokes go back to your X-factor days... Don’t you think it’s a little far away?” I roll my eyes, before resuming my carrot cutting process.

“Maybe a little.” He shrugs. “By the way, what are you doing with a knife huh? With no one to survey you?”

“Zayn asked me to cut the veggies.” I answer simply.

 We stay quiet as I finish cutting up the orange vegetables, before placing them into the big bowl Zayn had pulled out minutes earlier. I feel Louis gaze on me.

“So are you gonna help me pretty boy or you don’t wanna dirty your diva hands?” I enquire, taking the tomatoes out of their container. He makes an insulted sound.

“You’re a sassy girl you know that?”

“Mostly around you.” I turn around, and wink.

He grins.

“Well love, I would’ve adored to help you make whatever you’re making with noodles and grapes, but I’m going to go take a shower. I need sometime alone to think.” He explains, stealing another carrot from the bowl.

“Stop touching my food.”

“Eleanor and I are over... I ended it this morning.” Louis ignores me, munching on the cube.

“Why? Was it because of that stupid magazine?”

“No.”

“Louis.”

I look at him pointedly, pursing my lips as his hands dig into the bowl once more.

“Jeese you’re scary when you make that face.” He takes a step backwards, removing his hand from the bowl.

“Louis was the magazine the reason you and Eleanor broke up or...?”

“Well partly. Because for as far as I know, she hasn’t seen it yet, and she won’t see it at all if she moves back to her hometown, Manchester, just like she said she would. As soon as I saw one, I made sure to keep them out of her sight during our date this morning, and she said she didn’t look at her mail.”

“She’s moving away?” I enquire surprised, cutting more tomatoes.

“Yeah so I told her I’m not too fond of long distance relationships and she understood and we broke up. I’m single again!” He cheers. “Know what that means?”

“One night stands.” I say, placing a handful of tomatoes in the bowl.

“You think so low of me Sophie? C’mon.”

“Uh, you’re the one who practically knows everybody’s sexual kinks or whatever, and you cheated on Eleanor with me.” I bite back.

“Doesn’t mean I do one night stands.”

“You can’t blame me for thinking the opposite.”

“Ugh you’re so boring today. Too serious, and somehow frustrated after everybody? Something’s on your mind, I can tell. And it’s not only the magazine. Wanna come and shower with me? Take your mind of things?” he wriggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“Nope. My poor bum is still sore from yesterday bozo. And I have to watch the noodles.” I explain.

“You didn’t even put them in the pot yet.” Louis points out.

“I need to wait for the water to boil.”

“I know that. And I know the waters boiling right now.”

I look at the pot and indeed, bubbles are mounting up to the water’s surface.

“Ugh Louis go shower! You’re distracting me.” I huff, opening the macaronis and emptying the bag into the boiling water.

“Fine. See you in a few,” he sighs, leaving me alone in the kitchen once more.

 I take a spoon out and stir the pasta in the pot. I hear loud, angry steps storming through the house, as well as a door slamming.. _Wait, Louis can’t be that angry I didn’t want to shower with him, now can he?_

I turn around, only to be harshly pushed into the counter, lips locking with mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have good news and bad news...  
> Bad news, this fanfic is coming to an end.  
> Good news, it will have a sequel! YAY! COMMENT YOUR JOY!


	46. Memory Lane Pt. 2

I turn around, only to be harshly pushed into the counter, lips locking with mine. I push the body away from mine, and my eyes meet Liam’s angry ones.

“Liam what the hell! Fuck―”

“Shut up!” He presses his body against mine once more, one his hands placing itself on my mouth. “This is all your fault! Everything is always your fucking fault!” he hits the wall beside my head with his other hand.

My mind is going into overdrive. _If Liam is back, then Harry must be too, no? Please God Harry help me! Somebody help me!_ I kick the wall behind me, trying to attract some kind of attention from someone in the house.

“Harry! Za―”

Apparently Liam is having none of that as he pushes his body violently against mine, restricting any movement from my hips and below as his hand moves from my mouth to around my throat.

“Liam.” I try prying his fingers off of my throat but my broken wrist isn’t very helpful. “Li...am. Please.” I try again, tears stinging my eyes. _Why is he like this!?_

“I said shut up!” His fingers dig deeper into my flesh. It’s only then I realise he’s crying. “Danielle broke up with me because of you! Because you couldn’t keep your whore mouth shut!” The British boy continues. “I should’ve never let you meet her! That way she wouldn’t have known you were saying the truth when she read that God damn magazine!”

“I never told her anything!” I gasp out.

“Think again sweet cheeks.” He seethes, cutting off my air supply once more.

Then it hits me. It wasn’t too long ago in fact. It was when Liam picked me up from the hospital after I had got my cast. We had picked Danielle up, and I had accidentally blurted out everything.

 

[Flashback]

 

**“Hey!” She smiles, exposing rows of pearly white teeth. “I’m Danielle.”**

**“I’m Sophie Miller, I’m eighteen and I’ve been sold to One Direction when I was sixteen,” I reply, smiling also. My smile drops almost immediately. Aww shit. I did not just say that.**

**From the front seat, Liam very visibly stiffens, shooting me a dark look in the rear-view mirror. Danielle frowns, not understanding. Well this is awkward.**

**“I mean sold as in they were so charming I didn’t want to spend a day away from them. My mom couldn’t take care of me and they just agreed to take me with them.” I correct rapidly. “Wow. Yeah that sounded better in my head.” I laugh nervously.**

**“You’re adorbs. I like you already.” Danielle gushes, giggling.**

**Liam also starts laughing as he starts the car, but it’s more forced and worried.**

 

[End of Flashback]

 

I’m shocked, recalling the event. _She must’ve put the pieces together when she read the magazine, and probably broke up with Liam on the phone and that’s one of the worst possible break-up methods...No wonder the Wolverhampton boy is so broken. His must’ve sadness turned into anger on his way here. Jeese Niall was right about Liam taking it out on me if ever he and Danielle broke-up..._

“Do you remember now?” The brown-eyed boy mocks, noticing my comprehension. “Do you?!” He demands, his hand choking me even more.

“Li...” I beg, little black dots dancing in front of me. I’m about to faint from the lack of oxygen. _Or maybe Liam’ll kill me?_

“So now that I don’t have somebody to keep me steady... I’ll just use you.” He breathes into my ear menacingly, his free hand groping my chest.

“Liam!” Zayn suddenly appears in the kitchen’s doorframe. “Let her go she can’t breathe!” He commands, shooting me a worried glance.

The younger boy loosens his grip slightly, allowing a little more air to circulate through my lungs.

“Zayn it’s her fault! It’s her fault our career is going to go down. Zayn I worked so hard for everything to work!” Liam says angrily, tears streaming down his face. “Niall going to the hospital is her fault too! If he hadn’t been for that walk on the road to think, he wouldn’t have been hit by the stupid car! The band wouldn’t be falling apart either! Everything is her fucking fault!”

_He’s so right._

“Liam, calm down and let her go. Completely.” Zayn orders steadily, approaching us at a careful pace. “Liam, now.”

Liam finally lets go of my throat, but keeps my body trapped between his and the wall, his breathing shallow. I watch with my eyes half-shut as Zayn walks over to stand between Liam and I, prying him away from me.

I drop to the floor wheezing, taking big gulps of air as I try to regulate my breathing. I look up for mere seconds to see Zayn talking to Liam in a hushed whisper. He hugs the younger boy, giving him affectionate pats on the back. Liam’s angry and pain-filled gaze meets mine from Zayn’s shoulder.

Shivering, I shut my eyes, focusing on breathing in and out. _If Liam’s home, where’s Harry? I need a hug right now. I need someone to tell me everything will be alright, even though it isn’t. Maybe I should go up and ask Niall for affection? No that’d be selfish. But he doesn’t even know you’ve chosen Har―_

“Are you alright?”

I open my eyes and my heart jumps in my chest at Zayn’s close proximity. Zayn’s face is mere inches from mine. Taking a quick look around, I notice Liam’s absence.

“Where’s Liam?”

“I’ll sort him out in a few. He’s just very upset and doesn’t quite know how to react...I wouldn’t be surprised to find him apologizing to you in an hour or so.” Zayn explains carefully. “But are _you_ alright?” The dark boy repeats his question.

I nod weakly, trying to stand back up. “I gotta finish the salad.”

“Don’t bother babe. I’ll finish that okay?” The Bradford boy reassures, keeping me sat on the floor. “You focus on breathing. You were on the verge of passing out there.” He continues, before heading over to the counter to finish making the salad.

I watch him silently as he moves around, gathering the different ingredients and placing them in the bowl. My thoughts start drifting, replaying today. _A magazine went out about me and the boys, and it could ruin their career. Liam harassed me violently because he and Danielle broke-up so yesterday, Niall’s theory was right. I found out I was in love with Harry. Zayn is trying his best to hold everyone together. Louis is now single and we have a double date this week-end. I have to iron poor Niall’s heart with my feelings for Harry. Where is he anyways...?_

After a couple minutes of silent pondering, I ask Zayn.

“Do you know where Harry is?” I question quietly, resting my head on the wall behind me.

“Well he―”

“I’m right here.”

My head snaps up to the kitchen’s entrance, only to find a smirking Harry leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed on his chest.

“Missed me sweet cheeks?”

_Okay it’s not because I know I love him, that I have to act all mushy and gushy about it. I don’t want him to know right now. It’ll have to wait until.... Until our day together. And then afterwards, I’ll tell Niall._

“Love are you alright? Why are you sitting on the floor?” The curly-haired boy frowns, approaching me. He shoots Zayn an inquisitive look.

“Well she―”

“I was hot and the floor was cold so I decided to sit on it.” I shrug, cutting Zayn off. _I do not want Harry to know about what Liam did to me_. _There’s enough tension in the band, let’s not add to it._

“Are you cold enough now? Because the food’s ready and you can take a seat here,” Zayn motions the little island, “And eat on an actual table.”

“Yeah okay.” I acknowledge, standing up and taking a seat.

“Mate did you make enough food for three? I’d love to join.” Harry puts in, sitting beside me.

“Yeah in fact I made enough for everyone I think, as we are probably to have a discussion about that damn magazine and what’s going to happen and all... Harry do you wanna go get the others? Sophie’ll help me bring the food to the dining room and we’ll join you there. It’ll be less crowded over there than in the kitchen.”

He huffs.

“Sure whatever... as long as I don’t find you two snogging when I get back.” He says smiling, but the warning is clear in his voice. _I’m his_.

“Ugh no I’m with Perrie.” Zayn grimaces. “No offense Sophie.” He adds quickly.

“None taken. And Harry stop being so possessive, please? I thought we talked about this this morning.”

“I prefer the term protective. And you can’t blame me for acting _protective_ , when a magazine pictured you in such a vulgar way.” Harry shrugs, “Save me a seat beside you yeah?” He ends, leaving before I could protest some more.

I sigh loudly in exasperation.

“He’s right though... I’d probably act the same way if it was Perrie we were talking about.” Zayn agrees, picking bowls and utensils from cupboards. “C’mon let’s bring this stuff to the dining room.” He continues, walking out the kitchen.

“Talking about Perrie... You said I’d be able to meet her.” I reproach him loudly, picking up the big bowl of pasta salad before following him out the kitchen.

“I know and you should soon... I’ll figure something out.” Zayn nods, placing the utensils at their respective places on the big table as well as the bowls. I hand him the big salad one and he puts it in the middle. “Liam didn’t do anything to you, right?” Zayn enquires.

“Apart from strangling me and groping my chest, no.” I mutter.

“I am so sorry I left you alone Sophie.” Zayn apologizes, coming over to hug me. His arms wrap around me, and a feeling of warmth and comfort spreads through my limbs. _Wow that feels good._

He pulls back after a few seconds.“You looked like you needed one.”

“Thank... I really did.” I smile, already missing the feeling of being held in somebody’s arms.

 “When you do meet Perrie though, don’t tell her I did that yeah? Might make her jealous.” He winks.

“Don’t worry I won’t tell her. It’s not like I’ll meet her.” I mock.

“You will. I promise. And again, I am so sorry for letting Liam harm you.”

“It’s alright Zayn. You had to go see if Niall was okay either way... Is he?”

“Well he was hurt to wake up alone in his bed,” He pauses briefly, shooting me a reprimanding look.

“Harry forced me out,” I counter defensively.

“But anyways his ribs hurt a lot apparently, that’s why he’ll stay in bed a lot for the next couple of weeks. And he was downright pissed about the magazine. He actually punched a hole in his wall.”

“He punched a hole? In his wall? Jeese he didn’t break his fingers I hope?” I frown.

“No... They we’re only scratched. This reminds me of two things. First of all, you need to convince him to take his medication. He doesn’t wanna take it and see, he punched a wall out of anger... The magazine’s publishers were lucky it wasn’t their faces and honestly it scares me how quickly his mood changed. And the other, well I went upstairs initially to go fetch something I made you.”

“You made me something?”

“Yeah I left it in the kitchen when I saw Liam assaulting you...” he pauses uncomfortably. “I made it the day we spent together.”

I look at him sceptically.

He huffs, dragging me back to the kitchen.

“Remember the day after your first shot of the arousal drugs? I kinda of woke you before you uh... you know...”

“Before I what?” I enquire, grinning. _Oh my God he doesn’t want to say it? That’s hilarious!_

“Ugh don’t make me say it. Please.” Zayn begs, leaning on the counter.

“But please do. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I tease.

“I can’t believe it... Oh my God orgasm alright?”

“Full sentence?”

“When I woke you up before you could orgasm.” He drops finally, very visibly shuddering. “That morning where I woke you up before you could orgasm from a very erotic dream that from the sounds of it, was me about to fuck you.”

I start laughing.

“You knew what I was taking abut weren’t you?” The darker boy groans.

“Yup.” I giggle. “I just found it hilarious seeing you squirm over a word.”

“Well anyways, do you recall after? I was alone at the house with you and we decided to draw, and I didn’t want to show you what I drew?”

 

[Flashback]

 

**“Here ya go.” I show him once I’m finished.**

**“See, I knew you could draw better than a stick figure. You actually draw really cute cartoons you know?” He compliments.**

**“Okay okay but can we go visit the house now that I’m done drawing?” I beg with puppy dog eyes.**

**“No... Because I’m not done... ” He frowns, biting his lip as he continues his drawing. “Put a little colour on your sketch.” He advises, keeping his eyes on his sheet as he pushed the box of coloured crayons and pastels in my direction.**

**Once I finished Zayn’s cartoon representation, I started making some of every boy, occasionally stopping to look over at Fate and the ducklings. Zayn though, was clearly still working on his initial one. And he didn’t want me to look at it, covering it with his arm the whole time.**

**“You hungry?” He asks after hearing my stomach grumble. He looks up from his drawing for mere seconds, waiting for my answer.**

**“No. My stomach is just letting you know it’s angry.” I reply sarcastically, placing the pencil on the table.**

**“Fine then I won’t get any food.” He shrugs, a smile on the corner of his lips. His brows are knit in concentration as he continues drawing lines.**

**I stare at him for a couple seconds, waiting to see if he’s joking or not.**

**“Okay yeah I’m hungry.” I give in.**

**“What do you want to eat? Name something... We have almost every food item possible.”**

**“Surprise me. Oh no don’t in fact.” I recall the shower incident, where he totally took advantage of me. “Pasta would be nice.” I answer after a moment of thought.**

**“Pasta it is then... ” He heads inside. “Can I trust you again?” he questions just as he’s about to shut the sliding door. “You won’t get lost or look at the drawing?”**

**“I promise I won’t. I’m staying with Fate.” I sigh, standing up also. “I’ll probably be under a tree when you come back.” He smiles and vanishes inside, shutting the door behind him. My chair scrapes along the wooden patio as I leave the table, and remove my socks before joining Fate near the pond. She was observing the fish with interest, her paw occasionally slashing the water.**

**“Hey Furball,” I coo, picking her up. She mewls in protest, and I place her back on the ground grudgingly.**

**“Hey you... You’re supposed to be on my side.” I scold her. She looks up at me with her big blue eyes. “Nah it’s okay.” I reassure her. I start walking to the tree near the gate and hedges that separated the house from the open field, and notice she’s following me. _I guess she just didn’t wanna be carried then._**

**I walk under the tree and sit so I’m leaning on the tree’s bark. Fate pounces on me. I giggle as she starts placing herself so she can be comfortable on my thighs, her little claws tickling me.**

**Karma and the other ducklings, suddenly pull out of the water, quacking noisily as they waddled to join us in curiosity. Fate reflexively takes a defensive pose on me, and I laugh some more, caressing her back.**

**“Hey calm down... They’re friends.” I mumble, scratching her behind her ear.**

**The six ducklings assembled around us, pecking here and there in inquisitiveness. I lift my hand up to hold Fate still, but they all quack nervously, before shuffling back to the water. Except Karma.**

**I cock my eyebrow up as the little duck gets up on my legs, and gets closer to Fate, before practically hiding under her paws. My cat pushes him away in annoyance, but Karma comes back again, this time huddling under my hand that was on the ground. I cup my hand and lift him up, so he’s on my stomach.**

**“You’re a special one aren’t you?” I mumble, looking at the feathery creature in wonder. “Fate...” I warn as she approaches to toss him away again.  She doesn’t look up at me and keeps gazing at Karma. To my surprise, she goes and licks his head. Karma then jumps off my hand, and places himself in between her paws once more. She doesn’t move the little guy.**

**“Friends already huh? Well that escalated quickly,” I chuckle as Karma start peeping happily.  I pet Fate lovingly, and Karma starts complaining, chirping in envy. I grin and give him the same affectionate treatment.**

**Zayn appears a few minutes later, two bowls in hand as he walks to join our little trio.**

 

[End of Flashback]

 

 

“Oh yeah I remember that. You left afterwards to make your weird salad and I ended up playing with my duckling and Fate in the backyard.”

“Yes that’s precisely it. And again, the salad isn’t weird, it’s unique. But back on the subject, I finally finished the sketch, and I’m giving it to you.” Zayn says, pulling out from God knows where, a large sheet of paper. On the verso of it, there’s a sketch. Of me, with angel wings. And it’s absolutely gorgeous. But what’s even prettier, is the back ground on which he drew me on... It was made of little images of what happened since the last two years, from his point of view. From them buying me from my mom, to that walk alone in the streets of London when he felt guilty he had raped me, to him meeting Perrie and talking to her about me, to the many nights he actually cried thinking of what he did to me, to the denial he had against Harry’s new idea, to the relief of my almost complete forgiveness, to him preventing me from harming myself.

“Why now?” I murmur, looking with lots of appreciation at the drawing. “Why did you wait for so long?” I’m on the brim of tears, his piece of art touching me deeply.

“Well,” he scratches the back of his neck nervously. “First of all, I wanted to fill the paper. And I wanted the last drawing to be my biggest success. And it happened today, when I stopped you from self-harming. I finished it up before I went to see Niall actually.”

“Thank you Zayn. So much.” I say placing the drawing on the counter before hugging the living daylights out of him. “I don’t know what I’d do without a friend like you to support me, make me smile and that kind of stuff. Thank you so much.” I cry into his shoulder. He hugs me back.

“It’s nothing really... I owed you this much.”

“Hey ya wankers you coming to eat?!” Louis yells from the room next to us.

I laugh, and let Zayn breathe a bit, wiping my tears for the tenth time today.

“Let’s go, before there’s no food left,” Zayn chuckles, taking my hand.

“Okay people now we need to talk.” Liam says very seriously once we’re all sat and served, me between Harry and Niall.


	47. Emily

“Hey ya wankers you coming to eat?!” Louis yells from the room next to us.

I laugh, and let Zayn breathe a bit, wiping my tears for the tenth time today.

“Let’s go, before there’s no food left,” Zayn chuckles, taking my hand. He lets go of it as soon as we enter the dining room, and I take place on the only empty seat, between Niall and Harry.

“Okay people now we need to talk.” Liam says very seriously once we’re all served.

“About?” Louis enquires, before eating a spoonful of pasta.

“A lot of stuff. First, the magazine.” Liam takes a deep breath. “Harry and I talked to the publishers. So apparently, it was only published in this particular town. They were planning on extending it all over Ireland tomorrow, and then the whole Europe the day after, before going worldwide. Obviously we threatened to sue them for false information, but it turns out that they have a witness.” Liam continues, his glare suddenly meeting mine.

“I swear to God I didn’t say anything.” I defend angrily. “S’not like I went out a lot these days anyways.” I continue. _Can he drop the subject? I know I’m responsible for all this! Just stop telling me!_ I feel Harry’s hand squeezing my leg in what was meant to be a soothing manner, only it aggravates me more. I push his hand away, not in the mood for his sexual advances just now.

“Well maybe you didn’t say a thing, but your little friend Emily could’ve spilled the beans now couldn’t she?” The Wolverhampton boy retorts.

“No. She wants the best for me.” I deny, shaking my head.

“And don’t you think the best for you, in her mind, would’ve been us in prison?” Liam snaps.

I feel like shouting, crying and laughing at the same time. It’s frustrating.

“Liam can you quit your interrogatory? You’re agitating her for absolutely nothing.” Harry admonishes the older boy. It’s only then I realise I’m shaking.

“Liam... Emily would’ve spilled long ago if really she didn’t believe Sophie was somehow safe with us.” Zayn says, before taking a bite out of his salad.

“How’s that proof that she didn’t say anything?!”

“Well it’s not exactly but―”

“That’s why she―”

“Okay we get it Emily could have said something or not.” Louis cuts very seriously. “Now what we need to focus on right now, is what‘ll happen to our careers now that it’s done? What do we have to do to stop the magazine from spreading, and save our careers?”

“We have two options.” Harry answers. “Either we bring them Sophie, so they can hear her version of the story since she’s the main target in all of this, or we find who has paid them to actually make this magazine.”

“What do you mean make the magazine?!” Niall protests.

“The magazine was non-existent until barely a month ago. Someone paid them to make it. Someone wants to ruin our lives.” Liam answers bitterly.

“So what option are we going for?” I enquire calmly. “I think the easiest would be me going to them bec―”

“You’re not going to them. No way.” Niall denies.

“Why not?”

“It’s a trap. I’m positive.”

“Why would you say that?” Zayn frowns.

“I don’t know honestly... I just have this gut-wrenching feeling that bringing them Sophie would be to their advantage, not ours. I’m sure that somehow, they already know about her being ours, and they’d probably like to see to what extent we have control over her.”

“What do you mean, control over me? I can go and escape from you guys if I please.” I snort.

Louis chokes on his food and utensils drop. It’s silent for a few seconds, before the five boys all start laughing madly.

“That was a good one Soph.” Harry laughs, holding his stomach. “You sure know how to dissolve a tense atmosphere.”

“It wasn’t a joke.” I say very seriously.

They laugh even more.

“Okay where’s the funny part in all this?” I huff, annoyed.

“The part where you actually think of being able to be away from us.” Louis replies chuckling once they’ve calmed down a bit.

“If I really put my mind to it, I can get out easily when you blokes are sleeping. I can drive you know, and stealing car keys is more than easy.” I snap. I feel Niall stiffen beside me, just as Harry squeezes my thigh warningly.

“Okay so let’s pretend you do escape with one of the cars... you wouldn’t last a day.” Liam points out.

“No I think that maybe you’d be able to stay away for a few days... ” Zayn denies. “But maximum a few weeks.” He smirks.

“But either way we’d find you again or you’d just be lured right back to us. We’re like the family you never had.” Harry ends. _How did I manage to have feelings for him again?_

“Sophie, what I meant by control, is how deep you actually trust us.” Niall brings us back to the subject at hand. “It’s certain that if you go to these magazine publishers without any protest, they’ll know we have your complete trust.”

“But you don’t.” I whine. “There are some things I wouldn’t trust you at all with!”

“Love, you’d trust me with your life right?” Harry intervenes.

“Yeah bu―”

“Well there you go.”

“Look lads I think everything is somehow connected. That person who paid them to make the magazine... the one who wants to make our lives miserable... I think he wants Sophie. So I think he’s the one who hit me with the car, so media could hear about us hiding from management for so long, and at the same time, manage to make Sophie a little more visible to the public eye.”

“Are you mad?” Louis enquires. “That doesn’t even make sense. Who would go through so much trouble, and not even bother exposing themselves to being the one who discovered One Direction’s dark secret.”

“Nobody knows about our little purchase. No male person anyways.” Zayn contradicts.

“So maybe it’s a she.” The Doncaster boy points out.

“Maybe it’s Emily.” Liam brings up again.

“It. Is. Not. Her.” I seethe menacingly.

“What about her mum?”

“She’s too alcoholic to think straight for long enough to formulate such a complicated plan, if someone really did what Niall just proposed. And she doesn’t want me, she sold me in the first place.” I mutter.

“Well that doesn’t leave us many options now does it?” Harry huffs, before stretching in his chair. His gaze drops to my arms. “What’s that?” He frowns, eyeing the little cut I had made earlier while in the bathroom. He takes my wrist in his large hand, observing it closely. “Sophie? What’s that?” He repeats slowly, letting my limb go.

It’s Niall’s turn to grab my arm, inspecting Harry’s sayings.

“Sophie... You didn’t, right?” Niall begs, already on the verge of tears.

“No. It’s a paper cut.” I lie smoothly. No need to make them freak out. I didn’t harm myself as the blonde very visibly relaxes, but Harry is still unbelieving.

“Are you lying to me?”

“No Ha―”

“Yes she is.” Zayn replies.

I shoot him daggers with my eyes, mouthing him _fuck you_.

 _You’ll have angry make-up sex,_ he mouths back smiling while he motions Harry. The Bradford boy clears his throat once before continuing, “I went to fetch her from school today, and she was pretty upset. I don’t blame her honestly, that damn magazine pictured her as a slut and she blamed herself for the possible ending of our career.”

“I told you she―”

“Liam shut it and let me finish.” Zayn sighs, rubbing his temples. “So then on the way home, Sophie admitted she wanted to harm herself. So I locked her in the bathroom, putting all the blades at her reach, and convinced her she’d be able to overcome her desire to cut herself alone. And that’s exactly what she did.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Niall exclaims angrily. “Letting her alone in a room full of razors, while she has an emotional turmoil inside her! You’re bloody insane!”

“Niall calm down. Bloody hell do you think that if I wasn’t sure she was able, I would’ve taken that risk?” Zayn replies coyly.

“She cut herself though!” Niall protests fiercely, pointing the centimeter-long mark on my skin. His emotions we’re rapidly getting the better of him, and I was starting to get scared. Zayn did mention he didn’t want his medication... I need to convince him to take it.

“Irish, calm down... It could’ve been worst.” Louis rolls his eyes.

“Don’t call me Irish and don’t roll your fucking eyes at me! Don’t you see what could’ve happened?!” He yells, standing up. I flinch.

“Niall...” Harry groans.

“Hey Niall...” I say softly. Suddenly, all eyes are on me and I take a deep breath. _Okay I have to do this... I have to lie to him if I want him to calm down, and take his medication._ “If it can make you better... I thought of a happy memory to stop the urges...” I gulp before talking again. “I thought of you. It made me stop.”

“It did?” His face practically lights up.

“Yes but please... You’re scaring me like this, all moody and bi-polar... Can you just take your medication please? I like you better when you’re stable.”

He blinks a few times, taken aback. “I uh yeah okay... I’m sorry Lou.” He says softly, suddenly flushing red from embarrassment.

“For what?” The older lad chuckles. “I found that pretty entertaining.” The blue eyed boy continues, before he starts eating again. We all do so afterwards, and from the corner of my eye, I watch Niall take the prescribed pills out of his trousers pockets, before downing them down with water. I guess he must’ve sensed me watching him because as soon as he’s done swallowing; he turns around to me and grins, before attacking his food.

We’re all about done with our pasta salads, making small talk here and there, when Harry speaks to me, but still makes sure the four other boys can hear him.

“Love, I’ve made a decision.” The green eyed boy starts, sighing loudly. He pauses for a few seconds, looking at me very seriously before elaborating. “I don’t want you to go to school anymore.”

“Har―!”

“Please Sophie just hear me out.” He begs, cutting off my protest. Tears spring to my eyes as he continues talking. “With the magazine shit and probably your whole school assuming stuff about you... I just don’t want you being miserable every single day. People are horrible. They don’t think before speaking, and I know for a fact that some words scar for longer than wounds.”

_I know that Harry. I just can’t be away from Emily. She’s practically all I have left._

“Mate you’re impersonating Zayn.” Louis chuckles humorously. Harry silences him with a cold glare.

“Can I talk to her alone for a few?” Harry asks the other four boys. Zayn shrugs and stands up, picking up his empty bowl and utensils. Louis pouts, doing the same and Niall and Liam almost immediately follow.

“Harry I need to go to school.” I say, my voice breaking slightly at the end as tears trickle down my cheeks.

“Hey don’t cry love.... ” He shushes, hugging me lovingly from his chair. “You need to understand that I’m doing this for your own good.”

“Harry I know... And in all honesty I don’t wanna go to school anymore. But it’s Emily. She’s my only anchor to reality. To me. To the old me. I need her. Just like I need you boys.” I cry, hugging him back.

“Hey you’ll be able to invite her over.”

“Really?” I pull away, looking hopefully in his green orbs.

“Yes really.”

I smile, suddenly really joyful.

“Could we maybe have a girl’s night? Like we could use the Theater room downstairs and watch a movie ad talk about hot boys or something?”

“If it makes you wanna stop going to school altogether, yeah.” He shrugs.

“Could Zayn invite Perrie over sometime, while we’re at it?”

“Don’t you think you’re asking a bit much?” Harry chuckles.

“No... I am going to give you your twenty-four hours alone with me, am I not?” I roll my eyes, picking up my empty salad bowl from the table before standing up.

“And when do you think that’ll be?”

“A day where I don’t have my cast.”

“But that’s like in two or three weeks!”

“Harry... What can I do with a cast? If I’m going to spend 24 hours with you, I better be spending it without restrictions, which means with two functional arms.” I explain as I watch him pick up what’s rest on the table.

He follows me as I bring my stuff to the kitchen. The four other boys we’re in a semi-circle, talking quietly. They stop talking as I place my stuff in the sink.

“So Harry apparently you’re going to let Emily here?” Liam seethes. “You’re gonna let her explore our house, to let her have more details to give to that magazine?!”

I clench my hands in fists. _I’m fucking tired of him assuming Emily was responsible of all this. He had himself to blame, for not helping me escape the first few days where I actually wanted to leave._

“Didn’t your mother teach you not to listen to other people’s conversations?” I retort coyly, controlling my anger.

“Maybe, but at least mine was more present than yours!”

I shut my eyes, trying to take in the verbal blow without too much emotion.

“Take that back.”

“Harry I’m telling you Emily is the culprit!” Liam urges, disregarding me completely.

“She. Is. Not.”

“Ye―”

“Oi shut up you two.” Harry shuts Liam with a wave of his hand. “Sophie doesn’t think Emily’s the magazine’s witness, and I trust her.”

“Because you’ve become all lovey dovey and shit since you told us you love her!”

Harry takes my hand into his, and squeezing it.

“Well I’m out of here,” Zayn mumbles, before exiting the kitchen.

“I think Zayn needs helps... You coming Niall?” Louis asks nervously, also wanting to leave the tension filled room. Niall though, doesn’t move. His eyes are fixed on Harry’s hand gripping mine.

“I am not ‘lovey dovey’ as you call it! I’m more protective that’s all!” The younger boy protests firmly.

“Niall,” Louis begs, pulling the younger lad.

“Liam snap out of it!” Harry orders. “Breathe. You don’t need to make us live hell because of your breakup!”

“I bet she made a plan of her own.” Liam continues, ignoring Harry’s comment. “Making all of us, fucking idiots, weak around her because she made us believe she was fragile, emotional, and always on the verge of crying. Sophie is and always was a fighter! But she placed all of that aside and acted frail while she slowly gained our trust and put her plan into action right beneath our eyes.”

I see red, my control about to shatter.

“I’m pretty sure she’s been scheming this since day fucking one with her little friend Emily at school, far from our ey―”

I slap him hard.

“Don’t fucking talk about me like I’m not here!” I burst finally.

“You don’t get to control me. It’s the other way around.” He seethes, raising his hand.

And suddenly, I’m knocked out cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment to share your thoughts!


	48. Pain Treatments and Horrible liars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry... This chapter sucks. :(

First thing I realise when I wake up in my bed is the fact I have a horrible headache, as well as a painful throb in my right cheek. _Why in the...? Oh yeah Liam slapped me, because I slapped him and talked back. Boy are you stupid sometimes, messing with a boy with a broken heart._

I squirm a little and flinch at the feeble sting. _Oh that’s Louis’s fault though_. _Damn him and his spanking_. Taking a deep breath, I scowl, not finding the atmosphere very familiar. Clearly, I wasn’t laid on my bed.

Suddenly, I hear Harry bursting through a door angrily.

“You’re a fuckin’ idiot you know that!”

I frown, keeping my eyes closed.

“You’re no better! Being all over her and shit when were in a crisis!” Liam retorts from farther away.

I hear a frustrated yell, but I stay quiet, listening intently.

“Harry calm down.”

“Lemme go Louis! I’ll fucking kill that bastard! He hit a girl! My girl!”

There’s the sound of struggling.

“Harry, let it go! You hit her too, remember!”

A door shuts.

_Wait Louis knows? Oh yeah he and Harry tell each other everything._

“Yeah but at least I fuckin’ apologized afterwards! And it wasn’t as hard! I didn’t knock the living daylights out of her!” Harry whispers harshly, clearly not wanting to be heard by the other boys.

“He’s not the one who made her pass out. I think she had a strong emotional distress and Liam’s hit just helped making her pass out.”

“Help?! How is hitting someone helping?!”

“Harry that’s not what I meant...”

“Well that’s certainly what you said.” The younger boy grumbles. “How could he even do that to her?”

There’s a loud sigh, followed a loud clanking upstairs.

“Look Liam’ll apologise soon enough okay?” Louis’s voice is reassuring. “He’s just as confused and stressed as all of us about the bloody magazine, and his break-up certainly didn’t help.”

“Yeah well he should learn to control his temper.”

“You’re the one to talk. Don’t you remember two years ago? That little tantrum with Sophie in the shower, when Marianne broke-up with you on the phone? I think you were just a tiny bit too rough with her.”

“Quit talking about Marianne. We’re over since forever. And I was not too rough with Sophie. She liked it.”

“Harry... Stop assuming stuff. You fucked her with the song Nails for Christ’s sake.”

“And?”

“Well I’m pretty sure it wasn’t in her top ten Best Fucks list.”

_Weird how their conversation quickly takes a different path._

“Bloody hell Louis she doesn’t have a list.”

“And how would you know Mr.?”

 _This is getting ridiculous._ Grimacing in pain, I pry my eyes open. Taking a quick look around, I realize I’m on the living room’s couch. _Oh that’s why it didn’t smell familiar._ I sit up carefully.My throat feeling a little sore, I clear my voice, making my awakening known.

“Oi look she’s awake!” Louis claps.

Harry turns around to look at me, before ushering the older boy out of the room.

“What? Why?” The blue-eyed boy whines.

“Get out please.” Harry shakes his head.

“No I’m chaperoning this.”

“Louueeehhh.” The younger boy groans, pushing him out the door.

“Fine. I’m going to have her Saturday anyways. Bye!” The Doncaster boy smirks, quickly bolting out the door. I shut my eyes in exasperation. _Jeese this boy can’t keep a secret._

I don’t think Harry believed Louis though.

“Hey love, are you alright?” Harry’s face is a mask of worry as he comes over to me. “You’ve only been out for a couple minutes, but boy you scared me.”

 I look at him without talking.

“Soph?”

“Louis’s right you know.” I speak up, voice slightly hoarse. I try clearing it again, wincing as my head throbbed painfully.

“What’s he right about? About you having a list?”

“Of course not.” I roll my eyes. _Boys and sex.._. “He’s right about you already having your turn in Liam’s situation.” I explain, rubbing my sore cheek.

“I know,” the curly-haired boy sighs an ashamed acknowledgement, “I just don’t like thinking about it.” He continues, before taking a seat beside me on the couch. He frowns as he cups my cheek with one hand, inspecting it. “Does it hurt?” He enquires, his thumb ghosting over my skin.

“A little. But hey I’ve been though worse.” I grin.

“Do you need something to lessen the pain?”

“Ice would be good.” I say thoughtfully.

“In my professional opinion, I think a couple kisses can make it stop hurting completely.” He proposes, a small smile creeping on his face. “I’ve heard kisses are the perfect treatment... Even better than ice.”

“Are you sure of that?” I enquire, batting my eyelashes.

“Want to test my theory?” He smiles, leaning in slightly.

“I don’t know,” I tease. “Maybe it has some side effects...” I trail on.

“Well I’m willing to take the risk,” Harry smirks, before bending down to press butterfly kisses on my sore cheek. I’m taken aback for a few seconds. _I was almost certain he’d kiss me on the mouth..._

Harry continues his treatment nonetheless, pressing longer kisses when he neared my mouth and shorter ones when he was higher up my cheek. I can’t help grinning like an idiot the whole time. _That’s the Harry I fell in love with._

He pulls back after a few seconds, pain suddenly filling his eyes.

“By the way...I’m so sorry I didn’t intervene before Liam hit you. I never thought he’d take it that far.”

“It’s okay... it wasn’t your fault.” I reassure.

“But it was. I could’ve stopped it.” He protests.

“Just like Niall and Louis.”

“But I was closer.”

“Harry it doesn’t matter.”

“Ye―”

My hands reach for his curls and this time I’m the one to initiate the kiss, pulling him towards me. His lips are warm against mine.

“Harry it doesn’t matter.” I repeat, my eyes begging for his to believe me.

“You promise?” He mumbles, nose touching mine. “You promise you’ll never use that as an argument next time we fight?”

“I promise Harry. If I do, then I give you the right to remind me, in any way you think proper.” I grin.

He beams down at me, before joining our mouths once more. I smile on his lips, the softness of his kiss resulting into a feeling of warmth and comfort which spread rapidly through my limbs. His hand reaches behind my head, carefully lowering me to a laying position on the couch. He breaks the kiss, managing to place one of his knees between my body and the sofa, and the other on the opposite side.

“So is the pain gone yet or do you need further treatment?” Harry whispers.

“If I must be honest... more treatment certainly wouldn’t hurt.” I murmur back.

“Hmm... I might know what you need darling.” His hands tentatively cup my breasts, igniting arousal from my body. I let out a low moan, and he takes it as the go signal to continue.

One of his hands slides under my shirt, and I shiver from the cold contact. Keeping his mouth latched with mine, I feel his fingers slightly toss my bra aside, and place themselves over the sensitive mound of fat on my chest. Harry starts groping my left breast, rubbing slow circles with his thumb on my nipple.

I feel my hormones beginning to kick in, and there’s no doubt his are too.

“Careful Harry...” I gasp between kisses. “I think I’m starting to feel some side effects....”

“And are they good or bad?” He enquires, voice husky.

“I’m not quite sure.”

He snoops down to the crook of my neck, and starts peppering it with more kisses, pressing his mouth around my neck with various strengths, eventually lowering down my collar bones and closer to my chest.  The green-eyed boy pauses once more, faintly breathless. “If I could cover every inch of your skin I’d do it, kissing your scarred wrists the longest.” Harry admits, before pressing his mouth on the little cut I’d done on my arm earlier. “I love you... So much. And I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done in the past.” He continues.

“S’okay Harry. I forgive you.” I sigh, shutting my eyes.

“You forgive me way too easily,” He mumbles on my skin. The British boy pulls back and looks into my eyes, before pressing a delicate kiss on my lips. “I love you.” The curly-haired boy murmurs again, tossing a strand of hair away from my face.

_I love you too. But I can’t tell you that just yet..._

“I really wish you can say it back one day...” He whispers sadly, realizing I won’t answer.

“I can’t.” My face drops, and I toss my legs off the sofa to a sitting position, the previous sexual atmosphere gone completely. Harry also sits up, frowning.

“Why?”

“I’m not sure about my feelings towards you yet.” _Lies. I’m just not ready to break Niall’s heart. Especially these days, where’s he’s unstable._

“It’s okay... I have the time to convince you.” He says, hugging me. “We do have a 24 hour day together. I’ll have you swept off your feet by the end of that day.” Harry promises.

I rest my head on his chest, sighing. _Why can’t things be simple?_

_∞_

During the next two days, the atmosphere around the house was way calmer, and I was too. Liam was the only giving me the cold shoulder, but I didn’t pay much attention to it.

 

The boys paid the publishers a large amount of money in order to get more time to figure things out. The magazine would give us until Christmas before they’d publish world-wide and ruin their careers. So we had less than two months to choose between me going over to them, or finding the creator of the stupid magazine. Obviously, me going over to them was easier, but the guys didn’t want to. They absolutely wanted to find who the creator of the magazine was, and like Niall said, ‘Kill the motherfucking bastard’. I really hope he was just messing around, too angry to think straight.

“Where are you two going?” Harry scowls, crossing his arms over his chest. It was Saturday, at about 8:30 pm, and Louis and I we’re just about to head to our double date. We’d agreed not to tell them the truth, but unfortunately, we hadn’t planned on Harry, Niall and Zayn catching us trying to sneak out.

 “So?” Zayn probes.

I look at Louis worriedly.

“Shopping.”

“Sightseeing.” Louis and I say different things at the same time.

“Ehh... What was that?” Niall frowns, biting an apple.

“Sightseeing.”

“Shopping.” We repeat, saying what the other just said.

“So who’s lying?” Harry rolls his eyes.

Louis sighs. “I’m sorry Soph... but we have to tell them. They’d end up knowing one way or another.”  He tells me, before turning to the three boys. “See Sophie wanted to try public sex so obviously she was too shy to ask any of you and she knows I’m bold and I like the kinky shit so she asked me to take her to the mall to try. Tadaa!”

Their mouths drop open at the same time as mine.

“Wa-wait what?!” Niall almost chokes on his apple.

“No that’s not it at all.” I try to explain.

“Yes it is. It’s okay Sophie, no need to be embarrassed.” Louis pries, subtly elbowing me.

“Louis quit lying.” _There’s no way I’m going with that story._ “We’re just going shopping. I need some uh... New clothes.” I clarify.

“Can I join you?” Niall asks. “I think I’m in serious need of the trousers before we leave for our Christmas vacations.” He adds, motioning his legs.

“Niall that’s in more than a month.” Harry rolls his eyes.

“And? I can be prepared.” He shrugs, biting his apple once more. “So can I come?” The Irish boy asks, taking a step towards us.

“Yeah well the thing is we we’re only planning on doing some girl shopping like Victoria’s Secret and stuff. Maybe Ann Summers too...” The Doncaster boy stops Niall.

His face drops.

“Wait so Sophie, you’re going with Louis, of all people, for lingerie?” Zayn grimaces.

“Yeah I guess...” I say carefully, regretfully accepting Louis’s story.

“It’s because I know all you lads’ kinks.” He brags. “So I’m going to help her choose what’s right for Harry, Niall, and I. No offense Zayn, but it’s been awhile since you did something sexy with her. And Liam’s just not into that right now.”

 “Okay whatever.” I shut Louis up, noticing the growing tension between Harry and Niall at the mention of ‘sexy times’. “Anyway shops are gonna close soon so we’ll go.

“You won’t be too long, right?” Harry enquires.

“We should be back before 12.”

_Jesus shops don’t close that late. They won’t buy that story._

“Isn’t that a little late?”

“Harry wake up. Sophie’s shopping with Louis. That’s early.” Zayn chuckles. _Oh but they’re One Direction... I bet they have special privileges here and there..._

“Oh right.”

“And were on our way,” Louis claps, opening the door. I follow him.

“Hey Niall,” I pause, leaning on the door. “I’ll go shopping with you sometime soon okay?”

He sighs and nods. “You don’t need to though.”

“But I want to.”

He smiles. “Okay then.”

“Bring back something sexy,” Harry yells as we exit the house. I can’t help rolling my eyes, a smile tugging the corners of my mouth.


	49. Kyle

“Bring back something sexy,” Harry yells as we exit the house. I can’t help rolling my eyes, a smile tugging the corners of my mouth.

“What the fuck was that?!” I protest once we get in the car, punching Louis hard on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry okay? I panicked. If Harry finds out what we’re really doing.... Our friendship could be over. I don’t want it to be over.”

“But public sex? Really? That’s like the least convincing argument you could come up with!” I exclaim, rolling my eyes.

“Look let it go.” Louis chuckles. “They believed us. We’re all good. Now we can go have fun!” He throws his first up in the air. “With this other couple who I don’t even know...” He ends on a quieter note.

“Are you nervous Lou?” I enquire, amused by his unease.

“No. Not at all.” He grins, but it’s forced.

I chuckle.

_∞_

The double date hadn’t been fun. Mostly because it seemed like the two boys we’re full of testosterone tonight, resulting into them being in constant competition. Not long after our arrival at the meeting point, we had walked to a nearby little bar to chill out a bit, and talk, but things turned out otherwise.

Kyle and Louis weren’t very open at first so Emily and I were doing all the talking, chatting about random stuff like our aspirations in life. But then the boys ordered a drink. It escalated to two and three slowly, until they were partially drunk and started challenging themselves on doing things like who’d drink the most of their bottle in five minutes, who could get the most girls to blush and this and that. Emily and I felt totally ignored, so we took them back outside, hoping the fresh air would do them some good and oxygenate their minds a bit. It did at first, until Kyle saw a soccer field.

“Oi any of you up for a game of football?” Kyle asks while we’re all walking through the park.

“Oh that’d be refreshing! I’m up for it!” Louis agrees. “Where can we play?”

He points the soccer field a couple meters away. “Me and Em, against Sophie and you?” Kyle challenges Louis.

Emily and I look at each other uneasily.

“We don’t really want―”

“Depends... Are you sore losers?” Louis smirks, cutting me off.

“No but―”

“We’re going to win so the question is, are _you_ sore losers?” Kyle bites back.

“We don’t want to play soccer.” Emily puts in.

“Well then it’s me against you Tomlinson.” Kyle grins, ignoring Emily completely. “Do you hit on footballs as much as you hit on girls?”

“Shut up. I’m going to make you eat the goddamn ball pretty boy.” Louis says heatedly, the atmosphere around us getting thicker by the second.

“We’ll see about that.”

“But―”

“You girls sit and see who’s the best okay?” Kyle continues, motioning the bleachers.

“Kyle no please. Let’s just go home and watch a movie or something.” Emily requests.

“Louis please it’s not necessary.” I also try, my hand reaching for his. He pulls away from me brusquely.

“But it is.” He smiles, before giving me a quick peck on the cheek. “Don’t worry Princess I rarely lose.” He winks, before joining Kyle on the field.

“This is turning out to be a pretty lousy evening,” Emily mumbles as we sit on the bleachers. “How can they play? They don’t even have a ball.” She rolls her eyes.

Emily’s statement is proven wrong though as Kyle pulls one out of under the nets, a little worn but still kickable.

“Well something tells me it’s not Kyle’s first time at this park.”

I nod in agreement, keeping my eyes trained on the two boys as they start kicking the ball around. Kyle makes a goal, turns to us and blows us a kiss. Louis takes advantage of the moment to run past him, and try to score a goal. The ball hits the pole.

“Emily I really don’t think you should date this guy.” I say after a couple seconds, my eyes leaving the two boys on the field to talk to her. “Don’t take this badly though... It’s just he doesn’t seem that into you.”

“I was thinking the same thing.... He’s an ass really. He was eyeing you the whole time at the bar, not me.”

“Was he?” I frown.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Nah don’t be.”

“But I am.”

“So have you decided who you like most? Between Harry, Louis and Niall?” Emily enquires, rapidly changing the subject.

“First off, I have absolutely no feelings towards Louis except a brother-sister bond kind of thing.” I say a matter-of-factly.

“But he likes to touch you. In more than a sibling way.”

“He’s Louis. His name practically means sex around the house.” I grumble.

“What about Niall and Harry?”

“See Harry is a complete arse most of the time, but when he’s sweet, he irresistible. I mean a minute I want to freaking strangle him, and the next I just want to cuddle up to him.”

She looks at me strangely for a few seconds, before she starts laughing.

“Okay... What did I say that’s so funny?”

“You practically just quoted a song.” My friend chuckles.

“I did?”

“Yup. Jeese do you get to listen to the radio?”

“Eh weirdly I haven’t heard any music in the house.”

“Goal!”

Our heads spin back towards the game as we hear Kyle let out another shout.

“Clearly this sport isn’t for you Tomlinson. You should stick to hitting on as many girls as possible.”

“Shut the fuck up.” The Doncaster boy yells angrily, kicking the ball hard in his direction. Kyle stops it easily.

 “God boys are shit.” Emily mutters. “And you have to deal with five of them. I really don’t know how you do it.”

“Me neither honestly... Let’s just say some days are worse than others.”

There’s a short silence.

“You didn’t say anything about Niall.” Emily points out. “How do you feel about him?”

“I love that boy to bits believe me. He’s adorable and all, but I hurt him. And his emotions’ being wrecked makes things all more difficult.”

“Wait how did you hurt him?”

“I made him start cutting.” I whisper.

She gasps.

“How did you do that?”

“I don’t know I guess because I was cutting, he just started... Emily I just don’t think I’m good enough for him. I don’t deserve that boy. Imagine when all this,” I motion around, “is gonna get to the media? The fans who’ll notice his scarred wrists... They’ll want to fucking kill me.”

The dark-haired girl purses her lips, not quite sure what to say.

“Do you still cut? Like did you cut yesterday after that magazine incident?” She asks after a moment.

“Barely a scratch. Zayn helped me.”

“Well that’s good.”

I sigh, before looking at Louis cry out in victory at the goal he just made. He turns to looks at me, grinning. I give him thumbs up. Kyle stares at Emily and I with a sly face, licking his lips.

“Quit looking at her like that! She’s not meat! I’ll shove a ball up your ass next time I see you even peeking at her!” Louis shouts suddenly, kicking the ball right into Kyle’s goal.

 “So why’d you bring Louis again?”

“He’s fun when he wants to... But he’s really acting weird tonight. I thought it might be because of his break-up since apparently males tend to become another person after they have a break-up. But I think he was just acting possessive though if you say Kyle didn’t stop looking at me.” I huff.

“Wait he broke-up? With who?”

“Uh a girl named Eleanor... I’ve never met her. He broke up because of that whole magazine bullshit... Talking about that would you have a clue about who got it published? Or who was their main source?”

“Nope sorry. Wait Sophie I think maybe...” Emily frowns. “When was the last time you spoke with your cousin?” She asks carefully.

“Well not much since Harry took my phone... She must be worried sick.” I reply grimacing.

“That’s it I’m done!” Louis states angrily.

My gaze heads back to the ‘game’, only to realize Louis is walking towards me furiously.

“Come back Tomlinson! I’ll play fair! And I’ll stop looking at your bird, even though you probably have many others at home!”

“Fuck you!”

“Sophie.”

My head whips in Emily’s way.

“Don’t you get it?” Emily urges. “Your cousin? Worried?”

“Get wh―” I’m suddenly speechless, placing the pieces together in my mind. _Ashley’s the one who spilled the beans. It has to be her. But how did the information get to Ireland, if she’s in London? “_ Oh my God.”

“Come on Sophie we’re leaving.” Louis says gruffly, taking my arm. “Bye Emily.” He nods, before tugging me away from my friend almost forcefully.

“Don’t I get a goodbye too?” Kyle coos from behind us.

Louis gives him the middle finger, keeping me close to him.

“I’ll fucking kill him. What a dick. Why is your friend even trying to date him? We are never _ever_ doing this again you got me? Never.” Louis fumes as we head to his car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and check out my two new stories!!!1 XXX Theres a dark Niall one and the other one is about Louis as a (horny) prince :D


	50. Secrets

“I’ll fucking kill him. What a dick. Why is your friend even trying to date him? We are never _ever_ doing this again you got me? Never.” Louis fumes as we head to his car.

I’m still too shell-shocked to speak, sitting silently in the car as the Doncaster boy starts the engine. _Why would Ashley even do that? Without thinking? Without bothering to come here in Ireland? She knew where I lived, and Emily would’ve filled her in. Told her I was safe. She even could’ve contacted Emily by phone. Why didn’t she?_ I frown, confused. Something isn’t right.

“By the looks of it you didn’t have a good time either, did you?” Louis grumbles, keeping his eyes on the road.

“It wasn’t that bad.” I answer carefully, keeping my thoughts to myself.

“Not bad?! Jesus fuck where were you the whole time? It was absolutely horrible. What wasn’t bad in this rubbish evening?!”

“I caught up a bit with Emily. It’s all I wanted.” I sigh.

“Well if you’re content with your evening, tell it to your face.” The brown-haired boy retorts.

I roll my eyes, and lean on my arm, gazing outside the window, waiting for him to calm down a bit.

“So what do we tell the boys when we arrive?” I ask once I think Louis has blown off some steam. “We tell them we didn’t find any clothing?”

“What are you talking about?!” He snaps. _Okay so he’s still a little pissed._

“We told the boys we were going shopping for lingerie remember? And we come back empty handed... So what’s the story?” I remind him softly.

He lets out an exasperated sigh, but doesn’t answer right away. His fingers drum on the steering wheel a couple times, his head turning to look at me every 10 seconds or so.

“Let’s just tell them we changed our minds along the way and just stopped for a coffee to chat, alright?” Louis breathes out finally.

“Okay.” I nod.

We stay quiet for another couple minutes, the only source of sound being the low rumble of the car’s motor. I’m on the verge of falling asleep on my arm when Louis starts talking.

“I’m sorry I ended up pissed okay? It’s just that guy, Kyle... He’s an arse. He’s just so full of himself and a prick and―”

“Louis I get it okay? I don’t think Emily’ll go out with him anyways.” I huff tiredly.

“But why him? I mean, surely she noticed he’s a jerk? At school with all his mates. It must be ten times worst no?”

“For the few times I’ve actually been to school, he doesn’t act the same. You’d think he’s the perfect kid if you just get to see him on school grounds.” I deny, taking a look outside. I see the boys’ mansion nearby.

“But you can tell if someone is a troublemaker.” Louis persists, driving the car up the pathway to the mansion. “You can see behind the mask.” He presses.

 “Not necessarily. People tend to be blinded by appearances. We don’t look deep enough. You scratch the surface and you think you know all about that one person. But you don’t. You for example. We’d talk to you a bit, and think you’re one happy chap, occasionally making sexual innuendos and living every day like it’s the last one.”

“What do you think I am then?” Louis frowns, stopping the car.

“I think you’re passionate about everything you do, whether it’s good or bad. I don’t think you’re always happy, because you’re scared of being yourself around others. You’re scared of what they’ll think of you when they know you have a monstrous side.”

Louis frowns.

“Let’s go to bed yeah? I haven’t had the most pleasant day.” He ends dryly, getting out of the car.

“Well goodnight to you too,” I grumble, also stepping out of the car.

Zayn greets me as I walk the threshold.

“Had fun?” He enquires, leaning on the doorframe. “Louis told me you changed your plans...”

“I wouldn’t call it fun... more like enlightening.” I sigh. Out of nowhere, Fate’s head pops out of behind a door. Wanting a little affection, I walk over to my cat and grab the bundle of fur lovingly.

“Why was it enlightening? How is coffee even enlightening?” The dark boy frowns. I purse my lips. _How would coffee and a little chit chat be enlightening indeed...Stupid Sophie._

“Never mind Zayn.”

“Soph I won’t tell anybody I swear. I’m the secret bearer here anyways,” he winks. I look at him seriously for a moment.

“I just learned new stuff about Louis.” I finally say, partly lying to the Bradford boy. I pet my kitten’s head, yawning. “Hey do you think I could go to my room passing through yours? I just don’t want to wake anybody up and I’m really tired....”

“Sure but just to let you know, no one is asleep.” Zayn states. “Niall’s strumming a few cords in his room, trying to write a new song or something, Harry is just being Harry, sorting stuff out with different people, and Liam is still at the gym room downstairs. We we’re all just waiting for your return I guess.” Zayn explains.

“Why?”

“Just a habit. We don’t sleep before you do.” He shrugs. I shake my head in disbelief, before leading him upstairs and to his room.

“Night Sophie.” He beams as I walk out of his room and into mine.

“Night Zayn.” I return. He shuts his door and I deposit my cat on the floor. Placing my hands on my hips, I look around at the one-sided mirrored walls of my room, my gaze stopping at the one joined to Niall’s room. _Should I talk to him?_

I bite my lip uncertainly, before deciding otherwise. _Maybe another day._

After changing into looser clothes and tying my hair into a bun, I move to my bed with the intention of getting into it but I stop, noticing Padgett.

I cock my head sideways, squinting.

“I should update you yeah?” I say to myself. Walking over to the desk my room possessed, I search around for paper and some pencils. Barely a minute after, I’m sitting down on the chair, hastily writing down the events that made me happy when with the boys on one of the sheets I had found.

_There are so many..._

I write everything, from the moment Zayn admitted he had helped me escape two years ago, to Niall’s smile a few hours ago; when he learned I’d go shopping with him. _Niall. How was I going to break his heart? And when? Would I really even do it? Should I―_

“What are you doing love?”

I jump, my pen flying out of my hand.

The older boy bends down to pick it up, handing it to me.

“Jesus Harry you scared me.” I gasp, feeling my heart thumping loudly.

“Sorry.” He chuckles, bending down to kiss the side of my neck. “So what is it you’re doing, so late in the night?” He asks, bending down to look at the sheets of paper.

I cover them with my arms.

“Writing.” I answer truthfully.

“Oh really? I thought you we’re baking a cake.”  

I roll my eyes, and stand up facing him, still keeping my sheets hidden behind me.

“Harry I need to go to sleep. I don’t want your sarcasm right now.” I tell him, looking at his almost naked form up and down, pyjama pants being the only article of clothing he had on.

“Like you said, you need to go to sleep... So why are you writing and what are you writing that needs to stay invisible to my eyes?” The curly-haired boy probes, crossing his arms over his naked torso.

“I just thought I needed to update Padgett a bit. So I wrote a few good memories down. That’s all I did.”

“And you don’t want me to see them because...?”

“It’s called privacy. I’m allowed not to want to share everything with you, am I not? I think I’ve shared a lot already at the hospital a couple days ago, don’t you think?”

He grimaces.

“I don’t know. I shouldn’t let you hide things from me. Maybe you’re lying to me and you actually planned out an escape or something.”

“So you don’t trust me?” I mock hurt.

“Should I?”

“Just look then.” I shut my eyes in exasperation, motioning the papers.

Next thing I know, his soft lips are pressed against mine into a tender kiss. His hands carefully place themselves on my hips, and he pulls me a little closer to him doing so. The contact ends too early for my taste.

I open my eyes in surprise, and I’m met with his forest green orbs.

“Of course I trust you Soph.” He whispers. “Be careful with that trust okay?”

I smile and nod, my heart skipping a beat.

“Hey do you think I could maybe sleep with you tonight?” He asks softly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “I got a little lonely during your absence and I’m feeling cuddly...”

“Can you tell me something first though?”

“What is it?”

“What have you done with my phone? Have you been reading my texts or answering my calls or―”

“Honestly, it’s been a while since I’ve snooped in your stuff. Your phone is in one of my drawers. I shut it off after a while, your texts driving me nuts.” Harry admits. “But why would you wanna know that? Why would you want your phone back?” He frowns

“For no particular reason.” I yawn again. “Yeah I’m really tired. I need to sleep.”

With no warning, he sweeps me off my feet and carries me into my bed, tucking me in before also sliding inside the sheets. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.

“Harry you’re strangling me,” I giggle.

“No I’m keeping you warm,” He mumbles. “December is coming and you know what that means? Colder weather. And it also means you’ll be getting your cast off soon, no?”

“I think so yeah.” I agree.

“Well I know so. I called the hospital today... They said you could come around in about two to three weeks and they’d take it off. So you’ll be cast-free for the little vacation I planned for all of us.” He sighs, nuzzling in my neck. “Hopefully that damned magazine will be non-existent too.”

“I really think it will Harry.” I say truthfully. _I just need to contact Ashley._ “You know what else December holds?” I add after a minute of thinking.

“What?”

“Our 24 hours.”

“Really? When?” He whispers, happiness lacing his words.

“The day after I get my cast-off yeah?”

“Yes that’d be great!” He half-shouts.

“Shhh! You’ll wake everybody up Harold!” I scold, kicking him under the covers.

“I don’t care.” He hugs me even tighter than before. “I have a feeling December will be perfect.” He mumbles, kissing my neck once more. _Hopefully it’ll be._

_∞_

December arrived quite quickly. Tomorrow was the day I’d spend with Harry. December 6th. And today I was going to get my cast off. Weird, I had a feeling I’d remember December 5th and 6th 2014 very well.

“Sophie! We’re leaving in ten!” Harry yells through the house.

“I know! You told me we’d be leaving in 15 minutes 5 minutes ago!” I shout back from upstairs.

“Quit hollering you two! You’re giving me a headache!” Liam intervenes, also very loudly.

Liam and I weren’t what I’d call best friends since that day he hit me, but the atmosphere was less tense that’s for sure. He’d say hi to me occasionally during breakfast, or just sit with me as I watched TV, but no more than that.

“9 minutes Soph!”

I don’t even bother answering, walking over to Niall’s bedroom door. I had very bravely decided I needed to talk to Niall today. And I was about to do it now.

Taking a deep breath, I knock on his bedroom door.

“C’mon in!”

Turning the doorknob, I step inside the Irish lad’s room. It seems in order, for someone who can’t walk around for too long.

“Can I help you princess? I know it doesn’t show, but I can actually walk for a longer period of time now.” He smiles. “Was able to clean my room and fetch a couple snacks from downstairs.”

“Hey Niall.... Can we talk? Like, very seriously?” I ask, playing nervously with my fingers.

He frowns.

“Yeah sure.”


	51. Answers

“9 minutes Soph!”

I don’t even bother answering, walking with determination. I had very bravely decided I needed to talk to Niall today. And I was about to do it now. I didn’t have to look far for him as these last days, he’d stay locked up in his room all day, his ribs still forcing him to get as much rest as possible.

Taking a deep breath, I knock on his bedroom door.

“C’mon in!”

Turning the doorknob, I step inside the Irish lad’s room. Weirdly, it seems in order, for someone who can’t walk around for too long.

“Can I help you princess?” Niall asks, laid lazily on his bed with his guitar.

“When did someone clean your room?” I frown, looking around.

“I know it doesn’t show, but I can actually walk for a longer period of time now.” He smiles. “Was able to clean my room and fetch a couple snacks from downstairs.” The blonde continues, munching on a bag of chips beside him. “So what do you want love?”

“Can we talk? Like, very seriously?” I ask, playing nervously with my fingers.

He frowns.

“Yeah sure. Wanna sit?” He enquires, patting the empty space beside him on his bed.

“No it’s fine I have to leave in about eight minutes...”

“Where?”

“The hospital. I’m taking my cast off today.” I smile.

“Oh do you have someone to drive you?” he stands up. “I could go because after all, I’m the one who let you break your wrist so I should be the one taking care of you no? I can go fetch my car a―”

“Niall, Harry’s taking me already; you don’t have to move for that.” I say nervously, stopping his rapid stream of words. _I really hope he took his medication today..._

“Sophie I’m okay I can drive. Please. Just lemme find my keys and―”

“No Niall... Harry needs to be the one to go with me because I’ll be spending today and most of tomorrow with him.” I admit.

“Sophie I’m waiting for you in the car!” Harry’s yell is faint from downstairs.

“Okay!” I yell back.

“Shut up!” Comes Liam’s voice. I wince.

“What? Why?” The Irish boy scowls. “Why are you spending the day with him? And tomorrow too? Aren’t you going to come back here to sleep?”

I shake my head no. “Niall I want to be honest with you... I care about you okay? A lot and―”

“Stop right there.” He says brusquely, surprising me. “I know where you’re going with this. I don’t wanna hear it. It’s not true.” Niall shakes his head rapidly, his hands clenching into fists.

“Niall please let me finish.”

“No!” He shouts. “Don’t you dare talk! I don’t wanna hear it! Please just spare me! I don’t want to hear your lies!”

“Niall I’m in love with Harry.” I mumble quietly. The next seconds feel like I’ve just triggered a bomb.

“Sophie I forbid you to say that! It’s nonsense! You’ve been brainwashed! Harry brainwashed you! I’m the one who’s been here for you all along! Not him! Sophie you can’t know that! You aren’t certain!” Niall yells heatedly as tears of frustration start trickling down his cheeks.

“Niall I’m sorry!”

“No you aren’t!” He shoves his shelf forwards, making it topple over and break. I jump at the loud clash but Niall keeps roaring. “Don’t lie to me Sophie! You aren’t sorry because if you would’ve been, you would’ve told me a long time ago!” He continues.

I yelp in shock when he punches the wall.

“Niall calm down please you’ll hurt yourself!” I plea!

“You telling me this is ten times more painful!” The blonde bellows. “I can’t believe all this time you’ve kept it to yourself!”

“No! I swear I just found out recently!” I reply, hot tears filling my eyes.

“And how did you do that hmm?” The blue-eyed boy mocks. “Feelings are built!” he snaps. “They don’t come around in the blink of an eye! Why now?! Why did you develop feelings now, and not two fucking months ago when I was telling you about mine? Why did you lie to me at the waterfall?!”

“Niall people change! Harry changed! I couldn’t control it!”

“But never was I rough with you! Never! Harry has abused you multiple times, and you were sixteen! I took care of you! Why am I the one that gets stepped on like worthless shit?!” He storms. “Sophie why?” His voice is suddenly barely above a murmur.

“Niall I wish I knew.” I whisper back, feeling guilty.

“What a shitty answer. It’s true then. Nice guys do finish last.” The blonde boy takes a deep breath.

“That’s not true Niall! I just didn’t deserve you alright?! I made you start cutting Niall! I’m bad for you!”

“What you just admitted, about your feelings towards Harry,” his gaze locks with mine very seriously, “That assertion cut through me deeper than any wound I would’ve made myself.” He spews angrily. “I’ll be forever scarred. I’ll never be able to be with someone, because nobody wants a broken person.” Niall continues sourly.

“That’s not true. There are thousands of other girls that can―”

“But they’re not you.” He cuts me off. “They’re not lying sluts like you.” The blonde boy adds heatedly.

“Niall.” I start sobbing. _This wasn’t happening the way I imagined it to._

“Leave.”

“Niall I―”

“Shut up Sophie. I don’t want to talk to you. Not now. And probably never again. I hate you. You fucking screwed me over! Even my career is on the verge of collapsing. Maybe Liam was right. You’re the problem.” The Irish boy ends vehemently. “Get the fuck out now Sophie!” He bursts.

I shut my eyes once, letting yet another tear fall on my cheek. “I really hope you’ll forgive me Niall, because I’ve forgiven you for your harsh words.” I whisper sadly, before leaving his room.

As soon as I shut the door, I hear an almost inhuman growl, followed by the sound of various things shattering. I walk downstairs slowly, doing my best to wipe my tears on the way down.

“Hey you okay?” Harry asks worriedly once I get inside his car.

“I’m fine Harry.” I sigh, voice trembling slightly. “Can we just go to the hospital?” I ask, looking out the window.

“Sophie look at me,” The British boy demands softly.

Slowly, I turn to face him. A fresh round of tears starts pooling in my eyes.

“Love you’re not okay.” He shakes his head. “Get out of the car.” He sighs, undoing his seat belt and stepping outside the vehicle.

“Wh-wh-what? Why?” I stutter, not understanding. Unfastening my belt, I watch him as he walks around the car, takes my hand and pulls me up.

 “I don’t like seeing you sad... ” He starts, cupping my face in his hands. “If this day with me is what makes you so miserable, we don’t have to do it.” He speaks quietly, his eyes gazing right into mine.

“No Harry I want to do it.” I reply truthfully, sniffling a bit.

“Okay good... Then why are you so down?” He enquires, his thumb wiping my cheek.

“I’ll tell you later okay?” I bring his hand down to my lips with my good hand and give it a reassuring kiss. “Right now I just want to get this damn cast off,” I continue.

“If you say so...” He hugs me tightly and kisses my forehead, before letting go and getting back inside his car while I stay standing, looking at the mansion sadly.

_Niall I’m so sorry._

“You comin’ babe? I thought you wanted to get your cast off?” Harry chuckles, peering at me from the driver’s seat.

“Yeah.”

I sit down beside him and put my seat belt.

“Hey I wanted to give you this by the way...” The curly-haired boy realizes, reaching in his back pocket. He pulls out my cell phone, and hands it to me. “Last night made me realise I had to give it back to you.” He explains, starting the engine.

“Thanks.” I nod, clenching the object tightly between my fingers. _Hopefully I can make things for Niall a little better..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is coming to an end in the next chapter.... What aare your thoughts? PS: The third book will be called Breaking Points!


	52. 24 Hours

“So how does it feel?” Harry asks as we get out of the hospital.

“Liberating.” I sigh happily, looking at my bare arm once more. “But my arm still feels like jelly...” I grimace, turning my wrist in very small circles.

“Does it hurt?” He frowns.

“No, it’s just a little weird.” I shrug.

“Ok tell me if it starts to hurt or something... The nurse said we’d have to go back to the hospital and get it checked if it happens.”

“I know what she said Harry I was practically beside her.” I chuckle as we approach his car.

“Just making sure.” He opens the passenger door and lets me in, before walking around the vehicle and taking a seat beside me. “So what do you want to do today?” The green-eyed boy enquires, giving me a lopsided grin.

“So you didn’t plan anything?”

“Of course I did. But I can change the plans if you wanna do something in particular.” He explains.

“Well then we’ll go ahead with your plans... I’m up for about anything right now.”

“Perfect. So what time is it? I need to know how many activities we won’t be able to attend.”

I pull out my cell phone from my back pocket, opening it to check the time.

“About two thirty.”

“Can’t believe how slow hospitals are.” He shakes his head, putting the keys into the ignition. “I mean we came in at noon. Noon. That’s two and a half hour ago.” The curly-haired boy continues incredulously. “That means three things we definitely won’t be able to do.”

“How many did you plan exactly?”

“About a dozen... Give or take a few,” he smiles sheepishly. “But hey I knew we wouldn’t be doing all of them.” He adds, noticing my baffled expression. “Hopefully we’ll do three or four.”

“You are a passionate person Harold.” I shake my head, chuckling. “Everything you do, you do it fervently.”

“And that’s a good thing or...” He trails on, unsure.

“What do _you_ think?” I ask him.

“I guess it’ll depend on the situation.” He shrugs. “Passion is good at the right moments.”

“True.”

I gaze around the different streets as Harry drives, not quite knowing what to talk about now. Niall’s voice yelling at me starts resonating in my head as the silence lingers. I flinch, recalling vividly our argument.

“So you never actually answered my question Sophie: What do you want to do today?” Harry enquires, keeping his eyes on the road.

 “Anything will be fine.” I reply, wanting only to get my mind off things. “Just not something too big. Simple things are cute, and usually the best. Big events are just too demanding for me right now.”

“Women. So indecisive.” He sighs.

“Because you know so much about them right?” I retort rolling my eyes, a little offended.

“I think you forgot I actually had a girlfriend before I met you.”

I can’t help the pang of jealousy in my chest, but I keep listening to him as he pursues talking.

“She was uncertain about pretty much everything now that I think of it... Maybe she’d been uncertain of me, that’s why she chose that other guy over me.” He huffs.

“What was she like?” I probe.

“Marianne? You two have similar traits in fact, but she had those beautiful brown eyes. She was also quite a lively person, very expressive. Although she wasn’t half as strong as you are. Don’t think she would’ve survived what we made you go through two years ago and even this year...” The curly-haired boy shudders.

“How long were you two dating? I thought you’d been single pretty much the whole time you were in the band.” I continue.

“We kept our relationship under the media’s radar... I think you realised that anyone mingling with One Direction almost immediately gets all their secrets poured out to the public.”

“Yeah.” My mood drops a little. “About that... ” I add, frowning as I think of Ashley and her implication. “Isn’t it supposed to be soon you’re to call the magazine? What’re you going to do after all? You haven’t found the person responsible for its creation and Christmas will be here very quickly.” _I have to call Ashley today and ask if she can do something about it._

“I don’t know honestly.” He sighs, discouraged. “Maybe we’ll end up arrested, lose our careers and go to prison. We deserve it anyways.”

My heart skips a beat.

“No Harry. You do not. ” I protest. “It wouldn’t be fair. I’d go to court and invent a story to overthrow everything the magazine said. I wouldn’t let you end up in prison.”

“Why not? We basically screwed your life.”

“On the opposite, you’ve done so much for me. You boys made me strong. You made me fight for what I wanted. Yes there were many bumps on the road but in the end, you even helped overcome some of the most difficult situations of life.” I elaborate “You guys also saved me from my mother... I’m pretty sure she would’ve thrown me in the streets as soon as I turned eighteen. ”

Harry sighs again, halting the car because the light in front is red. I notice his hands are slightly shaking on the steering wheel.

“Harry look at me,” I whisper.

He turns his face slowly, sadness etched on his features.

“I’m so sorry for all I’ve put you through... I keep thinking of it and I’ve been really horrible Sophie.” The green-eyed boy apologizes.

“Harry.” I shake my head, wanting to undo my seatbelt and hug him. “This is supposed to be a happy day.  You got your 24 hours with me, make it count. No stress, no nothing. Only happy moments alright? Stop worrying about things like that. Think of how much fun today and tomorrow’s going to be!” I continue on a brighter note.

The car starts moving again as the traffic light flips to green, but Harry stays silent, thoughtful.

“Happy moments? As in Padgett worthy ones?” He asks after a couple seconds.

“Yeah you could say that.” I nod.

“I know exactly what we’re going to do first then.” He declares, turning the vehicle left.

 

_∞_

I squeal as he drives into an aquarium’s parking lot and he laughs.

“Oh my god are we going to be able to see turtles?!” I ask eagerly as Harry parks the car.

“Yes Sophie, you’re going to see a realistic Padgett.” He chuckles. “You can be so childish it’s almost unreal.” He adds mostly to himself.

“Because being too serious is boring. Louis’d agree with me on that.” I point out.

“Who said I didn’t agree with it too?”

“The tone of your voice.”

“What was wrong with it?” he frowns as we get out our seats and outside the vehicle.

“It sounded reproachful.”

He rolls his eyes. “So are we going to keep arguing all day or are we actually going to make it to the aquarium?”

“To the aquarium we go!” I giggle.

Hand in hand, Harry and I wandered aimlessly through the aquarium, pausing to look at the aquatic creatures every now and then.  I think little penguins became my new favourite thing. Although my opinion rapidly changes we see sea turtles.

“Oh my God Harry! Real life Padgetts!” I yell excitedly, excitement growing as I drag him to the big tank.

“You act so surprised, even though I told you there’d be some.” He laughs, shaking his head in disbelief.

Pressing my fingers against the cool glass, I admire them as they swim peacefully.

“They are so beautiful...” I murmur, my index following one of them on the glass.

“Like I said earlier, Padgett worthy moments.” The curly-haired boy whispers, wrapping his arms around my waist as he pressed his face in my neck. I look at the turtles contentedly, hugging his arms

“Thank you Harry.”

“It’s my pleasure.” He responds, kissing the top of my head. Momentarily, I see Niall’s face in my mind. _Last time someone kissed my head, it was Niall. At the hospital. And I placed that memory into Padgett._

As if on cue, Harry hugs me tighter, his warmth reminding me that I was over with Niall. That Niall hated me. That I was going to be with Harry now.

“Let’s go see some seals.” I sigh after a couple minutes, the turtles acting like memory triggers due to their connection with Padgett.

When we enter the seal exhibit, I decide to fuck with Harry’s mind a little, playing with his French language knowledge.

“Harry?” I ask innocently.

“Hmm?” The green-eyed boy responds, absent-mindedly.

“Do you know what a seal is in French?” I enquire, giggling inwardly. He frowns.

“No... Should I?” He says slowly, not understanding the point of my question.

“Probably.” I nod, keeping my eyes transfixed on one of the furry mammals.

“Why exactly?”

“Because it’s a word you use frequently and you don’t even realise it.”

“What is it then?”

“Phoque.” I whisper.

“What?”

“PHOQUE.” I repeat, a little louder.

Faces turn my way as people hear the swear word.

“Really? Fuck?”

“Yes Harry. Phoque.”

“It’s not a fuck you’re lying.”

An angry looking mother comes over to us.

“Would it kill you to stop swearing? There are children around,” She reproaches to Harry, huffing. I burst out laughing as she heads back to her little family, dragging her kids away from Harry and I.

“Fuck?” Harry whispers again, not believing me for a second.

“Yeah phoque.” I shrug, smiling like an idiot.

“Okay you’re nuts.” He gives in.

“I swear!” I protest, still laughing.

“Whatever.” He rolls his eyes, ruffling his curls once. “We have to be out of here by 4 o’clock alright?” He continues. “So stop fucking around.” The green eyed boy adds lowly to me, before hooking his arm around mine. “See what I did there?” He winks as we walk towards the sting rays.

“Very smart mister.” I nod, clutching his arm closer. “So what do we have at four?”

“We’re going skating.”

_∞_

“Well that was fun!” I laugh, getting back inside the car. Right after our little trip to the aquarium, Harry and I had gone skating and he had the unfortunate occasion to see how bad I was on ice.

“I still can’t believe you fell about ten times! I mean, your home country, especially Quebec if I remember correctly, is an empty territory filled with ice and snow during winter!” Harry exclaims. “How can you suck that bad at skating?!”

“A, I do not suck, I just lacked practice when I was younger. And B, ten times is exaggerated. I fell eight times bozo.” I retort sassily as he starts the car, rubbing my hands together, trying to warm them up a little from all the times they’d made contact with the ice. My right arm was a little sore from all the times I caught myself from falling directly on my behind, but it was nothing unbearable. “I’m hungry.” I state after a couple minutes, the heat emanating from the car warming me up rapidly.

“No doubt you are, it’s almost 6.” He chuckles.

“And what do you have planned for 6 o’clock?” I enquire, curious.

“Well we have dinner at seven at a fancy restaurant so we’ll be stopping at a motel to change, we’ll go eat, and then I’m taking you back to the motel and probably make sweet love to you until you sleep,” he admits, his voice huskier towards the end.

“What if I don’t want you?” I challenge cheekily.

He looks at me briefly.

“Well I guess I’ll just have to make you want me.” Harry says slowly, a shadow of a smile on his features.

We arrive at a very modern looking motel a few minutes later.

“I’ll go get the keys, wait here,” The curly-haired boy instructs, undoing his seatbelt before leaving the car.

I do as asked, looking with interest at the little houses around. Each and every one was the same, two-leveled houses with 4 giant windows. The windows had a very thick black contour, making the houses look slightly futuristic. The dwellings were made out of caramel coloured wood and on the second level; there was a balcony with what looked like a spa.

“Mademoiselle,” Harry says, opening the passenger door in a gentlemanlike fashion. He hands me the keys. “We’re in house 18.”

“That’s my birth date!” I exclaim.

“Lucky coincidence isn’t it?”

“Harry, you knew it.” I reply, poking his chest.

“True. But only because of all the certificates your mom had given us because you never mentioned your birthday approaching in January.”

“Never came up.”

“Anyways you go wait at our house and make yourself comfortable while I bring our suitcase alright? You only need to walk down a little and turn right on the little pathway. The lady at the front desk said it was the first one you’d see.” Harry explains, opening the trunk of his car.

I peek over his shoulder curiously.

“Can I help you maybe?”

“Sophiiee.” He groans, turning around to look at me. “It’s called a surprise? Look I promise you’ll get to see and I’ll meet you at the house in a few... I still have a few words to say at the front desk.”

“Fine.” I huff nodding, before following Harry’s instructions to get to house number 18.

All of the little modern cottages look pretty much the same and I don’t see ours right away. Walking a bit farther, I keep looking around, until I find the house with number 18 on the door. I walk up to it and slide the key in, turning the handle when it beeped.

I let out a slow breath when I step inside.

“Wow,” I breathe, taken aback by its beauty. I gaze around in wonder, shutting the door behind me.

Suddenly, my cell phone vibrates in my back pocket. Pulling my eyes away from the beautiful, dimly lighted living room, I reach over and open my phone.

 

Harry Styles I really

need to talk to Sophie!

This is important!

 

It’s from Ashley. Almost immediately, I press the call button.

“Ash?!”

“Sophie? Is that you?” Her voice is hurried.

“Yes! What’s wrong? What’s going on?! And hey did you have something to do with a certain magazine?!”

“Yes Sophie but listen―”

I cut her off.

“Ashley why didn’t you let Emily know? Ask her what was going on before telling everybody?! You had her number! She could’ve explained! I know Harry wasn’t replying to your texts or anything while he had my phone but Em―”

“Sophie listen to me I couldn’t tell anybody! I had to spill everything to the magazine! Had to! He retraced me through that other friend who helped you out when you we’re in London and threatened me!”

“Who?!”

“He’s changed Soph! He’s a maniac! He said he wanted the best for you so I agreed! He’s coming!”

“Ashley who?!”

“Y―”

The line goes dead.

I’m speechless, looking at my phone dumbfounded. _Who?_

“So babe do you like it?” Harry asks, entering the house with a suitcase in hand. He frowns when he sees my face void of emotion. “What’s wrong?” He asks, placing the suitcase on the ground before walking over to me. “Soph? Sophie you’re scaring me.” He bends down, his worried green eyes meeting mine.

I shake out of my trance.

“I’m just tired.” I reply, managing a small smile.

“It’s that thing earlier right? The one you refused to talk about before we went at the hospital?” he probes, taking my hand into his and giving it a kiss.

_Earlier? Oh right. Niall exploding at me._

“You can talk to me you know?” The British boy continues, rubbing his thumb over my hand soothingly.

“I know.” I grin, pushing away from my mind my conversation with Ashley as well as my tussle with Niall. _No need to worry about it now._ “But we can talk about that later while were cuddling in bed.”

“You’re going to be so tired you won’t wanna talk.” He pouts playfully.

“Harry I swear I’ll talk. I have to get it off my chest anyways... But right now I’m really up for food.”

“Fine then.” He huffs hesitantly, before standing up and walking over to the suitcase. Opening it, he pulls out a very big bag and hands it to me. “That’s for you sugar lips. Now go change. There’s a bathroom right up the stairs.”

“Yes sir.” I reply, mocking seriousness as I take the bag.

“Don’t take too long!” He says as I walk upstairs.

“I’m too hungry for that!” I retort. Locking myself in the bathroom, I open the bag and pull out all its contents. _Silver shoes, silver earrings, silver handbag.... Not silver dress._

I draw out the purple material carefully, admiring the dress. It was about knee-length and it only had one strap to place over the shoulder. The strap was in fact two little strips with silver rhinestones, to math with the ones at the waist where the purple material folded like a belt. It was simple, but gorgeous nonetheless.

I slip it on and look at myself in the bathroom’s mirror. _What should I do with my hair?_ I stare at the little wisps of frost stuck in the different strands, making them curly and unkempt. Grimacing, I decide on making a waterfall braid, braiding the hair all around my head like a loosely placed crown. Once I’m finished, I stare at myself for a couple seconds, cocking my head sideways a few times before putting the earrings. I smile, admiring the final result. _Not bad Sophie._

Twirling one last time, I grab the shoes and the little handbag and head downstairs, only to find Harry waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs in a tuxedo, his tie matching the color of my dress.

“Well don’t you look smashing,” I say, looking at him up and down as I step down to him.

“I could say the same for you Sophie, but I’d use the word striking instead of smashing.” He smiles, exposing rows of pearly white teeth. “Like the dress?”

“Like is an understatement. I absolutely love it.” I admit, twirling once more when I’m as the same level as him. I take another look at myself from the mirror at the entrance. This mirror is body-length, and I find myself gazing at the faint scars along my wrists. My fingers trace along the scars slowly.

Harry’s hand grasps mine gently.

“You’re beautiful Sophie. Don’t ever think otherwise.” Harry murmurs in my ear, his eyes making contact with mine through the mirror. Reaching over in his pocket, he pulls out a little silver chain with a small snowflake. “For you.” The green-eyed boy adds, placing the pendant in the hollow of my neck and tying it for me.

“Thank you.” I acknowledge, turning around slowly to look at him. We gaze longly at each other, before Harry starts leaning in, unsure. His large hands cup my face.

“Can I?”

I nod, closing my eyes as his soft lips meet mine.

“I love you, you know that right?” he whispers, his gaze almost intimate.

“Of course I do.” I respond. I know my answer deceives him. I can see it in his eyes. But I can’t manage to return his words just yet.

“C’mon lets go eat.” Harry ends, handing me a coat to put over my dress.

 

_∞_

“So is the Christmas vacation still going?” I enquire, taking a bite out of my apple pie. Dinner with Harry had been quite pleasant. We both had opened up to each other a lot, going on an about on lots of things including embarrassing childhood memories and such. We had steered clear of talking about the other boys until now.

“Oh yeah it’s very on. It’s going to be perfect to really relax and be with family before our tour starts and all.” Harry states, before stealing a piece of apple out of my plate.

“Hey!”

I reach over into his, taking a chunk of his brownie and plopping it into my mouth. He cocks his eyebrow and I shrug.

“Payback. So when is the new album going to be out?”

“Well we worked on it for the last two weeks and we already had started it before we came to Ireland, so a couple days before Christmas I guess. We added some Christmas bonus songs so we wanted to wait until then.” The burly-haired boy explains, finishing up his desert before I could take another piece.

“Where will we be going exactly?”

“I told you already I’m not telling you.” He chuckles, waving at the waiter to bring him the bill. “It’s called a surprise.” He smirks.

“You do realize this is Edward Cullen cliché, right?” I scowl, eating up the rest of my own food. “Bringing me to a secret place somewhere in the world.”

“Well I promise you we’re not going on a romantic island, because the rest of the band is coming.” Harry laughs, paying the bill. “Come on let’s go home...” He finishes, putting his coat on and helping me into mine. “We have a lot of activities planned for tomorrow; you need to get your rest.”

“Harry, both you and I know what we’re going to do when we arrive home. You told me earlier.” I chuckle, poking his chest.

“Who says I was saying the truth?” The green-eyed boy counters, smiling mischievously.

 

_∞_

When we get back to our motel and step inside house 18, I’m speechless. It’s as if someone had completely remade the house while we were gone. There we’re candles everywhere, making the room glow in a comforting manner. There were also white rose petals scattered all over the floorboards.

“Did you do this?” I ask quietly, slipping my coat off.

“Not me personally, but yeah I asked if they could send someone to do this while we were gone.” Harry admits, also taking off his coat.

I take off my heels, and step around the petals in wonder. A song starts playing softly and I look up to see Harry playing with a stereo. I recognize Keane’s song.

 

I walked across an empty land  
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand  
I felt the earth beneath my feet   
Sat by the river and it made me complete 

  
Oh simple think where have you gone   
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
Im getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

 

“Harry?”

“Hmm?” He joins me in the middle of the room, his steady breathing on my neck making me shiver pleasantly. The taller lad places his hands around my waist, making us move to the music leisurely.  
  
I came across a fallen tree  
I felt the branches of it looking at me  
Is this the place we used to love?  
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

  
      “Harry I want to talk to you about what happened earlier.” I say carefully.

“What was it? What made you so miserable this morning?” He breathes, tilting my chin upwards so were looking in each other’s eyes.

“Niall.”

He freezes for mere seconds, before resuming our slow dancing.

“What happened?”

  
Oh simple thing where have you gone  
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin  
  
And if you have a minute why don't we go  
Talk about is somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
so why don't we go  
somewhere only we know?

 

“I talked to him this morning. About how I felt. And he didn’t take it too well.”

He takes my hand and makes me twirl once, my dress creating a pretty purple mass around me. As soon as I’m done my twirling, Harry unexpectedly makes me fall backwards and catches me centimeters before I touch the ground, before pulling me back up to our initial position.

“He’ll come around.” The green-eyed boy says simply.

“I don’t think so.” I deny, a little breathless. “Not with what I told him. He seemed so angry and broken...”

“What did you tell him?”  
  
Oh simple thing where have you gone   
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin  
  
And if you have a minute why don't we go  
Talk about is somewhere only we know?  
This could be the end of everything  
so why don't we go  
somewhere only we know?

 

“Harry I told him I loved you.”

He halts.  
  
This could be the end of everything  
so why don't we go  
somewhere only we know?

 

“What?” he whispers.

“Harry, I love you.” I say truthfully. Next thing I know, his lips are on mine.

“Jesus do you know for how long I’ve been waiting for you to tell me these words?” he gasps, before kissing me again, his arms wrapping themselves around my body. “I love you so much Soph its unreal.” The curly-haired boy murmurs, cupping my face with his hands.

“Harry I love you too.” I repeat.

His mouth meets mine again, and suddenly it’s like I can’t get enough of him. My arms enclose around his neck while his descend to my waist, pulling me to him as close as possible. One of his hands grabs my thigh and hooks it around his waist, our clothes becoming the only obstacles to overcome.

“Sophie,” he groans as I lower myself to my knees, my fingers fumbling with his trousers. “Sophie no you don’t have to do this.” He pants, trying to push me away from his growing erection.

“But I want to,” I reply raggedly, his trousers finally dropping to his feet, closely followed by his tightening boxers.

“I love you so fucking much,” Harry whines as I wrap my hands around his pulsing member. “But this won’t be fair,” he protests.

“No what wouldn’t be fair,” I utter, “Is if I’m the only one that gets all the pleasure.”

A guttural groan escapes his lips when I place him inside my mouth,

“Sophieeee,” he moans, digits tangling in my hair.

A little unsure of what to do, I hollow my cheeks and try to avoid using my teeth, sucking on him as much as I can. Placing my hands on the parts of him I can’t get in my mouth, I rub him. By the sounds he make, I think I’m doing alright, my tongue swirling on his tip and taking in as much as possible while my hands move back and forth.

“God love you’re perfect...” He grunts, before pulling me off. “But I won’t last if you keep it up.” He hauls me back up and kisses me fervently, lifting me up so my legs encircle his waist.

He carries me a bit, and suddenly I fall onto something soft, Harry's body immediately pressing into mine. White petals flutter all around us as he removes his shirt. As soon as his skin is exposed, I instinctively reach over to touch his torso, my body craving his.

“Harry I want you,” I whimper, my nails digging into his shoulder blades as he kisses my neck ardently.

“Me too.” He gasps, his left hand slipping under my dress. He rubs languorous circles over my folds, our lips joining yet again.

“Take them off. Make me yours.” I moan, rolling my hips into his movements. He does as asked, ridding me of my panties as well as the dress, this last one taking a little more time as we didn’t want to keep our mouths off each other.

 “Harry please. I love you.”

“I’ll never get tired of hearing those words. Ever.” He states, his mouth descending on my body.

“Good because I won’t ever stop saying them,” I murmur, shivering as he kisses each of my breasts before he starts sucking and groping them, sending jolts of pleasure up my spine. I feel myself getting slicker, my body readying itself for Harry completely.

My mind is clouded with arousal; my only desire right now is to make one with him. Forever.

“Harry please,” I groan as he presses his fingers inside me. “I want you. I love you.” I say heatedly.

“Say it again. Soph,” he pants, hovering over me. “Tell me you love me.” He continues, his tip at my entrance.

“I love you Harry Styles.” I whisper, lifting myself to kiss him again. I swear he’s my new drug.

I whine as he pushes himself in slowly, feeling his hot member pulsing inside my walls.

“Harryyy.” I moan, digging my nails into his back once more.

 “You’re so pretty.” He mumbles, his eyes plunging into mine as he keeps pressing in. Once he’s full sheathed, he pulls out slowly, before thrusting back in deeply. A thin layer of sweat starts forming in between us. His pace in unhurried, but meaningful.

“I love you.” He breathes.

“I love you too.” I repeat it like a mantra, over and over again.

Then, almost too soon, it’s all over and we reach our orgasms, pleasure tingling all over. It’s overwhelming.

“How was that?” He says, breathing unsteadily.

“Absolutely perfect,” I answer, hugging him tightly.

We stay there for a few moments, just holding each other, before I stand up, needing to use the toilet.

“Where are you going?” He groans.

“To the bathroom. Shouldn’t be long.” I tell him, searching through the suitcase near the bed for a few seconds.

“You could walk around naked,” he proposes.

“I won’t be walking around the house naked that’s for sure. Not with the gigantic windows.” I take one of his t-shirts, put it on and walk upstairs to the bathroom.

I do my business, and walk back out, only to have something shoved into my mouth, arms holding me as they pull me back into the bathroom. I stay calm, assuming it’s Harry wanting to scare me. I barely have the time to look at the person in the mirror. He’s dressed all in black. _That’s not Harry. No way he could have dressed up so quickly. The fabric smells familiar. Chloroform._

I start fighting, trying to scream for help, but I’m knocked out cold.

 

_∞_

 

I blink a few times, grimacing at the soreness I feel through my limbs. Feeling the need to stretch, I start expanding my arms only to realize they’re tied behind me. _Wait..._ I recall last night’s happenings. _It was good, wasn’t it? But... someone had grabbed me after I’d gone to the bathroom._ I choke on my breathing, reliving the brief moment. _Oh no please. Was I kidnapped again? No._

I start tugging on the ropes vigorously when I hear someone entering the room.

“Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself.”

My breath gets caught in my throat as I stare at the person in front of me. She’s my spitting image, apart from her blonde hair. _Oh my god what’s this black magic?!_

“Jeese he was right though... We’re alike,” The girl murmurs to herself, also perplexed by our resemblance.

“Don’t talk to her just yet!” Someone orders sternly from farther behind me _. The voice is strangely familiar..._

I keep staring at the blonde, dumbfounded. _Why are we almost identical?_

“Don’t worry,” she whispers to me. “I’m as perplexed as you.”

“Anne!” The man’s voice is nearer.

“Sorry!” Anne replies sheepishly, backing away from me. Somebody enters the room, heavy footsteps loud and clear on the wooden floorboards.

“Well, well Sophie you’ve got the knack of getting people into trouble, including yourself.” The man chuckles, placing himself in front of me.

It takes me barely a second to recognize him.

“Dad?!” I gasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO this is it! The end! :( Stay on the lookout for the third part called Breaking Points! It'll be posted in January, as i need time to advance Vulnerability and happily Never After! Really hope you've enjoyed and you'll leave in some comments!


End file.
